[This chapter has been partially rewritten and corrected in July 2012.]

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I do, you'll see Ichigo and Rukia's wedding in the next chapter, then Ishida and Orihime's shortly afterwards.

Dedication: My awesome reviewers for Final Distance and Footprints! Alice001, ChibiKitty_14 and wickedsistah1024! Thanks a tonne for your support, guys! I owe you guys a lot!

The Art of Loving

Kuchiki Rukia was in a deep trouble.

Her boyfriend, Kurosaki Ichigo, had refused the invitation to go out with her yesterday. Even worse, he then hurriedly left her alone as if a troop of Menos had invaded Karakura and held his family hostage. And to top it off, he did all of it without any explanation why.

Ever since, the inside of her head had been a total mess. Did he? Did he finally realise that he didn't love her anymore? Did he fall in love with another girl? Did he hate her because somehow she had failed to love him the way he wanted her to? Or…did she fail to satisfy his needs? Her head was about to explode from all the bad thoughts in her mind. No! She had to fix it fast. She wasn't ready to end the relationship she had had for two years, three months, one week and five days. She refused to accept that Ichigo had finally grown bored of her and decided to move away.

She knew she had to do something.

Thus, armed with a thick notebook, three pencils and an unbreakable determination, Kuchiki Rukia hit the road in search for advices from some trustworthy friends. Her spirit burned for a mission she herself had lovingly titled 'Hunting for the Art of Loving'.

First guru: Inoue Orihime

Rukia soon found herself standing in front of her best friend's apartment door. After staring hesitantly at the cream-colored entrance for at least a few minutes, she finally gathered some courage in her and gave the door three light knocks. Shortly afterwards, her bubbly auburn-haired friend opened the door and immediately saw her raven-haired friend standing nervously before the entrance.

"Kuchiki-san!" she squealed happily before giving her an uncomfortably tight hug, almost choking the air out of the smaller girl. "Come in, come in! I'm so glad that you come here for a surprise visit!"

"Thank you, Inoue." Rukia pulled a smile as she took off her sneakers and stepped into the small apartment. It had always looked the same, but smelled different each time she came for a visit. She smelled some wasabi and chocolate now and she wasn't really sure of what her friend had in the kitchen.

"I had just cooked some white fish with wasabi and chocolate sauce." The explanation came without Rukia asking for it. Orihime grinned from ear to ear as she fluffed up a cushion and placed it on the floor for Rukia to sit on. "Do you want to try some of the dish, Kuchiki-san?"

Rukia's eyes widened in terror for a split second at the offer but she quickly concealed it beneath her undoubtedly perfect act. She plastered a fake smile as genuinely as she could before replying politely, "Thank you, Inoue, but I've just had my meal and it was a filling one."

"Aww, too bad!" the other girl moaned. She simply shrugged it off, though, then plopped onto a cushion beside Rukia. She said kindly, "Never mind, we can simply talk to our hearts' content." Another smile adorned her pretty face as she eyed her friend cheerfully.

Rukia cleared her throat once, and then she pulled out her writing materials nervously. "Um…Inoue, could you do me a favour?"

Orihime's mouth opened slightly, unsure of what it was about, but she quickly threw a cheerful smile at her petite friend. She chirped excitedly, "Sure, Kuchiki-san! I will help you; I will help you with anything! Now say, what's this about?"

"Um…ano…I need some advices about how to love someone." Rukia's cheeks practically turned strawberry-coloured after she finished speaking. She was about to say something else to salvage whatever was left of her pride but Orihime's exhilarated scream cut her off before she could utter even another word.

"Kuchiki-san!" Orihime screamed ecstatically as she moved closer to the almost terrified raven-haired shinigami. "Of course! Of course I'll help you out! But why?"

"Never mind…I just have a little problem, I guess," Rukia stuttered nervously, her pencil shaking in her dainty hands. "Say, Inoue, what should I do to make someone loves me?"

"Ah, Kurosaki-kun, is it?" Orihime smiled cheekily. "You want to make Kurosaki-kun love you even more?" She let out an overexcited giggle before squealing, "Fret not, Kuchiki-san! I'll give you some tips so that your relationship will sizzle like a pot of stew on a stove!"

