Title: Judge Me

Author: Aerith Queen of Cetra

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: 'Marry, Kiss or Push off a Cliff?' Who do you choose Haruhi?

Genre: Romance / Humour

Beta'd: Nu-uh!

Warnings: Haruhi's bluntness, slight mentions of shonen ai… that's it! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club… I don't think my mind is able to create a character as insanely schizophrenic as Tamaki… O.O;

Author's Comments: Aww man, I dunno HOW this came into my head… I think it was too much Friday Night Project! Lol! They always play this game! FYI, I couldn't remember how to spell half the names so I pulled out Volume 3 of my Ouran manga to spell them! LOL!!

Judge Me

Stay committed to your decisions but stay flexible in your approach.

- Tom Robbins -

"So Haruhi. Choose! Who would you kiss? Who would you marry? And who would you push off a cliff?"

The echoing voices of the Hitachiin twins startled Haruhi with their questions and she answered with as much honesty as her heart would allow.

"What are you talking about?"

Twin smirks emerged from Hikaru and Kaoru's face simultaneously and they each paralleled the lifting of an index finger.

"It's simple Haruhi. You should know that commoners game? 'Kiss, Marry or Push off a cliff'?"

"Of course I know about it, but how do you two know of it?"

"We investigated!" Came the tedious ricochet.

Haruhi grimaced and slapped her forehead. "Of course…"

A young, blonde haired 'boy' skipped over to them, practically flowed by a swarm of flowers and asked how the game was played.

"Well Hunny, out of everyone here, you simply have to pick one person you want to kiss…" Hikaru began.

"And one person you want to marry…" Kaoru continued.

"And one person you want to push off a cliff!" Came their joint spectacular ending.

Hunny's eyes sparkled with intrigue behind the bright pink bunny rabbit he kept secured in his arms. He turned to the distressed Haruhi, "Waah! Haru-chan! Who do you choose?"

Haruhi shivered, as the entire Host Club seemed to glower at her for an answer. She shook her head, "Hold on a minute! I don't have to answer this if I don't want to!"

"That's right! Haruhi doesn't have to accept this horrible challenge if she doesn't feel like it." The female felt a small sense of relief hit her as the form of Tamaki Suoh danced in his usual ridiculous way before her.

The glint of rounded spectacles hit her as Kyoya scribbled something upon his trusty clipboard, "I'll cut your debt by a tenth."

A light bulb shone in Haruhi's head and she scratched her chin. "Well, when you put it that way… and since it's only a bit of fun…"

Tamaki squealed and waved his frantic arms before shaking Haruhi's shoulders. "No, no my daughter! Don't rise to this challenge! They are trying to trick you! Listen to daddy!"

The woman's eye twitched and she responded with a blank face, "At least I know who I'll push off a cliff."

Tamaki's heart smashed into tiny bits and he crawled into his dark corner, curling into a ball and muttering over and over again, "I got 'cliffed'…"

The twins, naturally, took their chance to rub more salt into Tamaki's wounds, "It was almost like he seen what was coming?"

"Of course he did, Haruhi's bluntness strikes again!" The murky corner turned a shade darker.

The five remaining men covered Haruhi at this point, "Okay Haru-chan, so who would you marry?"

She blinked at this and gave it come serious thought, considering the five remaining men; the intensely intelligent Kyoya, the sickly sweet Hunny, the silent sentinel, Mori and the insanely amusing twins.

Who would I marry? She contemplated in her mind, going over the men again. She stopped.

"Oh! I would marry…"

Six sets of ears pricked up suddenly and froze at the single name that she stated.

"Kyoya."

Kyoya's face was the picture of genuine surprise and his expression melted into a quiet smile as he muttered, "A sensible approach."

Tamaki's sentiments, however, were not of the same reasoning. He sped over to the dark haired 'Shadow King' and shook his shoulders, "Mommy! Mommy! How could you! You can't marry your daughter! Tell your poor child she is mistaken!"

Kyoya's smile stretched into a more sinister expression as he turned and bowed to the only female in the Host Club. "I hope to be a good husband to you in the future." And he added in an afterthought, "…Haru-chan."

Hunny and the twins blinked as they stared at Tamaki in his now incredibly dark corner, "Is he dimming the light switch or something?"

Shaking their heads, the three, along with Mori, returned to the exhausted female.

"Alright Haruhi, now you have to choose who you'll kiss? Right Milord?" The twins grinned towards the shrouded King.

"Oh…okay… I would kiss…" She ran over the choices in her head.

She thought about kissing Hunny. She could only manage an image of her kissing his cheek and her teeth falling out of her mouth from the sugar rush. He was definitely out.

She thought about kissing Mori. She couldn't imagine that at all, he was so tall and she didn't like the thought about being heaved upwards by him for a simple kiss. Too much trouble. That meant Mori was out.

Which left the twins. Hikaru and Kaoru. Lunatics together. Completely different when separated. Hikaru was brash, protective and possessive whilst Kaoru was logical, sensible and more controlled. An obvious choice.

She pointed a single, slender digit towards the younger twin and stated the name, "Kaoru."

Kaoru gasped softly and Hikaru's sharp breath caught like a dagger in his throat. Mori and Hunny looked indifferent to their rejection and congratulated Kaoru for his victory.

Kaoru seemed too shocked and embarrassed at this turn of events to mutter anything but a simple "thank you" towards the female.

Hikaru looked simply infuriated as his lip twitched upwards into a snarling motion. Kaoru noticed this and was about to mediate but before he could even do anything bar laying a gentle, soothing hand on his brother's arm, Haruhi spoke up.

"Well, that was interesting. Good thing it's only a game though, so it would never happen."

They all froze at her oblivious smile and each let off their own version of awkward agreements.

As they did this, a thought crossed Haruhi's mind. "What happened to Tamaki?"

The said 'King' was scrambling to get out of his corner as the overwhelming darkness tried to pull him back in. With wide eyes she pulled him out of it as he clung to her, muttering something about seeing Bereznoff in there.

Haruhi shook her head as she helped him to his feet. A sudden thought hit her mind and she stared at the men around her, "Hey! What about you? What would you do?

They all asked the same question. "What?"

"Who would you marry, who would you kiss and who would you push off a cliff?"

They all uneasily began to say something and she interrupted, "And you can leave me out of this one, if you don't mind."

They were muted. Darting their eyes from side to side at their male companions, some decisions were made, others were pondered and the rest were best left to the personal silence of each of the six men's minds.

O.o;; Right… I think I've proven that I can't write humour stories! My style of writing won't allow it!

Ha ha! Okay! Seriously, to me, Haruhi would…

Marry: Kyoya (He's the only one sane enough for her)
Kiss: Tamaki (Who wouldn't!)
Push off a Cliff: Uh… Twins probably! (Actually this is interchangeable with Tamaki!)

What do you think?