* * *


Part Five


* * *

Ukyou stumbled against the school gate. "Not...too...late,"
she panted, out of breath. "Got to...warn...Ranma..." She started
to walk forward again, painfully and slowly. The bell rang. A
screaming mass of Furinken High students ran over her.
Nabiki casually walked up to the girl now buried in the
ground. "Hey, what's up?" she asked.
"Mrph," explained Ukyou. She popped her head out of the
ground and stood up. "Ranma!" she exclaimed. "I've got to tell
him about the ramen!"
Nabiki's eyes narrowed. If Ukyou was to tell Ranma, it could
make her lose money! And ruin her plans, too. She had to do
something. Nabiki being who she was, and not, say, Ranma, she
fought best with her mind. She lazily smiled at Ukyou. "Ramen?"
she asked. "You mean the magical noodles Shampoo fed him? He
already knows all about it."
Ukyou blinked. "What?" she asked.
Nabiki nodded. "I figured it out a while ago. Tell me, did
you find out the antidote, too? That one took me two hours."
Ukyou blinked. "You mean there *is* an antidote?" she asked,
stupefied. "Cologne said it just took 48 hours to wear off!"
Nabiki mentally noted these important facts and smiled her
most endearing smile. "And you believed her?" she asked
sarcastically. "She *is* working for the other side, you know."
She hesitated. "Of course, I *could* use the antidote on Ranma for
you..."
Ukyou lit up. "Really? You'd do that? For me? Hey, thanks,
Nabiki! You're not nearly as bad as--"
Nabiki held up a finger. "For a fee, of course."
Ukyou sighed. "--as a plague of locusts, and even that's
debateable." She shook her head, as if to berate herself for
thinking such foolishness about Nabiki Tendo. "How much?"
"How can you place a price on Ranma's happiness?" asked
Nabiki. "After all,--"
"10,000 yen," interrupted Ukyou flatly.
"Don--" shouted Nabiki, before catching herself. "Ahem," she
said. "Actually, I'm not going to charge you a single yen for
this."
"No?" asked Ukyou suspiciously. "My heart and soul already
belong to Ranchan. You can't have them."
Nabiki smiled. "I was thinking more of a promise not to
interfere with the antidote."
Ukyou looked at her, puzzled. "Of course not! Who do you
think I am?"
Nabiki just looked at her. "You won't like it..."
Ukyou stuck her chin out. "I give my word!"
Nabiki nodded. "Okay, and I'll also need--"
Ukyou shook her head slowly, grinning from ear to ear. "Nuh-
uh, Nabiki. We had a deal. One promise, for one antidote."
Nabiki glared daggers at her. "Oh...okay," she relented
finally. "One antidote, for one promise, plus free lunches for a
month." She shook Ukyou's hand.
"What?" asked Ukyou belatedly. She shook it off. "No
matter," she said. "I've got to find him, before it's too late!"
"It's too late," said Nabiki.
Ukyou glared at her. "Ha! That's what *you* think!"
Nabiki shrugged. "Suit yourself. But he's already gone."
Ukyou stared. "Gone?" she asked. Then she shook her head
violently. "It can't be! I'd know the feel of him stepping on me
anywhere!"
Nabiki sighed. "He had a last class spare today, remember?"
Ukyou closed her eyes. "No," she breathed.
Nabiki smiled. "I could tell you where he is, for 500 yen..."
Ukyou sighed. "Deal," she said. "Beggars can't be choosers.
Where is he?"
Nabiki pointed. "He went to the Nekohanten."
Ukyou stared. "But I just came from there!! Why would he
possibly go there, of all places?"
"They're having a 2-for-1 special." Nabiki handed the
okinomiyaki girl one of the several hundred posters now hanging
around the school grounds that said exactly that.
Ukyou crumpled it in her hand. "How diabolical!" she
whispered harshly.
"Well, I thought it was pretty savvy, business-wise," Nabiki
admitted, "but hardly diabolical. After all, the profit margins
involved--"
Ukyou shook her head. "That's NOT what I meant!" she said.
"Shampoo's using it as a trap to lure Ranma away!"
Nabiki shrugged. "Oh, that," she said offhandedly. "Well, I
suppose somebody should rescue him then, right?" She looked at
Ukyou pointedly.
Ukyou looked back at her just as pointedly. "I don't see
why," she said calmly. Nabiki blinked in surprise. "He can take
care of himself." Nabiki's mouth dropped open. "Besides, you
promised you'd give him the antidote."
Nabiki's mouth shut. "Okay, okay," she said. "I'll get you
a date with Ranma if you rescue him."
Ukyou looked insulted. "A date? What kind of girl do you
think I am? You think I can't get a date with him myself?"
Nabiki sighed. "I can guarantee he'll ask you to the junior
prom," she offered.
Ukyou's eyes twirled. "Th-the prom?" she stammered. Visions
of a handsome Ranma whirling her around the dance floor, the most
beautiful couple in the room...him proposing to her on the
spot...she, demurely blushing...then he would--
"Deal!" said Ukyou quickly. She turned around started running
for the Nekohanten.
Nabiki smiled.

