Cloths of Heaven

Written by gwmclintock9

A/N: I do not own Bones. This story is a continuation of the one shot Regrets. It is not suggested reading, however, it will help you understand where I started here. I summarize a bit here, but not a lot actually.

This story takes place around the time after "Killer in the Concrete." However, the divergence in the canon arc lies in "Boneless Bride in the River." Again, to understand the divergence, reading Regrets will help, but not necessary.

Please let me know what you think, this will be chaptered, but I've yet to completely map out the length. I have the ending planned, and the beginning is done as you can see. The journey between the two, however shall be fun.

Enjoy.

I0I

"The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it."

C.P. Snow (1905-1980)

I0I

"Oh, sweetie," Angie said as she hurtled herself toward Brennan. She wrapped her arms around Angela, holding tightly to her best friend. She was glad to take some comfort in her friendship. She needed something good to replace the despair she had been feeling.

Brennan had just gotten into the hospital, arriving directly from the air port. Her clothes stuck to her, but were finally drying. The blanket remained wrapped around her and Jasper was still in her left hand. There weren't too many questions at customs, but she still spent an hour there after the almost six and half hour flight.

She didn't remember any of that.

She didn't even remember walking into the hospital after climbing into the car that Hodgins had sent for her.

All she could remember was that Angela had called her and told her that something had happened to Booth. Pulling back from the hug, she felt Angela's eyes looking over her.

"Did you stop for a swim, Bren?" Brennan gave her a look before following Angela's gaze to the damp clothes she wore.

"Sully wouldn't let me take the boat, so I swam to shore," Brennan said. "Where's Booth?" All other facts didn't matter. What matter to her was that she got to see Booth, that she got to see that he was still alive, still breathing, and still a part of her life.

He promised not to leave her, and looking at Jasper in her hands again, Brennan knew that he wouldn't break a promise like that.

"Sully wouldn't let you? What?" Brennan could not help the sigh of frustration that left her.

"He told me that I couldn't leave until I told him what was going on. I told him it was about Booth. He didn't get it, and wouldn't let me leave, so I swam." She spoke quickly, looking at the nurse manning the reception area. The woman would definitely know where Booth was.

"Sweetie, most people don't just jump over the side of a boat," Angela said. "You could have called back or let him take you in." Brennan nearly glared at Angela because the thought had crossed her mind, but that would mean time she wasn't here. Time she already was wasting.

"Then I wouldn't have been here," Brennan said. She brought Jasper closer, trying to draw more strength out of it. It was illogical and futile, but she still tried. She still wanted to believe that it would give her strength. "Where's Booth?"

Angela's face fell at this, but Brennan kept up her walls. She'd let those fall as soon as she saw him. As soon as she saw that he was alright, or at the very least, alive right now, she would let the next moment hit her. But right now, time could have stopped for all she cared.

"I'll take you to see him, but honey," her voice trailed off, but she just nodded.

"I take it he's sleeping now?" She knew it was a subtle way to ask Angela if Booth was alive, and Angela probably knew that too.

"Yeah." There was a sadness to the voice, but Angela didn't lack hope. something else was wrong.

Brennan didn't like to speculate, and in this case, she didn't have to. She knew it had to do with her leaving and coming back.

"Good, then I can just check up on him and you can tell me what happened," Brennan said. They got into the elevator and Angela pressed a button. Fourth floor. She needed to get the name of the hospital at one point so she knew how to get back here when she left. If she left.

"It's a long story, and you might not like some of it," Angela said.

"I've got all the time in the world, still four more weeks of vacation - at the minimum - to use, Ange, I'm not going anywhere," Brennan kept her gaze on the reflective door in front of them. She watched the cloudy image of Angela stare at her for a few moments before shaking her head. She caught a ghost of a smile grow on Angela's face as the doors opened.

"Good to hear, we missed you around here." Angela stepped off the elevator first, walking down the sterile halls. The light and white were meant to be comforting, the pastels to be as well, but they were doing nothing to calm her down.

"I missed all of you." she whispered as she followed her down the hall. They walked in silence, but Brennan couldn't stop thinking. She felt like the hall kept getting longer and longer, the end further away from her.

Her breath caught in her chest and she felt a tightness beginning to form as the world spun. She dropped to her knees, trying to draw to draw in a breath. She felt the wall starting to crack, to break underneath the pressure of where she was.

She couldn't do this. She needed him, and the very thought that he wouldn't be able to be there for her, stopped her cold. The world was spreading out on her, yet closing in. Her chest was getting heavy and she -

"Marco."

Her heart stopped altogether. She looked up through her cloudy eyes to see her brother, crouching in front of her. She felt his hands on her shoulders, their warm seeping through the cold cloth.

"Polo." She manage to choke out the words as her brother's arms wrapped around her.

She didn't know why he was here, how he go there, or what he knew. All she cared about, all she knew, was that one more piece of her family was still here, still coming back to her. She need to grasp upon that, and her arms were ahead of her brain as they were already wrapped around Russ.

