Bored to Death

Everyday, it's the same schedule:

Get up at 6am.

Dress in white labgown, brown vest, stethoscope, and doctor's mirror.

Unlock the door.

And sit on your desk, drink coffee and read patients records.

Sometimes not one patient even goes in! How BORING!

"UGH!" Doctor let out his frustrated groan at last. He had been holding it in yesterday because Lillia was there and he didn't want to trouble her, for she was sick enough.

Elli, his nurse assistant and most trusted friend, called from the other side of the wall. "Is something wrong, Doc? Does the coffee taste weird?" she asked. Elli made his coffee everyday. Two teaspoons of sugar and three teaspoons of creamer. She knew it by heart.

"No." Doctor said as he rested his head on his desk. "The coffee's…..perfect." He said and after, he mumbled an unintelligible "…like the same boring coffee it is."

No patients today, as usual. If there were any, it would be the same boring thing again anyway. Jeff's stomach hurt every Thursday. Lillia bought more meds every Sunday. Claire was the only one who didn't come on a regular, fixed basis. But all she did was to buy some bottle of Turbojolt and leave with a ridiculous grin.

"Heh," the bored doctor thought. "She must be on drugs."

It was now 5:30pm and his butt ached from sitting all day, waiting for customers. Without thinking, Doctor leaned over just enough to look at Elli at her usual boring post. Just sitting there, smiling her everyday welcoming smile, waiting for more customers to buy medicine. She was boring. Everyday the same.

Doctor sighed his huge sigh and leaned back on his chair. How can I make everything at least a bit LESS boring? He desperately needed to be entertained. He took a sip of his boring coffee from his boring mug that said in huge red letters : I LOVE DRUGS.

"Heh." Doctor managed a simple chuckled. He had remembered when Elli gave him that mug as a birthday present, he had laughed so hard, he actually turned blue. It became his favorite mug that way.

But as the months passed, the mug became boring. I LOVE DRUGS. So what? Nothing special anymore. Bleh.

He sipped more of his two-teaspoons-of-sugar-and-three-teaspoons-of-creamer coffee. "Huh….coffee."

Suddenly something brilliant clicked inside of his mind. He smiled at his coffee in an evil, naughty way. He put down his mug and glanced at Elli. Boring. PERFECT! Doctor had the best practical joke that a doctor could ever have in his bored mind.

He quickly composed himself. He sat on his chair and cleared his throat and tried to be as businesslike as possible. Then, after an evil grin, he called out : "Elli!"

The nurse turned her head to the direction of Doctor's voice. "Yes, Doc?"

"Um…what did you put in my coffee? It tastes…different." He smacked his mouth to make that sound of tasting.

"Two teaspoons of sugar and two of creamer, as always, Doc." Elli said, with a quite worried expression. "Um, is there something wrong with it?"

"It tastes…peculiar. Not the usual (boring) taste. Did you put something in it? Besides sugar and creamer?" Doctor said with an internal snicker.

"No, Doc." The nurse called out.

"But…the GASP!" CRASH!! THUD

With a shocked little gasp, Elli stood up and rushed to Doctor's office. She screamed; finding Doctor's favorite mug in pieces on the floor, spilled coffee, and a limp Doctor on the floor behind the desk.

"DOC! DOC! DOCTOR ALEX!" Elli cried out, while shaking his shoulders. He didn't move. Elli frantically check his heartbeat. "Faster than usual." She checked his breathing. "Oh no, he's not breathing!!" she gasped. Then she took a deep breath. "I'm a nurse. I know what to do. Stay calm, Elli." She stood up and ran to look for medicines that might help him.

While Doctor was on the floor and coffee, laughing with no sound, Elli was searching and getting hyped up. "Did I put something in the coffee accidentally? Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!" she went back to the fallen Doctor, who was still lying unmoving.

With a lot of effort, Elli managed to get the Doctor's coffee-stained arm over her shoulders and she dragged him to the bed and she managed to get his body on it with some difficulty. Doctor was still not breathing and Elli, with a few seconds of hesitation, opened Doctor's labgown and shirt, revealing his chest. Elli's face turned pink for a moment, while scanning his chest for movements. There was none.

She pushed on Doctor's chest a few times, still feeling frantic and worried. She was sweating. This was the first time the Doctor had collapsed. And this was her fault! She felt fully responsible so Elli had to do it.

Elli checked for his breathing another time. His mouth was slightly open and his chest was moving up and down. "Yes! He's gonna be fine." Elli relaxed a little and sat on the nearby stool.

