Hiya! I'm posting this story in the hope that by doing so, it will shift the block I seem to have and I will suddenly be inspired to finish it. If I post it, it will come (it being the ending). This is quite different to what I normally write so please be kind when reviewing.

This will eventually be a Remus/OFC story but there are other pairings throughout, the main two being Sirius/OFC and Severus/OFC.

Time frames may be slightly off - I've tweaked to suit my purposes. Will follow general timeline of the books with some liberties taken. Starts at the beginning of OOTP - after Sirius has been taken in and protected by the Order.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Ashlin and my husband only wishes I made money off of this.

WARNING: I will warn on each chappie but here's a general one. WILL CONTAIN MENTIONS AND SOME DESCRIPTIONS OF: RAPE, MURDER, ABUSE, SELF HARM, SUICIDE, VIOLENCE, SEX. I did warn you it was a bit different.

Men in exile feed on dreams of hope. - Aeschylus

Two months before the Potter's deaths.

'Why him, Albus?' she demanded, frowning at the old man. 'Can't you do it?'

'I offered,' he told her. 'They refused. They want him and he wants to do it.'

'Blind loyalty,' she muttered, running a hand through her blonde hair distractedly. 'Bloody Gryffindors. He'll be killed.'

'When the time comes, he'll go into hiding; he'll be safe,' he said and she glared at him, green eyes burning bright.

'You know as well as I do that isn't a guarantee of safety,' she retorted then suddenly all the anger seemed to leave her, leaving just hopelessness.

'He's leaving me,' she whispered, blinking back tears and sounding younger than her twenty years. 'Why can't I go with him?'

'Because he specifically asked me not to allow it,' Albus said gently. 'He doesn't want you to be put anymore at risk.'

'I'm in the Order as well,' she exclaimed, her voice rising as her temper flared again. 'Why won't you let me do something useful? Why are you hiding me? You still don't believe a Slytherin would turn on their own? What do I have to do to prove myself to you?'

Her rising voice was resentful and Albus realised she was as ready as she was ever going to be.

'You're sure you want to do more to help?' he asked, gazing intently at her. 'Will you do anything?'

'Anything,' she confirmed, sealing her fate.

Fourteen Years Later

She shivered as his words echoed around the empty, decrepit room, hanging in the air between them.

'Please…' she tried again but he shook his head.

'No,' he repeated, denying her request once more before turning his back on her and moving over to the grimy window. 'I'm sorry, but I cannot allow it.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' she asked, trying once more to get the information she hungered for. 'Why have you kept this from me for so long?'

'To avoid this very conversation, my dear,' he murmured, staring straight ahead.

He could not see out of the cracked, filth encrusted pane, instead staring at her reflection behind his own. He could see the anger; the frustration and pain, flit across her face, more emotion that he'd seen from her in many years. Then just as quickly, it was gone, hidden behind a blank mask. She wouldn't argue any further. She never disobeyed him. That is why she was perfect.

'Is this why I am here?' he asked now, turning back to stare at her, his blue eyes piercing. 'So you could ask me for what you must have known I would refuse?'

She could feel him probing her mind and hastily raised her defences. His eyes widened and the corner of his mouth twitched.

'You are hiding from me?' he said, sounding almost hurt by her refusal to allow him into her head. 'What would you need to hide from me, Ashlin?'

There was no response from the almost emaciated woman across from him and he turned away again.

'What is he doing?' he asked after a minute of silence.

Her green eyes bored into his back. 'Severus hasn't already told you?' she replied cattily, watching him closely to gauge his reaction. As expected, there was none.

'Severus has chosen his side,' he told her mildly. 'He is a member of the Order.'

'As am I,' she retorted irritably. 'Of course, he has you promoting his membership at every turn. You support him; therefore they support him; they believe him, whereas you continue to allow them to think…'

'You knew when you accepted this task what it entailed,' he cut in, his voice firm.

'Circumstances change. I never expected…' She bit her lip, seeing little value in resuming this particular argument. Even thinking about it hurt. Instead, she concentrated on Snape.

'Severus has the Order's backing if something should go wrong. He has refuge,' she spat. 'What do I have?'

'He is an invaluable member of the Order…' he began but it was her turn to interrupt.

'And what am I, Albus?' she snapped, the planes of her face hardening in anger, making it seem skull like in the dim room.

'You are someone I cannot do without,' he said, his voice low and she flinched at the reminder of why she had come here tonight and why she'd been refused.

'You have Severus,' she said quietly. 'Why do you need me too?'

'Severus risks everything in the open,' he explained. 'He is watched closely. The Dark Lord does not forget that he has spent many years at my side, and neither do his Death Eaters. You have seen for yourself the suspicion with which they treat him.'

He took a step forward. 'You have been amongst them for all those years that he has not. Trust may be too strong a word, but they do not doubt you; do not suspect you as they do him. Their tongues loosen around you. And…you are able to access information in a way Severus cannot.'

'And it's only costing me my soul, right?' she flung at him, her whole body trembling in… Fury? Resentment? Fear? 'A small price to pay for the information you need.'

'I did not intend this when I asked you to take on this role,' he murmured. 'But I will not risk the lives of thousands for one. I'm sorry.'