"Let's get you up off the floor Temperance," Russ said, lifting her up. She let him guide her to a chair as she tried to concentrate on her breathing... and Jasper.

"How...Why...?" She couldn't draw a question, her breathing still breaking with sobs as she tried to control herself.

She took several deep breaths, looking at the floor rather than what was in front of her. She knew that Russ had lead her to across from Booth's room. She couldn't look in there, she didn't want to look in there until she was ready to face him. To face her mistakes. Her regrets.

"It's a long story," Russ said. She sat ramrod straight on the chair, closing her eyes as she tried to calm herself. Her grip did not loosen any on Jasper, but she felt the rest of her body relaxing.

Her walls were being built again. She needed them up right now. She needed to hold this away, until she could deal with it all.

Finally, when she thought she could handle everything, she opened her eyes, looking at where Russ was. She was shocked as the cuts and bruises on his face, the broken nose set. He looked tired and more worn than she remembered the last time she saw him. She was beginning to think that it was a pattern for everyone in her life.

"Are you okay?" She reached out and touch the bruises upon his face. Russ just gave her a sad smile.

"Better now, I think we all are," he said. "Do you want to see Booth before we tell you?" He looked over at Angela. She was hugging herself was stealing glances between the door and Brennan, who felt uncomfortable under her best friend's gaze. "Or you want to wait?"

"She's going in there, whether we tell her or not, Russ," Angela said. She knelt in front of Brennan, forcing the woman to look her in the eyes. "Bren, you've got to understand something."

"He's alive, that's all I need to understand right now." She had locked up her heart for the moment. She didn't need to deal with the foolish, irrational thoughts that nearly crippled her moments before. Angela's hands wrapped around her grip on Jasper, which drew her gaze to her talisman.

"If he doesn't call you Bones, don't get mad at him," Angela said. She was pleading with Brennan not to question it, but she just raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"Okay." The statement from Angela sounded odd. Booth always called her Bones, she always complained about it. That was their thing.

She had grown to like the name. She looked over at Russ, but her brother just looked away, finding the armrest very interesting as he picked at it. She wasn't going to fight it though. She'd see that Booth was fine, and then she'd get her answers. From Booth or from someone else.

Angela moved out of the way as Brennan stood. The door to Booth's room had been closed, but she could see through the glass the white sheet that covered his body. She pushed the door open, no resistance from the door, but her feet weighed her down.

The door opened slowly, her pressure neither great or weak. On hand stayed upon the door as her left drew Jasper closer to her chest. She should be relying so much upon the token, the little pig. But she did.

Booth gave it to her when she need something pure to hold onto, something stronger. She needed that strength right now.

The beeping of the machines were the only thing to break the silence of the room. She started at Booth's face, willing her feet to take a few steps forward.

He looked so peaceful, despite the cuts along his face. She had seen him once before in teh hospital, when her refrigerator exploded... She still had nightmares about when he didn't reach for a glass. Now it seemed her nightmares were true.

His body looked more battered, broken then from that incident. His right forearm was being held in a cast. She made a note to check the severity of the break and if it was his ulna or radius. His head was wrapped, with red poking through above his left temple. She caught the sight of wrappings around his ribs as well.

She took a step closer, wishing he was awake so she could speak to him, and hoping that she wasn't so she could avoid her awkward apology for leaving, for putting him in here.

The latter won.

She walked to his left side, where his hand was still free. She placed Jasper in it, watching his fist form around her talisman. Jasper had given her strength to get her, and she hoped that it would give him some to heal for her. To let her know she cared.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you." She headed out of the room, knowing that she'd have to tell him again, but once the words were out, they became solid, certain.

She held back the urge to check his charts, to see that he was getting enough medication. She didn't know a lot about medicine but she knew enough to make sure the ones she cared for where being taken care of.

She stepped out the door and felt all strength leave her. She collapsed to the floor or at least she knew she would have if her brother hadn't caught her.

"He's fine, he's alive Tempe," Russ whispered to her. He helped her off the ground, trying to offer her comfort.

She heard the words, but she couldn't stop the images. Her nightmares had crossed into the waking world, She wasn't supposed to have those thoughts here, see those images of the lowering casket, the gravestone with name on it. They weren't supposed to be here!

"I should have been here," she looked at Russ and Angela. Even if they spoke to her, to tell her that she was wrong, their faces would be lying. She was wrong to leave.

They sat there in silence, or in Angela's case stood, and Brennan felt herself regaining what little control over her body she had back. She sat up, letting Russ hold her hand; she still wanted to know why he was here, what he had done to look so bad.

"You didn't stay in there very long," Angela commented. Brennan shook her head, drawing her mind away from those images that were haunting her.

"I gave him Jasper to hold on to," she said.

"The little pig he gave you?" Angela looked between her and the room. "That was what you were holding?"

"I needed something to draw strength from," she said. "It is not uncommon in times of grief that people use tokens or talismans that symbolize their faith to help them."

