References to Sailor Moon, Maison Ikkoku, Urusei Yatsura, Project: A-ko, MythAdventures, The Princess Bride, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Star Wars, Jell-o, and any other references in this fanfic are the property of their respective copyright owners. Any use of them in this fanfic is not a challenge to their claims, but is a challenge to the reader to find them all.
Special Thanks go to my pre-readers. Without them, this would have taken a lot longer, and probably not have been as good as it (hopefully) is now. I also wouldn't have gotten as many threats in my mailbox over episode 18. Thanks, guys. You know who you are.
WARNING: Over the years, this fanfic has received the most conflicting responses of any story I've ever written. Most people told me how much they loved it - and how depressed they were by it. It's a fun, light-hearted romp for the first ten episodes but then it gets progressively deeper and darker as it explores the relationships of the cast. Because of the many, many e-mails I received, I later wrote an alternate ending that redeems the series and makes it into a happy ending. You'll find both ends in this collection, so feel free to choose the one you like best.
Ranma Ichibunnoni (Author's preferred edition)
Episode One
"Two's Company, Three's a Crowd."
* * *
"Leggo, ya old fool!" came the voice from outside the dojo. "Oh!" cried Kasumi. "We have visitors!" Nabiki and her father ran ahead enthusiastically while Kasumi and Akane lagged behind. Akane wasn't enthused at the idea of her father's old friend and his son, Ranma, coming back to marry one of them. Kasumi, for her part, never hurried for anything short of an earthquake (1). Thus the two of them were still in the hallway when their father and sister came running and screaming back inside, followed closely by a huge panda that was carrying a kicking, yelling teen on each shoulder.
The panda stopped in front of the foursome. Nabiki shot an accusing glance at her father. "Daddy...*this* is your friend?" she demanded.
Her father could only shake his head violently. "Nuh-uh-uh!"
Nabiki waxed sarcastic as she spoke up again. "So this panda just happened to walk in with two screaming hostages, is that it?" Her father just shook his head again mutely. Sometimes he could be so...well, so like himself. There really wasn't a worse insult that Nabiki could think of.
The panda seemed to make a decision and deposited the two struggling teens on the floor unceremoniously. Now that they were standing (more or less) on their own, the Tendos could see who they were. Or, more appropriately, what they were.
The first was a boy, dressed in a Chinese-style shirt and pants. He was muscular and strong, even handsome in a way, if you liked that type. Which Akane didn't, and he was a bit young for Kasumi's tastes. Nabiki was out of the question unless he was financially independent, which was rather unlikely, judging from the looks of his clothing. Still, he *was* cute. His hair was tied back into a pig-tail, not exactly in fashion either.
The girl next to him had long, black hair swept back behind her, falling loosely past her shoulders. She was dressed in a similar fashion to the boy next to her. The girl bore a strong resemblance to him, and it was clear they were related somehow. She was, by almost any definition of the word, pretty. If she took more care in her appearance, she'd be beautiful. Both teens were staring sullenly at the floor, which did nothing to make a good impression on their hosts, unless one happened to like young, sullen teenagers. Thankfully, neither was dripping on the floor like the panda behind them, which would have only added to their first impression - as bad as it was already. The panda was beginning to smell though, as fur does when it gets soaked and starts drying out. Akane remembered that it had been raining that morning, but it had dried up long since. Perhaps fur stayed wet for a long time. Akane vaguely wondered what she was doing worrying about damp fur when an escaped zoo animal was in her home with two unidentified trespassers who still had yet to show any signs of understanding Japanese.
Mr. Tendo spoke up. "You...you wouldn't be..."
The boy looked up, a sullen expression written all over his face. "I'm Ranma Saotome," he said. "Sorry about this."
The girl next to him looked up and crossed her arms over her chest. "And I'm--"
Mr. Tendo grabbed Ranma into his arms, hugging him. "At last!! Ranma!! Oh, it's so good of you to come!! So wonderful to finally meet you!! We've been waiting so long!!" He started crying tears of happiness. The girl who had spoken up just stood there with her mouth open. She shut it angrily and glared at Mr. Tendo. Mr. Tendo ignored her, still babbling about how happy he was, how this was such a momentous occasion, and other nonsense everyone just ignored (2).
The Tendo girls went back to their business. After all, they knew better than anyone else how long their father could keep this tirade up for, and the panda didn't seem to be a threat any more. Nabiki started figuring out room plans, not to mention estimating how much money these new guests had on them and how best to relieve them of it quickly. Kasumi went to make tea for the visitors while Akane went over to their only other human visitor. She placed her hand on the girl's shoulder to get her attention. "Hi there. I'm Akane. You want to be friends?" She smiled.