'And if I choose to disobey you? If I choose to run?' she asked, the question pointless because they both knew she wouldn't.

'Knowing what this task is costing you does not bring me pleasure, Ashlin,' he told her, for a moment feeling guilt for his part in the destruction of the woman she used to be.

He repeated his question. 'What is he doing?'

She was silent then waved her wand, feeling suddenly weakened by the quarrel. A wooden chair appeared and she sat gingerly, wincing when her threadbare robes provided no protection for the raw wounds that covered her back. The sliced flesh burned fiercely as it made contact with the timber, making her bite back a hiss.

'He is gathering followers,' she said in a weary tone when she was seated. 'Your attempts to turn the giants failed. They have pledged their allegiance to him.'

Dumbledore sighed and nodded. 'I thought they would,' he admitted. 'Hagrid said as much in his last OWL. And the others?'

She shrugged. 'The vampires are wavering but the goblins and centaurs just want to stay out of human affairs. They may be convinced later…,' she told him, sounding almost bored by the topic of conversation. 'He has the Dementors though, and most likely the werewolves…with the obvious exception.'

'He's in contact with Greyback?' he asked with a frown and Ashlin nodded.

'He has been approached and is amenable to working with us to recruit other packs. He has offered to…recruit wizards for the cause as well as other existing werewolves.'

'He'll continue biting innocents until he has an army,' Dumbledore murmured and Ashlin mumbled an agreement.

'The packs all have alpha's but none will stand against Greyback,' she said, a little disgust creeping into her voice. 'Some will run, but most will join the Dark Lord.'

'Remus will have his task,' he began but she shook her head.

'He would be better employed elsewhere,' she said brusquely. 'It is a waste of his time and energy to try and sway them. They obey Greyback and they will not listen to another alpha, especially one that has attempted to integrate himself into normal society; to live like a ordinary wizard. Remus is not nearly fearsome enough to turn them and he would never threaten them to follow him. Remus will use reasoned arguments - Greyback will kill them. They have no choice but to do his will.'

Albus considered her words then said, 'We still must try. He is completing a task for me right now but I'll send him off shortly.'

Ashlin stood up abruptly, the chair scraping gratingly along the wooden floor before dropping with a clatter. 'You are sending him to a likely death,' she said, her words, unlike her actions, controlled and deceptively calm. 'For no purpose. You understand that?'

'I understand the risk,' he said, equally as composed. 'As does Remus.'

'Not all payoffs are worth the price, Albus,' she said, her tone mild, belying the expression on her face.

As Albus watched, her green eyes were momentarily lit up with the impassioned fire that he recalled glimpsing over fourteen years ago when he assigned her this task. He had seen very little of that fire of late - excepting tonight. They had blazed furiously for a second when he'd refused the only request she'd made since she started along this path.

'He will be sent when the time is right,' he said, watching her closely.

One blink, and once again, her eyes were dead; her face impassive.

'As you wish,' she acquiesced, waving her wand at the fallen chair, making it vanish. 'I'll be missed if I stay away much longer.'

She picked up the travelling coat that lay crumpled on the floor and braced herself for the feeling of the heavy fabric on her fresh cuts.

'He is testing you?' Albus asked suddenly, seeing her grimace as the cloak put pressure on her wounds, sending a sharp burning sensation through her with such intensity that it made her knees weak. Her blood spotted robes had not escaped his notice.

'We never tried to find him,' she replied dully. 'He is unhappy with those of us who did nothing.'

'You haven't healed yourself?' he noticed, but she shook her head.

'Part of my punishment,' she explained, turning to him with an emotionless face as she discussed being tormented by The Dark Lord. 'Until he sees fit to allow me to close the wounds, I must bleed.'

Her spine stiffened and she tucked a long lock of dirty blonde hair behind her ear. 'How is the boy?' she asked.

'Unhappy we are keeping information from him, but he escaped the Dementor attack without punishment.'

'It didn't come from him,' she told him with a slight frown. 'The order came from inside the Ministry. We don't have anyone inside yet that has the authority to order an attack.'

He nodded, having guessed as much himself.

'Perhaps you should warn him of the fight ahead,' she suggested. 'Tell him of the prophecy…'

'That is not your decision to make, Ashlin,' he snapped, turning away from her sharply.

'No, as his guardian, it's his godfather's decision, isn't it?' she snarled back and he stiffened.

'You should be going,' he said mildly, his back still to her.

She took a breath, trying to release her anger in the exhale. 'I'll be in contact when I have any information of value,' she told him then turned to leave the Shrieking Shack, not seeing him twist his head around to look at her parting back.

'Severus believes I am asking too much of him,' Albus said softly, and she stopped where she was. 'Do I ask too much of you, Ashlin?'

'Always,' she replied quietly, feeling his eyes boring into the back of her head. 'But as you pointed out - I knew what I was getting into when I accepted your offer.'

She hesitated a moment longer then allowed herself one last question. 'How is he?'

Albus wouldn't lie to her. 'Resentful. Angry,' he told her. 'He's not the same man that left all those years ago. I don't believe even you could reach him right now, Ashlin, if it is any consolation.'

'It's not,' she whispered, bitterness in the softly spoken words.

The sounds of her footsteps echoed off the walls then there was silence.

Please R and R. Please? Look, the button is right there...you're so close...