It's because of him that I'm alive. I hate him for that. I wanted to die, I truly did. I had betrayed so many people to get what I wanted. I betrayed him to get what I wanted. I didn't deserve life. I watch the rain slip down the window and wonder why he would save me. He knew I wasn't trustworthy. He knew, knows, everything. I may be a magician, but even I don't have the insight that man has.

The door creaks open and he comes in. I don't even have to look to see, I know it's him by his strong steady footfalls. He throws himself down on the couch and lets out a sigh from deep down behind his breastbone.

"Oi, are you gonna mope around all night?" he asks in his deep, earthy voice.

I turn at him and fake a smile, "I'm not moping Kurogane-san."

"Say what you will, you're moping," he grunts and grabs a bottle of alcohol off the table. "I don't know why you're so depressed about being alive, but I really wish you would give it a rest."

There it is again, that infuriating insight of his. I want to punch my hand through the glass and tell him that being dead would be a much better end than to continue living knowing what I have done to my friends. I never say those words; instead I turn back to watching the water slide down the glass of the window.

"We don't blame you," his voice is barely audible, yet for some reason the words sing out through the room as if he had shouted them.

I ignore him; I don't want to hear his lectures. I don't deserve his forgiveness. "Oi, Magician. I said we don't blame you, so quite moping, you're making me depressed," his stern reproach hurts me somewhere deep.

"I don't care if I depress you!" I have no idea why I have suddenly moved from the window sill to tower over the large ninja. I have no clue as to why I'm letting my voice become so loud. "I have done so much wrong and yet I'm still alive! How is that fair? How is the justified?!" I am leaning over him my hands laying flat on the back of the couch on either side of his head.

He quickly stands up and I feel small compared to him. He pulls a small knife from his belt and I think that maybe, just maybe, he'll put me out of my misery. Instead he runs the blade across the palm of his hand.

"Drink," he demands and I obey. As I lap at the blood pouring from the wound in his hand I feel something run through my hair. It's rough with work and vaguely calloused, but warm as if the sun was captured within it.

"I don't understand why you so badly want to punish yourself," there's something different about his voice. I have stopped drinking, but I continue to hold onto his hand. "If you're so upset over what you did then make it up to us. Help us; earn the forgiveness you already have." I had a hard time believing that this was the same Kurogane who was so rough and yelled so much.

Tears fell from my eyes of their own accord. I wanted to brush them away, but I also wanted to hold onto Kurogane's hand a little longer. One of my tears dripped onto Kurogane's hand and not a second later and I was pinned against his chest, his arms wrapped tight around me, nearly breaking my back.

He didn't say anything, and I just cried. I think I fell asleep with him holding me like that, I'm not sure. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in his bed. My clothes had been changed and my face had been cleaned of all the tears. I stood up, I knew I wasn't going to be able to forgive myself just yet, but I would try. I would do my best to ear the forgiveness that they had given me and the forgiveness that I was unwilling to give myself.

A/N: Well the papers are coming due so I'm stressing out which equals fanfic. Yay!! This is my first Tsubasa fic, first anime/manga one actually. I hope to do more later. If there are any huge grammar booboos pm me so I can fix them. Also everytime you don't review this story a chipmunk falls out of a tree and breaks its cute little arm.