Tarru had chosen to accompany the team back to the stargate, which made Rodney a little uncomfortable. For one thing, she was walking beside him, and hadn't they really had more than enough of that for one day? Or for that matter, forever? For another thing, halfway along the path, she'd actually taken his hand. Thinking uneasily of Katie, he considered pulling away, but feared – oddly enough – that this would hurt her feelings. He told himself he simply wanted to avoid one of her extreme emotional outbursts, but when he honestly examined his own feelings toward Tarru, Rodney was shocked and rather horrified to discover they were dominated by – of all things! – affection.

He needed to get off this planet before his brain stopped working entirely.

She chattered excitedly about the Surrosans' plans to restore life to normal. A massive clean-up effort was already underway to give their buildings and environment some much-needed maintenance, and Tarru had been assigned a team of her own for this purpose.

"We'll be identifying all the damages and prioritizing them," she said proudly.

"How's your dad feel about all this?"

"Oh, livid," she said casually. "He's been removed as chief cleric. I'm not sure what he'll do next. But I'm all set to start studying astronomy again."

"Well, that's.. something." Rodney couldn't quite bring himself to say it was good.

Once they'd reached the clearing where the stargate sat, she tugged his arm to get him to hang back. He told Sheppard, "I'll be right there," and turned back to Tarru.

"I'd like to thank you for your help," she said, "but you didn't really do anything."

Blinking, he replied, "I'd like to tell you you'll make a fine scientist with a little training, but it will actually take many years of hard work, a team of instructors dedicated solely to teaching you, and your body possessed by an alien entity with scientific aptitude."

She raised her chin. "No matter what you think, I'll be a good astronomer."

"No matter what I think, you'll think you're good."

Smiling wryly, she said, "I turned out to be a pretty good kidnapper."

"You were a very lucky kidnapper."

Her face went serious. "I should apologize for what I did," she said, looking at the ground. Rodney folded his arms, waiting. Finally, a sign that she understood the import of her actions.

But then she looked up, wearing a sly grin. "But I'm not sorry, and I'm not a hypocrite, so I won't."

He opened his mouth to extemporize a scorching rant on her colossal gall, her utter lack of basic consideration, and whatever other failings of hers that floated to the top of his mind while he talked. Perhaps sensing what was coming, she managed to render him speechless by grabbing him by the arms, pulling him toward her, and kissing him on the mouth.

She was... pretty good at it, actually. Good energy but plenty of control, imaginative use of tongue, excellent overall technique...

"Holy crap," he muttered into her mouth once he'd resumed breathing.

Tarru pulled her head back just enough to say, "You don't have to go just yet if you don't want to. My family has a little cabin in the woods. We could—"

"I've already experienced the family cabin, thanks. It's a bit drafty for me."

"That? Oh, that's just a shack my father and I built together a few years ago."

"I see. So the engineering incompetence is actually genetic."

Tarru pouted. "So... you don't want to stay?"

Extricating himself from her embrace, Rodney cleared his throat. "Tarru, I have to get back. The people back home won't last a week without my genius, working the many miracles that keep them all alive. And besides, there's... well, I've got a... well, see, there's this girl, um, woman, and we—"

"Oh." She blushed (rather prettily, he shouldn't be noticing) and laced her hands behind her back, looking embarrassed. "I... I'm sorry. I mean, I..."

"Hey, McKay," Sheppard drawled. "Is this Casablanca scene gonna go on much longer? The wormhole can only stay open for thirty-eight minutes, you know."

And right then, looking into the smirking face of Col. John "The choice of hot alien kidnappers everywhere" Sheppard, Rodney was overcome with a sudden need to wipe that smirk away. And through some strange, kiss-borne epiphany, he knew exactly how to do it.

