Chapter 4

The next morning Jude said she had a new song to work with. She didn't even glance at Tommy before heading in to record.

You don't want my tears

so I ain't shedding them no more.

no more. no more.

I got a smile for him

a smile with benefits

I can lose myself

I need to lose myself

in his arms?

don't matter who's arms are wrapping 'round me

cuz they're not gonna be yours

he can hold me tight

don't have to feel anything at all

as he kisses me goodbye

late at night

I let the nightmares out

but it ain't your arms

that hold me tight

hold me tight

hold me tight

I don't need you to hold me tight

no more, no more

no tears, no more

"That was great. I love the angry girl rock vibe in it." Kwest said as Jude walked out of the recording booth.

"Thanks" She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. Tommy called to her as she started for the door.

"Jude you're not going to do something stupid tonight are you?"

"Too late." She muttered under her breath as she headed out. Tommy got back to mixing with Kwest, worrying over that song. Had she just cut him from her life?

She had shown up at 11 like she'd said she would. They sat on his couch, silence surrounded them. She changed her mind right then. When she looked at him she knew she couldn't go through with it. She couldn't force him to remember the other night by repeating what had happened. She loved him and she knew he wouldn't take the truth well. Maybe he would run again, out of her life, for good this time. So she did what she had to, as her bruised heart was shouting for recognition. She smiled at him tiredly.

"If nothing happened why all the innuendos?"

"My that's a big word." He just looked at her, waiting.

"Tommy I know I've been teasing you about this, but I was just screwing with your head." He gave her a suspicious look at that phrase." I mean messing with your head. Nothing happened. Really"

"Then why were you practically naked in my bed." .

"You spilled your drink all over me at the bar. Thanks by the way." She gave him a fake grimace. "Look you called and said you needed a ride, so I went and got you."

"Why was I naked?"

"Because you took your clothes off. It's not like I could have stopped you." He looked at her, taking in the words. She was lying. He could feel it. She had never been a good liar, her eyes too expressive. But this time she had almost fooled him. It was like she had cut the connection they shared. He looked into her blue-grey eyes, trying to see his Jude in them. He was trying to find some truth in them, but all he got was a placid stare.

Hey I should go. It's late." She went to stand.

"You can stay if you want."

"What for?" She said tiredly as she reached for her jacket. She froze realizing what she'd just said, then looked up in panic when he didn't respond. He was staring through her.

"Stay"

"What for?"

"Because I love you."

"Jude don't go. I don't wanna be alone." She gets into bed beside him and he pulls her close as he passes out.

Later that night he wakes up to find her curled against him. He must be dreaming, but she feels so real. He stares at her lips and can't stop himself from tasting them. She wakes up slowly, her lips moving on his. Her tongue traces the outline of his lips, sending a shock of lust through his body. He just wants to see for a minute how her pale skin feels. So he edges his way under the t-shirt she had borrowed. He strokes his way up her stomach circling her nipple, sending a small gasp from her lips. And he is kissing them through the shirt, but it's not enough. He pulls the shirt over her head and she helps. He is kissing her and stroking her silky thighs and pressing his palm against her satin panties. She runs her fingers down his chest and then lower, hesitantly. He encourages her with his touch. He pulls her panties off and touches her wet heat, circling until she is moaning. His tongue slides a trail down her quivering body and he is tasting her. She trembles against his mouth and he slides his way back up her body, between her legs. He looks into her eyes as he enters her for the first time. There is a moment of pain reflected in her eyes. He kisses her holding her tight, until she starts to move against him. And he is lost against her warm heat. Her nails dig into his back as he feels her tighten around him and he too is coming. She smiles at him and they kiss softly, like it's the first time. Their bodies exhausted, their limbs tangled, they fall asleep.

His eyes open to see her standing with her body bathed in moonlight. She is reaching for her clothes, a little clumsy, tripping on her shoes.

"Stay." He whispers reaching his hand out to stroke her back. She looks back at him, tears glimmering in her eyes.

"What for?" She says sadly. And he pulls her down besides him and he strokes the hair from her face.