Rukia wasn't sure if she liked the metaphor her friend had just used. But she desperately needed help and she firmly believed that Orihime, as her best friend, would be vital to the success of her mission. Brows furrowed in concentration and hand gripping the pencil tightly, she listened carefully to Orihime's advices and jotted them all down a little too eagerly. Fifteen minutes later, a whole page of her notebook was filled with various advices written down in her sloppy handwriting, all the brainchild of Inoue Orihime.

First, add a lot, and I really mean A LOT, of pepper to his dinner for three consecutive days! It will heat up his passion and he will surely love you even more!

Second, cook something up for him every weekend! Of course, the most important thing is being creative with the menu! Bacon slathered with maple syrup is a great entree, and a bowl of cherries topped with ketchup and Tabasco sauce is a truly sexy dessert that will leave him craving for more!

Third, drink this magic concoction made of Arabica coffee, sauvignon blanc, celery puree and pomegranate tea before both of you go for a make-out session! The mystic and unique taste will leave him desperate for more and more! It's a miraculous drink that will cause you to kiss passionately for three hours non-stop!

Rukia blinked at the words on her notebook; all stared back at her daringly, eager to come true. She gulped a lump in her throat as she eyed the advices once again. Pepper? A lot of pepper? Also…what's that with the Tabasco-flavoured cherries? That sounds like a recipe for a bad case of diarrhoea! Rukia cringed visibly.

The concoction didn't seem to be very assuring either. Well, seeing as how exotic the ingredients seemed, it might work but still…she couldn't help but start doubting her best friend's advices. But what if Orihime was right? As much as Rukia knew, Orihime's relationship with Ishida had always been smooth and tranquil—could it be that the advices she had just obtained were the real secrets to a perfect relationship? Rukia never really knew how human brain and heart worked, after all! So…these are what humans want? Oh, how weird! She thought she knew Ichigo, but after this consultation session with Orihime, she finally realised how clueless she was about the human world! No wonder Ichigo was eager to get rid of me for some cute human girl!

"Thank you very much, Inoue!" She profusely thanked her best friend after Orihime finished elaborating the last point (the more celery puree you add, the more delicate and pleasant the taste will be!) of her advices. "I'd love to keep you company, but I still have to ask for more advices from other people." She smiled guiltily as she slipped the notebook into her bag. "Thank you very much once again—I owe you a lot!"

"Don't mention it! I'm glad I can be of help, Kuchiki-san!" Orihime said as she stood up to lead the petite girl to the front door. "Tell me later about the result, okay? I can't wait to hear about Kurosaki-kun's reactions!"

"Yeah, I will." Rukia smiled blissfully at her friend. "Thank you again, Inoue!" She waved as she stepped away, face radiant with delight. Her friend waved at her too, her face was equally happy.

Rukia was rummaging through her brain in search for the people she should go to for an advice or two when she bumped into someone—or rather something—bouncy and soft. She apologised almost immediately and was about to leave when she realised who—or what—she had just bumped into. Her face turned several different hues of red.

"Kuchiki?" Rukia could hear the feminine voice ring excitedly. "What are you doing here? Ah, you have just visited Orihime, huh?"

Snapping her head up, she found that her violet orbs immediately met the silver ones belonged to Matsumoto Rangiku.

Author's note: So…that's it! The first chapter! What do you think? I have been having this idea around in my head for quite a while, only it was more…M-rated-ish. Hehe. I actually intended to make this story M-rated but I decided to write a milder version of it. I hope I don't suck much with the humour—lately it hasn't been easy for me to write funny stories. Anyway, please review! Oh, I'll be going for my holiday soon but I'll update this ASAP and just so that you know, reviews make me write faster! –wink- Thanks for reading (and reviewing)!

Next chapter: A session with Matsumoto Rangiku quickly made Rukia realise that she really sucked as a girlfriend. How could it be that she was Ichigo's girlfriend for more than two years and still couldn't tell what the man really wanted?