Obligatory Legal Disclaimer: The characters, situations and
just about everything else in this fanfiction are the property of
Rumiko Takahashi. If I even thought about trying to claim
otherwise, five thousand raging otaku would kidnap me and make me
watch Sailor Moon reruns for eternity. Anything you don't like is
mine, mine, all mine! Hahahaha!
References to Guyver, Urusei Yatsura, Oh! My Goddess, Bubblegum
Crisis, Sailor Moon, Maison Ikkoku, Devil Hunter Yohko and other
anime mentioned or hinted at in this text are property of their
individual copyright owners. References to the Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy is copyright Douglas Adams. References to Monty
Python is copyrighted to somebody, but I'm not clear on whom.
Special Bonus: Find all the references in the 'fic and win a
prize! Well, not really. But it would definitely be good grounds
for someone suing me, and I suppose you could make a few bucks that
way.
Special thanks go to: Hitomi Ichinohei for letting me steal
her ideas about Ranma and his mom, Nigel M. for Soun's Wails, Jeff
Yang for the idea of Hammerspace, Hilary Doda for her anima-animus
joke, my pre-readers and (of course) all the fanfiction writers out
there who inspired me to write this. Keep on writing!
Special notes for readers:
[] represent actions or observations.
are foreign languages, such as english. They are also used for
sound effects.
Because gender is important in this fanfic, Ranma's female half
will be referred to as "Ranko" or "Ranma-chan" to avoid confusion
(on the part of the readers, anyways). Mousse becomes "MuuMuu-
chan". I'm not making that up. Really. And before you ask, no,
I don't know what it means. Shampoo becomes "Shampoo-Neko"
(Shampoo-Cat) while P-Chan is, of course, P-Chan. Mr. Saotome is
just "Panda."
Nodoka is the first name of Mrs. Saotome. Soun is the first
name of Mr. Tendo. Names are usually spelled like the Viz
translations with the exception of Ukyou Kuonji, who I just happen
to like better spelled that way.
This is not a lemon fanfic. Hentai looking for gratuitous sex
scenes will be disappointed. (What did you expect with a name like
"Mother's Day"? On second thought, don't answer that. I don't
really want to know the answer)
* * *
Prologue
* * *
3:32 pm. The sun shone majestically over a peaceful, tranquil
scene: The Tendo dojo, where the only sounds to be heard were the
quiet splash of fish in the pond and the occasional clack of wood
on wood of a shogi game.
Then Ranma and Akane got back from school.
Akane: Ranma you JERK! Come back here, you pervert!
Ranma: [sticking his tongue out at Akane while running] Nyah!
Can't catch me!
Akane: [pulling an extradimensional mallet from Hammerspace (1)]
Ohhh...why YOU...!
Ranma: [running past Soun and Genma. Neither looks up] Hey
Akane?
Akane: [running THROUGH Soun and Genma. Soun grabs the board
while Genma gets the table out of harm's reach] What?
Ranma: Why don't you just give up? It's not like you could catch
me or anything...
Akane: Oh YEAH? We'll see about that! [leaping into the air with
her mallet, barely missing Ranma by a hair]
Nabiki walked in the front door just in time to see Akane chase
Ranma out the door, yelling. She quickly got out a pad of paper
from her school bag. It was covered with stylistic yen signs. She
turned to an open page and started to write.
Nabiki: [to herself] Well, that leaves Akane ahead by two...Ranma
isn't being very original with his insults today. That
means...let me see...Tamiya is going to win the pool, I think.
[smirking] Minus my twenty percent brokerage fee, of course.
Nabiki whipped out a calculator from nowhere and started to punch
numbers on it. Ranma was chased around the front yard twice during
this time. He finally wised up, jumped over Akane and made for the
back yard again.
Ranma: Man...! Akane, don't you think you're overreacting just a
BIT?
Akane: You pig! You said guys are better at math than girls!
Ranma: Yeah? So?
Akane: [swinging her mallet at him] I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU WITH
YOUR HOMEWORK, YOU JERK!!
Ranma: You call beating me to a pulp *helping*? [seeing impending
doom befall him] AAAAAAHHH--[the blow misses]--HHHHH--huh?
[realization slowly dawns] You missed? [Akane takes another
swing at him] I must be better than I thoug- WHAM
AAAAAAAAAH! SPLASH
Ranma flew through the air, conveniently landing in the pool.
