Author's Ramble: I'm sorry that this has taken forever to update. I've just been a bit discouraged due to the lack of reviews . . . You guys have no idea how much I appriciate them. But! There is something exciting I have to say-- I've had a reader approach me and ask if she could illustrate/animate Now and Then. We've just been talking about it, but her request made me realize how long it's been since I've updated and inspired me to FINALLY do so. More info will be supplied about the illustrations and such as soon as I hear back from her.

Anyways, standard disclaimers and warnings apply. And-- please review. I can't tell you how much it means to hear feedback. Thanks for reading!

One day I'm gonna forget your name,

And one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain.

Fear is only in our minds, Taking over all the time.

Fear is only in our minds . . .

But it's taking over all the time.

- Sweet Sacrifice, Evanescence

Present

"Wow," Shiki sighed, flopping down on the old sofa that sat in the corner of the garage. A piece of stuffing fell out of one of the many holes as she sunk down onto the worn springs. Neku was fumbling with a few monitors and his keyboard. Roxas sat on the couch, reviewing the new song they were going to be playing tonight at one of the dance clubs in the downtown area. A space heater was the only thing that kept them from freezing their toes off. It was late November now, and snow was promised to fall in large amounts within the next few days. "We've gotten so many gigs since you joined, Roxas," Shiki said, but her voice sounded tired. They'd pretty much done at least two shows a week for the past four weeks. It was taking a toll on the two teens that still had to deal with their senior year, and Roxas was getting a little tired of the smoky, bass thudding scenes they continued to play. He'd always preferred singing more classical and folk than this new age stuff Neku and Shiki wrote.

But he got paid.

"Yeah," Roxas mumbled, tearing his eyes away from the piece of paper he hadn't even been reading anyways. In their last eight shows, Roxas had gotten almost enough munny for his trip to Destiny Islands, and he wanted to leave before the Winter Solstice. Partly, because he wanted to beat the holiday traffic, but if he was being fully honest, he wanted to show up on Riku's doorstep on Solstice Eve.

He didn't care if it was a bad idea. It was terribly romantic, and he couldn't stop thinking about it.

How he was going to tell Neku and Shiki was still a bit of a problem. They had assumed he'd be with them longer, and so had he. The blond hadn't once thought that it would be this easy to get all the munny he needed, but as it turned out they were getting tipped healthily at their gigs. Marluxia had mentioned that he could just leave, not have to deal with them and whatever crap they may give him, but Roxas couldn't bear the thought of leaving without a word. It brought him back to unpleasant memories, and he knew how it felt to be left high and dry, not knowing what you did wrong…

"Hey, which of you guys do the lyrics?" Roxas asked suddenly as he finally brought his blue eyes back to the words on the page. He couldn't believe he'd never thought to ask before. The lyrics to this particular song were one of Roxas' favorite to sing. A pang of guilt hit at the back of his mind for not having complimented it before.

Shiki's eyes were glued onto Neku, who slowly put his headphones on and tried to look as if he hadn't heard the question at all. "Neku writes all of our songs, music and lyrics," Shiki said simply, turning her gaze back to Roxas. "That's why we had issues with our last singer. Wanted to write the songs, but couldn't compose for crap, let alone punch out some decent lyrics. Neku doesn't like to admit it, but he's got enough talent to probably ditch the two of us and go solo." Shiki's laughter filled the room as she swung herself up and off of the couch. She had been plucking idly at her bass strings, but as she stood she tossed the instrument carefully back onto the dying sofa. Roxas loved the sound of her laugh. It reminded him a lot of Naminé's laugh.

Another attack to his heart hit the blond as he remembered the petit girl in her little white dress. He'd left Naminé without any promises of seeing her again, despite their friendship that had formed throughout that year. Naminé had been going back to Castle Oblivion, and she tried with all her heart to convince him to come with her. But the scar that Riku had left made Roxas only want to hide inside himself like he had after…

Roxas' mental gears stopped before he could think, but he forced himself to think the words. He'd promised to move on with his life. Acceptance was a necessary evil.

After Axel.

Even just in his own mind, the name sent shivers down his spine.

"AH!"

The scream snapped both Roxas and Neku out of what they were doing. Roxas had closed his eyes in concentration, and had missed seeing Shiki stretch and glance out the garage window. Something had caught her eye and startled the poor girl to the point where she left out a piercing scream in place of her laugh and stumble back onto one of the amps. Roxas shot up and caught her before she fell into the mike. She'd bumped it anyways, and the feedback screeched in the speakers. Neku was immediately working to bring down the noise. Roxas was so confused with the chaos that had ensued Shiki's scream, he hadn't noticed the sounds of something running away from the garage.

