(A/N: I don't usually write smutty things and this is my first songfic, so let me know how it turned out. Torchwood doesn't belong to me, and neither does the song 1234. The song is by Feist, and if you don't know it, you should listen to it, because it's really good.)

One, Two, Three, Four, Tell Me That You Love Me More

One Two Three Four
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless long nights
That is what my youth was for

Ianto lay in his bed at home, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling. He felt the man next to him stir slightly and brush ever so softly against him. With a sharp intake of breath, Ianto felt his heart race. Even after all this time. Jack. The only person in the world that could make him feel like this.

And that terrified him.

It was absolutely horrifying to think that he cared about this man so much. And it hadn't started like this at all. It had started with Ianto insisting on a job and Jack threatening to retcon him if he didn't leave the city. Ianto had done it for Lisa, and in such a painfully ironic fashion, that had led Ianto to find a man that not only killed Lisa but managed to make Ianto fall in love with him, too.

Old teenage hopes are alive at your door
Left you with nothing but they want some more

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, You know who you are

How had all of this started? It was very hard to remember. Didn't it start innocently enough? Just a little flirting here and there? An exchange of smiles, at the most?

The first time it had happened, the first time they had crossed over that line from just being employer and employee to something entirely different, it had been very shortly after Gwen had joined. After everyone else had gone home, Ianto had found himself pinned against a wall. He was disgusted with himself when he realized he didn't resist at all, not even when Jack led him back to his bed. Physically, it had been amazing. Emotionally, it had been torture. Because just a few floors below them the entire time was his Lisa, fighting for her life. And there he was with the Captain, his boss, indulging in the sins of the flesh. May God and Lisa forgive him.

The second time it had happened was right after Lisa died. Ianto, in his grief, needed comfort. Craved like an addict the ability to forget what had just happened. And Jack had only been too willing to provide both. They had been in Jack's bed again, the most convenient place, in what seemed like minutes after the last person had left the hub, before Ianto, the neat freak, had even finished cleaning up. Ianto did not remember much of that night. Once again, an animal instinct had taken over both of them, and Ianto's emotions had stayed locked inside him, like a hungry tiger in a cage.

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

Then there had been nothing for a few months. Ianto had gone home to an empty bed every night, and Jack…well, Jack's bed might not have been so empty, Ianto would never know. Ianto had thought it was over between them. Jack did seem like the type to just lose interest one day. After a sufficient amount of time proceeding Lisa's death had passed, they had gone back to their subtle flirting and the rest of the team was none the wiser.

Sweetheart, bitter heart now I can't tell you apart
Cozy and cold, put the horse before the cart

But then there was the third time. The third time that had sealed Ianto's fate. He had gone home early, claiming a headache, but really he had just wanted to get away. Torchwood was becoming too much to bear. Without Lisa, nothing had a point anymore. He felt like he was just biding his time until he died so that he could be reunited with her, and that day couldn't come soon enough. He had just been about to pull off his stifling suit and drown his sorrows in as many bottles of liquor as he could get his hands on, when there had been a knock at the door. He had ignored it at first, thinking it was somebody selling something, as nobody ever came to visit him. But the knocking hadn't gone away, and eventually Ianto was forced to go over and swing open the door.

Jack had seemed startled, for there was a brief moment before Ianto managed to compose himself that he had looked truly livid. Or maybe it was just the fact that Ianto had his jacket off, vest partially unbuttoned and tie loosened that was so surprising. Ianto's thoughts went immediately to his cell phone, wondering if the team had needed him and he had missed the call.

But that was not why Jack was there.

Ianto could still vividly remember Jack's husky voice and the concerned look on his face when he asked him if he was okay, because he had been acting a little strangely today. Ianto couldn't help it. Jack had come to find him, to see if he was feeling alright. Jack had noticed that Ianto hadn't been doing well since Lisa's death. The third time had been the wildest yet. They left Ianto's pristine apartment in total wreckage, only making it to the actual bed for one last exhausted go before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart
For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart

Ianto had woken early that morning, Jack still snoring beside him. The sun had only barely begun to peek its head over the horizon, and Ianto thought Jack looked so beautiful in the twilight of pre-dawn. Jack had stirred not long after that, as if he could sense Ianto's stare. And Ianto, denying in his head what his heart was shouting to the mountains, suggested Jack leave.

"It'll look suspicious if your not there before everyone else like you always are," Ianto had said in a monotone voice. Jack looked a little confused at Ianto's sudden formality. It was strange, but Jack didn't ask any questions, just dressed and left as Ianto had requested. After Ianto had heard Jack's car leaving the parking lot out side of his apartment, he echoed Jack's movements of only moments before, getting dressed in the cold light of day. He then proceeded to start cleaning up, a task for once in his life he actually found difficult to do, since everywhere he went all he saw was what he and Jack had done.

Sleepless long nights
That is what my youth was for

It took longer to clean up than he had anticipated, and he ended up losing track of time and running into work late. Jack was up in his office when Ianto arrived, and the rest of team was at their stations. No one had really minded much, except there were very loud grumblings that they had come to work and no coffee had been ready.