* * *

"So ya see, Ryoga, I'm trying to be friends," said Ranma.
"Yeah, right, Ranma," said Ryoga. "Tell me another one."
Ranma controlled his temper. "Really! I mean it! Look,
we've been fighting, um, how long? A year?"
"Three years, four months, twenty-six days, fourteen hours
and--" he glanced at his watch, "nineteen minutes. Whoops, make
that twenty."
Ranma nodded. "See? I was close. Anyway, it's time to
stop."
Ryoga looked at Ranma suspiciously. "Has Shampoo been feeding
you those purple mushrooms of hers again?"
"NO!" yelled Ranma. "Look, Ryoga...I know you don't believe
me, but I want to be friends."
Ryoga shook his head absently, before looking up at the
street. "Well..." he considered.
Ranma sighed. "Look, okay--just a temporary truce. That
sound better?"
Ryoga made a slight smile. "Okay, which of your fiancees is
trying to kill you now?"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "All of them, as usual. But that's
*not* why I'm doing this. How low do you think I am?" Ryoga
didn't bother answering. "Look, it's for Akane."
Ryoga looked up. "Akane?" he asked. "Why didn't you say so?"
"Well, I thought it'd be better to--say," asked Ranma. "Are
you sure this is the way to the Nekohanten?"
Ryoga blinked in surprise. "Ranma, I thought *you* were
keeping track of where we are. You *know* how bad I am with
directions."
Ranma stopped in his tracks. "Oh, yeah."
Ryoga panicked. "You mean you've been following ME?"
Ranma scratched his head. "I dunno, this looks pretty
familiar..."
Ryoga put his hands to his head in panic. "It's probably
Jhusenkyou! Let's get out of here!"
Ranma shook his head. "No!" he said. "We're not going to get
anywhere if we panic! We have to ask directions."
Ryoga nodded sagely. "You're right...for once," he added. He
turned and addressed a passer-by, an old man. "Excuse me, sir," he
said politely. "Could you tell me what city we're in?"
The old man stared at the two boys for a moment. "Nerima," he
said at last, his tone of voice suggesting they were morons.
"Thank you, sir," replied Ryoga, and the two ran off.
"Crazy kids," muttered the old man as he walked through the
Nekohanten's main gate.

* * *

Shampoo fretted. "What keeping him?" she asked, pouting.
Cologne smiled. "It doesn't matter, great-granddaughter.
Just remember...all you need to do is get him alone for a few
moments."
Shampoo nodded. "Okay, Great-grandmother. Then Shampoo just
need tell Ranma that Akane leave?"
Cologne sighed. "That Akane left him," she corrected. "Now
tell me the story again. And try to make it sound natural this
time"
Shampoo nodded dutifully. "Ranma, Shampoo want talk to you
about Akane...Shampoo so sorry for Ranma...Shampoo only hear today
that Akane run away from home and leave Ranma! She phone Shampoo,
tell her she hate you, never want to see you again--is so sad, yes?
She no come back until Ranma leave dojo, for good. But, is very
lucky day! Shampoo have room here at Nekohanten for father-in-law
and husband..."