There was a moment of silence, and then a redhead broke the surface
of the water with a gasp. She turned on Akane with a fury.
Ranma-chan: WHADDYA DO THAT FOR!?
Akane: Hmph. Serves you right, you pervert.
Ranma-chan: Grrr. [she shakes a fish that was floundering on her
head back into the pool] How uncute. [Akane turns pink]
Geez, how did I get stuck with such a tomboyish fiancee
anyways? [Akane turns red]
Akane: [turning on Ranko with a fury] I heard that! RANMA NO
BAKA!!
Akane leapt at Ranko, kicking out at her. Ranko dodged easily,
ducking as a surprised Akane continued over her head.
Ranma-chan: Hah! Gotcha, you dummy! I'm twice as fast as you in
my girl-form! Now it's payback time--TENSHIN AMIGURIKEN (2)!!
Using her flying fists, Ranko pushed Akane back towards the pool.
Akane stumbled over something and fell backwards, narrowly missing
getting a good dunking. Looking down, she saw one of the large
rocks near the pool. She picked it up and threw it at Ranko.
Ranko's eyes widened as she saw the projectile coming straight at
her.
Ranma-chan: Hey!
Desperately she tried to hit the rock away from her. The rock got
hit by 112 punches and flew into the air. Ranko breathed a sigh of
relief.
Ranma-chan: Geez, Akane...why'd you have to do that? In this form
I'm not strong enough to just stop it!
A rock that up until recently had been a lawn ornament flew onwards
and upwards, startling a duck flying overhead. Observers, were
there any standing in midair sixty feet above the ground, would
have noticed the duck was wearing glasses. They also would have
fallen to the ground and probably required immediate medical
attention. Given the proximity to the Tendo Dojo and the
probability of them being sued for the whole incident, medical
bills included, it was probably a good thing for all concerned that
nobody was around after all.
The unfortunate duck quacked in surprise as it dodged desperately
before it spun out of control, its glasses tumbling to the ground.
The last thing it saw before its vision went all hazy was a face.
The face of Ranma Saotome.
Ranma-chan: You could have killed me! ...Of course, that might
not be a bad thing...did you help cook dinner tonight?
The shock wore off and Akane got angry again. Standing back up,
she curled her hand into a fist and started towards Ranko...
In the air, the rock discovered one of Newton's laws independently,
having reached it's apex. Elated by this discovery, it seemed to
hang in midair for a second.
Down below, the screen door opened slightly and Kasumi walked out,
smiling.
Kasumi: Dinnertime, you two!
Both Ranko and Akane turned towards Kasumi. In midair the rock,
until today content with its lot, turned toward Kasumi as well.
Time slowed down.
Ranma-chan: Huh?
Akane: Oneechan? (3)
Ranma-chan: Ah!
Akane: Kasumi!
Ranma-chan: Get out of--
Akane: --the way!!
Kasumi's eyes widened for just a split second. Then time went back
to normal again, and the scene changed to show just Ranko and
Akane. We hear a splintering crash, as if bones were being
crushed. Ranko and Akane looked shocked. Cranes took wing and
flew into the sky. A bell rung. Nabiki walked out the door.
Nabiki: Hey you guys, we have a visitor. Ranma, you'd better--
HEY! What happened to Kasumi? [whipping her head towards
Ranko, her eyes narrowing menacingly] Saotome, you scum!
You've hurt my big sister!
Ranma-chan: Hey! Why are you blaming ME?
Akane: Oh, so now it's MY fault, is it, Ranma?
Akane swung her extradimensional hammer +1, +5 against Ranma and
smashed Ranko in the head. Ranko's eyes bugged out before she hit
the ground face-first, where she lay, giving an occasional twitch.
(4) Akane ran over to Kasumi.
Akane: Oh, oneechan! Are you alright?
Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome--in panda form--came outside. We hear
Nabiki in the background talking to Dr. Tofu over the phone. Mr.
Tendo took one look and started crying (#488, My Eldest Daughter Is
Dying). The panda also cried, holding up a sign.
Panda: [sign] "Dinner's going to be late!"
Dr. Tofu walked in, holding a medical bag. He somehow appeared
strong, even noble...as if his soul was shining like a beacon of
hope. Every eye turned to him.
Dr. Tofu: I'm here! [settling down next to Kasumi and examining
her] Well now, this isn't so bad. Really, Mr. Tendo, there's
nothing to be concerned about. There's no blood, and it looks
like the only damage she's taken is a sprained ankle.
