A/N (Lady Ali style): As if the world wasn't crack-filled enough... xD Shut up, I had to write mpreg, it's the only kind of slash I haven't written yet, and when I teamed up with the lovely Pinku Aisu Kuriimu... well, the crack just sort of multiplied. xDD

Disclaimer: Death Note don't belong to us.

Warnings: Yaoi, mpreg, crazyness \o\

Summary: When protection is not used, "joyous" consequences appear, and 9 months later, they will be born…

Pairings: LxRaito, MelloxMattxNear, ?xMatsuda

Bundles of Joy

Chapter 1: Sweet Surprise

Raito was not feeling well. In fact he was feeling distinctly un-well. Downright nauseous. Tylenol wasn't working, antacids weren't working, rest wasn't working, and according to the thermometer he had no temperature. Of course Raito only really caved when the Pepto Bismol had no effect. Seriously, if it can't be cured with Pepto Bismol, it's probably life-threatening.

So he went to the doctor.

Well, he didn't just go of course. First he had to call, and wait several minutes listening to bad hold music, then talk to a secretary who may or may not have obtained a high school degree at some point in her life. Eventually all this led to the setting of an appointment. And then, on the preset date of the appointment, Raito went to the doctor.

"What seems to be the problem?" Dr. Muffin asked. (Do not talk about his name. Don't make him get out the giant needle!)

"I'm having this persistent nausea." Raito explained, "I also feel somewhat bloated. Normally I'd think it was food poisoning, but it's been going on for quite a while now. Also, Pepto Bismol didn't help." The doctor nodded gravely.

"Well, I'll run some tests, and get back to you." The doctor said. "I'm going to need a sample of your blood and urine, and also... Well, I have to ask this." The doctor took a deep breath, and Raito felt more than a little nervous.

"Yes?" He replied.

"Are you sexually active?" The doctor questioned, deadly serious. Raito blinked, and blushed heavily. 'It's fine, he's a doctor. And I'm nearly nineteen. I shouldn't be ashamed.' The teen thought.

"Well... yes." Raito forced out. The doctor nodded again.

"Alright, thank you for being honest. As I said I'm going to need to run the tests though. Go see the nurse she'll give you an... um... cup. When you're done with that another nurse should be waiting in here to take a sample of your blood. Then you may go home. We should have the test results back by tomorrow." The doctor instructed. Raito nodded, still somewhat embarrassed, and went off to follow the directions.

Half an hour later, on the drive home, Raito had to pull over to the side of the road and throw up.

"That's strange, I don't remember eating any cheese..."

Ring! Ring! Ring! Went Raito's cell phone. There were multiple looks of surprise from the Kira Investigators, and a look of strong annoyance from L.

"Haven't I said that I wanted you all to have your phones turned off while you were here?" The dark-haired detective stated irritatedly.

"Sorry Ryuuzaki, but it's for medical reasons." Raito explained, hurriedly answering the phone. L blinked, a tinge of concern entering his gaze as he wondered what might be wrong with Raito. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Raito Yagami?"

"Yes, speaking."

"This is Dr. Muffin. I have your test results here and I am happy to inform you that there's nothing amiss." The doctor said happily. Raito breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's good to know." He replied, smiling and thinking it must just be a particularly resilient flu bug.

"Yes, although I'd need an ultrasound to be completely sure, all the signs point to your baby being completely healthy, and your body having adapted just fine. Everything is in working order."

There was a long period of quiet as Raito's brain attempted to process this remark.

"What." He stated finally. The doctor seemed to realize his mistake.

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realized you didn't know... You're pregnant. About a month along, I'd say." The doctor responded cheerfully.

"Is this some kind of joke!?"

"I'm afraid not, perhaps if you didn't want a child you should have used the proper contraceptive protection aids." Dr. Muffin said offendedly.

"I'm a MAN!" Raito nearly shouted into the phone, provoking numerous odd and confused stares from those listening to his side of the conversation.

