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Title: Cheater
Rating: PG 13
Gift for Cruel-Alchemist
Lineart by C-A colored by me: sumihatake.deviantart. com/art/Colored-Pout-no-Jutsu-83888376
Pairings: KakaIru (main), mentions RaiGen and KotIzu
Summary: MI universe, if you were wondering why Iruka didn't want their relationship known this gives the reason. Kakashi cheats and Iruka gets his revenge... humor, no angst. Seriously NO angst. Slight irritation but no angst.
Disclaimer: The idea is all mine! The rest however is not. sad kitty eyes Unless Kishi-sama would maybe want to let me have them?
Iruka had honestly believed that Kakashi wouldn't cheat. And, he /had/ believed it until he saw his silver-haired lover leaning across the counter at Ichiraku's whispering something in Ayame's ear that had the poor girl blushing at least twenty shades of red.
Then, he'd tried to ignore it. He'd pretended he didn't see his boyfriend when the man stooped to help some brunette pickup the apples she'd dropped when Kakashi had said whatever it was that he'd said that made her eyes nearly pop out of her head.
And, as much as it was beginning to grate on his nerves to hear their names whispered along with the rest of the village gossip, he'd blatantly refused to aknowledge the fact he knew. Iruka had acted as though he couldn't see the two women who'd whispered as they'd watched him train. More over, he paid no attention what so ever to the way they'd giggled when he'd taken his shirt off. He refused to let their staring dictate what he did when he trained.
It was when he caught Kakashi reaching to tug down his mask, that he stepped in. Or, rather, he grabbed his lover by his ear and dragged him forcefully away from the perky, large chested bimbo that was all but drooling in anticipation.
"I /know/ what you're doing, and you had better stop it right this instant, Kakashi Hatake, or else." He deliberately used his sensei voice.
"But Iru-kun you don't understand..." Kakashi whined at him.
"I understand more than you think, and I'm sick of having to ignore the gossip! This is /exactly/ why I didn't want you telling civilians about us. I didn't know /this/ would happen, but I knew something would. With you, something always happens," he growled with his hands on his hips as he tried to push away the growing desire to beat his boyfriend to a bloody pulp.
"Ruka, try to understand. It's Icha Icha." It was a good thing Kakashi had his mask on because, otherwise, Iruka knew he'd have to see the man begging with his bottom lip out; and, that would have made it hard to keep from laughing.
"I don't care!" Seriously, the man was a little /too/ addicted to that damn series. Maybe, Iruka thought, he should just kill Jiraiya instead.
"Please, 'Ruka, it's over tomorrow. I /have/ to win." The two pale hands that slid around the chunin's waist were /ignored, but he didn't exactly move away.
"I don't care! You know, I ignored the flirting, but offering to show somebody your face just to garner another vote is just ridiculous." Okay, so maybe Iruka was becoming a tad possessive, but he liked that almost nobody else got to see his lover's face. He was damned if he was going to let some twit see it. Besides, the betting pool on it was getting rather large, especially since the beginning of this ridiculous contest. He had plans for that money.
"But Ru... Please!"
"NO!" He stamped his foot and glowered at the now sulking jounin.
--
Really, he'd thought it was over. He figured, since the contest was over, he wouldn't have to hear it anymore. Kakashi, however, sat around the house sulking the entire day. After the fourth or fifth "If somebody else wins..." Iruka headed for the mission desk. Weekend or not, he was not spending one more minute in the same house with a pouting, whiney, jounin boyfriend.
Fate, however, has a rather cruel sense of humor. He arrived at the mission desk to find Kotetsu and Genma on duty. And, of course, Raidou and Izumo were lounging about. Honestly, it was like they were attached to their lovers' hips or something. Probably the 'or something.'
"Hello." He smiled and tried to pretend it was a normal day, like he didn't realize the four men in front of him read the same lousy porn his boyfriend did.
"I can't believe you. Letting Kakashi cheat like that," Genma said, making a face at him.
"I didn't /let/ him. Excuse me for having better things to do than follow my boyfriend around all day like /some/ people." Iruka shot pointed glances at both Raidou and Izumo. The jounin shrugged, seemingly unconcerned about the remark. Izumo, however, looked embarrassed and started to get up until Kotetsu grabbed his wrist.