* * *

Ranma knocked on the door. "Hello?" he asked. "Anybody
home?"
The door opened a crack. "Ranma!" cried Shampoo. "Welcome to
Nekohanten!"
Ranma smiled at her. "Oh, good. I was beginning to think you
weren't open."
Shampoo laughed. "Silly Ranma! Nekohanten always open for
business!" She opened the door, ignoring the 'CLOSED' sign on it.
"You come in now?"
"Great!" said Ranma. "C'mon, Ryoga." He ran in, Ryoga
following after him.
Shampoo blinked. Then she got angry. "Shampoo no invite pig-
boy to dinner!" she said.
Ryoga blushed. "Oh," he said. "I'm sorry. Gee, I guess I'd
better just--urk!"
Ranma ran back and grabbed his arm. "Hey, what's keeping you?
C'mon, man!" He dragged the protesting boy off to a table.
Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "So," she said menacingly.
"Shampoo have other ways to get Ranma alone."
Ranma sat down and beamed at Ryoga. Ryoga looked at him
suspiciously. "You know, Ranma," he said slowly, "I still don't
believe this. Why, after so many months of fighting, are you being
nice to me? You invited me to dinner...you're paying for a night
on the town..."
Ranma coughed embarrassedly. "Um," he mentioned, "actually,
Shampoo lets me eat free. But you'll have to pay for your own
food."
Ryoga facefaulted. "I knew there was a catch," he muttered,
checking in his pockets for some change. "But that still doesn't
explain it," he said, sitting back down.
"Well," said Ranma, giving him a dazzling smile. "I was
hoping you could help me with Akane." Ryoga stood up. "Wait,
wait!" said Ranma, trying to avert a potential explosion. "I mean,
help me *find* her! She's gone!"
"Oh," said Ryoga, sitting back down again. "Why didn't you
say so?"
"I just did," growled Ranma under his breath. Being nice was
so difficult, sometimes. Well, all of the time, actually. He
didn't see how Kasumi stood it. Suddenly his thoughts were
interrupted by a menu being tossed through his line of sight.
Shampoo smiled at him. "Nihao!" she said. "We have delicious
special today, Peking duck on fry noodles!"
Ryoga nodded. "That sounds fine," he said, unwilling to admit
he had the menu upside-down and couldn't read a word of it.
Shampoo smiled and turned to Ranma. "Ranma," she said, "we
making *very* special menu, just for you, but must explain it in
back."
Ranma shrugged. "Nah," he said. "I'll just have the usual."
Shampoo blinked. "Ranma, you refuse Shampoo's cooking special
just for you?" she asked dangerously.
Ranma didn't notice. "Maybe later, okay? Just the usual
today."
Shampoo turned pink. "What usual?" she asked. "Ranma, you go
in back and explain!"
Ranma pointed to the menu in Ryoga's hands. "It's right on
the menu," he said. "Number 22."
Shampoo grabbed the menu and tore it into tiny bits of
confetti. "Shampoo no see menu!" she said hotly. "Ranma come in
back and tell Shampoo what he want, NOW!"
Ranma blinked. "Don't tell me you've forgotten, Shampoo," he
said. "I eat it every time I come here. It's like a--what's the
word?"
"A cliche?" tried Ryoga.
"Yeah, a cliche!" said Ranma, tossing Ryoga a grateful look.
Then he paused. A cliche? Wasn't that part of a sentence, like a
verb?
Shampoo blushed. Shampoo had never heard of a cliche before.
It must be something to do with married life. How could she have
missed such a thing in her training? "No, no, Shampoo never forget
husband's cliche!" she told him earnestly.
Ranma nodded, glad that was dealt with. "Well, good," he
said. "I'll have the cliche, then. With extra sauce." He turned
back to Ryoga. Shampoo paused, realization of what she'd just said
setting in. Then she turned to the nearest empty table and turned
it into sawdust before stalking into the kitchen.
Ryoga turned away from the sight and sweated. "You were
saying Akane had vanished," he reminded Ranma.
Ranma nodded. "I think she's been kidnapped," he explained
carefully, "and there seems to be some magic at work, too!"
Ryoga's eyes widened. "No!" he said. "Not Akane!" He
started crying.
Ranma nodded. "Face facts, man--she's gone. But crying won't
get her back! We've got to work together!"
Shampoo dumped a steaming platter in front of Ryoga. "One
Peking duck," she said icily. "One chow mei--one cliche, Ai Lan,"
she said sweetly, placing a bowl on the table in front of Ranma.
She leaned close and whispered in his ear. "Ranma, you come back
now?"
Ranma looked at her, surprised. "What for?"
Shampoo smiled. "To pay bill," she explained.
Ranma's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "B-bill?" he
said, mouthing the word.
Shampoo's smile grew. "Bill," she repeated mercilessly.
"Ranma pay for dinner now?"
Ranma stood up shakily. "B-but, Shampoo--you never--I never
had to--"
Shampoo put her hands behind his back and pushed. "In back.
Now." Suddenly, a handful of coins fell into her apron. She
looked up, startled.
Ryoga looked at her sagely. "That should cover the bill," he
said.
Ranma clapped him on the back comradely. "Hey, thanks, Ryoga
old buddy!"
Ryoga growled at him. "I'm not doing it for *you*."
Shampoo glared at Ryoga. "You--you--oh!!"
Ranma smiled at her. "Okay, now that that's settled, anything
else?"
Ryoga tugged at him. "Ranma, we've got to do something about-
-"
Shampoo kicked him in the shin. She turned to Ranma.
"Ranma...Shampoo have message for you."
Ranma nodded. "Okay. What?"
Shampoo nodded towards the kitchen. Ranma did the same. She
started walking away. He started eating. She grabbed his bowl and
slammed it down on the table again. "Alone!" she yelled.
Ranma looked at her. "Alone?" he asked.
"Alone!" she asserted.
"Alone," lamented Ryoga.
"Alone?" asked Ranma again. "Why? Anything you can tell me,
you can tell Ryoga. He won't mind."
Shampoo turned purple. "SHAMPOO mind! Ranma come back, NOW!"
"Ack!" said Ranma, being tugged away. "What is it? A phone
call? Another fiancee? Akane?"
"Yes, Akane," said Shampoo, smiling at the thought.
"Oh, really?" said Ryoga, standing up. "Then I'll come, too."
Shampoo looked poleaxed. "Is private!" she said. "Only for
Ranma! You no can come."
Ryoga stood up straight and looked down at Shampoo. "I
wouldn't try saying that again if I were you," he said. "I would
do *anything* for Akane. Even," he added hesitantly, "hit a girl."
Shampoo looked at her restaurant nervously. "Ah, maybe pig-
boy come after all," she agreed reluctantly.
Ryoga nodded triumphantly. "Okay," he said. "So what's the
message?"
Shampoo licked her lips and began. "Ranma, Shampoo want talk
to you about Akane..."
Ranma looked at her. "I know that."
Shampoo blinked. "Ranma no interrupt!" she said.
Ryoga sighed. "Just get on with it," he said. "Who knows how
much time we have left?" He paused thoughtfully. "Say, who *does*
know how much time we have left? Ranma?"
Ranma blinked. "Well, she's been missing since yesterday
evening..."
Shampoo cleared her throat angrily. "Shampoo so sorry for
Ranma...Shampoo only hear today that--"
Ryoga grabbed Ranma. "What do you mean, yesterday?" he
demanded. "I saw her today!"
Ranma grabbed Ryoga. "Today?! When? Where? How?"
Shampoo started shouting. "SHAMPOO ONLY HEAR TODAY THAT--"
"In the school grounds--remember?" Ryoga looked at Ranma
flatly. "And I still haven't forgiven you for that, Ranma," he
added.
"Oh yeah?" retorted Ranma. "It was your fault! Besides, I'm
getting *sick and tired* of hearing those stupid jokes! You don't
know where she is any more than I do!"
"SHAMPOO *TRYING* TO TELL RANMA WHERE--"
Ryoga kicked his chair aside and pulled his sleeves up.
"You're the one who should be ashamed of himself, Ranma. You broke
your promise to me. And now, you're telling me lies while
promising friendship. How low can you get?"
Ranma kicked his own chair out of the way. "You wanna start
something? Come on! I can take ya anytime! Anywhere!"
Shampoo took a deep breath. "SHAMPOO ONLY HEAR TODAY THAT
AKANE RUN AW--"
Ukyou burst in the Nekohanten. "Ah-ha!" she shouted. "Just
in the nick of time! Come on Ranchan, I'm rescuing you!" She
grabbed Ranma by the sleeve and pulled him out the door before he
could protest.
Shampoo gave a scream of anger. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" She
started crying.
Ryoga patted her on the shoulder. "There, there," he said.
"I'LL listen to you. Tell me all about Akane."
Shampoo wailed even louder.