It took a few minutes before Shiki had calmed down enough to explain what she'd seen. Neku moved the bass of the couch and sat her down. She was blubbering, her voice catching and hiccupping rather than her actually crying. Roxas hovered nearby awkwardly, not sure how he could comfort. Neku had her hand and was stroking it gently, trying to get her to be coherent as he asked her what she'd seen.

"It was that guy, Neku!" she finally stuttered out when she was able to control her hiccups. Neku's eyes narrowed and his hold on Shiki's hand tightened.

"What guy?" Roxas asked loudly. Despite the fact he'd really only known the two teenagers for a few months, he felt as if he should know about this guy. Especially if he was able to scare Shiki like.

"There's been a guy at the last few gigs," Neku answered quietly. "He always stands close enough to the stage where he's caught in the lights and hard to see. Shiki noticed him first, and pointed him out to me the last show… He's a creeper."

Unconsciously, Roxas started chewing at his bottom lip—an old nervous habit.

"He doesn't move the whole show," Shiki stuttered and hiccupped again. "He just stares at us."

"And he was outside the window?" Roxas voice was so quiet now Shiki and Neku had to strain to hear him. They glanced at each other as they picked up on the growing cold fear and panic that was bubbling up inside their blond singer.

"I swear he was," Shiki said. Her voice was stronger now as she stared intently at Roxas. There wasn't something right with him—he was shaking. "He had the same expression… plus it's hard to miss that hair. It's like a freakin' flaming porcupine on his head."

Roxas' knees were threatening to buckle. He felt the rice he'd eaten for lunch swimming sickeningly within his stomach and threatening to capsize out through his mouth. A cold sweat was breaking over his brow, and with supreme care he sunk down onto the couch next to Shiki. There wasn't a noise in the room besides the groan of the electric heater.

So much for acceptance.

"Did… you get a good look at his face?" Roxas whispered. The singer didn't even know it was he speaking. He felt detached, as if he was floating above the whole situation.

"Yes… It was him. He had a really angular face… and tattoos, raindrop tattoos. One under each eye. Roxas are you okay?"

The answer, though Roxas could hardly say it due to the fact he was now having a full blown panic attack on the couch next to Shiki, was no. He couldn't breathe, and all he could hear was that voice like a knife to him. That voice telling him over and over again to enjoy it.

Roxas didn't register Shiki and Neku both shifting to sit on either side of him and rub his back and hold his hand as he went through the attack. Shiki was crying now, silent tears going down her face (all traces of the hiccups gone), and Neku looked serious and sad. He knew what was happening to Roxas, even if he didn't know why.

Roxas finally slumped against Shiki's shoulders, the panicked, dry sobs choking his throat still. Finally all that was left of his attack was the quiver of his narrow shoulders. Shiki hugged him tightly, afraid that he was going to start up again.

"Who is he Roxas?"

It was Neku who finally voiced it, after what seemed to be centuries of only Roxas' dry sobs and cries of a pain that neither of the other two band members could see. The orange haired teen's voice was strong, and filled with authority. Roxas could tell he meant to do something about this, and it ate at him more than if Neku had told him he as a wreck and kicked him out of the garage.

The last person who stood up to Axel had been killed.

There was no way Roxas was going to let that happen again.

"I… can't stay here," Roxas whispered. He pulled away from Shiki, despite her soft cry as he pushed her away. His eyes were vacant, and it was clear he had no plans on showing more emotion. He stood up straight and told Neku in a firm voice, "I… know you two will hate me for it, but… I never planned to stay long. I was going to leave anyways. I just needed some money, and I thought you kids would be suckers enough to pay me. But this guy… you don't want to deal with him. I'm doing you a favor if I never see you two again."

He didn't look Neku in the eye.

"You don't mean that!" Shiki shouted, jumping to her feet. She reached out to grab at Roxas' sleeve. He pushed her away, hard. Shiki stumbled back into her bass, shocked at the force the gentle Roxas had used against her, but that didn't stop her from shouting on, "You're our friend Roxas! Tell us who he is! He obviously hurt you, and we want to help!"

"I don't need help from some mediocre teenagers who think they have talent." The words cut through the air like a knife. Shiki froze, amazed at the venom with which they were spoken with. He'd looked straight up into Neku's eyes, his own cerulean pair burning with a fiery rage the teenager could explain.

Neither Shiki nor Neku tried to stop Roxas as he bolted from the garage. He didn't let them see the fear that twisted his insides as he left.

He was afraid to step outside.

The door swung open, and Leon found a shaking Roxas standing on his doorstep. It was dark outside, and there was no sign of Roxas having used a cab to get across town to Leon's place on Bastion Street. At a second glance, Leon saw that he was holding a suitcase and had a backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

Before the burnet could ask what the hell the younger man was doing there, Roxas whispered desperately, "I think I've been followed here. Just let me in and close the blinds and I'll explain everything."

Without a word, Leon did what he was told.

