"And the sole here

"And the sole here. See this? It's very worn toward the top, which means that he may walk on his toes. Now, our psychoanalyst will explain to us why he may walk in such a way-"

Click.

"And we can't forget that he had it untied. That shows a distinct lack of comfort in new-"

Click.

"Kira-sama grabbed R and pulled him out of the crowd, as seen in this video. Now if we zoom in here, we can see that Kira-sama looked a bit distressed by the shoe incident, and we can't help but wonder why. Our Kira correspondent in-"

Click.

"…that R has very large feet, which may allude to-"

Click. L scowled and let the TV remote fall to the floor, glad to have some silence for once. He looked over and saw that Light was still asleep, snoring lightly.

"Hm." L reached over to his nightstand, grabbed a strawberry, and put it on Light's lips.

"Pff!" After almost inhaling the fruit, Light sat up and the strawberry went rolling back over to L. "What was…Is something wrong? Why is there a strawberry…?"

"No." L grabbed the strawberry and handed it back to Light. "I wanted to give this to Light-kun."

"Oh, thanks." Light yawned and rubbed his eyes before taking a delicate little nibble of the strawberry. "Tastes good." He kept picking at it, L watching in fascination.

"Light-kun eats like a rodent."

"That's nice," Light said sarcastically, "comparing your lover to a rodent. It's a real turn-on."

"I can be flirtatious if I wish to."

"Is that so?" Light swallowed the rest of his treat. "How come you never do, then? I always have to be the one to get things moving in this relationship."

"I believe that Light-kun is forgetting that I am, more often than not, the instigator in this bedroom." L gestured around to the room with a pointed look at Light.

"Well, you can go through the motions, sure, but I'm the one who does everything else. If it were up to you," Light hauled himself out of the bed, "we'd just sit in silence and study physics theories all day long."

"Would not!"

"Real mature, L." Light, not realizing until just then that he was completely naked, tried to cover up his behind as he walked into the bathroom.

"Why are you trying to cover yourself? I've seen you from many different angles."

"You're not help-…L?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think you could not dispose of your orange peels on the bathroom floor?"

L frowned and tried to remember the night before. There had been oranges, whipped cream, and…

Oh. Those vodka shots may have had something to do with it. L brought a hand to his head, relieved that he didn't have a hangover.

"Light? Do you have a hangover?"

"No, I didn't slam back a bunch of shots like you did. Are you okay?" Light called.

L heard the toilet flush and Light washing his hands three times, as usual.

"Um…No. I'm sore. Really sore," L said awkwardly, hoping to get a massage or something out of his lover. Or a cupcake. A cupcake would be good.

"You're not a very good liar!" Light began brushing his teeth and gargling down some mouthwash.

"…Kira-chan is heartless." L flipped his laptop open to check his email, and let out a loud groan when he saw that, not surprisingly, someone had gotten a hold of it. Someone from the Kira technology department, he didn't know who yet, was selling his email address to people! His inbox was maxed-out with messages from people whom he would never meet, random fans or Kira opposition. He opened one up to distract him from the gargling coming out of the other room.

R!!

IS IT REALLY YOU? I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH AND I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES! PLZ WRITE BACK SOON I LUV YOU SO MUCH! I SAW YOUR SHOE ON TV IT'S REALLY SEXY!

LUV,

YOUR NUMBER 1 FANGIRL

P.S. TELL KIRA I SAID HI

"My number one fangirl says hi, Light," L droned as Light came bustling back into the bedroom.

"That's nice. Where's the remote?" Without waiting for an answer, Light spotted it on the floor and picked it up, flipping the TV on. The first thing he saw was a slow-motion video of L stepping out of his shoe. "Never mind," he mumbled, turning the television back off.

"Light-kun does not want to see my sexy shoe?" the black-haired man asked innocently.

"No, and I'm glad that tattered thing is gone." Light felt L's stare digging into his back, so he turned around and got into Happy Kira Mode, clapping his hands and smiling hugely. "Get up, L! We have things to do!"

"Like what?"

"Like writing names in the Death Note."

"Get to it, then; I cannot help you there." L waved his hand around. "And tell the spoon girl to bring me a cupcake."

"No. When you clean those revolting orange peels up, then I'll call the spoon-face in. Right now I'm-"

A beeper went off.

"Who could that be?" Light asked, exasperated. He scurried over to his new buzzer and poked at a few buttons until a voice came through:

"Sir, there is a visitor here for you."

"Who?"

"He will not tell me his name, sir, and he is clutching his briefcase to him most suspiciously. Shall I remove him from the grounds?"

"Um…Just give me a minute. Thank you." Light turned to L. "Bring up the front door security camera, please."

L opened a new program on his laptop and successfully brought up live footage from the front porch. "Oh." His face contorted into an expression of distaste. "It is Mikami."

"Oh, hell," Light muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and hitting the buzzer again. "Let him in."

"I wish Light-kun would not give in to Mikami's whims," L said firmly, pulling himself out of bed.

"Don't be jealous." Light pulled on a robe and tried to fix his hair. "Mikami and I are strictly in a business relationship."

"I am not jealous," L fired back. "I just do not like it when you spend time with him."

"That, my dear, sweet ,one-and-only love, would be jealousy."

"Nevertheless," the older man answered as he pulled on some jeans, "I will accompany you when you talk to him, just to make sure he does not try anything."

"I'm not a damsel in distress, you know." With that, Light went parading out of the room, bathrobe sweeping out behind him in an unfittingly commanding way.