* * *

"I can't believe it!" Ukyou said happily. "I got a good deal
from Nabiki!"
Ranma looked at her worriedly. "Ucchan, that's the fifteenth
time you've said that."
"I just can't believe it!" she said again.
"What kind of deal was it, anyways?" asked Ranma curiously.
"Um, well, it was--oh look, here we are," said Ukyou, changing
the subject. "The dojo. Although I'd rather have done it at my
restaurant."
Ranma blinked. "Then why..."
Ukyou sniffed haughtily. "Nabiki wanted it here, and I
promised..." She sighed. "Just...take care of yourself, okay,
Ranchan?"
Ranma smiled. "Sure!" he agreed. "Don't I always?"
Ukyou muttered something under her breath. Ranma caught
something about 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?'. She
looked up and smiled at him sadly. Then she beamed, leaned over,
and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I'll be looking forward to
prom night," she promised him. "You wonderful man, you!" She
smiled fondly at him, before snapping back to attention. "I'll be
standing guard outside to make sure Shampoo doesn't try anything
funny," she told him. "You go and...do what you have to do." She
broke into a happy smile again. "The prom! I can't believe it!"
Ranma scratched his head in confusion as he walked inside the
dojo. "What was *that* all about?" He put his fist into his hand.
"Ah! I know. She must have gotten a date for it already! Well,
at least I won't have to worry about her, then."
"Oh, hello Ranma," Nabiki said from behind him. Ranma spun in
place. She grinned at his startled expression. "Oh, Ranma?" she
inquired sweetly. "About your tab..."
Ranma groaned. "Not again. How much now?"
Nabiki shook her head. "Ranma, Ranma, Ranma," she admonished
him. "I'm not trying to put you into debt. I'm trying to help you
get out of it!"
Ranma looked at her with no little suspicion. "Really?"
Nabiki nodded. "Look, it's a good deal. You ask each of the
girls on this list to the prom, and I'll give you 100 yen for each
one. She doesn't even have to say yes. Oh, and add Ukyou to that
list, will you?"
Ranma took the list. "Wow! There's gotta be, um, ten or
twenty names here! That's, um--"
Nabiki rescued him from the necessity of figuring out the
total. "1800 yen, actually," she said. "Taken from your tab, of
course." She smiled.
Ranma nodded. "Okay!" he said. "I'll do it! Man," he added.
"You must be slipping, Nabiki. This is easy money!"
Nabiki smiled. "Oh yes," she agreed, thinking of the 1000 yen
each girl had paid her earlier. "VERY easy money."
Ranma walked inside. "Say," he said, "where is everybody?
Hello? Akane?"
Akane poked her head out from the kitchen. "Yes?" she called.
"Who--oh, Ranma. Can you see me yet?" she added hopefully.
Nabiki shook her head and pushed Ranma onwards. "No," she
told Akane.
"No, what?" asked Ranma.
Nabiki looked at him. "Okay, I'll bite. What?"
Ranma blinked. "What?" he asked.
Nabiki shook her head. "That's *my* line," she corrected him.
Akane screamed and ducked back into the kitchen.
"I still don't get why Pop and Mr. Saotome had to leave so
quickly," she grumbled. "Or why Kasumi decided to visit Mrs.
Saotome. Leaving me to serve dinner." She paused. "Of course, I
could always *make* dinner." She immediately brightened. "Sure!
One bite of my delicious cooking, and Ranma'll be back to his
normal self!" The furious sounds of heavy machinery pulverizing an
armed unit of monkeys came from the kitchen. In other words, Akane
was cooking.

* * *

"Ranma," said Nabiki, "why don't you come upstairs with me?"
Ranma shrugged. "I dunno," he said.
Nabiki smiled at him. "I've got a way you can pay off your
tab all at once," she told him.
Ranma looked at her curiously.
"You see, my Daddy and yours are gone, Kasumi is visiting your
Mom, and that leaves the house empty except for us," she told him.
Ranma turned chalky pale. "N-Nabiki," he stammered. "Just
because Akane isn't here don't mean that--I mean, I'm not that kind
of--what would your father say if--"
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Oh, PLEASE," she told him. "Don't
flatter yourself. I meant that since we're alone, we can talk
clearly."
Ranma eyed her suspiciously. "Oh yeah?" he asked, blushing
slightly.
"Look, Ranma, we both know Akane has been, shall we say, dealt
with."
Ranma gulped. "'Dealt with'?" he echoed.
Nabiki nodded grimly. Her eyes seemed to gleam. "But I've
found a way to get her back," she told him slyly.
"Back? Back how? From what?" he demanded.
"Ranma," replied Nabiki in her best 'You're-so-dumb' tone of
voice, "I'll explain later. But right now, you can't think of such
things. Actually, right now you can't think of anything. I need
you to sit upstairs in her room and meditate on Akane until
dinner."
"Meditate?" asked Ranma.
"You know, sit there and think of her. Clear your mind of
other things. Focus it entirely on Akane."
"Why?" asked Ranma, still suspicious.
"Because it's part of the magic," explained Nabiki. Ranma
nodded. Well, that made sense, he thought. Everybody knew magic
required odd stuff like meditation and pointy hats with stars on
them.
"When's dinner?" he asked, belly grumbling. He never *had*
gotten to eat more than a few mouthfuls at Shampoo's.
"Soon," said Nabiki exasperatedly. "I'll bring it up in just
a minute. Now go already! And don't come down 'till I tell you
to!!"
"Okay, okay," grumbled Ranma. "But what does this have to do
with my tab?"
"You'll see," said Nabiki, pushing him up the stairs.