For the first time that day, the pretty raven-haired girl smiled. "Su...sure. I'm Ranko Saotome," she stammered back. "Is your father always like this?"
Akane shrugged. "Just about. You get used to it. Say, you practice Kempo, right?"
Ranko shrugged, then nodded. "A little," she responded hesitantly.
Akane beamed. "Well then, let's have a little match!"
Ranko stared at her for a second, then nodded. The two girls walked over to the dojo, leaving Mr. Tendo to cry over Ranma, who was beginning to show signs of asphyxiation. The panda shrugged and walked into the kitchen, hoping for a little something to eat, and perhaps a little hot water while he was at it.
(1) Which still put her ahead of the postal service.
(2) Which was too bad, because in between telling everybody how happy he was (for the seventeenth time) and telling his dear, departed wife how proud she would have been if she could see this day (for the eleventh time), he solved the answer to life, the universe, and everything (3), and then promptly forgot it.
(3) Which, as we all know, is forty-two.
Akane stood in defensive posture in her gi (1). She looked at her opponent, the first real opponent she'd faced since her father stopped fighting her (2). Her eyes narrowed and she punched forward fiercely.
Ranko studied her opponent warily. She didn't *seem* like much of a threat, but if living on the run had taught her anything, it was to never underestimate an opponent. She easily sidestepped Akane's punch, then held out an ankle to trip Akane on. The Tendo girl slammed into the wall. Hard.
"HEY!" she yelled, angry. "What was *that* for?" Ranko looked at her, puzzled. Akane had challenged her, hadn't she? Admittedly, she was unclear why the youngest Tendo daughter wanted to duel with her so soon, but she was never one to back down from a challenge. She shrugged. If Akane wanted to be a poor loser, let her. She went back into a defensive stance. Akane saw her move and snarled at the girl.
"Fine, if *that's* the way you want to play it..." she gave a kiai (3) and charged at the black-haired girl. Ranko smiled grimly and let her instincts take over.
The fight didn't last very long.
(1) A gi is a practice outfit worn by some martial art students. It consists of a top and pants of heavy cloth, tied with a belt. The belt color determines the rank of the practicioner in Japanese martial arts, from white through black, and then onto levels of black for masters.
(2) He kept on crying when she beat him, so she stopped.
(3) A kiai is a yell used to focus the mind and body, usually for a strike or blow. Kiaijutsu (the art of using kiai) is a part of many martial arts, including most styles of Kempo. The name comes from the character ki, or air/energy.
Akane stormed downstairs with a limp. She was bruised and battered and most definitely *not* in a very good mood. Stupid amazon! Who did she think she was, anyway? Akane slammed open the door to the bathroom and marched in. She needed to soak some of these bruises before they got too painful. She walked into the bathroom without thinking.
Ranma sat up in the tub as he thought (1). His family avoided water as a rule, but he found it relaxing. And it was rare that the travelling Saotomes got a chance to have a long, relaxing bath. But still, it seemed awfully odd for the old man to offer him the bath...almost like they wanted to get rid of him for a while. He thought about that for a moment. Uh-oh. It sounded *exactly* like they wanted to get rid of him for a while.
And come to think of it, Ranma wouldn't put that past his father. Or this Tendo guy; he shivered as he thought of the Tendo version of the 'neverending hug'. Man, if all the Tendos were as weird as their father, he wasn't sure he wanted to stick around at all!
Akane shucked off her clothing, steamed. That - that demon! She still saw red when she thought of their 'little' match. No, their *fight*, she corrected herself bitterly. And she had offered to be friends with her! She scrubbed herself with the soap, perhaps harder than she had to. Then she grabbed a towel and opened the door to the bath. (2)
Ranma shrugged. It wasn't like he had any place to go. They couldn't return home - not any more. That still stung him, more than he wanted to admit. Sometimes Ranma could just kick his father. Well, a lot of the time, actually. Oh, well. Whatever would be, would be. He decided it would be best to get a head start on finding out *what* would be, though. He stood up, dripping water, and was about to head towards the door when something exceptional happened.
The door opened.
This might not have been so bad, in other circumstances. A door opening is usually no cause for alarm, unless it opens by itself with blood dripping from it and ghostly voices cursing you to eternal damnation. Not that this was happening at this place and time, or for that matter, at *any* place and time that Ranma knew of. No, this was far worse.