In a rare moment of social self-consciousness that was not dominated by overwhelming self-doubt, Rodney reached for Tarru and swept her toward him. His right hand at the small of her back and his left cupping the back of her head, he proceeded to kiss her with the thoroughness, inspiration, and determination that had made him a five-time regional science fair champion. He kissed her until he felt her knees begin to buckle, until she was soft and pliant in his arms and making cute yet erotic little whimpering noises. He kissed her until an image of Katie appeared in his mind, cleared its throat, and stage-whispered, "That's enough."

He pulled away from her lips and released her; smiling into her wide eyes as she struggled to catch her breath, he said, casually, "Take care of yourself."

Turning away, he glanced triumphantly at Sheppard, just to confirm that he'd watched, and sauntered toward the gate, totally floating along on utter exhilaration. That was absolutely, flat-out the coolest moment of his entire life. Well, that is to say, it was the moment of his life in which he was at his coolest; the coolest moment of his life was probably the first time he went through the stargate, or...

You know what? Shut up and enjoy the moment.

"Good advice," he murmured with a smile, and walked through the gate.

John had to admit, that kiss had been pretty damn good. Maybe not as good as Rodney thought it was, but it certainly had done a number on Tarru, who was staring at the wormhole breathlessly even though Rodney had already disappeared through it.

McKay, I didn't know you had it in you.

John sidled up to Tarru while she was still distracted. "I'll take that back, if you don't mind."

"Huh?" Her eyes turned toward him, but took a moment to focus on him. "What? Take what back?"

"What you took from Rodney the first time you kissed him," John said. He held out his hand expectantly. He was smiling, but he knew she could tell he meant business.

Scowling, she shoved a hand into a pocket and slapped the life signs detector into his palm. "How did you know?"

He smirked. "Let's just say I've played this scene myself recently."

She was looking at the stargate again, wistfully. "Do you think he'll ever come back?"

"I don't know." He started up the ramp. "Maybe he and his girlfriend will come here for a vacation."

"You are quite welcome to stay away."

"That's my motto: Always leave them wanting no more. Just be careful with future kidnappings, okay? Some people won't be as understanding as we are."

She sneered at him, and John went through the gate chuckling.

Stepping into Atlantis, Rodney felt as though he'd been gone for weeks. He was briefly tempted to kiss the ground, but it wasn't ground but a floor, and who knew how recently it had been mopped? People walked on this floor after visiting alien planets, after all. Not to mention restrooms.

"Welcome back, Dr. McKay."

"Oh. Yeah, thank you... thank you, uh..."

"Chuck, sir."

"Oh. Right." Rodney forgot the name and the man instantly upon spotting Sam hurrying toward him.

"Rodney! Thank God! Are you all right? Where are the others?"

Okay, really, couldn't she have waited until he'd answered the question about his well-being before asking about the others? "Um... I'm not sure, really. Thought they were coming through at the same time as me."

Teyla exited the wormhole at that moment and headed toward them. At the gate technician's greeting, she responded with "Thank you, Chuck." She was such a show-off. Most people didn't notice it because she was subtle about it, but Rodney saw.

"Welcome back," Sam said. "I see the search-and-rescue was a success."

"Actually," Teyla said, glancing at Rodney, "the search was successful, but Rodney effected his own escape."

"Really." Sam turned to him expectantly.

Mentally apologizing to Teyla for the show-off accusation, Rodney said, "Yes. Well, you know how it is; after you've been out in the field for a while, you develop a sort of instinct about this kind of thing."

Sam was nodding, just waiting for him to continue. Clearly, she didn't know a thing about the instincts, which, given her years of experience, was a little disappointing.

"Yeah, so you know, you get a feel for how to deal with dangerous people, how to exploit their weaknesses, how to—"

He heard the wormhole closing and turned around. "It's a about time," he said to Sheppard and Ronon. "What'd you guys do, take the scenic route back?"

"Sorry," Sheppard said. "Tried to get away sooner, but you know how Ronon tends to go on and on."

"So," Sam said, "glad to see you're all back in one piece."

Sheppard nodded. "Nobody had to die. It was a good mission."