* * *

Nabiki sauntered into the kitchen. "Say, Akane--" she
started, before ducking a flying tin.
"Catch that, will you? Oh, hey, Nabiki. What's up?" asked
Akane, wiping sweat off her brow.
Nabiki stared in stupefaction. She couldn't believe what had
happened to the kitchen in the few minutes Akane had been in it.
She absently picked up the tin and handed it back to Akane.
"Thanks," Akane said absently, before putting it back on the
cutting board and aiming her hand at it.
"Akane..." said Nabiki, just as Akane gave a kiai and chopped
at the tin. "...I don't think that's how you open cans."
Akane picked the rather bent tin up again. "Oh yeah?" she
challenged. "How *else* am I supposed to get the tuna?"
Nabiki looked at the tin. Cat food. And not even tuna-
flavoured cat food, either. She closed her eyes and tried to think
of a way out of this impending doom. "Akane, what part of getting
dinner ready requires tuna, anyway?"
Akane smiled at her. "Well, I figured the ribs could use some
spicing up. So I mixed up some herbs and spices, but they didn't
seem quite spicy enough."
"Ribs?" echoed Nabiki. "I thought Kasumi left sandwiches for
dinner."
"Oh, you can have those anytime," said Akane, "but how often
do you get to sample my cooking?"
"Not nearly as seldom as I'd like," muttered Nabiki. "Akane,
I just asked you to put the sandwiches on plates--look what you've
done to the kitchen!"
Akane looked. What she saw was comparable to igniting half a
ton of dynamite in a locked room. Bits of food and sauce were
splattered everywhere, and the few pots and pans not bubbling over
with some noxious substance were battered and bent on the floor.
Knives, cutting boards, measuring spoons, and ingredients were
littered all over the counters. Doors hung open, and a fine powder
filled the air in one corner. Smoke was rising from a second
corner, while the third corner seemed to have been renovated
recently, and was covered in soapy water, some of which seemed to
have dripped on the sandwiches.
"Oh," said Akane quietly. "Well, I'll just have to clean it
up before--"
Nabiki gave a cry of dismay and scooped up the platter upon
which her dinner rested. "These are ruined!" she told Akane.
"There's only one thing to do!"
Akane nodded grimly. "I understand," she said. "And I want
you to know I'm up to the task. I'll have dinner ready in--"
Nabiki ignored her and picked up the phone. "Hello? Yes, I'd
like to order three of your deluxe sushi platters. That's right.
Charge it to Soun Tendo, Tendo dojo. 15 minutes? Great, thanks."
She turned back to Akane.
Akane was red-faced. "Nabiki!" she shouted. "How could you
do that? You haven't even tried it yet!"
"That's why I was able to do that," Nabiki said. "Look,
Akane...we don't want Ranma dead, now do we?"
"That depends," muttered Akane angrily. "I bet he set you up
to do this, didn't he?"
"How could he?" sighed Nabiki. "He doesn't even know you
exist. Which is what I want to talk to you about," she added.
"Huh?" said Akane, taken aback.
Nabiki smiled. "C'mon, sis," she said. "Take off that apron
and come chat for a minute."
Akane looked down at herself. "Gee, I really am a mess," she
said. "Maybe I better change my clothes first."
Nabiki thought of Ranma in Akane's room. "Um, no, I don't
think that would be such a good idea," she said. "You look just
fine. In fact, you should dress like that more often."
Akane dimpled. "You think so?"
Nabiki pushed her out the door. "Of course I do, Akane.
Would I lie to you...again? Out! Out!"

* * *

Ranma sat in the lotus position. He breathed in slowly. Then
out slowly. He focused his mind. Think, he told himself. Think
only of Akane.
Yes, Akane, he told himself. Akane, whom he had to rescue.
Akane, whom everybody thought was still alive and well. Akane, who
would probably clobber him after he rescued her, because he didn't
do it quickly enough. And she'd probably complain that she didn't
*need* rescuing, either. Stupid Akane. Couldn't she see that he
was better than her? She just wouldn't admit it, that was why she
always tried to make his life miserable. Not like *other* girls,
like Ukyou or Shampoo. Now, if Akane acted more like Shampoo,
maybe he'd like her more. But nooo, she had to go around like some
macho chick. Well, he amended, Ucchan was macho too, but she was
still feminine in some way. At least, she was nice, and pretty,
and boy, could she cook! Mm, boy, he could just gobble up ten or
twenty okinomiyaki right now!
Ranma's stomach grumbled, reminding him that dinner was just
moments away. Nabiki had said so, hadn't she? Along with
something else. Focusing his mind on...something or the
other...okinomiyaki? Ukyou? Ranma searched his mind. Dinner?
That sounded right.
Ranma meditated on dinner.

* * *

"Look, you want Ranma back, right?" said Nabiki.
"Well..." hedged Akane.
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "I'm not asking you if you want to
marry him or anything, Akane. I just want to know if you want him
to be able to see you again. So you'll promise to do whatever I
ask to help him, right? No more than you'd do for any friend, I
promise."
"I..." Akane looked around suspiciously. "Well...I guess so.
Sure, okay."
Nabiki breathed out again. "There, was that so hard?" She
pushed onwards without waiting for an answer. "I found out the
antidote, Akane."
Akane's eyes lit up for just a half-second, Nabiki noted,
before she adopted a 'so-who-cares?' attitude. "Oh?" she asked
cooly.
"Yes," said Nabiki. "A very old counterspell for this kind of
thing. Time-tested and true--"
"Oh, no," groaned Akane. "I'm *not* going to kiss him." She
put her foot down. "There's no WAY! How much did Dad pay you?"
"Don't be silly, Akane," chided Nabiki. "How would that help?
HE'D have to kiss YOU--and he can hardly do that if he can't see
you, now can he?"
"Well..." said Akane, frowning. "I'm not sure..."
"Don't worry about it," said Nabiki. "Ranma has to do all the
work, you see. He has to admit his true feelings for you."
Akane was taken aback. "What, that he hates me?"
Nabiki resisted the urge to scream. "No, that he really does
love you."
Akane scoffed. "I don't think lying will help, Nabiki."
Nabiki grit her teeth. "Trust me, Akane. True love will
break the spell."
Akane raised an eyebrow. "Then why don't you get Shampoo, or
Ukyou, or Kodachi or somebody? Or better yet, a mirror?"
Nabiki shook her head. "That wouldn't work. It has to be
you, Akane."
"So why do I have to be there?" asked Akane. "Why can't he
just say it without me being there?"
"Well," Nabiki hedged, "I suppose you don't, after all."
"Ah-ha!" Akane cried in triumph.
"But," concluded Nabiki, "Daddy is paying me for it, so I'm
not going to help Ranma unless you're there."
"WHAT!?" yelled Akane. "I can't believe you'd sell out your
own flesh and blood!" She paused. "How much is he paying you?"
"150,000 yen," said Nabiki. "If I can get Ranma to tell you
he loves you. He didn't say *how* I had to get it done. And at
least I made him and Mr. Saotome leave you two alone."
"Well..." said Akane reluctantly. "I suppose that was nice of
you..."
"Actually," said Nabiki, "it was just good business sense. I
figured Ranma wouldn't say anything around our parents."
"I don't *believe* you!!" shouted Akane. "I can't believe I'm
related to such a heartless person," she muttered under her breath.
"Oh, believe it," Nabiki said, smiling. "Now, here's what I
want you to do..."