Akane stood nude just beyond the open door, hidden only by a towel that was too small for the task (3).
Ranma looked at her. His eyes widened. Then he looked down at himself. Akane looked back at him. Her eyes widened, too. Then she looked down at her own body. She calmly stepped back and closed the door. Ranma blushed. What had that been about? He walked over to the door and knocked. Ranma knocking was a bit odd, considering that he was the one inside. But his life had been filled with odd things recently and he was beginning to get used to it. For Akane, it was her first taste. And she didn't like it. Not one bit.
Akane was blushing a deep crimson and not all of it was from embarrassment. What was that pervert doing in there? It was her house, after all! Sure, Ranma was a guest, but didn't he at least have the decency to make sure others knew he was taking a bath? Besides, this was the man one of her sisters was going to marry! That thought sent new waves of emotion through her, and it wasn't joy. Joy usually didn't make her hands curl into fists. Akane wasn't very happy at the idea of one of the Tendo daughters marrying Ranma against their will. And even less enthused at having Ranko - that horrible little hellcat - as her sister-in-law.
For that matter, having just been beaten up by Ranma's sister also made it much easier for her to get angry at him. A small part of Akane's mind whispered to her that it was *her* fault for walking in on him, after all. That just made her angrier. Akane didn't like being wrong. She took her bathrobe and put it on.
She shivered in anger. She started to think about drowning Ranma in the bathtub. Then something stopped her. He *was* a guest. And she *had* walked in on him. With a monumental effort of will, Akane took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
There was a knock on the inner door. Akane turned to it. She blushed again. What could she possibly say to him? There was no way she'd apologize! It was her house! But - she *had* walked in on him. She fidgeted nervously. From nowhere, she heard girlish laughter. Akane frowned. What was that? The door opened. Then the outer door burst open and Ranko ran in, laughing and sticking her tongue out behind her.
"Nyaaah! Can't catch meeeeeEEK!!" Ranko, still looking behind her, ran into Akane. Akane fell forward. Ranma looked out of the inner door, still naked.
"Um..." he started to say, until Akane landed in his arms, sending them both falling into the bathtub with a splash.
"Oops," said Ranko belatedly.
"YOU PERVERT!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Akane screamed at him as she disentangled from the naked boy. Akane reared back her hand and slapped him. Ranma put a hand to his cheek.
Akane stormed out of the bath and into the change room, slamming the door behind her. She filled the room with her battle aura. It was like having a goddess of vengeance take on human form. Ranko grinned sheepishly at her. "Um..." started Ranko. Akane didn't wait to hear more. She grabbed the nearest heavy object and threw it at the girl. "Um..." Ranko said again just before the stool caught her in the head and she fell over backwards.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!?" Akane screamed.
Ranko held up her hands to ward her off. "Uh - taking a bath?" Ranko tried, from the floor. Akane threw another stool at her. Ranko scuttled out of the way
"With Ranma in there!?" Akane yelled.
"Sure," replied Ranko as she ducked behind a towel rack, confused. "Why not?"
Akane stared at her in disbelief. "You...you - OHH!! I DON'T *BELIEVE* YOU!!" She prepared to kill Ranko. The inner door opened again. Akane turned to see Ranma walk in again - still naked. Of all of the nerve! As if what had already happened wasn't bad enough, now *he* was walking in on her! While he was still naked!
"Um..." Ranma began, trying to calm Akane. For his efforts he got hit by a kitchen sink repeatedly. Vaguely, one part of him wondered where she had gotten the sink from, since this was the bathroom, not the kitchen. The rest of him was too busy trying to avoid getting hit by it to worry about logic problems. "OW! Stop that! *You're* the one who walked in on *me*!! OW!" he yelled at the long-haired girl who was now brandishing a wastebasket. The kitchen sink had broken on his hard head.
"Yeah, but it's *my* bathroom! And you didn't bother letting anyone know you were in here!"
"Well, how was I supposed to do that?" challenged Ranma.
"The sign, you dope!" yelled Akane. Ranma stared at her uncomprehendingly. "The 'occupied' sign!!" she yelled at him incredulously.
Ranma blushed a bit sheepishly. Living on the road had a few effects on your manners and social understanding like, say, reducing it to a net sum of zero.
"Uh..." he tried again. Akane grabbed another stool - having long since discarded the wastebasket as being too fragile for her purposes - and prepared to attack again. He held up his hands to ward it off, perhaps the first intelligent thing he'd done all day (4).