Ranma-chan: [from the ground] But I heard bone splintering...
Dr. Tofu: Really? Hmmm. [looking around] Ranma, could it be the
door that you heard splintering?
Everyone looked at the door. It was indeed in bad shape, as if,
say, a flying rock had hit it (5). Everybody facefaulted (6).
Akane kicked Ranko.
Dr. Tofu: Really, to have been through all that with so little she
must truly live a charmed life!
Kasumi: [just waking up] Do you really think so, doctor?
Dr. Tofu: [his glasses fogging up] Ka-kasumi! What an incredible
coincidence to find you here, of all places! Heehee! (7)
Ranma-chan: [weakly, from where he is now imbedded in the ground]
But she lives here...
Akane punted him airborne.
Akane: Ranma you JERK! This is all YOUR fault! [running over to
Dr. Tofu] Dr. Tofu, please! We don't have time for that now!
Ranko landed with a THUD.
Dr. Tofu: Oh my, yes, yes, of course. Heehee. Now as I was
saying, a sprained ankle isn't so bad. I can easily set it
right here!
Dr. Tofu grinned as he took a board, formerly part of the door, and
applied a shiatsu technique to it. The board snapped in two,
splintering along the edges.
Dr. Tofu: See! It's no problem!
Everyone except Kasumi got beads of sweat on their heads.
Akane: Err, Dr. Tofu...I don't think it would be such a good idea
to...operate on Kasumi right now. Isn't there something else
we can do?
Dr. Tofu: [looking at Mr. Saotome] Of course there is, Ranma. A
sprained ankle is nothing, really. You just have to keep her
off her feet for about two weeks and she'll be fine! But
there's no need for that--just let me get my glasses!
Akane looked at Dr. Tofu strangely, which can be partially
explained by the fact that Dr. Tofu was wearing his glasses. (8)
Panda: Growf.
Dr. Tofu: I think I left them on the table here! [he walks into
the wall] Oh! Mr. Tendo! When did you move the wall?
Dr. Tofu left. Everyone sighed in relief. Soun started crying
again (#489, My Eldest Daughter Is All Right). Faintly, we can
hear someone saying something in the background. Nobody paid any
attention to it.
Voice: Oh! Hello Dr. Tofu. I couldn't find anyone at home, so I
let myself in. Would you happen to know where my son and
husband are? Thank you! See you later!
A shadowy form stepped out of the house. As she stepped into the
light, we see that the form is Nodoka, Ranma's mother.
Nodoka: [smiling] Why, hello there!
Ranko and her father both chose that moment to leap into the pool
as if their lives depended on it, using the legendary speed and
instinct of the Anything-Goes school of martial arts. Of course,
that meant they were in midair when they realized they were
*already* in their other forms. Acting before thinking is also
legendary in the Anything-Goes school. Twin splashes showered
everyone with water.
Nabiki: Oh yeah, I was going to tell you guys that Ranma's mother
would be coming...[pointing to a letter in her hand postmarked
that day] but...[sweetly] nevermind!
Ranma-chan: W-why, it's Auntie Saotome! What a s-surprise!
Panda: [sign] "Don't make me kill myself!"
Ranko's eyes bugged out as she saw the sign.
Ranma-chan: [pointing at the dojo] Look, it's... er... um...
it's...[thinking quickly] Elvis!
Everybody obligingly turned around to see. Ranko quickly grabbed
the sign from the panda and threw it into the pool with them both.
She hit Mr. Saotome over the head.
Ranma-chan: [aside to Genma] Are you trying to get us *both*
killed, old man?
Panda: [writing a new sign] "I'm not Genma Saotome!"
Nodoka blinked in surprise at the sign. The first sign floated to
the surface, that being what wood does in water. Except for the
Spring of Drowned Tree, of course, but nobody really seemed to know
how that had happened. Ranko tried to look casual as she grabbed
the sign once more and sat on it, sinking deeper into the water.
She failed miserably.
Just outside the dojo a man dressed in a heavy overcoat paused
momentarily, as if he had just heard something, or perhaps
somebody.
Elvis: Oops. Time to skedaddle out of here. Thank you. Thank
you very much.
A beam of light struck the man and pulled him back up to the UFO
waiting just outside the maximum range detectable by NASA. (9)
Everyone looks at Ranko questioningly. A large bead of sweat
appeared on Ranko's head. Then Nodoka spoke up.