The only thing that ruined the moment, however, was the fact that Light had put on the robe that had little dancing ducks lining the bottom, but L didn't feel the need to say anything about that.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"KAMI!"

"Hello, Mik-Oof!" Light got the air knocked out of his when Mikami launched himself right into a gigantic hug.

"I deleted fifty criminals for you last night, Kira-sama!"

"That's wonderful, Mikami. Now please…let me go. Please."

Mikami pulled back and straightened his glasses, turning toward L. "Hello, R," he said calmly, cultured voice masking his apparent insanity. "How are you?"

"Right now? I'm a bit put-off, to be honest," came the steely reply. L turned toward Light and let his most piercing stare burn into the younger man's eyes. "Light-kun, we need to get working on that thing, so could you possibly make this meeting brief?"

Light gave a little nod and went into the study, motioning for Mikami to follow him. Teru went after him, of course, but not without brushing dangerously close against L first.

"Do not come between me and my Kami, R."

"Do not come so close to my face, Mikami." L scowled after Teru and resisted the urge to go and smash those annoying little glasses. "And do not forget that Light-kun is mine."

"Yours? Heh."

"…I really don't like you," L said plainly, feeling his temper rise when Mikami just snorted and walked after Light. "And I wish I could come up with more effective insults."

"Okay, Mikami!" Light said with a fake smile. "Give me your pages and we'll be all set!"

"Yes, KAMI!"

"You don't have to yell that all the time, Mi-"

"I'm sorry, Kira-sama!" Mikami exclaimed, immediately digging around in his briefcase to find the papers for Light.

"…Okay." Light fiddled with his hands behind his back and looked over at L, who was looming in the doorway in a threatening manner that the slouched oddball should not have been able to pull off. "Ah, please hurry." L's getting jealous again. I wonder what he and Mikami were talking about?

"Here you are, Kami."

"Oh, thanks." Light stuffed the Death Note papers into his desk and gave another robotic smile. "You may go now-"

"Does Kira-sama want to tell me who to kill next?"

"Oh, I suppose I could." Light sighed and crossed his arms. "Well-"

L blinked for the first time in minutes and rubbed his eyes to get the liquid flowing in them again. He was about to go in so he could eavesdrop better when he heard a familiar chuckle behind him:

"Hyuk, hyuk. Looks like Teru's pissing you off again, Lawliet. What are you going to do about it?"

L turned around and deliberately walked past the ugly Shinigami that was hovering next to him. "Do not bother me, Ryuk. I just want a cupcake."

"Hyuk. Come on, Lawlipop, don't be like that! Tell you what," the Shinigami said, flying in front of L and blocking his way down the hall, "you give me an apple, and I'll…kill Teru for you."

"That one did not work the first time, Ryuk. What makes you think that it will work now?" L asked impatiently.

"Give me an apple!"

"No. Please move."

"Give me an apple, or I'll kill Light!"

"That one does not work, either." L ducked around the Shinigami and made his way to the kitchen,

"Come oooon!"

"No."

"Pleeeease?"

"No."

Meanwhile, Light kept trying to end his conversation with Mikami, but to no avail:

"That's all really interesting, Mikami, but I should get going," Light said politely, interrupting Teru's latest rant.

"But Kami! The pen you are using right now is bad for your hand; the grip on it is one of the worst on the market! Please take my pen!" Mikami kneeled down and offered his Super Mega-Strength Gel Grip Roller Deluxe Ballpoint out to Light. "Please take it!"

"…I like the pen I have. I really don't want another one."

"Kami!"

"Mikami, that's really thoughtful, but you need a nice pen more than I do. You write more often," the brunette reasoned, "and your hand needs that gel grip. Besides, when I write, I tend to get carried away, and many of my pens end up either broken or stuck in a wall-"

"But…" Mikami drifted off and the crazed look faded from his eyes. "Stuck in a wall?"

Light cleared his throat. "Please go back to your house and do something with yourself, Mikami. I have everything under control, honest. I have R-" Light gestured toward the empty doorway.

"…Or not."

DNDNDNDN

"This is a good apple!"

"I am glad you are enjoying it, as you nearly took off my arm when biting into it," L answered sarcastically. He shot Ryuk a withering look from where he was seated at the kitchen island.

Their kitchen really was a sight to behold; tall granite counters aligned the walls and framed an industrial-sized refrigerator and the best stove on the market (not that either of them cooked very often). The view of their backyard was always pleasant, with the stone-lined pool, fake waterfall, hot tub, and sweeping wooden patio.

All of this didn't matter much to L, though. Well, except perhaps their hot tub nights. Those were always exciting, to say the least.

"Sorry about that." Ryuk stepped forward and chuckled when he saw that, indeed, thee were some noticeable bite marks on L's pale wrist. "Hyuk. See you later, L."

"Hn." L stood and was about to grab a fresh cupcake from the counter when the door bell boomed through the room, the volume of it rattling some stray dishes and the fake plants Light had insisted on hanging in the window.

L snagged a cupcake and walked back down the hall and past the living rooms to the front door.

"It is Amane Misa, sir," the butler said. "Shall I let her in?"

"…" L stuffed the entire cupcake into his mouth and peered out of the peephole. He saw a lot of pink, blonde hair, and, unfortunately, what looked like another wardrobe for him. "Very well, let her in."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: The gang's all here! (Well, not exactly. Near, Mello, and company haven't arrived yet, but they will, I guess. I don't know. All I know is that it should be illegal to have this much fun while writing pointless crack.)

Please review! Or Ryuk will bite you! (And that would hurt, I can assure you of that.)

Up next: Wardrobe Malfunctions