He's Perfect!
Although it seemed like an impossibility, Nozomu Itoshiki's life had indeed gotten worse. One of the most horrible things in the universe had happened to him. He got promoted! Now he was currently a professor at one of Japan's most prominent colleges. He hated it with all his might. Not only was he out of his proper place in existence, but he was making far more money than he rightfully should and he was constantly worried about how his new found prosperity would corrupt him. The only reason he even took the job was that it would mean that he would no longer be teaching high school and therefore would no longer have to put up with the small harem of young girls that somehow managed to stay in his second year class years after they were supposed to graduate. There was just one small problem with his plan. The girls followed him! Well ten of them at least. Kafuka, Chiri, Matoi, Kiri, Kaere, Mayo, Meru, Harumi, Abiru, and Maria had somehow managed to graduate from high school and qualify for his new class by the time he arrived on the first day of his new job.
Now Nozomu not only had a job he hated, but also still had to deal with a bunch of annoying girls who wanted to be closer to him than ever. So close in fact that they made him buy a big house close to campus for them all to live in together. So not only did he have to put up with them during class time, but he also had to live with them as well. Maybe I should use a knife next time. Nozomu thought to himself as he entered his classroom and saw the familiar faces of the class he had been teaching for two semesters and the ten students he had been teaching for what seemed like forever(Kiri could now be present in class thanks to an internet camera and a laptop). No, if I get blood on the carpet Chiri-chan will come after me in the afterlife. The ten girls all smiled at him as he came through the door, except Mayo who scowled at him darkly with all the love in her heart. Besides I'm sure the fans of Sayonara Zetsubo Sensei would want me to die by hanging and I do like the feeling of the new rope I bought. Nozomu made his way to front of the class and began the lesson.
"Now seeing as this is the last day before exams and I have nothing left to teach you. This will be a short class consisting mostly of me answering questions about the material we have covered so far. I do not see how this with help you however because I believe strongly that you all should aim for a failing mark now so you will not be disappointed when you get one. Like I pointed out a month ago those who have low expectations of themselves and others will have less disappointment than everyone else. Of course merely lowering your expectations can never really keep you from being disappointed just less disappointed………I AM IN DESPAIR! An unfair world in which someone can lower their expectations as far as they will go and still be disappointed has left me in despair! Matoi-chan! Bring me my suicide rope!"
Chiri stood up.
"Sensei, no suicide rope until after class. You heard what the Dean said about you hanging yourself on campus. You will just have to wait."
"But this unfair world…."
"No suicide rope!"
"Fine! Matoi-chan I will see you after class. Now are there any questions?"
A young male student stood up.
"I have a question sensei. One that I've been dying to ask you since I started your class."
"Yes and what is that?"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!"
"What?"
"My parents paid good money for me to take this class and all it is is you bitching about how unfair and horrible the world is and then you try to kill yourself!! How has the world been unfair to you! Your family is rich, you live in a kick ass house, and you have ten of the hottest girlfriends I've ever seen!!"
"You see living in a rich family has made me a slave to tradition, the girls picked the house not me, and you have not known hell until you have had ten young ladies making your life a nightmare!"
"What nightmare? I'd be happy to have ten beautiful girls to fuck every night."
All ten girls and Nozomu went red.
Kafuka put up her hand.
"Actually sensei has never touched us."
"What!? You mean to tell me you have ten girls living with you and none of you have even come close to sex with him!"
Matoi stood up.
"Well I kind of came close."
"You mean that time you tried to rape me in my sleep!"
"I was just trying to wake you up with a blow job. I thought it would make you happy."
"Cruel acts of unwanted sexual favors hardly make me happy."
"Jeez and I thought you would have each and everyone of these girls pregnant by now."
"What!? To do such an act would be the cruelest thing of all. First off I refuse to have children because according to most religious texts Armageddon will be happening in the near future and to subject a child to that would be indeed cruel. Second to have a child with anyone of these deranged girls would certainly unleash an evil upon the world that just might start the apocalypse……I AM IN DESPAIR! The thought of the coming end of times and having a baby with these psychos has left me in despair! Bring me my suicide rope!"
All of a sudden Nozomu's cell phone went off. He picked it up and the text message read: NOT TILL AFTER CLASS DUMBASS.
"Oh right. Class dismissed."
Everyone piled out of the room except for the ten young girls. Nozomu turned to them.
"Now can I have my rope now?"
Matoi handed him the rope.
"Here's your rope sensei, I'm going to go home with the others."
"Matoi-chan you're not going to watch me hang!?"
"No I've seen you hang lots of times. I just want to take a break from you for a while."
"Take a break?"
"Oh it's nothing it's just that you kind of hurt all of our feelings that's all. We'll see you at home sensei."
She turned to walk out of the room and as she turned small tears splashed from her eyes.
"Well that's odd."
Nozomu said to himself as he prepared his noose. He was just about to hang himself when the Dean burst into the room.
"Itoshiki-sensei! I have been getting complaint after complaint from students who say they have gotten nothing from your class and are you about to commit suicide in my college again!?"
"Um…no."
Nozomu said with the noose still around his neck and a stool beneath his feet.
"You are a failure as a teacher and a man!! And although I cannot terminate you do to the fact that most of the schools funding comes from your family I can certainly make your life here even worse. Maybe then you might just do me and the rest of existence a favor and finally succeed with riding the world of that useless carcass of yours! But please do it somewhere else and not on my campus! Now get out! And I don't want to see you back here until next semester!!
Nozomu sulked away from the college. He found an old abandoned building a little ways away and tied his noose to the ceiling of an empty room. He hung there for two minutes before the entire ceiling caved in on him and a bath tube fell on his head. After the debris had settled he then shouted….
"What if I had been killed!?"
After that Nozomu had to walk home in the pouring rain. He stumbled into his bed room, took off his freezing wet clothes and got into bed.
That night Nozomu had the worst nightmare he ever had experienced ever in his whole life. He dreamt that he had to experience the worst pain ever imaginable for all eternity in order to bring beautiful life to the world only to have everyone he had given life to one by one come up to him while he was suffering and personally tell him that they hated their existence and wished they were dead and it was all his fault. Nozomu woke up suddenly and his eyes went blank. All he could do was stare at the wall because his mind was broken. His entire conscious mind had shattered into emptiness. He was now a shell, an empty vessel, a husk. It was then that part of him noticed what was lying beside him. Ever since the girls had moved in with him each girl gotten their own room, but Matoi choose to sleep with sensei. Nozomu had fought this arrangement in the past, but after a while tolerated sharing his bed with her. She always wore what ever her sensei wore to bed and tonight Nozomu in his haste to rid himself of his wet clothes had collapsed into bed without putting on any pajamas. He now found himself spooning with her both of them completely naked. It was then that one incredibly tiny little almost insignificant thought that had survived the shattering of his brain bubbled to the surface of his newly broken mind.
I love you girls and all that matters is your happiness.
Nozomu put his arms around Matoi and held her close. He smelled her hair and breathed her in. She smelled like him only with a nice hint of femininity. Matoi's eye's shot open. Sensei was doing something different then when he normally sleeps. He kissed her shoulder and the hair on the back of her neck began to stand on end.
"Sensei?"
Matoi whispered in the dark. Nozomu looked into her eyes and they fell into each other's gaze.
"Lucky lucky stalker girl."
He said in a daze.
"You're about to become very close to me indeed."
End of Chapter.
Writer's Notes: Thank you for reading my fanfic. I plan to write two more chapters, so I hope people like this first one.