"Because I love you." He kisses her and he tastes the saltiness on her cheeks. He can't resist the urge to stroke her skin and memorize the curves. This time she is touching him back exploring and tasting. He pulls her on top of him and grips her hips thrusting into her. They are moving together again. Their bodies find a perfect rhythm, just like when they write her songs. Sleep finally drags them down.

His Jude was crying as she stared at him. She never looked away though, as she saw the memories come back to him, flashing across his face. How could he have forgotten the taste of her, the feel of her in his arms. And here she was crying silent tears, never looking away. He saw her heart shattering. He remembered every dagger he had thrust into her.

"What happened last night?" ... She flinched for a second as if he had hit her...

"Jude I need to know. Did we have sex last night?"

"Geez I might not be a pro, but I didn't think I'd be that forgettable."

"I need to know what happened last night." He almost growled.

"I told you, nothing.Why don't you believe me?"

"Because I was sober this morning."

"And?"

"And I could barely keep from touching you. I was drunk last night. Did I hurt you?"

"I didn't know I was so irresistible. And, no you didn't hurt me last night." She looked at him consideringly. " Tommy did you ever think it might be better if you didn't know?"

"...Something happened with us."

"Quincy there is no us." "At least not that you remember."

"Jude, you have to tell me!"

"I don't have to tell you anything. Do you actually remember us doing anything?" He didn't respond. "Then why do you keep insisting I tell you we did?"

"Look when was the last time you actually blacked out from drinking Tom? You're 24. I think you know to handle your liquor. If you don't remember that night, maybe it's cuz you don't want to."

He wanted to touch her so bad, but couldn't seem to move. Her expression changed in that second. She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"It's alright. I know how to pretend it never happened too." And he hadn't known until that moment that she could break his heart too.

As she finally turned to go, he found that he could move. He wrapped his arms around her breathing in the scent of her hair. His lips crashed down on hers. They fell onto the couch. Her body writhed against his, making him groan into her mouth. He couldn't let go, not even enough to take off her clothes. So he kissed her until he was dizzy with it. When his heart started to slow, he looked into her eyes. She looked as lost as he felt. He touched his forehead to hers and just held her. Their breathing slowed as they drifted towards sleep.

Epilogue

Jude awoke that morning still tangled in Tommy's arms. She felt peace in her heart for the first time since she had met him. He cared, she knew now. Maybe it would be enough to keep them friends. She tried to pull his arm off of her waist and untangle her legs from his without waking him. She knew he had never liked women staying over. As she started to get up his hand wrapped around her arm. She looked down at him, but he had not even opened his eyes.

"Harrison unless you're going to the kitchen to make me coffee, you're not going anywhere." He pulled her back down and rolled on top of her, keeping her pinned to the cushions. He looked into her eyes. And she fell, as she always did, into his sapphire gaze. "If you don't stop trying to run away I'm gonna have to chain you to my bed."

"What...?"

"Actually, chaining you to my bed doesn't sound like a bad idea." He grinned at her turning her insides warm. Then he kissed her making her head spin. "I hate to break it to you Harrison, but you're not going anywhere."

"Why not?"

"Because I love you."

"Oh..." She whispered.

"And?"

"Oh I think you're pretty hot." She bit his lower lip, then slipped her tongue into his mouth.It was an eternity before he finally pushed her away.

"Harrison you're killing me." He was practically panting.

"Maybe I need to find someone a little younger then." He growled at her as he nipped her neck lightly.

"Tell me you're mine."

"I'm yours. I love you Tom Quincy." He gazed down at her, with the look he had always saved for her alone.

"I'm sorry Jude." He said so seriously, it made her wince. "That night... It was everything... But it was something I told myself I could never have. I guess that's why I blacked out. You scared me. You scare me."

"How could I possibly scare you?"

"Because you are everything I've always wanted. You are everything." He caressed her cheek as he continued to speak. "Look before I met you, I thought I was happy. There were always the bars and willing girls, and I was still making music. But then you came into my life and I realized I hadn't wanted anything in a longtime. You made me want things I had no right to want."

"My body?" She teased. He gave her that serious look again, but she just stared back until he answered.

"Alright that too, but it was this." He kissed her temple. "And this." He kissed her throat. "And this." He kissed the spot above her heart. Then he kissed her lips.

"All of you...With me...Forever." She nodded with tears in her eyes.

"Yes."