Neji had no idea why anyone would ever waste their time with relationships

Hey guys!

Don't be too critical, this is my first fanfic

I don't own Naruto- but I wish I did (damn, don't we all?)

Neji had no idea why anyone would ever waste their time with relationships. Girls were attractive- that is to say, he did have hormones like every other guy- but their personalities left much to be desired. Most of them were nothing but giggling fangirls who couldn't answer the simplest question. He wasn't gay, either, as was popular belief. He didn't have a problem with homosexuality, but the only dick he cared to get close to was his own.

He mulled this over while sitting, alone, on a couch in Naruto's apartment during the party of the century. Naruto stumbled out of the writhing mass of bodies and fell on the sofa, throwing an arm around Neji's shoulders. He was shirtless and sweaty, and Neji scooted out from under it.

"NEJI! IT'S A PARTY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! GET YOUR ASS UP!"

Neji sighed, expecting something like this.

"Naruto. I'm right next to you." For some reason Naruto found this hysterical, bursting into laughter and slapping Neji's back. He slowly calmed down, wiping tears from his eyes.

"You would think for once the Great Hyuuga would lighten up and have some fun but nooo, the Hyuuga's never have fun. I doubt you even know the meaning of the word 'Fun'!" A very tipsy Kiba leaned on the back of the couch, nodding in agreeance with Naruto.

"Naruto's right," he stated, "and I know just the thing! Neji, m'boy, you need to get laid."

A circle of listeners seemed to appear around the couch, "hm"ing and "yeah"ing their approval.

Sasuke stepped forward, sliding into Naruto's lap and placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "I know some available guys," he mused. "Your ass is sore the first few times, but it's totally worth it."

Neji mentally gagged at this statement, trying to get that horrible picture out of his head. Sasuke and Naruto had been together for a few months now, and most of their high school was now used to it. However, everyone once in a while they would get threatening letters or rocks through their window, proving the unfortunate existence of homophobes.

All eyes were on Neji, waiting for his reply. He crossed his arms coldly.

"You're all drunk."

"I AM NOT DRUNK!" several teenagers shrieked in unison, obviously drunk.

"I believe you," Neji muttered unconvincingly. "Where are Iruka and Kakashi, anyway? Weren't they supposed to be supervising?"

Naruto grinned evilly. "Actually, they went to Iruka's bedroom a couple hours ago. Apparently they had… business to attend to."

"Speaking of bedrooms…" Sasuke murmured huskily, nibbling on Naruto's ear. The rest of the crowd sweatdropped simultaneously, muttering lame excuses and scooting away.

"Would you look at the time!" said Kiba a little too loudly, glancing at a nonexistent watch. The girls, who had been dancing the whole time, oblivious, now hurried to catch up with their boyfriends who were racing for the door. Neji was one of the last people there. He glanced around at the mess; there was food and other unidentifiable crap strewn everywhere, and he was tempted to stay and help clean up. However, the low moans coming from the open door to Naruto's room were discouraging, and he grabbed his coat and headed out.

As Neji lay in his own bedroom that night, Naruto's words kept running through his head. It was hard to believe, but maybe Naruto had actually said something smart for once. He couldn't remember the last time he had done something that could be considered fun. Instead, he spent his time working out and focusing on schoolwork, unlike most of the teenage boys he knew.

He thought back to his musings from the party. Surely, not all of the girls at Konoha High were bimbos- there had to be at least one he admired enough to make a move on. Sakura was a smart girl, but she was happily taken by Lee. Hinata, although already his cousin, was in a relationship with Haku- a sweet, soft spoken, distinctly feminine exchange student. And then there was Temari- but her brothers were creepy, rumored drug dealers, and Neji didn't want to get involved in that.

He sighed mentally, turning over onto his side. There had to be someone he was missing, he just couldn't figure out whom. Oh well, he thought, feeling his eyes drift shut. Maybe I'm destined to be single anyways...

Ok—well that was more like an introduction, sorry about how short it is. More action in the next chapter! R&R!