"I am aware of that, Mr. Yagami. I did meet you the other day after all. Now, if you don't want this child I would suggest scheduling an appointment with the abortionist. Good day." The line went dead. Raito stared at his cell phone in shock.

"Something wrong, Raito-kun?" L asked innocently. Raito stared at him numbly.

"The stupid doctor thinks I'm pregnant." He answered dazedly. There was a stunned silence.

"Well, perhaps you should have used the pill, like I told you." L admonished, taking a sip of his overly-sweetened tea.

"What!? I thought you were joking! Besides, I'm a MAN! MEN DON'T GET PREGNANT!" The teen shouted, though he sounded a tad desperate now.

"I hate to be the one to break it to you Raito, but without protection there is a significant chance of becoming impregnated as a consequence of being the submissive during sex." L explained calmly. "Did you never receive the 'Talk' as it were?"

"YES I DID! PREGNANT MEN WEREN'T IN IT!"

"Well it isn't my fault if you received insufficient information." L replied. Raito turned to the other Kira Investigators, all of whom appeared very awkward and embarrassed, and also seemed to be shooting longing stares at the door. Except Matsuda, who for some reason was knitting something out of light purple yarn.

"Can any of you believe this!?"

"Well, yes, actually Raito." Matsuda confirmed, with some sheepishness. "Wow... usually you're the one who knows things and I never know anything."

Raito fainted.

"We really shouldn't have been so hard on him, what with his... delicate state and all." Matsuda's voice floated into Raito's gradually returning consciousness.

"It's rather your fault, Yagami-san. As the parent, isn't it your responsibility to make sure your son knows the facts of life?" That sounded like L's voice.

"What!? Don't talk like that to me, you're the one who impregnated him!" Came the older Yagami's indignant shout.

"I did warn him to take the pill. It's hardly my fault if he didn't know enough to take me seriously!"

This was the conversation as heard by Raito as he fully woke up. He also discovered he had a splitting headache and an odd urge to eat caramel-covered salmon. But there was of course non available here, Raito looked around and noticed that L, who was preoccupied with the conversation, had forgotten about his cake. Caramel cake. 'That should work' Raito though and he just stole the cake and started eating.

Raito continued listening to the conversation as he ate the cake. It was fun to hear them blaming one another for his pregnancy. It surprised him they didn't even notice he was awake!!

"If you didn't want him to have a baby then you should have warned him yourself Ryuuzaki!"

"As I have already stated, how should I know he wasn't aware of something so basic? You should have told him. It's your duty!"

Wait… what did that mean? It seemed like Ryuuzaki really didn't want the baby… yes… he hated the child!! Raito was shocked by this whole affair, and didn't know what to do yet but the baby was his child! And L was the father! How could L hate his poor and innocent baby?

And now Raito was hit by the infamous mood swings of pregnancy, and he started crying.

L was hearing a strange sound. A very strange sound. A sound he had never heard before in his entire life.

He looked around. None of the Kira Investigators appeared to be making any sound, Soichiro was looking at him with a confused expression, waiting for an answer, but no, it wasn't him.

L searched more. His cake was gone. Not that it could be the cause, a cake doesn't make any sounds, unless it fall and splats on the floor. But there was no cake on the floor.
He looked even more. And then he saw. Raito was awake. He was awake and had his face hidden behind his hands. Yes he was the one making this strange sound.
But then the question came. What in the name of strawberries was this sound?

Wait… his face was wet… was he… crying?

Why was he crying?

L looked at the impregnated teen for several moments, then moved closer to him.

"Why are you crying, Raito-kun?" He asked innocently.

"You… You hate our baby!!" Oh… that's what it was. Mood swings were already affecting him.

"I don't hate him… I just… was surprised by the news that's all…" He explained "And besides, you should have listened to me, than all of this could be avoided," he looked at the tearing eyes. "But we can't change the past so… If you want this baby, then I do too…"

"I want it!!" He hugged L's neck happily. He had just decided he wanted the baby, after all L had just said to him he was totally moved. "I love you!!" He said looked at the eyes of his lover.