She frowned slightly, perhaps wondering if he was joking. "So, it's all okay? No political fallout to deal with?"

"Nah, don't think so."

"No," Rodney confirmed. "I mean, we did sort of trigger a complete overturning of the operations of an entire society, but they were headed that way anyway."

"Oh, yeah. They were on the brink of a revolution."

"What?" Sam demanded anxiously.

"'S okay," Ronon assured her. "It was a real stupid system."

"What Col. Sheppard means," Teyla said pointedly, "is that there was already great unrest. The revolution was going to happen; we just happened to be there when it occurred.."

"Good." Sam's tone suggested she feared there was a huge "but" coming up.

"The gir... the person who kidnapped me? Wanted me to help with the rebellion. Identify weapons, tell how to use them, that sort of thing."

"But he successfully resisted," Teyla added.

"Right," Rodney said, "of course. But as it turns out, the whole revolution took place in a conference room."

"Yep," Sheppard agreed. "We were there. It was very peaceful."

Sam looked faintly horrified. "You brokered a revolution?"

"Aren't you listening?" Rodney demanded. "They were already about to rebel."

"You just triggered it."

"No!"

"Well," Teyla conceded, "I suppose Ronon's presence could be considered to have triggered the event."

"Ronon? Why? What did Ronon do?" Apparently realizing that she could ask the man directly, Sam turned to the Satedan. "What did you do?"

"Just told 'em the truth."

"Truth?"

"Yep," said Sheppard. "And it set them free."

"You just couldn't resist, could you?" Rodney demanded.

"No. Sorry."

Sam's voice was harder, which he'd noticed she did whenever she felt things had gotten out of control. "What truth did you tell them, Ronon? And what people are we talking about?"

"Actually, this is gonna be kind of a long story," Sheppard said.

Rodney nodded. "He's right. We probably oughta save it for the briefing."

"I agree, Col. Carter," Teyla weighed in. "There is much background to tell you about."

"It'll explain everything," Ronon added.

They were like a well-oiled machine, Rodney reflected. It was like they didn't even need Sam. Well, until they did, of course.

For her part, Sam seemed to willing to defer the explanations until the formal briefing. "All right. Conference room in one hour. Or as soon as you're all released from the infirmary." She put a hand on Rodney's elbow. "McKay, I'm really glad you're all right." She turned to leave.

"Right, thanks, but well, I didn't actually say that I was," he said, raising his voice to cross the growing distance as she continued to move away. "There's still a distinct possibility of permanent brain damage; only Keller will be able to tell for sure, and in fact, I don't know if all the scans can be done in an hour, so maybe we—"

"Can you not see she's already back in her office?" Sheppard asked. "C'mon, guys. Let's get the post-mission checkup out of the way." He grabbed Rodney's arm to slow him and stuffed the life signs detector in his hand. "Tarru said to give this back to you."

"I... she... when did..." Realization sank into the pit of his stomach and took his high spirits along with it. "Oh, the kiss, right? That's why she kissed me. I should have realized, I should have—"

"Yeah, guess she fooled you the first time. But you gotta wonder why she decided to give it back, huh? It's not like you knew it was gone."

Rodney frowned uncertainly. "My kiss? You think it... I mean, you think maybe she...?"

"I think you knocked her socks off, McKay. Now let's go get your head examined."

"You know, maybe I should try that on Katie."

"You've never kissed your girlfriend?"

"Well, obviously, I've kissed her. I mean, maybe I should try it like that."

"You've never kissed your girlfriend like that?"

"Yes, yes, but you're... you know what? I'm not having this conversation."

Rodney fell silent the rest of the way to the infirmary, concentrating on recalling every detail of the way he had kissed Tarru. A kiss was, after all, governed by physics. And any valid result had to be repeatable.

The last thing he thought before entering the infirmary was that the shaved hair on the back of Tarru's head had, indeed, felt like velvet.