Hi. My muse seems to have forgotten to buy a return ticket from wherever she's gone. Soooo... I've decided to upload this little tag to 'Internal Affairs' that's been on my laptop forever. I get goose bumps whenever I watch that elevator scene between Tony and Jeanne.

I just loved Paula's comments to Tony in 'Grace Period'. They are the ones on top, before the tag to 'IA' begins.

Nothing fancy, but hopefully you'll enjoy it.

"I can't tell her."

"Why can't you tell her, Tony? It's just three little words; I love you.

You know, Tony, it's a cliché, but it's true. Life is too short to not tell someone you love them if you do… And you do."

Oh yeah. When you put it like that it almost sounds easy, Paula. It's not. Believe me, it's not.

"Was any of it real, Tony?"

Her pleading eyes revealed so much hurt, and he knew he was the one responsible for it. Her voice was trembling, and he knew he was responsible for that too. And the tears trapped in her eyelashes, on the brink of falling? Yep… his work.

He felt like throwing up.

Was any of it real?

What could he tell her? That it had been as real as anything he had ever known? That he had never loved anyone as true, and with as much intensity in his sorry excuse for a life? That they could never make it work and that he too had been hurt when all she left him was that letter. What the hell could he tell her without destroying her?

He felt the bile rise in his throat as he thought about the way he had let himself get involved with this girl - this means of getting intel on their suspect - in such an easy way. Like a probie, for God's sake.

He knew that if he told her the truth, she would get hurt, and not just for tonight but perhaps permanently. He thought about it for a few seconds. Considered his life without her. It would go back to the way it was. No true feelings. No display of emotion. His old life would haunt him, and he knew he may never outrun the nightmares again.

Was any of it real?

He heard the blood roar in his ears and had to muster up all his undercover training. He was good at it, the undercover thing, he knew that for sure. That was what he should be doing, not the family thing. The love thing. Who was he trying to kid, anyway?

He had no choice. He made a choice. He had to tell her.

His face was that of a totally honest, godforsaken jerk. He didn't blink, he didn't flinch. He looked her straight in the eye and told her.

"No."

And his heart broke.

Although I never really liked Jeanne, I absolutely think Tony did love her. Or thought he did. He doesn't have much to compare with, does he?