"Give me a mission. I can't take being in the same house as Kakashi while he's waiting for the results. I'm either going to kill him, or Jiraiya, and I'd rather it be Jiraiya, since I would like to keep Kakashi around, I think..." He took the scroll from Kotesu and frowned, it wouldn't take him more than an hour to finish it.
"Sorry, but that's all we have left. Mad rush on them since the start of this contest. All by shinobi over the age of 18. Probably trying to garner votes. Kakashi didn't even bother with the attempt; but, seeing how well his plan has worked, I can't imagine why he would." Kotetsu, seemed more amused than annoyed by the older nin's antics. "Personally, Izu-koi and I tried his method, but we kept getting distracted..."
Iruka groaned and rolled his eyes. "Thanks anyway."
--
"The winner of 'Konoha's Sexies Shinobi' contest may come as a surprise to some, but having known the individual who entered the name, I wasn't personally all that surprised." Genma read the letter, doing his best imitation of Jiraiya's voice, which was so far off it was actually comical.
"One reader writes in that she voted for him because somebody, who will remain nameless, reminded her that 'Teachers are sexy,' and she couldn't help but agree since she had a crush on her sensei when she was younger." The room erupted into laughter.
Iruka glowered and pretended to ignore the crowd that was packed into the mission room. He'd seen the announcement earlier, and boy was Kakashi a dead man.
"Another fan writes in that there is nothing sexier than a man who is good with kids." There was more whooping and laughter from the crowd.
Pointedly ignoring the noise, Iruka looked over another report before filing it away. He 'refused' to hear the next remarks about doe eyes, adorable scars, or the worst... stability. Just because he didn't tend to go on a lot of missions didn't mean he was some stay at home husband. He /didn't/ curse when one, again unmentioned, fan wrote in about the winner's ass being /perky/ and just curvy enough to get a good handful, if you were quick and could dodge exceptionally well.
It wasn't until Genma started reading something about a supposed incident, where the fan saw the 'delectible chunin' in nothing but a mesh shirt dancing on a table, that Iruka snatched the poster from the tokubetsu and yelled for them to get their asses back to work or get out so he could.
--
"So, Iruka-sensei, are you going to tell me your fantasy, or should I just make something up?"
"Write whatever you want to, I really don't care. Just because Kakashi entered my name in your stupid contest does not mean I'm going to have anything to do with your trashy book." Iruka continued to lean over the school papers, marking a few questions and making the appropriate annotations.
"I'll have you know it's not trashy. It's a well researched, plot oriented, beautifully written piece of literature." Jiraiya almost sounded like he was insulted. "And, Kakashi didn't just enter your name in 'Konoha's Sexiest Shinobi' contest; he pulled out all the stops to make sure you won. You really should reward him for his efforts."
"I'm not going to pander to his bad behavior." The glare he shot Jiraiya had sent many jounin running for Suna. The sanin, however, seemed unaffected by the formidable 'Umino glare technique.'
"Well... I suppose I 'could' write something about an innocent school teacher and her delinquent but sexy student." He seemed to ponder the idea as he chewed on the end of his pen.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Iruka muttered.
"I'll have to make her a brunette and, of course, I can't forget the 'adorable' scar across her cheeks..." He let his words trail off.
Jiraiya was pondering, aloud, the ways he could have the student take advantage of the 'doe eyed' school teacher when Iruka's manical laughter interupted his day dream... er brainstorming.
--
Iruka smirked and held the special edition signed copy of Icha Icha behind his back.
"Come on, Ru! Please! It's not out in bookstores for another week!" Kakashi was whining, and Iruka was trying very hard not to laugh.
"Mm... I don't know. I want dinner and, maybe, if you give me a foot massage, I'll read it to you." The laugh that escaped sounded far more evil than Iruka had intended.