"I love you too Raito-kun." L smiled affectionately and kissed him, having apparently forgotten about the other investigation members.

"Why does Raito-kun get all the attention anyway? It's not like he's the only one pregnant around here." Matsuda grumbled. Everyone stared. "What? Did you think I was knitting these booties for myself?"

"I don't see why you couldn't have used a condom."

"I was rather busy, you understand. That hadn't actually occurred to me."

"Well now what are we supposed to do? I'm not ready for a baby."

"That's true enough. You practically are a baby still." Mello shrugged. Near looked hurt.

"That was cold."

"I meant it in a positive way! Jeeze, when you're like forty or something you'll be grateful that you look so much younger." The blonde chomped on his chocolate bar happily. Near started to sniffle. "Uh... what're you doing?"

"The fluctuating hormones in my impregnated body are causing my emotions to flare and I have become oversensitive. I can't help it." Near whimpered.

"Well look, I didn't mean it like that, ok? You look fine, really. And I'm sure you'll be a fantastic mother." Mello comforted somewhat awkwardly.

"Father." Near corrected. Mello flapped a hand.

"Whatever."

"Should we get a DNA test?" Near asked, wiping a few persistent tears from his eyes.

"What for?"

"Well... you know... you and Matt both... um..."

"Oh right..." Mello mused. "Huh... I don't think it really matters though."

"What? You don't think it matters who the father of my child is!?" Near's voice started to waver dangerously.

"I'm it's father, obviously. Whether or not that's true in a biological sense doesn't matter." Mello smiled, leaning forward and planting a kiss on the lips of a stunned Near.

"O-oh..." Near was sniffling again, out of happiness this time. "Mello... that's uncharacteristically sweet of you."

"Whatever." Mello said flippantly. "Man, you're not gonna be all weepy the whole nine months are you? It's kind've creepy." Near collapsed onto Mello's chest, and the blonde sighed exasperatedly. Now he was going to have tears all over his shirt...

Being rather wrapped up in this exchange, neither of them noticed a third person enter the room. This person had something important to say, but wasn't sure how to word it exactly and when faced with the scene before him he was even further thrown out of whack.

'Ah fuck this, I'm just gonna say it,' he decided.

"Um, Mello?" The person called out hesitantly. Mello turned to face the intruder. It was Matt. Mello's not noticing Matt's presence could probably be attributed to the fact that he had a collapsed pregnant boy on his chest.

"What is it Matt? I'm kind've busy." Mello indicated Near, who had tired himself out with the sobbing (which he was unaccustomed to) and was now snoring a little bit in Mello's lap.

"Err… Do you remember a few nights ago?" Matt asked. Mello made an affirmative sound. Okay now or never!! "Well, I forgot to take the pill that night and... I'm pregnant with your child now." Done! "Well… it could be Near's too I guess..."

"WHA-?" Mello screamed, but he didn't finish his phrase. Matt waited, but it didn't take long for him to realize that the blond wasn't even blinking!

"He froze…" The redhead concluded. "Oh well… since he's in shock and Near's asleep… I guess I should just take a nap!" And with that he sat down with his back against the wall, covered his eyes with his goggles, and slept.

To Be Continued...

Pinku: Hey People! These are your pretty authors!! xD we are here doing this fic for you! I hope you like it! 8D

Lady: You better like it! Gawd, do you know how long it took us to finish the first chapter? ...Well, no you don't. But like it ANYWAY!

Pinku: And for us to update faster, send us reviews, or the crazy angry pregnant people on our fic will run and attack you guys!! (muahahahahah!!)

Lady: We're kidding, really. We wouldn't make preggo boys run! Instead, their semes will come after you! DON'T MESS WITH L HE WILL CAPOEIRA YOUR ASS! xDD