* * *

Akane glanced at her watch. Exactly half an hour to the
minute Ranma ate the cursed noodles, she noted. Right on
scheduele. Her watch started counting down as she opened the door.
"Hello, Ranma. Dinner is served."
"Hey!" said Akane. "You let him into *my* room? Without even
asking first!?"
Nabiki simply ignored her. Akane fumed. Nabiki had made her
promise not to hit Ranma or leave the room until the time was up.
And, of course, she'd never hit Nabiki. Although she was giving
some serious thought to doing just that, and not for the first time
this evening.
"Great!" said Ranma, reaching out for the food Nabiki was
carrying. Nabiki rapped him on the knuckles. "Hey, what was that
for?" he asked her.
"What about Akane?" demanded Nabiki, sitting down.
"Yeah, what about me?" muttered Akane, doing the same.
"Akane?" asked Ranma, belatedly sitting down.
"Yes, Akane," said Nabiki, wondering why she was surrounded by
idiots. "The reason you're here, remember?" She didn't address
her comment specifically at Ranma, but she doubted that mattered
much. "Ranma, we're here to help Akane, remember?" She paused, as
if having a sudden thought. "You *were* thinking of her, weren't
you?"
"Uh...right," muttered Ranma embarassedly. Akane's eyes
bugged out for a moment. He HAD? And he admitted it?!
Nabiki smirked. "Well, good," she said, knowing full well
he'd been thinking of dinner, but enjoying the added touch. "Now,
all you need to do is tell her you love her."
"WHAT?" he yelled.
"Just say, 'Akane, I love you'," said Nabiki.
"No way!" shouted Ranma.
Nabiki sighed. It was going to be a long night. "Just four
little words, Ranma. How can it be that hard?"
"There's no *way* I'm going to say anything like that to that
dumb klutz! She's--"
"She's under a spell," interrupted Nabiki. "Remember?"
Ranma blinked. "Yeah, but--"
"Ranma," said Nabiki, leaning forward. "I promise you that I
will never tell anybody else about this. The house is empty except
for this room; the only people who will know what you do tonight
are in this room already."
Ranma glared at the corners of the room suspiciously, as if
trying to flush out a panda from the cobwebs on the ceiling. Not,
he noted, that Akane's room had any cobwebs. Spiders probably ran
away from her, he thought crossly.
"You're thinking of her again," teased Nabiki. Ranma went
bright red. Akane's mouth dropped open. "Now, all you need to do
is say four little words. How can it hurt?"
"Yeah," grumbled Akane. "Especially since they're lies."
"Why should *I* be the one to say it?" demanded Ranma. "Why
not get Ryoga or somebody?"
"Ryoga?" asked Akane, in a wondering tone.
"Ryoga?" asked Nabiki. "Ranma, he can't do this. Only you
can do this."
"Why me?" asked Ranma crossly.
"Because you truly do love her," said Nabiki matter-of-factly.
"And pigs fly," said Akane.
"Say what!?" shouted Ranma. He bounded to his feet. "I'm
outta here. You're talking crazy!"
Nabiki sighed and looked at her watch. It had been twenty
minutes. She figured it would take about twenty-five to get Ranma
to agree. "Sit down, Ranma," she said calmly. "You don't have a
choice. You have to tell her."
"I do?" asked Ranma.
"He does?" echoed Akane.
"Yes, you do," said Nabiki sternly. "Ranma, if you don't do
this, Akane could be under this spell forever. Now, would you like
that to happen?"
Ranma flinched. "Well..." he said. "No, but--"
Nabiki shook her head. "It's now or never!" she said. "If
you don't do this now, you'll put it off--a few minutes, an hour,
a week--until you wake up one day and realize it's been years, or
your whole life. Can you imagine spending your whole life without
Akane?"
"Well, I'd eat a lot better and get beat up a lot less,"
commented Ranma. Akane stopped herself from beating the living
daylights out of him. She *had* promised, after all. And it was
for his sake.
"You say that, but you really don't mean that," said Nabiki.
"Yes I do," retorted Ranma. Akane resisted the urge to kill
him on the spot. It was for his own good. It was. Really. But
then, so would be a beating.
"Ranma, how can you say that about Akane? Don't you remember
all the things she's done for you?"
"Like try to kill me?" he snorted. "What a macho chick! She
can't even kick! Her thighs are too thick! She--" Akane stood up
and launched herself forward.
Nabiki raised her voice. "You promised!" she shouted. Akane
blushed and stopped, inches from his face.
Ranma frowned, then blinked. "I did?" he asked.
"Well, no," Nabiki smiled at him. "But remember what you *do*
stand to gain from this if you do it."
"Oh, yeah," said Ranma, yen figures dancing in front of his
eyes. He must owe her, what, 20,000 yen? "Okay. I'll do it."
"You will?!?" asked Akane, her jaw dropping open.
"Er...okay," said Nabiki, hesitating. She hadn't expected his
resistance to crumble so fast. "Well, I guess we can wait..."
"Great!" said Ranma. "Okay, let's eat!"