Nodoka: I couldn't help overhearing your problem. Would it be
alright if I stayed to help you out with the house until
Kasumi recovers?
Soun: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! We're saved!
Soun started to cry again (#21, I'm Still Going To Get Dinner).
* * *
(1) Jeff Yang, the creator of 'Ranma University', once
hypothesized that there in fact existed a dimension made up solely
of hammers and empty space, and that certain individuals could tap
into this dimension to bring things here (hammers) or to go there.
(2) "Imperial Sweet Broiled Chestnuts (in a fire) Technique,"
taught by Cologne to Ranma. It involves making hundreds of punches
in order to ensure some get through. Also known in the videos as
the "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire Technique".
(3) 'Oneechan' = big sister.
(4) And, of course, making those reoccurring finger gestures we've
all come to know and love. Ranma is famous for making a gesture
with his fingers when experiencing great pain. This gesture,
depending on your culture, can mean anything from 'Begone, evil
spirit' (possibly indicating how Ranma feels about Akane
subconsciously) to several unprintable things that would only get
this fanfic an R rating it doesn't need (also possibly indicating
how Ranma feels about Akane subconsciously). The gestures have
been left out of this 'fic because I don't know what to call them.
So sue me.
(5) For those of you who skipped the first couple of pages, one
did.
(6) 'Facefaulting' is a peculiar phenomenon unique to anime and
manga, possibly because it would be too painful to do in real life.
Whenever someone is surprised by something, they show their
appreciation of this fact by falling over, usually forwards, onto
their faces. And of course making those hand gestures we mentioned
before. This is the Japanese equivalent of showing appreciation
for a band by rushing on stage and attempting to take a piece of
them home with you as a souvenir, and makes about as much sense.
(7) If you ever hear these words, run for your life. Don't walk,
run. Research shows the chance of having an accident rises by 300%
immediately after hearing this dreaded phrase. This has been a
public service announcement from the Japanese Ministry of Tourism.
(8) But only partially. Who knows what lurks in the minds of men?
Or, in this case, of tomboys named Akane? The Shadow knows.
(9) Explains a few things, doesn't it?
just about everything else in this fanfiction are the property of
Rumiko Takahashi. If I even thought about trying to claim
otherwise, five thousand raging otaku would kidnap me and make me
watch Sailor Moon reruns for eternity. Anything you don't like is
mine, mine, all mine! Hahahaha!
References to Guyver, Urusei Yatsura, Oh! My Goddess, Bubblegum
Crisis, Sailor Moon, Maison Ikkoku, Devil Hunter Yohko and other
anime mentioned or hinted at in this text are property of their
individual copyright owners. References to the Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy is copyright Douglas Adams. References to Monty
Python is copyrighted to somebody, but I'm not clear on whom.
Special Bonus: Find all the references in the 'fic and win a
prize! Well, not really. But it would definitely be good grounds
for someone suing me, and I suppose you could make a few bucks that
way.
Special thanks go to: Hitomi Ichinohei for letting me steal
her ideas about Ranma and his mom, Nigel M. for Soun's Wails, Jeff
Yang for the idea of Hammerspace, Hilary Doda for her anima-animus
joke, my pre-readers and (of course) all the fanfiction writers out
there who inspired me to write this. Keep on writing!
Special notes for readers:
[] represent actions or observations.
are foreign languages, such as english. They are also used for
sound effects.
Because gender is important in this fanfic, Ranma's female half
will be referred to as "Ranko" or "Ranma-chan" to avoid confusion
(on the part of the readers, anyways). Mousse becomes "MuuMuu-
chan". I'm not making that up. Really. And before you ask, no,
I don't know what it means. Shampoo becomes "Shampoo-Neko"
(Shampoo-Cat) while P-Chan is, of course, P-Chan. Mr. Saotome is
just "Panda."
Nodoka is the first name of Mrs. Saotome. Soun is the first
name of Mr. Tendo. Names are usually spelled like the Viz
translations with the exception of Ukyou Kuonji, who I just happen
to like better spelled that way.
This is not a lemon fanfic. Hentai looking for gratuitous sex
scenes will be disappointed. (What did you expect with a name like
"Mother's Day"? On second thought, don't answer that. I don't
really want to know the answer)
* * *
Prologue
* * *
3:32 pm. The sun shone majestically over a peaceful, tranquil
scene: The Tendo dojo, where the only sounds to be heard were the
quiet splash of fish in the pond and the occasional clack of wood
on wood of a shogi game.
