The days passed with the rain. Hours hung like clouds lazily over the head of a man. Tristan sat in his usual corner, but his eyes weren't on the busy tables as usual. He wasn't marking faces or observing the souls of men; his eyes were solely focused on the half empty pitcher of ale ahead of him.

Gawain and Galahad joked at a table on the other side of the room and Tristan couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with emotion. He was angry but he was sad, He was happy but he was miserable. Every time he saw them together he felt sick. Miserable.

Galahad deserved to smile. After years of being alone and ignored he had every right to be happy. But if only it was I who could make him happy… Tristan thought to himself averting his eyes from the couple in fear that if he stared for too long his eyes would show the load of emotion that was hidden behind his long braided hair. They had told Arthur about their relationship today and Arthur, even though it was against his religion accepted them with open arms.

The other knights had heard about it, like they always hear about everything, and embraced them as a couple. They were now all at the tavern drinking and having a jolly good time, all save for Tristan who feigned happiness but deep within, for every laugh and grope, his icy heart got a little colder.

He finished the last of his ale before rising and walking silently out of the tavern giving one last longing glance at Galahad as he stepped out into the night air. His warm breath floated from his lips disappearing as quick as it appeared.

His footsteps were light and listless as he walked off into the night, his feet finding a familiar path to his chamber door. Whence got inside he stripped himself of clothing. Falling upon his bed naked, he buried his face in a pillow searching for sleep. The moonlight streamed through his window and shone over his bare tattooed skin. The door was left unbolted.

He always left it open for Galahad but was disappointed when he awoke to empty sheets. He missed holding him and soothing the tears off of his cheeks, his thumbs rubbing soft circles over the boy's back. Finally with thoughts of Galahad he fell into a dreamless slumber.

The knights had begun to see a change in their silent scouts behaviour as obvious as autumn leaves. He was distant. He had always been moderately distant but this was a different kind of distance. He was quiet and kept to himself far more than usual. He only spoke when spoken to. Arthur gave the scout a command and he obeyed without a reply.

At the encampments he slept away from the others. He wouldn't eat with his brothers in arms and took to standing in the distance staring at nothing in particular. Some of the knights, namely Dagonet and Bors would attempt to break Tristan's desolate trance but eventually they gave up seeing no hope in their blind efforts.

In battle, Tristan fought with a newfound brutality that not even he could account for. His fights were his own. Nobody shared his victory nor did they question it.

He would go out on scouting missions muttering a few words to Arthur before disappearing for hours at a time. Even his hawk seemed worried for him and she would stay close to him. The magnificent raptor, whose feathers had once shone like the summer leaves were now dull and heavy, Tristan's eyes, once sharp and decisive, were now emotionless and dreary.

Something was wrong and Galahad was determined to know what. Even if it meant risking all he… they had, so be it.

Galahad waited until Tristan left for an early scouting mission. He stood with his back to a tree his eyes following the silent scout as he galloped through the trees, his hawk soaring above him. Galahad mounted Kjeli, pulling her reins to her dappled neck. He urged her into a gallop and he rode after the scout, the horses hooves travelling soundlessly across the Dew sodden ground.

After a while he had lost sight of the man and was about to give up when he heard cursing coming from a clearing to his left. Dismounting he tied Kjeli to a tree and approached the scene. Tristan stood there, his back facing Galahad as he cursed to himself pacing restlessly, to and fro.

Tristan's hawk swooped from the treetops landing on his master's shoulder carefully. Tristan turned to look at the bird stroking its chest feathers. The hawk glanced to where Galahad stood, knowingly but quickly averted her sharp eyes to stare at her keeper as he spoke.

"Oh, What am I going to do?" Tristan asked the bird quietly " How am I going to be there for him? It just feels so wrong." Galahad listened intently. " How am I going to tell him that I..." A snap brought Tristan back into reality. Jumping to his feet he pulled his bow.