Nabiki quickly swept the sushi from his grasping hands. "On
the other hand," she said, "maybe we should do this now. The magic
might, er, take a while to kick in."
"Oh," said Ranma, disappointed.
Nabiki glanced at her watch. Fifteen minutes to go. "Good
enough," she muttered. "Okay, Ranma. Do it now! Say it now!"
There was a pause. Akane's eyes widened.
"Nah," said Ranma after a second. "You were right the first
time. It can wait."
Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "No, it can't," she said. "I was
wrong!"
"You were right!" he yelled.
"I was wrong!" she yelled.
"Gee, maybe this *was* worth coming to," Akane said, smiling.
Nabiki got hold of herself. "You're right, Ranma," she said.
"I was right. You should say it now."
"Well, good," he said, smiling. Suddenly, his smile dropped.
"Wait--"
Nabiki grinned. "Too late. You already agreed. Now be a
good boy and take your medicine."
"Aw, c'mon, Nabiki," hedged Ranma. "Why do I gotta do this?"
Nabiki shrugged elaborately. "Well, if you don't want Akane
back..."
Ranma glared at her. "That's not what I meant! Stop twisting
my words!" Akane's eyes widened.
"So you *do* want to see Akane again?" pressed Nabiki.
"Well..." Ranma hesitated. He licked his lips. Nobody else
was in the room, right? Besides, what did it matter if he said
something like that? I mean, he could just lie! Sure, that was
it! It didn't matter! Right?
Nabiki nodded expectantly. Hmm, the Nikkei shares were riding
a bit low this quarter. She wondered if she should consider buying
more, or waiting until the price fell some more. She patiently did
the math in her mind while waiting for Ranma to say something.
Ranma flushed. "I guess so," he admitted.
"Well, good." Nabiki smiled at him encouragingly. "Now was
that so hard to do?"
"As a matter of fact, it wa--"
"Nevermind," she said hastily. "Look, it's not such a hard
thing to say. Just tell her you love her."
Ranma pounced on that like a starving cat pounces on fresh
meat. "But she's not here, so how can I tell her?"
Nabiki blinked. "Look around you, Ranma," she said. "Do you
see Akane?" She waited for that to sink in. "Ranma, trust me. I
know exactly what I'm doing." In more ways than one, she thought.
"Just repeat after me...Akane, I love you."
Ranma opened his mouth. He closed it again. He swallowed.
"A-Akane," he said throatily. "I...I..."
"Yes...? Yes...?" said Nabiki, leaning forward. Out of the
corner of her eye she saw Akane beginning to do the same.
"I...I really wish I didn't have to do this dumb thing!" Ranma
finished.
Nabiki groaned. "Ranma, what makes this so hard for you?"
Inwardly, she paused. Wait...what *did* make this so hard? Was
there something she was missing? Could it be that...that Ranma
really *did* love Akane?
No, she decided. That was just plain impossible. It was
probably just stubborn pride. She tuned back in to what he was
saying.
"...and it's just not something a guy does, Nabiki! Can't you
understand?"
Nabiki nodded and smiled. "Of course I understand, Ranma,"
she agreed. Ranma let out his breath in relief. "I understand
that a guy can't say he loves somebody. But a girl can, can't
she?"
Ranma nodded. "Oh, sure. It's the sort of thing they do all
the time. Why? SPLASH HEY!!" A very wet, very female Ranma-
chan glared at Nabiki. "What was *that* f--oh, no..." Her eyes
widened. "You aren't gonna--I won't--"
Nabiki put down the empty glass. "Of course you're going to,
Ranma. Or else you'll never see Akane again."
"Never?" Ranma-chan winced. "Aren't you being just a bit
dramatic?"
"I'm surprised you know what the word means," Nabiki said.
"Come on, Ranma. Four...little...words."
"Yeah, but..." Ranma-chan hesitated. "What if, say, Ucchan
hears? Or Shampoo?"
Nabiki nearly exploded. "For heaven's sake, Ranma, do you
*see* them here? I promised I won't tell anybody about this! What
more do you need?"
Ranma paused. "I dunno, Nabiki..."
Nabiki groaned. This was impossible. She glanced at her
watch. 1 minute, 18 seconds remaining. Her eyes widened. "Ack!"
she spat out. "Ranma! You've got to say it! Now!"
"Now?" She blinked. "But, Nabiki--"
"NOW!!" yelled Nabiki. "Quickly! Before it's too late! Tell
Akane you love her!"
"But she's not here," Ranma-chan complained.
"Now! Now! Now!" shouted Nabiki.
"Nabiki, are you feeling okay?" asked Ranma-chan.
Nabiki forced herself to calm down. She still had a whole 42
seconds. "Ranma...what more can I say? The final decision is up
to you. You can see Akane again, or you can give her up. Nobody
else can do it, and nobody can force you to do it. Just...look
inside your heart." She closed her eyes. 12 seconds to go.
There was silence.
"I...I guess you're right, Nabiki," admitted Ranma-chan. 6
seconds. Five. Four. Three.
"WELL?!?" screamed Nabiki. Visions of 150,000 yen taunting
her flashed in front of her eyes.
"Well, you're right," said Ranma-chan. "And I've decided not
to." Nabiki collapsed. Just then, her watch beeped.