Then Ranma and Akane got back from school.
Akane: Ranma you JERK! Come back here, you pervert!
Ranma: [sticking his tongue out at Akane while running] Nyah!
Can't catch me!
Akane: [pulling an extradimensional mallet from Hammerspace (1)]
Ohhh...why YOU...!
Ranma: [running past Soun and Genma. Neither looks up] Hey
Akane?
Akane: [running THROUGH Soun and Genma. Soun grabs the board
while Genma gets the table out of harm's reach] What?
Ranma: Why don't you just give up? It's not like you could catch
me or anything...
Akane: Oh YEAH? We'll see about that! [leaping into the air with
her mallet, barely missing Ranma by a hair]
Nabiki walked in the front door just in time to see Akane chase
Ranma out the door, yelling. She quickly got out a pad of paper
from her school bag. It was covered with stylistic yen signs. She
turned to an open page and started to write.
Nabiki: [to herself] Well, that leaves Akane ahead by two...Ranma
isn't being very original with his insults today. That
means...let me see...Tamiya is going to win the pool, I think.
[smirking] Minus my twenty percent brokerage fee, of course.
Nabiki whipped out a calculator from nowhere and started to punch
numbers on it. Ranma was chased around the front yard twice during
this time. He finally wised up, jumped over Akane and made for the
back yard again.
Ranma: Man...! Akane, don't you think you're overreacting just a
BIT?
Akane: You pig! You said guys are better at math than girls!
Ranma: Yeah? So?
Akane: [swinging her mallet at him] I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU WITH
YOUR HOMEWORK, YOU JERK!!
Ranma: You call beating me to a pulp *helping*? [seeing impending
doom befall him] AAAAAAHHH--[the blow misses]--HHHHH--huh?
[realization slowly dawns] You missed? [Akane takes another
swing at him] I must be better than I thoug- WHAM
AAAAAAAAAH! SPLASH
Ranma flew through the air, conveniently landing in the pool.
There was a moment of silence, and then a redhead broke the surface
of the water with a gasp. She turned on Akane with a fury.
Ranma-chan: WHADDYA DO THAT FOR!?
Akane: Hmph. Serves you right, you pervert.
Ranma-chan: Grrr. [she shakes a fish that was floundering on her
head back into the pool] How uncute. [Akane turns pink]
Geez, how did I get stuck with such a tomboyish fiancee
anyways? [Akane turns red]
Akane: [turning on Ranko with a fury] I heard that! RANMA NO
BAKA!!
Akane leapt at Ranko, kicking out at her. Ranko dodged easily,
ducking as a surprised Akane continued over her head.
Ranma-chan: Hah! Gotcha, you dummy! I'm twice as fast as you in
my girl-form! Now it's payback time--TENSHIN AMIGURIKEN (2)!!
Using her flying fists, Ranko pushed Akane back towards the pool.
Akane stumbled over something and fell backwards, narrowly missing
getting a good dunking. Looking down, she saw one of the large
rocks near the pool. She picked it up and threw it at Ranko.
Ranko's eyes widened as she saw the projectile coming straight at
her.
Ranma-chan: Hey!
Desperately she tried to hit the rock away from her. The rock got
hit by 112 punches and flew into the air. Ranko breathed a sigh of
relief.
Ranma-chan: Geez, Akane...why'd you have to do that? In this form
I'm not strong enough to just stop it!
A rock that up until recently had been a lawn ornament flew onwards
and upwards, startling a duck flying overhead. Observers, were
there any standing in midair sixty feet above the ground, would
have noticed the duck was wearing glasses. They also would have
fallen to the ground and probably required immediate medical
attention. Given the proximity to the Tendo Dojo and the
probability of them being sued for the whole incident, medical
bills included, it was probably a good thing for all concerned that
nobody was around after all.
The unfortunate duck quacked in surprise as it dodged desperately
before it spun out of control, its glasses tumbling to the ground.
The last thing it saw before its vision went all hazy was a face.
The face of Ranma Saotome.
Ranma-chan: You could have killed me! ...Of course, that might
not be a bad thing...did you help cook dinner tonight?
The shock wore off and Akane got angry again. Standing back up,
she curled her hand into a fist and started towards Ranko...