An arrow pierced the wood just next to Galahad's head and he jumped away and into Tristan's view, cursing his clumsy feet. Tristan held his bow until their eyes met. Slowly the bow fell to his side and the scout turned away.

"Tell him that you what?" Galahad asked the scout curiously and he kept his back to the young knight. His lips stayed sealed. He strapped his bow to his saddle but as he tightened the ties the young knight stepped forward grabbing his arm. He pulled his arm from his friends grasp but Galahad touched his arm once again. He shoved the boy back and muttered a curse. Galahad grabbed his shoulders and Tristan turned fully pushing him backwards. This was going nowhere and in the knights frustration Galahad shoved Tristan back letting a low guttural noise escape his throat.

The shoving resulted in a blow to his right cheekbone. Galahad grabbed his face shocked that Tristan had actually hit him. Galahad's eyes glowed red and white, furiously, he shoved the scout hard again and Tristan tripped over of a root, taking both of them down. Tumbling to the forest floor, the two wrestled until Galahad was pinned to the forest floor, Tristan pulling a blade to his throat.

His eyes were clenched, half-closed in a dangerously unreadable emotion. Galahad never thought he would ever push Tristan to this level. His captor's eyes suddenly flickered. The shadow clouding his mind faded away and the blade fell from the startled man's throat. With a soft thud it hit the ground along with all the anger. Instead tension filled the air.

The two lay, Tristan straddling Galahad his arms holding his lean upper body parallel to Galahad's. Galahad's eyes traced Tristan's soft features for anything. He picked up a hint of something that he hadn't noticed before. Behind Tristan's calm eyes was an unmasked illusion of longing.

Before Tristan knew what he was doing, he instinctively crushed his lips to Galahad's. Expecting to be shoved away immediately he pulled back looking to Galahad, whose eyes were thick and calm. And as he began to rise from the young knight he felt a rough hand grab his wrist, pulling him back down.

Galahad flipped Tristan to the ground. He looked deep into the man's eyes but the faÁade still remained untouched. When Tristan had kissed him it felt so right. He had never felt so warm as the moment when they kissed. His mind was now clouded with confusion and in a last ditch attempt he captured Tristan's lips with his own.

Tristan felt the kiss surge like fire, all throughout his body. He was so fully entranced by soft lips and their deep breathing that he hardly realized his lips reacting. His hands pinned at his sides found their way into Galahad's curly locks and his breaths became short and uneven.

Eventually the two knights pulled away and Tristan got up, dusting himself off. Galahad followed untying his horse and tightening the girth. He heard Tristan let out a sigh and he smiled inwardly to himself.

After a few seconds of tension they both turned. Tristan stepped towards Galahad embracing him once again. Their arms tightened around one another and they held each other for a moment, enjoying the warmth within their arms closeness. They pulled apart and smiled at one another sadly.

They knew that if Gawain ever heard of this it would ruin him. They knew that nothing would ever be the same and they understood this would never be. But above all they knew that what they felt was freedom, a freedom that was fought for with many tears and countless fights.

With this on their minds they kissed until the morning sun peeked out of the darkness and bathed them in the foggy dawn glow. With one last kiss they mounted their horses and made their way back to camp.

Pronunciation Key:

Kjeli (cai-gee-lee)

Glossary:

Raptor: No not the dinosaur. A raptor in this meaning is a member of the birds of prey family, These birds include: Eagles, owls, osprey's, falcon's, hawk's, vultures, condor's.

Dappled: A common coat colour for horses. Made up mainly of white and grey hairs giving an almost spotted effect on the coat.

Gallop: The fasted pace of a horse or other quadruped, with all the feet off the ground with each stride.

Girth: A strap that runs under the horses' belly holding the saddle on its back. Commonly made of leather or woven cord; it is tightened to support the weight of the rider on the seat of the saddle.

Pronunciation Key:

Kjeli (cai-gee-lee)