"What do you think he wants from you Roxas?"

They were sitting down in the living room, both cradling hot cups of tea to keep warm. His angry landlord, Cid, had turned off Leon's heat because he hadn't made his payment on time for October. The old man had threatened to keep it off until after Solstice, but Leon knew it would come back on in a day or two. But in the interim, he and his guest were forced to wrap up in the few throw blankets he had.

Roxas stared deeply into his cup of tea as if he could find the answers there. He'd told Leon everything, not that Leon needed to know much more than it was Axel. Leon knew enough about Axel from experience, not that either of them was going to bring that up. Roxas and Leon were treading in dangerous waters as it was. Neither liked to drag up memories, especially concerning the final weeks at the conservatory.

"Do I really need to answer that?" Roxas finally answered after a stretch of silence. He gave Leon a sharp look from beneath his bangs, and Leon just sighed.

"No, I suppose not," he admitted, taking a deep drink from his mug. "So what did Marluxia think when you just started packing up to leave?"

"I just told him I wanted to get out before Shiki and Neku got a hold of me. I didn't tell him about… the rest."

"He never did get the whole story when—" Leon's words died in his throat as he realized what he was about to say. It felt as if the burnet's airway had been blocked and he cleared his throat, looking away in shame. He had no right to start blubbering in front of Roxas when the blond had been able to get a hold of himself after finding out someone was stalking him. Leon would only be crying over dead memories. No sense in that.

"I know. I figured he didn't need to know," Roxas said. He cast Leon a sympathetic look and reached out to tentatively touch his arm. "I'm sorry I had to tell you, actually. I just didn't know where to go when they told me that the train to Radiant Garden didn't leave until the morning."

"Roxas, you know I'd have wanted to know anyways. If that bastard gets near you…"

Roxas clutched tightly to his teacup and let his eyes stare into its depths once more. Leon could see the blond man fold into himself with that simple movement. He didn't finish that sentence, and decided instead to move onto more practical matters.

With a cough, the scarred man asked, "So you have enough munny to get there, then?"

"I'll have enough to get me to Radiant Garden and catch a ferry out to Destiny Islands, and probably stay someplace for a while. Please don't worry about that. I don't want you to waste your munny on me."

"Like I have any one else to spend it on."

It was a slightly uncomfortable silence with that.

"Roxas… I want you to know… it was never your fault, what happened…"

"Please, don't talk about that. P-please, Leon."

"But you have to know—"

Roxas stood up quickly, his hands shaking. The blanket fell off his shoulders and his eyes were looking anywhere besides Leon's face. "Anything you say doesn't change what happened," he choked out. The blond was gripping his mug so tightly it was a wonder the thing didn't shatter in his hands. "I… think I should get to sleep." Roxas turned away to put his teacup in the kitchen sink, and Leon slowly got to his feet and followed.

At the sink, Leon gently put his hand on Roxas' shoulder. The blond stiffened for just a moment before turning slowly to face his old headmaster. Leon was painfully reminded of a face that was not unlike the tired one staring at him now. But it was Roxas, no one else. "Listen," Leon said with a sigh. He reached up and rubbed the scar that ran its way down his face. Roxas' eyes caught sight of it and he flinched involuntarily. Another bad memory. "I want you to find Riku. It's not fair that you didn't end up… at least remotely happy after everything. But, in saying that I also want you to know that I was not impressed with what Riku did to you."

"I already told you he wanted me to come with him."

"I know, I know. But that doesn't change the fact he never looked for your Roxas. It doesn't change the fact he didn't wait for you."

Roxas' heart was beating very fast, and his eyes spoke the words he was unable to form. Why are you telling me this?

"My point is Roxas… is that I don't know if finding him after so long is going to make you happy. Just be careful. I'm not the only one who has hard times remembering the past."

Roxas' hard expression melted after a moment and his stance relaxed. He looked upon his old friend with tired eyes. "I just have to try," he admitted with a feeble laugh.

"I know."

About four blocks away from Bastion Street, the Oldtown train station sat in silence. The next train didn't arrive until eight o'clock in the morning. But the lone patron sitting on one of the outdoor benches in the frosty November air didn't seem to care. He sat with a black trench coat draping over his thin and angular frame, black leather gloves covering his hands. His face, however, was completely exposed to the night air.

Axel didn't seem to mind the cold bite to his face. He checked his watch again.

Roxas would be getting on a train tomorrow to find that silver haired freak.

"This time, I'm going to be the one who's protecting you Roxas," he whispered, his voice echoing against the old-fashioned train station he sat in the shadow of. Its colonial architecture loomed over him, the rounded lines and faded white paint cast in shadows from the few flickering lamps.

"Even if you don't listen to me. You'll see. You'll see…"

Axel ran a hand through his red hair, a razor smile quirked on his lips.