In the air, the rock discovered one of Newton's laws independently,
having reached it's apex. Elated by this discovery, it seemed to
hang in midair for a second.
Down below, the screen door opened slightly and Kasumi walked out,
smiling.
Kasumi: Dinnertime, you two!
Both Ranko and Akane turned towards Kasumi. In midair the rock,
until today content with its lot, turned toward Kasumi as well.
Time slowed down.
Ranma-chan: Huh?
Akane: Oneechan? (3)
Ranma-chan: Ah!
Akane: Kasumi!
Ranma-chan: Get out of--
Akane: --the way!!
Kasumi's eyes widened for just a split second. Then time went back
to normal again, and the scene changed to show just Ranko and
Akane. We hear a splintering crash, as if bones were being
crushed. Ranko and Akane looked shocked. Cranes took wing and
flew into the sky. A bell rung. Nabiki walked out the door.
Nabiki: Hey you guys, we have a visitor. Ranma, you'd better--
HEY! What happened to Kasumi? [whipping her head towards
Ranko, her eyes narrowing menacingly] Saotome, you scum!
You've hurt my big sister!
Ranma-chan: Hey! Why are you blaming ME?
Akane: Oh, so now it's MY fault, is it, Ranma?
Akane swung her extradimensional hammer +1, +5 against Ranma and
smashed Ranko in the head. Ranko's eyes bugged out before she hit
the ground face-first, where she lay, giving an occasional twitch.
(4) Akane ran over to Kasumi.
Akane: Oh, oneechan! Are you alright?
Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome--in panda form--came outside. We hear
Nabiki in the background talking to Dr. Tofu over the phone. Mr.
Tendo took one look and started crying (#488, My Eldest Daughter Is
Dying). The panda also cried, holding up a sign.
Panda: [sign] "Dinner's going to be late!"
Dr. Tofu walked in, holding a medical bag. He somehow appeared
strong, even noble...as if his soul was shining like a beacon of
hope. Every eye turned to him.
Dr. Tofu: I'm here! [settling down next to Kasumi and examining
her] Well now, this isn't so bad. Really, Mr. Tendo, there's
nothing to be concerned about. There's no blood, and it looks
like the only damage she's taken is a sprained ankle.
Ranma-chan: [from the ground] But I heard bone splintering...
Dr. Tofu: Really? Hmmm. [looking around] Ranma, could it be the
door that you heard splintering?
Everyone looked at the door. It was indeed in bad shape, as if,
say, a flying rock had hit it (5). Everybody facefaulted (6).
Akane kicked Ranko.
Dr. Tofu: Really, to have been through all that with so little she
must truly live a charmed life!
Kasumi: [just waking up] Do you really think so, doctor?
Dr. Tofu: [his glasses fogging up] Ka-kasumi! What an incredible
coincidence to find you here, of all places! Heehee! (7)
Ranma-chan: [weakly, from where he is now imbedded in the ground]
But she lives here...
Akane punted him airborne.
Akane: Ranma you JERK! This is all YOUR fault! [running over to
Dr. Tofu] Dr. Tofu, please! We don't have time for that now!
Ranko landed with a THUD.
Dr. Tofu: Oh my, yes, yes, of course. Heehee. Now as I was
saying, a sprained ankle isn't so bad. I can easily set it
right here!
Dr. Tofu grinned as he took a board, formerly part of the door, and
applied a shiatsu technique to it. The board snapped in two,
splintering along the edges.
Dr. Tofu: See! It's no problem!
Everyone except Kasumi got beads of sweat on their heads.
Akane: Err, Dr. Tofu...I don't think it would be such a good idea
to...operate on Kasumi right now. Isn't there something else
we can do?
Dr. Tofu: [looking at Mr. Saotome] Of course there is, Ranma. A
sprained ankle is nothing, really. You just have to keep her
off her feet for about two weeks and she'll be fine! But
there's no need for that--just let me get my glasses!
Akane looked at Dr. Tofu strangely, which can be partially
explained by the fact that Dr. Tofu was wearing his glasses. (8)
Panda: Growf.
Dr. Tofu: I think I left them on the table here! [he walks into
the wall] Oh! Mr. Tendo! When did you move the wall?
Dr. Tofu left. Everyone sighed in relief. Soun started crying
again (#489, My Eldest Daughter Is All Right). Faintly, we can
hear someone saying something in the background. Nobody paid any
attention to it.