"Wait! Wait! Can I have a towel before you kill me?" Akane paused. Her face turned an ugly red as she threw a towel at him before slamming the door shut again. Ranma wasn't sure whether to be relieved or afraid.
Akane huffed angrily. She turned to Ranko, death in her eyes. The Saotome girl wasn't there. Ranko had fled her wrath. Well, she wouldn't get away with it. Not by a long shot. Akane snarled in anger and cracked her knuckles.
A few seconds later, there was another, tentative knock. Akane nearly boiled over. "NO! You can rot in there for all I care!!" There was silence from the other side of the door. Akane got dressed in a worse mood than before. She also noticed she was still covered in soap and washed it off with cold water. Once or twice she heard knocking again, but it subsided when she threw something at the door. Especially after some of those things went *through* the door. Akane could be very strong when she was angry.
(1) Note to readers: This is your cue to groan. Go ahead, have a nice long groan here, sit back, and cover your face with your hands. You all know what's going to happen next. There, feel better?
(2) Many Japanese bathing customs seem strange to Westerners at first. For one thing, the same bathwater is used by all members of the family, sometimes together (especially while young). Given this, it should hardly be surprising that the Japanese want you to be as clean as possible *before* getting into the bath! Even soap is banned from the bath itself - it's just hot water to soak in, not a place to get clean. Most Japanese bathrooms have a place outside the bath to actually clean yourself (with a shower or a bucket of water to throw over yourself) and bigger houses, like the Tendo dojo, have this section partioned off from the main bath.
(3) Some people may be wondering why this is a worse fate than a bloody, poltergeist-haunted door. These people have either never met Akane Tendo, or they think this is a Lemon fanfic (4). It isn't, and Akane was true to form.
(4) Making this a good day for him.
(4) Even in a Lemon, having Akane walk in on you nude is not necessarily a Good Thing.
By the time Akane got back to the dining hall, the others were calmly sitting around the table. The panda was conspicuously absent, but there was a balding man in its place who hadn't been there before. Perhaps he was the panda's owner? The others seemed to be waiting for Akane's entrance for some reason. Akane looked at the place where she normally sat and found Ranko sitting there. She looked around the room angrily and realized the only spots left were next to Ranko or Akane's father. She stalked over to her father and sat down without a word. She was still furious, but she wasn't about to start another fight...now, at least.
Ranko sheepishly smiled at her. Akane burned holes in Ranko with her gaze. Nabiki spoke up with her usual tact and diplomacy. "Wow, Akane. You're bruised all over. What happened, you get hit by a truck or something? I know a good lawyer if you want to sue." Akane turned her glare on Nabiki. Ranko sighed and opened her mouth, but Akane beat her to it.
"This - this *demon* thought I challenged her to a duel to the death and tried to kill me!!" Ranko sighed again. It wasn't like that. Well, not *entirely* like that, she amended mentally.
Mr. Tendo smoothly stepped in. "Well now, Akane. I'm sure the two of you will become good friends in time. Ha ha ha!" Akane glared at him. He stopped laughing and swallowed nervously. "Well, anyway, I'm glad you're back." He stopped, noticing something missing. "Where's Ranma?"
Ranma walked into the room, still tying his belt. "I'm here, Mr. Tendo." He carefully avoided looking at Akane as he sat in the remaining spot, which was right in between Ranko and Akane. That only made Akane's glare worse. But he forgot about that with Mr. Tendo's next words.
"We've decided that Akane is going to marry Ranma."
"WHAT!?!" screamed Akane and Ranma simultaneously. It appeared that Ranma, too, had been left out of this decision-making process. Ranko's mouth dropped open in surprise. Mr. Saotome continued. "We held a vote and it seems like Akane's the one for you, boy! Hahaha - URK!" he said intelligently as Ranma's foot became one with his face. Akane was standing and glaring at her father.
"You want me to marry some guy I've never met!?" she yelled.
"Yeah!" argued Ranma. "And who'd want to marry a tomboy like her, anyway?!"
"Who are you calling a tomboy, you pervert!"
Ranma glared at her. "Hey! YOU walked in on *me*, remember?"
"Yeah, but *you* were the one who didn't bother to put up the sign!"
"Well, *you* should've knocked first!!" Genma and Soun started laughing companionably.
"Ah, they're already a fine couple," joked Genma. At least, Ranko *hoped* he was joking.
She stood up purposefully. "Hey, you two," she said softly, putting an arm on both Akane's and Ranma's shoulders. "Don't fight, 'kay?" Akane shrugged Ranko's arm off angrily, but Ranma just looked at her.
