I Miss Hating You

Laying in this cold bed alone and listening to the rain fall

I look over to check on you as you sleep, only to remember you're gone

The darkness is becoming too bright, and the silence is deafening my ears

There was so much I wanted to tell you

So much I wanted you to share with me

But you being, well…you, managed to keep the stoic in place

However, if I had gotten to say one last thing, this would have been it:

Dean, I hated your freaking music

Always Metallica, ACDC, or Kansas

I always tried to get you into new rock

But you just cringed without giving it a chance

I hated when you hogged the shower

Leaving me to freeze my ass off in the cold water

Only afterward to discover you took the last towel

And then you decided to tell me that you forgot my bag in the trunk

I hated your food

It was always so greasy and heavy

McDonalds, Burger King, or a local diner

It was always the same damn thing

I hated when you hit on girls

Even more so when I was stuck in the Impala all night

And then you'd brag about it the next morning

Usually ending with "Sam, you need to get laid."

I hated the movies you liked to watch

They were all either horror, western, or war

I asked if we could see a new movie

But you just called me a girl because it was about love instead of blood and guts

I hated when you were mad

Because when I asked what was wrong you would just shake your head

I was only trying to make you feel better, God forbid try to make you smile

You always looked so sad

But even more then that, I hated when I was mad

You would pry for information that I didn't want to give

You could never leave well enough alone

And then you got mad when I snapped at you

Dean, you were a monster pain in my ass

There were days where I couldn't stand you

You wouldn't shut up or you shut up too much

You were always so complicated to get

But looking over to the empty bed that has no purpose

Not knowing why I got a double

A deep sigh escapes me

I'll never again look over to see you pretend to sleep as you get lost in your thoughts

It's at these moments, and other ones alike

With nothing but the TV to keep me company

That I think about all of those annoying things you did

And I swallow hard, fighting back the tears that are welling in my eyes

Wishing with every ounce of my being that you were there pissing me off

Because even when you were driving me crazy, at least I wasn't alone