Voice: Oh! Hello Dr. Tofu. I couldn't find anyone at home, so I
let myself in. Would you happen to know where my son and
husband are? Thank you! See you later!
A shadowy form stepped out of the house. As she stepped into the
light, we see that the form is Nodoka, Ranma's mother.
Nodoka: [smiling] Why, hello there!
Ranko and her father both chose that moment to leap into the pool
as if their lives depended on it, using the legendary speed and
instinct of the Anything-Goes school of martial arts. Of course,
that meant they were in midair when they realized they were
*already* in their other forms. Acting before thinking is also
legendary in the Anything-Goes school. Twin splashes showered
everyone with water.
Nabiki: Oh yeah, I was going to tell you guys that Ranma's mother
would be coming...[pointing to a letter in her hand postmarked
that day] but...[sweetly] nevermind!
Ranma-chan: W-why, it's Auntie Saotome! What a s-surprise!
Panda: [sign] "Don't make me kill myself!"
Ranko's eyes bugged out as she saw the sign.
Ranma-chan: [pointing at the dojo] Look, it's... er... um...
it's...[thinking quickly] Elvis!
Everybody obligingly turned around to see. Ranko quickly grabbed
the sign from the panda and threw it into the pool with them both.
She hit Mr. Saotome over the head.
Ranma-chan: [aside to Genma] Are you trying to get us *both*
killed, old man?
Panda: [writing a new sign] "I'm not Genma Saotome!"
Nodoka blinked in surprise at the sign. The first sign floated to
the surface, that being what wood does in water. Except for the
Spring of Drowned Tree, of course, but nobody really seemed to know
how that had happened. Ranko tried to look casual as she grabbed
the sign once more and sat on it, sinking deeper into the water.
She failed miserably.
Just outside the dojo a man dressed in a heavy overcoat paused
momentarily, as if he had just heard something, or perhaps
somebody.
Elvis: Oops. Time to skedaddle out of here. Thank you. Thank
you very much.
A beam of light struck the man and pulled him back up to the UFO
waiting just outside the maximum range detectable by NASA. (9)
Everyone looks at Ranko questioningly. A large bead of sweat
appeared on Ranko's head. Then Nodoka spoke up.
Nodoka: I couldn't help overhearing your problem. Would it be
alright if I stayed to help you out with the house until
Kasumi recovers?
Soun: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! We're saved!
Soun started to cry again (#21, I'm Still Going To Get Dinner).
* * *
(1) Jeff Yang, the creator of 'Ranma University', once
hypothesized that there in fact existed a dimension made up solely
of hammers and empty space, and that certain individuals could tap
into this dimension to bring things here (hammers) or to go there.
(2) "Imperial Sweet Broiled Chestnuts (in a fire) Technique,"
taught by Cologne to Ranma. It involves making hundreds of punches
in order to ensure some get through. Also known in the videos as
the "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire Technique".
(3) 'Oneechan' = big sister.
(4) And, of course, making those reoccurring finger gestures we've
all come to know and love. Ranma is famous for making a gesture
with his fingers when experiencing great pain. This gesture,
depending on your culture, can mean anything from 'Begone, evil
spirit' (possibly indicating how Ranma feels about Akane
subconsciously) to several unprintable things that would only get
this fanfic an R rating it doesn't need (also possibly indicating
how Ranma feels about Akane subconsciously). The gestures have
been left out of this 'fic because I don't know what to call them.
So sue me.
(5) For those of you who skipped the first couple of pages, one
did.
(6) 'Facefaulting' is a peculiar phenomenon unique to anime and
manga, possibly because it would be too painful to do in real life.
Whenever someone is surprised by something, they show their
appreciation of this fact by falling over, usually forwards, onto
their faces. And of course making those hand gestures we mentioned
before. This is the Japanese equivalent of showing appreciation
for a band by rushing on stage and attempting to take a piece of
them home with you as a souvenir, and makes about as much sense.
(7) If you ever hear these words, run for your life. Don't walk,
run. Research shows the chance of having an accident rises by 300%
immediately after hearing this dreaded phrase. This has been a
public service announcement from the Japanese Ministry of Tourism.
(8) But only partially. Who knows what lurks in the minds of men?
Or, in this case, of tomboys named Akane? The Shadow knows.
(9) Explains a few things, doesn't it?