Ranko turned to her father. "Pop, just how democratic was this vote, anyway? I mean, Akane and Ranma and I obviously weren't in on it..."
Akane suddenly whirled on her with hate-filled eyes. "Yes - and *you* kept me from being here for it!!" she yelled.
Ranko took a step backwards involuntarily. She put up her hands in defence. "Hey now - you were the one who challenged me, remem--"
"I did *not* challenge you! I asked you to spar!!"
"Same thing," Ranko said, looking around for escape routes in case Akane became violent again. She knew she could handle Akane, but the dojo might become a casualty if they fought indoors. And she had to live here for a while, right?
"It is *not* the same thing!" Akane yelled back at her.
Ranko closed her eyes for a second, then did the intelligent thing and ignored Akane completely. This flustered the Tendo girl long enough for Ranko to turn to Mr. Tendo.
"Mr. Tendo, what about what your daughter thinks? And Ranma? Shouldn't he get a say in this?"
Ranma cheered his sister on. "Yeah, yeah! Way to go, sis!"
Kasumi smiled. "Mr. Saotome was just telling us about you two. I didn't realize you were twins! You certainly do look alike, though." Ranma looked at her as if she had just said 'The weather is nice, isn't it?' in the middle of World War Three (1).
Akane resumed yelling at him. "Why are you siding with *her*?"
Ranma was taken aback. "What, you want I should side with *you*?"
Ranko felt a headache coming on. She quickly spoke up before the two could make things any worse. "I mean, what about time to talk to each girl, and see which one he likes best, before he gets engaged to her?" she asked hopefully.
Ranma felt betrayed. "HEY! Whose side are you on?" he demanded.
Ranko turned back to Ranma. "Look, Ranma-kun, I'm just trying to make the best out of a bad situation..."
Akane stepped in between the two. "You call that *helping*? Now you're making me sound like a side of meat!!"
"Well, you *are*!" said Ranma, arguably not his brightest idea. "Just like a cow, but a cow would have a better figure!" laughed Ranma. In retrospect, he would have to remember never to mention cows again around Akane. Ever. Akane grabbed the table that Soun and Genma were using to celebrate on and slammed it over his head. Hard. Ranko managed to slip away in time, knowing what damage her brother's loose tongue could do. Genma looked at his unconscious son.
"Now *that* he had coming," he said. Nobody contradicted him.
(1) Then again, perhaps she had, in a way.
Akane poured water over herself. She was just going to put tonight's incidents out of her mind, that was what she was going to do. Really. There was no need to think about that pig-headed idiot she was doomed to marry or his demonic sister. Jerks, both of them. She scrubbed herself with soap. This time, she knocked on the door first. Nobody answered, which was good for their continued existence. Akane was in the sort of mood where she might maul one of their guests, should they have happened to be stupid or unlucky enough to be inside. She opened the door and went into the bath.
Ranko shook her head at her brother, who was lying on a mat, unconscious. Ranma had taken worse than this, and he'd been fine, no problems. Healing fast seemed to be a Saotome trait. No, it wasn't the injury that worried her. But this engagement thing... well, that was something else entirely. She shrugged. Once Pop had his mind set on something, he was next to impossible to move. She'd just have to weather it. If only her mother were there...but that wasn't possible. Not any more. She hoped Ranma could weather it, too, but she wasn't sure. And that was what worried her.
Kasumi walked up to her. She looked up at the older girl questioningly. "Why hello there. I'm Kasumi," said Kasumi with a sweet smile. Ranko wondered how she could smile, seeing all that had happened that evening. Then again, being in a house like this probably gave you some immunity to chaos or something like that. Or maybe it was just Kasumi (1).
"Uhh, hi, I'm Ranko," she responded wittily.
"Would you like to take a bath?" asked Kasumi. Ranko shuddered at the thought. She had taken a rapid distaste for water, ever since...well, some things were better left unsaid.
"Uh, no thanks," she stammered. Kasumi still smiled, but she pressed fresh towels on Ranko.
"You've been practising, haven't you? Here, go have a bath." Ranko smiled weakly back at her and went downstairs obediently. Somehow, arguing with Kasumi wasn't even an option. Kasumi was just *too* nice. You couldn't argue with her without feeling like you were kicking a puppy.
Kasumi walked over to Nabiki. "Nabiki? Ranko and Akane are having their bath now. Would you like to have one as well?" Nabiki tried to save money where she could, especially because it was usually her who ended up paying the heating bills for the dojo. But she shook her head this time.