"But its a pig," Russ said. Angela began to smile for the first time since she saw her. Her best friend seemed to understand that she set her faith in Booth. Brennan was thankful that she didn't say anything else about it. She didn't know if she was ready to hear anything beyond that at this point.

"Oh sweetie," Angela said. She took the seat next to Brennan, holding her other hand.

"I need to know what happened," Brenna said. She could not sit there in the dark about the events that had transpired. Not if she wanted to change how she saw herself: as a failure.

"He was working on a case, they found this guy in concrete, and he and his partner-"

"Partner?" Brennan cut Angela off. Logically, she knew that Booth would get another partner, he had to have one if he wanted to work in the field. But the idea didn't set right with her. She was Booth's partner.

"Yes, partner, we'll get to that subject later, but we're giving you the short version right now," Angela said. Brennan nodded, but her grip on Russ' hand got tighter at the thought of Booth working with someone else.

This must have been how he felt after she had to work with Sully.

She pushed all thoughts of Sully out of her mind. She didn't want to be angry with Sully, this really wasn't his fault, but it was in a way, because he was the one that asked her to leave in the first place. He made her question her happiness here. Thoughts of Sully also reminded her of the guilt she felt for leaving the family she had made behind.

She didn't want to feel selfish or so hurt by her own actions. It was illogical and irrational to think that Booth would not have been hurt had she been with him, but she couldn't help it. She knew she could protect Booth better than anyone else.

She didn't know why, but she knew it. Booth would tell her she was thinking with her gut.

"They got the case, and were off to find a guy with one leg," Angela said. Brennan couldn't help but raise her eyebrow in question, trying to figure out what a guy with one leg had to do with Booth in there. Certainly he could do that to Booth. It was Booth...

"Everything just went wrong right from the start," Angela said. She shook her head. Brennan didn't like the sound of that. Angela rarely was negative, she always was happy or had a reason to act like she was. She had never seen her this depressed.

"Ange, just tell me this, will Booth be alright?" Brennan looked back to the closed door, where he lay.

She took a deep breath and Brennan caught the look between Russ and Angela. "Physical, he will heal. The doctors told us he'll be able to be released in a few days. But..." Russ let go of her hand and let Angela take it. "Sweetie, emotional he may not be."

"What do you mean?" Booth was strong, a warrior. He was a soldier and he had survived torture. She had seen his x-rays. He told her a bit of his job as a sniper, what he had to do, the repercussions of the kills. He beat his gambling problem. He still stood after all that, and still found time to help her with her problems, give her someone to lean on when she needed him.

"His partner, the one he has been working with since you left..." Brennan nodded, and ignored the stab of guilt that ran through her. Booth needed a partner if he wanted to be in the field. Someone who could defend themselves. "He didn't make it..." Angela's voice hitched, and Brennan didn't know if it was because she had bonded with the guy or because of what Booth would be going through. Brennan knew the tears on her cheeks were for what Booth would be going through.

"Who found him?" Brennan managed to get out. Angela looked at her for a moment, a small smile in her eyes but none of her face.

"We did." Brennan's neck nearly snapped with how fast it turned to look at her brother.

"'We'?" She stared him down, trying to get an answer of him, something that work as he gave her a small grin.

"Dad and I, we found him." Russ said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, for her father to help out Booth. The same father who ran out on her when she was fifteen, Russ nineteen. The same father that came back in her life when she was investigating a case where he killed two men, one a deputy director of the FBI. Her father.

"How...when...why?" Brennan looked between the two of them. She was shocked that Angela didn't seem phased by Russ' statements, but more than that, Russ was here, he hadn't been arrested, he was here.

He didn't say anything, didn't answer her questions. Angela spoke first, preventing Brennan from glaring her brother into submission.

"You've got to share first, sweetie," Angela said. Brennan didn't want to talk about what happened with Sully. She wanted to concentrate on Booth at the moment. Booth was more important then Sully.

"I told you, Sully wouldn't let me leave, so I had swam to shore," Brennan repeated.

"But why did you leave in the first place?" Angela pressed. Brennan let out a sigh, and stared at the door.

"I wanted to find out for myself," Brennan said. She felt the wall crumble slowly as she stared at what she could of Booth's still form. It wasn't like before when the walls fell and everything closed around her.

"What did you want to find out?" Angela was pressing her to see something, to feel something. For a long time, Brennan stood behind the walls letting the waves of relationships break upon it. The walls had served her well for so long, protecting her from hurt. It didn't stop her from feeling the hurt now, or the guilt.

"If I could find happiness in a relationship," Brennan said. When the walls fell, she felt bare, exposed. But she felt free, freer then she had ever felt before. Free to make a decision, one she thought was right.

"Were you? Happy?" Angela sounded anything but. Brennan closed her eyes, trying to calm her pounding heart. Now that the walls were gone, the freedom that she found scared her.

Brennan stared at the door. She had left Jasper with Booth, and she felt like she needed the protection. She could not have Jasper, a talisman of strength, and she could not have Booth to give her some relief.

"I was." She drew her knees up to her chest, falling back on a biological imperative. "Happy."