--
He had to admit, Jiraiya was right. It was surprisingly well written. When he'd been telling the old man his 'idea,' it hadn't seemed nearly as long. But, Jiraiya had added a lot of stuff leading up to the scene and, while some of it seemed a bit... unlikely, it had flowed smoothly. That, and the side stories had been interesting enough, despite being oddly familiar.
Closing the book, Iruka looked up at his surprisingly silent boyfriend. The silver-haired man wasn't exactly frowning, it was more like he was, well, pouting. Iruka was actually surprised the jounin's bottom lip wasn't sticking out.
"What?" The question was innocent enough, even if he was trying, and failing, to smother a laugh.
Kakashi didn't answer, just set the tanned foot down and got up. The chunin watched as his lover began making tea, still not saying a word. The entire time the water was heating up, the man said nothing, and by the end of it Iruka was actually starting to worry. He hadn't actually been trying to make Kakashi mad at him, just prove a point.
Sighing, Iruka walked over to his sulking, very sexy boyfriend and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's waist. "Are you going to tell me?"
The mismatched eyes looked away as the other man sipped his tea. When it became apparent he wasn't going to get an answer, Iruka took the cup from Kakashi and frowned disapprovingly at the man.
"You started this, don't start pouting now," he said, crossing his arms and putting on his best 'sensei face.' Really, a grown man sulking over something so stupid was ridiculous.
"They're going to laugh." The words were muttered quietly, like a child who doesn't want to be heard but really does. And then, Kakashi really did stick out his bottom lip, and Iruka wanted to laugh and how suprisingly cute he looked.
"Who's going to laugh?" His voice nearly cracking from smothering his own laughter. Now just didn't seem like the right time.
"Everyone..." Okay, the sulking and pouting in combination was down right adorable; he wondered if Kakashi had practiced this to use on him since the man knew he had a weekness for little kids.
"Why would 'everyone' laugh?" Thank the gods for all his years a teacher allowing him to keep a straight, concerned face.
The jounin's next words were so quiet Iruka couldn't make them out. "What was that 'Kashi?" He kept the tone soothing.
"'cuzyoumademethegirl," Kakashi muttered.
Inwardly, Iruka sighed as he realized what this was about. "They're not going to laugh at you. Jiraiya doesn't write yaoi, you know that."
"But, I thought..." The words trailed off.
"You thought what? That I'd let Jiraiya turn me into a woman? I'm not a girl either, and everyone knows that. Besides, this was supposed to be my fantasy. Maybe you've forgotten, but I haven't." He was actually a little irritated by the implication.
"I know but..." Iruka could hear the other half of the argument even if Kakashi hadn't actually said it. 'You don't have an image to uphold. You don't have to face down missing nin who are going to laugh themselves silly when they find out the female lead is based on you. You don't have to lead teams whose respect you need to have in order for them to listen to you. You're not Sharingan Kakashi.'
He felt his resolve melting, but he ignored the fact. "I'm not the one who started this." He said, repeating his earlier statement.
"I just wanted everyone to admit I had the sexiest man in Konoha for a boyfriend. I didn't expect you to be mad at me for it." The pouting was gone, the sulking was not.
His resolve melted completely. "They're not going to laugh." He wrapped his arms around Kakashi again. "Besides, even if I did make you a girl, she was a very badass girl. And, I think she let her sensei get away with a lot. I mean, come on, she was a yanki; she could have just as easily had her way with him."
"Well..." One corner of Kakashi's mouth twitched up. "Maybe she wasn't so bad." Pale arms slid around the tan shoulders as the other man pulled him closer.
Iruka stole a quick kiss. "Not so bad? She was feared by everyone." The next kiss, he didn't have to steal; this one lasting a bit longer and ending only when they both desperately needed air.
"So, you really think she could have her way with him, whenever she wants?" Kakashi asked, leaning his forehead against Iruka's.
"Definitely. Anytime she wants." Okay, maybe the contest wasn't such a bad idea.
"Hmm.. maybe another time. I think I kind of want to re-enact that last scene... sensei."
It wasn't until later when they were lying curled up in bed, sweaty and saited, that Iruka wondered just how good an actor an ex-ANBU had to be. Shrugging, he decided he didn't care, and snuggled deeper into the warm pale arms of his boyfriend.