"Never let Gwen use the coffee machine, Ianto. No matter what she says," Owen had complained.

"It was perfectly fine," Gwen had sniffed back.

"It tasted like dirty water!"

The fight had continued for a little while longer, Ianto didn't pay much attention to it. He just went through with his daily routine of making everyone coffee, trying to make it extra amazing to make up for it being late. After he had handed everyone else their coffee (receiving much praise and thanks from everyone and a bordering on orgasmic reply from Owen) he realized that he would now have to face Jack. Ianto figured it would be pretty weird if he tried to send someone else up with his coffee, and so, trying to act like nothing was wrong at all, he had slowly climbed the stairs up to Jack's office. When Ianto reached it, he knocked on the door. Jack gave a grumbled reply that was probably a "come in" and Ianto complied. Placing the mug on the table, Ianto said, "Your coffee, Sir."

"Thanks, Ianto," Jack had replied without even looking at him, and Ianto withdrew from the room, wondering if those two small sentences had been as awkward for Jack as they'd been for Ianto. Both of them had gone back to their assigned tasks, pretending everything was normal, or as normal as things could ever be at Torchwood.

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, who you are

It was a half an hour later when Ianto, knowing how the team got without a constant supply of caffeine, was pouring refills. When he got to Gwen's, instead of continuing on with her work and absentmindedly thanking him like usual, said something quite unexpected.

"So, who is she?" Ianto remembered Gwen grinning at him.

"Who?" Ianto had asked, genuinely confused.

"The girl you were with last night," she had said wickedly.

"I wasn't with a girl last night," Ianto had replied. It wasn't lying if it was technically true, right?

"Sure you weren't," she said, giving him a 'fine, if you want to keep it a secret so will I' wink.

"I really wasn't," he said, annoyed that she didn't believe him, and he turned to go.

"That hickey on the back of your neck says differently," she had called after him. Ianto stopped dead in his tracks as Tosh and Owen looked up from their work, wondering what Gwen and Ianto were talking about. Ianto whirled around, suddenly very self conscience that they could all see it. How could he be so careless as to not check after what happened last night?

Those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up to one little lie

"Got you," Gwen had laughed. Ianto had fumed silently. Of course, Gwen had been lying.

"That's not funny at all," he had said irritated.

"Obviously you can't see the look on your face right now," Gwen had tried to stifle another laugh.

"What are the two of you talking about?" Owen had asked.

"Ianto's got himself a girl," Gwen had said, infuriating Ianto even more.

"Really?" Owen had asked, very interested. "Go on, tell us about her."

"There's no girl," Ianto remembered a blush creeping on to his face.

That's when Jack had decided to come down and see what everyone else was doing. He always has the worst timing, Ianto had thought.

"What's everyone talking about?" Jack asked curiously. He had expected to see them all diligently doing their jobs, as usual.

"Ianto's got a girlfriend," Gwen had said in a sing-song voice, a look of pure evil on her face.

"I do not!" Ianto had practically shouted.

"Oh, come on," Gwen had rolled her eyes. "You left early yesterday; you came in late today…"

"Oh my god! You have got a girlfriend!" Owen had exclaimed.

"I'm going to make more coffee, anybody want some?" Ianto had tried very hard to change the subject.

"You just made some five minutes ago," Tosh had said, pointing to the full cup of coffee still in his hand that had been intended for Jack.

"Stop trying to change the subject. You can't avoid it forever," Owen had said wisely.

"Just watch me. Jack, here's your coffee," Ianto had said, thrusting the mug of coffee into Jack's hand and walking away. "I'll be in the archives, there's some filing I've got to do."

Old teenage hopes are alive at your door
Left you with nothing but they want some more

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, You know who you are

Tosh had caught up with him a little while later, under the guise of going to file something. That was enough to raise Ianto's suspicions, because no one ever actually put things away anymore. They all left it for Ianto to do.

"Hello, Ianto," she had said brightly, looking for the right filing cabinet she wanted.

"Hey, Tosh," he had said. He supposed it wasn't really all that bad. Owen, Gwen or even worse, Jack, could have come to find him. At least sometimes he felt like he could talk to Tosh.

"I just wanted to let you know," she had said while sorting through the farthest cabinet on the right for the letter G. "Even if it's not much, I believe you when you say there wasn't a girl."

"Good, it's nice to know that somebody trusts me," Ianto had said. There was definitely a reason he liked Tosh so much.

"What I mean is, I believe you when you say there wasn't a girl," she had said, with a wicked grin.

Ianto froze.

"Don't know what you mean," Ianto had finally said.

"Of course you do," she had said with a nicer smile this time. "How long have you and Jack been together?"

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

Ianto had thought about denying it, but if Tosh had already figured it out, it was no use, so instead he had just said, "How did you know?"