* * *

Cologne shook her head as she erased the figure yet again,
then finally gasped in surprise. That couldn't be right--she had
to hurry and find Shampoo! How could she have been so blind?

* * *

"Say, was that beep supposed to remind you of anything?" asked
Ranma-chan. "Like dinner, maybe?"
Nabiki looked up increduluously. "Ranma, don't you see--" she
stopped herself. "Never mind," she said quickly. "You just have
to say it! Think of Akane!" Her mind was racing. She had the
wrong time! She couldn't be expected to remember the exact
*minute* Ranma had eaten those noodles, could she? Or maybe it
took a few minutes to take effect--or a few seconds. She had time-
-but how much? Every second counted!
"Akane?" asked Ranma-chan dubiously.
"Akane," repeated Nabiki. "Akane, who loves you."
"WHAT!?" yelled Akane. "How *dare* you say that, Nabiki?"
"She WHAT?" demanded Ranma-chan. "What kinda weird thing is
*that* to say, Nabiki?"
"Ranma, she loves you! She does! And if she were here, she'd
want to hear you say you love her in return! But you know she's
not here--she'll never hear you! You have nothing to lose!
Nothing!" Nabiki took a ragged breath. "Besides, you don't get to
eat until you say it."
Ranma-chan blinked. She took a deep breath. "Akane..."
"Yes," Nabiki urged. "Akane."
"Akane..." repeated Ranma.
"That's it," said Akane coldly. "I'm leaving."
"What?" asked Nabiki.
"You only made me promise to stay for half an hour," said
Akane. "It's over now. I'm leaving. And he'd better be out of my
room when I get back." She stood up.
Ranma-chan ignored Nabiki. "Akane...I know you're not here
right now."
Akane stopped. "What?" she asked.
"I don't know if you'd understand, or believe me if you *were*
here," Ranma-chan continued. "But I'm doing this for you.
Akane...I..." She swallowed. "AkaneIloveyou."
Akane swooned, falling onto her knees. She felt dizzy and her
vision started to blur. "Ranma?" she asked faintly. "Do--do you
really mean it?" Then she stopped. Baka! He couldn't even hear
her, and she'd gone and made a fool of herself.
"Akane!?" yelped Ranma-chan, leaping three feet in the air,
onto the bed. "W-when did you--how did you--?"
Nabiki's eyes shone. 150,000 yen, all hers. It had been
worth it, after all.
"Never mind that, Ranma," said Akane. "Did you mean what you
said? Do you really love me?" She looked up at him with
shimmering eyes and leaned forward.
Ranma backed up, until his back was to the wall. "I..." he
swallowed. She really *did* look cute like that... "I..."
The door burst open. "Ranma better not!!" shouted Shampoo,
waving her bonbori threateningly.
"I tried to keep her out!" said Ukyou. "I really tried
to...to...wait a minute. Just *what* is going on here, you two?"
"You got lots of explaining to do, Ai Lan!" said Shampoo.
"BWEEE!" squealed P-Chan.
Ranma did the only thing possible for him to do.
"Me?" he asked. "Hahaha! You thought I was in *love* with
this tomboy? Get serious!!"
"RANMA NO BAKA!!! SLAP"

* * *

"Amazing," said Cologne from below Akane's window. "Simply
amazing." She shook her head. "I was wrong...I double-checked my
calculations and discovered that the magic doesn't wear off for
*four* days. A full 96 hours, not the 48 I told that interfering
little snippet. Ordinarily, that is," she amended herself. "Those
children are playing with fire," she muttered darkly. "And might
very well get burned, dispelling such magic that way."
She started walking off. "Yes, the flame of true love is a
strong one indeed."

End

Don't You Forget About Me
by Simple Minds

HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!

Won't you
Come see about me --
I'll be alone,
Dancing -- you know it, Baby --

Tell me
Your troubles and doubts --
Giving everything -- inside and out -- and

Love's strange -- surreal in the dark.
Think of the tender things
That we were working on --

Slow change
May pull us apart --
When the light gets into your heart, Baby --

Don't you
-- forget about me
Don't don't don't don't
Don't you
-- forget about me.

Will you stand above me --
Look my way and never love me?
Rain keeps falling --
Rain keeps falling --
Down -- down -- down.

Will you recognise me --
Call my name or walk on by me?
Rain keeps falling --
Rain keeps falling --
Down -- down -- down -- down.

HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!

Don't you
Try and pretend
It's not beginning -- we'll
Win in the end -- I won't

Harm you
Or touch your defenses.
Vanity -- insecurity --

Don't you
Forget about me.
I'll be alone,
Dancing -- you know it, Baby

Going to
Take you apart --
I'll put us back together at heart, Baby

Don't you
-- forget about me.
Don't don't don't don't
Don't you
-- forget about me.

As you walk on by --
Will you call my name --
As you walk on by --
Will you call my name --
And you walk away --


Or will you walk away?


When you walk on by --

Will you call my name?


Author's Note: As seems to be my wont these days, I'm
including not one, but two songs at the end. As always, the first
song is for you. The second song is for me. Some of you might
like one or the other, and some might like both. I hope that you
all enjoyed this story, and that perhaps the magic of the series
came alive a little big stronger, a little big longer because of
this story.


I'm Not In Love


I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase
I'm going through

And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you got it made
I'm not in love
No no
Just because

I'd like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean
You mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends
About the two of us
I'm not in love
No no
Just because

I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain
That's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know
It doesn't mean that much to me

I'm not in love
No no

You wait a long time for me
You wait a long time
You wait a long time for me
You wait a long time

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase
I'm going through

And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you got it made

I'm not in love
I'm not in love

Dave Harper, June 17 1997