Darker, lol. Review please :)

And sometimes? The darkness consumes me. My innocence flew out the window a long time ago; I probably shouldn't take these things personal. Because if I can't hold myself together, why should I expect anyone to hold me up now?

The pain shoots through me like an arrow, one straight through my barley beating heart. The bright lights made the room spin and the bottles on the floor signify my life virtually spiralling down the toilet.

I sat up as much as I could without the pain making me fall backwards again, I wince and think of how I was possibly going to get through this. I reached into my bedside table and pulled out the wrapped package before I thought back to the words my daddy said on his deathbed.

No time for goodbye he said
As he faded away
Don't put your life in someone's hands
Their bound to steal it away
Don't hide your mistakes
'Cause they'll find you, burn you
Then he said
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life

Everyone believed my father was crazy but his words only further signified what I always believed…that my family and me had been cursed and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

His drinking took over his life, and he didn't want it to take over mine. But the already mixed drink on my nightstand told a different story. I took a sip and I instantly felt better, the hair of the dog…they say.

The door of my apartment flung open and Adam walked inside, I swore under my breath for giving him that key.

"I don't want to see you." I told him.

"It's nice to see you to…" He said taking a step closer to me, moving out of the doorway.

"I don't want to see you…" I repeated. "Now just go away, leave me to wallow in my own self pity." Placing the scotch to my lips again a small smile curled against my mouth.

I watched him study me before he turned away, obviously noticing the train wreck that I had become my dry black hair matted around my sunken in face.

"I can't stand to see you like this…" He said staring at the framed picture of us on my fireplace.

"What I'm not pretty enough for you anymore? Can't handle the bruises on my arms?" I asked him pulling my hidden limbs out from under the cotton sheets. I could tell that it sickened him. "I'm glad that I disgust you…because I don't want to be you or anyone else's beauty queen anymore."

"You'll always be my beauty queen princess…"

"Don't call me that." I didn't want his pet names I didn't want his anything, not anymore. And I especially didn't want a dumb name that my father had pinned on me. A man who in his ultimate betrayal left me, the only person that I ever truly loved…left me.

Suddenly not so chipper I unwrapped part of the package and pulled out the needle. Once I found the vein I was looking for I pushed it hard into my skin.

I was screaming so loud inside but no one could hear me. It didn't matter if it was just me and Adam like it was now or if it was me in a crowded room full of people, no one could ever hear me no matter how loud it felt like I was screaming out inside.

This is my last time she said
As she faded away
It's hard to imagine
But one day you'll end up like me
Then she said
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life

"Go, get as far away from me as you can. You don't need this." I whispered the drug kicking in and the good feelings taking over.

"I don't think Vince would look to kindly on his favourite diva being addicted to Morphine Candice, and he especially won't like it if he finds out from a wellness test."

"The divas aren't tested remember…"

"Oh right." Adam said with a nervous laugh. "But you need to stop this, I know what it's like to be in that kind of pain. Believe me and I know if you want to come back form this you need to kick this shit and fast."

The white walls surrounding us were taunting me, showing me the pure perfection I would always strive for and it was something that could never reach.

"You haven't heard?" I asked laughing. "It really is quite funny, you see my collar bone injury…well it seems that it can re-occur at any minute. So I've been advised that if I want the break to heal and for it last any time at all, I should never set foot in another wrestling ring again."

"Oh Candice I'm so sorry…" Adam said moving closer to me.

I pulled up the package in my lap and unwrapped its remanding contents. He stepped back when he saw exactly what it was that I was grasping onto.

"Wo Candice put down the gun…" He said to me, watching me place it inside my mouth. I was 20 seconds away from blowing my brains out but again he spoke.

"You don't have to do this…"

"What am I going to do Adam? I have nothing, I lost my father and my job…"

"You can find another job." He said cutting me off placing his hands forward to plead with me.

"What am I going to do huh Adam? Go back to porn? I can't do that."

"I'm sure Vince will help you…"

I'm not Torrie Wilson, Adam. She can stay in the wwe and do promotional work but I'm young and I haven't been around that long they have no reason to repay me like they are her…I'm a whore Adam, its who I am, it's what I'm good at…It's all I ever was to you. I have nothing left to live for, at least when I go it will finally be quiet, perfectly quiet and still.

If I stay it won't be long
Till I'm burning on the inside
If I go I can only hope
That I make it to the other side
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life
If you want to get out alive
Hold on for:
If you want to get out alive
Run for your life
If you want to get out alive
Hold on for:

I placed the gun back to my lips and closed my eyes, ready to squeeze the trigger but something stopped me.

It was Adam again; he pushed the gun from my mouth and sent it upwards the shot radiating through the apartment, the bullet going straight into the ceiling.

"You were never just some slut to me, you were Candice Michelle…bright beautiful, caring, kind, wonderful person who I felt an amazing connection to…until she walked away from me. No matter what you think of me Candice I had nothing but the best of intentions."

I collapsed and cried against him, this was it…his end. He had now decided to become a piece of the curse that was my life and I could only imagine what destiny had in store for us now,

He laced his hand into mine and whispered in my ear. "It can only get better…we can fix this."

If I stay, it won't be long
Till I'm burning on the inside
If I go I can only hope
That I make it to the other side
If I stay, it won't be long
Till I'm burning on the inside
If I go, if I go

Burning on the inside
Burning on the inside
Burning on the inside

I wanted nothing more than to believe him, but I knew better. Life was nothing more then one great big vicious circle that I seemed to be standing in the center of.