I wrote this intro on a whim one night, and have decided to expand upon it. Hopefully it becomes a thing of beauty, and not a thing of evil. More to come.

"Hey! You with the ponytail!"

Jeneane had warned me that there would be customers like this, but I hadn't exactly expected to encounter any of this type on my second day Things had been going so smooth, I figured I deserved this one. I took a deep breath, straightened my nametag, and...

"HEY!!"

I whirled around, using all my strength to plaster a smile onto my face. Jeneane had also told me that these customers tend to be rich and stuck-up older women. This woman was not old and certainly did not look rich. She might have been pretty if not for the way her face twisted into a scowl, and she glared at the menu like she expected it to talk back to her and apologize for something. The guy with her, a tall guy with an unusual green afro, was laying back as if he was in his own living room. Apparently this attitude from his date was nothing new to him.

"Good afternoon! Welcome to George and Ira's, our specials today are the 16 oz. pepper steak, 'TJ style' Carnitas, Imitation Sea-Rat stew, and..."

"Do you guys have beer?" The bitch chimed in.

I was getting to that. "We have an assortment of beers from various microbreweries on Mars, perhaps I can interest you in..."

"Get me a 20 oz. Martian Red."

Shit. "I'm sorry ma'am, we don't carry Martian Red, perhaps I can interest you in..."

"I'll have a 20 oz. Julian's and a 20 oz. Budweiser." The afro man suddenly spoke up.

"Both for you? I could get you a pitcher if you're going to share."

"That's all right. I won't be sharing." He replied simply. "She can get her own."

Wow, this guy is some date. I thought to myself. Maybe they're not dating. Lord knows they hadn't shown any body language of your average couple, but I really wasn't that interested.

"Get me a bloody Mary." The woman demanded, not looking up from the menu.

"That's a 20 oz. Julian's, a 20 oz. Budweiser, and a Bloody Mary for you ma'am."

"What's this ma'am crap? I'm not fifty! Don't you need to see my ID or something?" Jesus, this was getting ridiculous. I wasn't sure what to say at this point. I may as well just try to act natural.

"Yes actually, I will need to see some identification." The guy already had his out on the table and she slipped hers over as if it were worth a million woolongs. Faye Valentine & Spike Spiegel. Hm. She's 23 huh? Jeez, she was ornery enough to be 73. Spike actually was pretty handsome but something about him seemed like he would be a pain to live with. He already was showing the warning signs of alcoholism. I placed the ids back on the table.

"Okay, I'll be right back with your drinks." I smiled, anxious to get to the back, away from these people.

"Actually, I'll order food now. That pepper steak and carnitas sounds good."

"Sir those are actually two separate entrees."

"That's okay. You can just put them on one plate."

These people were unreal, but again, just smile and do as they say. "All right, well sir how would you like your steak?"

"Cooked?"

I smiled again, gritting my teeth underneath and re-grouping myself. I got the feeling he wouldn't care if it was raw as long as he got to eat it. I wrote down medium rare. "Would you like baked potato or fries?" Again he didn't seem to care as long as there was food on his plate so I decided fries for him. The both of them were smoking with such gusto that the air was visibly cloudier at their table than anywhere else in the smoking section. I turned to the woman, now almost desperate to get away from them.

"And for you m...and for you?"

"The burger looks good does it have pickles?"

"Yes, it does."

"No pickles. Does it have mushrooms?"

"No mushrooms."

"Can I get mushrooms?"

"We have a mushroom burger if you like mushrooms."

"How much mushrooms are on it?"

"Jesus Christ Faye, just order." Spike interjected, speaking on behalf of my subconscious. "You're holding up my food."

"Shut up lunkhead." She shot back. "Does the burger come with a salad?"

"No, the steak does."

"I don't want it." Spiegel chimed in.

"I'll eat it." She said before I could answer him. "Anyways, get me the mushroom burger with no pickles, and not too many mushrooms. And I'll have a chocolate milkshake with that."

A milkshake and a Bloody Mary? Who the hell are these people? "Would you like the milkshake and the Bloody Mary at the same time?"

"Fuck!" She suddenly interjected. "Could you kill the Bloody Mary and just put rum in my chocolate shake?"

At this point, I would have given her the plant on the wall with barbecue sauce if she wanted it. Somehow I'd swing the milkshake.

"These mozzarella sticks look pretty good too actually." The man added. "Can I get an order of those?"

"Sure. So that's a 20 oz. Julian's, a 20 oz. Budweiser, an order of mozzarella sticks, a medium rare pepper steak with fries and carnitas for you sir. And for you...you, a garden salad, a mushroom burger with fries easy on the mushrooms with a rum chocolate shake. Will that be all?"