"No thanks, oneesan (2). I think I'll pass, at least until Akane cools off a little." Kasumi just smiled and went back into the kitchen. Nabiki silently admired the politeness and bravery of the girl bathing with Akane. It was akin to dining with a lion, when you were the main course. Zero points for survival value, intelligence and empathy, but ten out of ten for heroism.
Inside, Akane was just finishing up. That dummy! Who did he think he was, calling her a cow? And that sister of his! Akane wasn't sure she could stand having the two of them in the dojo for long. Then she remembered that if her father's wishes were carried out, she'd be seeing the two of them for a *long* time. As in the rest of her life. Somehow the bath didn't seem so nice any more. Akane decided to get out early.
Ranko scraped away at herself with the soap, but she carefully avoided the pail of cold water nearby. Instead, she looked forward to a nice, relaxing, *hot* bath. She opened the door.
And stood face to face with Akane. A dripping wet, nude Akane. Who was slowly turning a rather unhealthy shade of purple as her eyes narrowed dangerously. The nerve of that girl! To walk in without even asking, without even knocking first, as if she took Akane's acceptance to bathe with her as a given! After she'd already barged into Akane's bath this afternoon! How dare she!?
Ranko gave her a nervous smile. "Uh...heh...oh, hi, Akane..."
"WHY...YOU...!! "
The rest of the house heard Akane's scream of rage.
(1) It was just Kasumi.
(2) 'Oneesan' = big sister. It can also be used when talking to any older female, and is a term of respect. It can be used when talking to your own family or when talking about someone else's family. When mentioning an older sister to others, a more polite term is 'ane'. Yes, it's as confusing as it sounds.
Ranma looked at his father. Genma was celebrating the joining of their families with Soun. No help there. Nabiki was ignoring them both, and Kasumi was offering tea. Just great. Ranma just slumped in his seat. Some fiancee. But it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go. He sighed.
"Buck up, son!" said Genma cheerily. "So she's got spunk! That just makes a fiancee cuter!"
Ranma looked at his father with distaste. "Cute is *not* the word."
Ranko sat down next to them, a freshly-made red hand print across her cheek. "So what does that make her to me, Pop?" she demanded.
Genma gamely rallied to his daughter's rhetorical question. "Why, your sister-in-law, of course!"
"WHAT!?" demanded both Saotome children at once. They proceeded to mutually kick their father into the pond (1).
Akane glared at the Saotomes before turning away just in time to miss seeing Genma turn into a panda. Nabiki spoke up. "Look, you're both girls. You see girls naked all the time in school or the baths. That makes it okay, right?" Akane just glared at her. Why did Nabiki always have to miss the point? She wasn't angry because Ranko had seen her naked. Well, okay, so she was, a little. But that wasn't the point. Not at all.
She could have said all this and more. But Akane wasn't in a talkative mood. She glared up at her sister. "Okay is *not* the word."
The sun set over the Tendo dojo. Another day had come and gone in Nerima.
(1) With Ranko and Ranma, this had become something of an art form. A sport, perhaps.
Author's Note: Ranma Ichibunnoni literally means "Ranma 2/1". It's a pun on the real name of the series (Ranma Nibunnoichi, or Ranma 1/2) and also a pun on Japanese; 2/1 is a meaningless term. You can just as easily say 'ni', or 2, instead. And why would you want to make it more complicated than you have to?
I have yet to find an honest-to-goodness Japanese person who understood what I meant when I said it, but it's easy enough to figure out each word. 'Ichi' is 1, 'Ni' 2, and 'Bun' is a mathematical term meaning 'over' when applied to fractions. It might be easier to think of it as meaning 'under' though, for us english-speakers, because Japanese grammar is what we would call backwards. Actually, from what little I've been told, it's a SOV structure (subject-object-verb) as opposed to our SVO structure. 'No' is a grammatical term that doesn't translate into english, but can be used to mean 'the' or 'of' most often.
'Sanbun no ichi' ('san' = 3) would become "three under one" or 1/3. 'Nibun no san' would mean "two under three" or 3/2. So 'Ichibun no ni' would become "one under two", or perhaps "two over one". There's a point to that that I'm trying to make in this story, and if the word doesn't actually exist in Japanese, then maybe it should. I'd like to think it can mean something besides just 'two' - if you read it in the right frame of mind.
Think about it. And if one person reading this now can tell me what I meant by that at the end of the series, I'll know I haven't done this for nothing.