Doctor couldn't hold his breath much longer but he wasn't done with Elli yet. He needed her to be more frantic, he needed to hear her scream and cry and yell and worry! He silently racked his brain, hoping Elli wouldn't see his expression.

He came up with something. He read somewhere that some people could control their pulse, by just thinking it. Some people have actually gotten themselves flatlined by just commanding themselves to do it. Maybe this could also work on him!

"Slower…slower…slower…" Doctor tried to hypnotize his blood pressure to go down. "s l o wer….. s l o w e r………………"

Once that he thought his pulse had gotten slower, he held his breath, hoping his pulse would not accelerate.

Elli checked on her patient and he wasn't breathing again!! She checked for his pulse worriedly. "Oh my goddess! It's very weak!"

She rushed off to plug on the pulse measure beep thingy (I don't know what it's called) and connected some wire to Doctor's wrist and taped it there. She watched the screen with horror. "OH MY GODDESS, IT'S ALMOST FLATLINED!" Doctor had done it. He forced his smile to become solemn while Elli got the oxygen working and put the oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

"Oh please please breathe!" Elli wished. She pushed hard on Doc's chest a few more times. Doctor started with a gasp for air, which made Elli jump. But his breaths were short, hardly taking in much air. Elli became more frantic. Who could she turn to for help? It would've been Doctor but it was his life on the line! What could the friend nurse do? But she had to be strong, remember from med school how to deal with stress in this kind of situation.

By now, Doctor was sweating. It was the middle of summer and the air conditioner didn't reach him behind the curtains. Plus he was concentrating on lowering his pulse. Elli heard the slow beeps become even slower, and noticed Doctor's face. His eyebrows were scrunched together slightly, as if in pain. Elli gasped again and went away to search for a syringe and painkillers in the shelf where the meds were.

While she was searching, Doctor was really trying hard to stifle his laugh. He was about ready to burst. Then he had another brilliant snap of the mind. While Elli was frantically pushing aside bottles and bottles, Doctor quietly removed the tape off his wrist and replaced the wire. He put it on the bed and put his hand palm down over it. The beeping flatlined.

Elli shrieked when she heard the flatline sound. She forgot about the painkillers and rushed to check on Doctor. He was not breathing, he was sweating a lot, his face was calm, and his pulse flatlined. Elli quickly hooked up the defibrillator, checking if the battery was charged. It wasn't. Mineral Town didn't have flatlined patients yet so it wasn't needed. But now Doctor needed it!

Elli, who was now very stressed and about ready to break into tears, searched the nearby cabinets for a replacement battery. While she wasn't looking, Doctor's head was up, looking at the defibrillator. "No, she ain't gonna use that." He spoke to himself with worry. Elli was sure to find the replacement batteries, and he's gonna be a dead man.

If Elli replaced the batteries and used the defibrillator on his chest, it would electrocute him and his heart would really stop. If he had escaped, Elli would find out this was all a practical joke, she would murdalize him. Doctor gulped.

"OH…where is it? I know where it is, but WHERE IS IT!?" Elli was really crying now. Her working partner, her roommate, her best friend….would DIE because she didn't find the spare battery. And because she had mixed something in with the coffee that made him flatline. POISON.

She searched faster. The lingering sound of the flatline; she could not bear to hear it. She dug desperately through the equipment, looking for the spare batteries that would save his life. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Doctor, please please please hold on a little longer" she sobbed. "I'll find them for you! I'll FIND them!"

Doctor was now feeling uncomfortable. He made Elli cry. Had had never seen her cry. He felt guilty but he couldn't just get up from the bed and tell her it's okay. That would scare the daylights out of her. And she would poke him all week with her grandmother's knitting needles. OUCH. He laid still on the bed, trying to get the wire taped on the bed onto his wrist, so it could detect his pulse and Elli wouldn't cry.

He tried to remove it with one hand so Elli wouldn't notice. Where was the edge of the tape? Where? His fingers searched the bed and he found it! He peeled off the corner and –

"FOUND THEM!!"

Doctor stop peeling off the tape and his eyes widened in horror but he closed them just in time for Elli to turn and replace the batteries with haste. Her searching had taken thirty seconds. She was worried it might be too late. If only she had help! But there was no time to call for help. She was on her own.

Doctor, with his face relaxed, was internally cursing himself and deciding whether to go with the electrifying: WERE the spare batteries actually charged? Or whether to let the cat out of the bag.

The sound of the pads charging up told him the answer. THEY WERE CHARGED.

Elli's frantic-ness turned into blazing determination. "I'LL SAVE YOUR LIFE DOC! TRUST ME!" she said. She took a deep breath and said…

"CLEAR!"

"WAIT! ELLI!! NO!!"