"Please," Tosh had rolled her eyes. "I had my suspicions before, but today just confirmed it. You remember that alien cube thing that I've been working on? The one with all the weird lights and symbols on it that occasionally crows like a rooster? I couldn't figure out what it does, still can't actually, and it was really bugging me. So I was in to work really early this morning, at around five, and Jack wasn't here. I figured he was just sleeping or something, but then he shows up, all tousled and wearing the same clothes he was in yesterday. Then you turn up late looking all distracted and vehemently denying you had been doing anything out of the ordinary. Plus, this morning you called him 'Jack' instead of 'sir.' I don't think I've ever heard you do that."

"Either we are way more obvious than I thought, or you are more observant than I've given you credit for," Ianto had shook his head.

"Don't worry, I'll keep it a secret," Tosh had said. She turned and left the room, probably to go back and work on the alien cube thing some more.

Sweetheart, bitter heart now I can't tell you apart
Cozy and cold, put the horse before the cart

Then the fourth time had been that night. Jack had shown up at Ianto's apartment again, though this time looking like he wanted to apologize. In fact he had tried to, but Ianto had stopped him and asked him what he was doing. Jack had looked at him in a way that suggested he was trying to decide if that was a trick question or not.

"You seemed angry at me all day," he had said simply. "I thought maybe I had done something wrong."

"You didn't. And I wasn't angry," Ianto had said a little stiffly.

"He said bitingly," Jack had said raising an eyebrow.

"It's just…you're my boss," Ianto had tried to put into words how he felt about them being together. It was harder than he thought it would be. "I mean, we work together."

"And?" Jack had asked.

"Well…um…oh, I don't know," Ianto had sighed.

"If this is something you don't want to do, just say so," Jack had looked accusingly at him.

"It's not something I don't want, but I'm not entirely certain it's something I do want," Once again, Ianto had the feeling that he wasn't correctly putting into words how he felt.

"You know what? You are really hot when you're confused," Jack had said with a smirk.

Ianto had raised an eyebrow at him and said, "Really?"

"Absolutely irresistible," Jack had said softly, moving closer to Ianto, so that their noses almost touched.

"You seem to be resisting rather well," Ianto had replied, wanting nothing more than to close the already miniature space between them.

"It's only because I'm waiting for you to kiss me."

"How do you know I will?"

"Oh, you will, I'm sure of-"

Jack never got to finish his sentence, as Ianto took initiative and stepped forward to kiss Jack, knowing that's what the other man wanted, and knowing that it was what he wanted, too.

One Two Three Four
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless long nights
That is what my youth was for

The next day was far less awkward than the previous, as Jack was sure to leave Ianto's place before the sun was up, just on the off chance that someone did come in early. Though the night had revealed something unexpected, Jack could be quite rude in bed. It was surprising at first, but then Ianto had decided he kind of liked it. Kept thing interesting, anyway.

After the fourth time, Ianto stopped counting. At this point, there were probably too many to count anyway. He yearned for when he would be alone with Jack again, it had become a physical need for him. And that was what was scary. When he thought of Jack and then of Lisa, he felt like his heart would split in two. One half would carry on grieving for the rest of his life, never wanting to be happy again, because to be happy without her was surely some sort of sin. And the other half took one look at Jack and promptly forgot he had ever known anyone named Lisa, or for that matter, anyone at all. There was only Jack.

And speaking of Jack…

"Ianto, you've got that look on your face again," Jack said sleepily, startling Ianto who hadn't even noticed Jack wake up.

"What look?" said Ianto.

"The one where you're trying to convince yourself you won't go to hell for sleeping with me," said Jack bluntly.

"Hell won't be so bad as long as you're there as well, keeping me distracted with those things you do," said Ianto, still staring at the ceiling.

"Then what's the problem?"

"I miss her so much, Jack," Ianto's voice came out as a whimper. "She was everything to me. People kept telling me it would get better over time, but it didn't. It never did. I miss her just as much as I missed her before."

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

"You can't dwell on it, you have to move on, Ianto," said Jack. He hated seeing Ianto in so much pain. He hated seeing anyone in this kind of pain. It was a pain that Jack himself had felt too many times over the course of his long life.

"I've tried, Jack, I've tried," a few tears now escaped Ianto's eyes as he continued not looking at Jack. "I just can't help it. Everything reminds me of her."

"Even me?" asked Jack, when Ianto didn't answer, he continued. "What about when I do this?" Jack kissed Ianto's neck. "Or this?" He left a trail of kisses down Ianto's chest and stomach. "Or this?" He moved back up to Ianto's mouth and kissed him deeply, all the while tracing the insides of Ianto's thighs with his fingers.

One Two Three Four
Tell me that you love me more

Ianto lost himself in the kiss. Jack was right; it was so different from Lisa's. And sex with Jack was incredibly different than it was with anyone else. Most of the time it was hot and passionate, but it could be gentle and loving, Jack could be in complete control or Ianto could be the dominate one, or they might battle it out until the end, the only thing that was consistent was that it was never the same.

"Feeling better?" Jack finally broke the kiss.

"Maybe I need a bit more cheering up," Ianto suggested.

Jack grinned and leaned into another kiss with the younger man. They were both going to be late to work today.

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, You know who you are