How To Kill Harry Potter Easy Version

a/n: This is a somewhat sequel to How To Kill Voldy Easy Version. Name pretty much says it all.

XXX

Harry paced up and down the common room.

"How am I supposed to kill Voldemort? I'm seventeen! I got a 'D' in charms yesterday!"

Hermione sat bolt upright. "WHAT?! Harry! I told you to study! What is wrong with you?"

"Um... Juype." Harry said and ran up the stairs to escape Hermione's Death Glare. It really deserved the capital letters.

Ron shook his head sadly. "Poor bloke's lost it. You're paying for the medical facility."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's not funny."

"Oh, you're right. He's loaded. He can pay for it himself."

"That's better." Hermione looked back down at her book.

XXX

Harry sat on his bed, worriedly. He couldn't get out of his head the fact that girls were allowed in the boys' dorm... What if Hermione followed him up here? What if she was coming up the stairs to kill him? Right now?

Harry dived under his covers and sat there, shivering. Then he decided it wasn't enough protection and dived under the bed.

An owl came through the window and dropped a box of something on the bed. He hesitantly came out from under it and looked at the box.

It was a plain box of chocolate frogs.

Harry opened it eagerly and shoved one in his mouth.

And died.

XXX

"Brilliant idea my lord, to poison some chocolate frogs. No boy can resist sweets!"

"Yes... Why didn't I think of that earlier? And to get past their security system all I had to do was use muggle poison... Honestly, all in all, it cost me zero men and a hundred quid for the poison. That's a very good price for the destruction of the boy-who-lived and over-all pain in my ass."

"Yes my lord. You really are something."

"Are you coming on to me?"

"Maybe..."

"That is so gross. I need a bath."

XXX

Hermione and Ron walked into the boys' dorm and saw Harry sitting on the bed, dead.

"Oh look. He's dead. The wizarding world is doomed. Wanna make out?"

"Sure." Hermione said, and they started kissing.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

Apart from every supporter of Dumbledore. They were all tortured and killed.

Oh, and Harry's dead, so no happily-ever-after there.

Ooh, I almost forgot. Voldemort kept getting asked out (by who is up to you) and ran up the water bill taking so many baths, and Lucius Malfoy had to pay it and went bankrupt. And Narcissa married Severus Snape instead. So Mr. and Mrs. Severus Snape are happy, but Lucius isn't.

Oh, and Voldemort is grossed out, but you have to admit, he kinda deserves. After all, he did take over the wizarding world. Stupid git. And you know, he never even once bowed down to me and called me his queen. I mean, some recognition would be nice, right? After all, I only took over north and south America, Asia, Russia and the southern part of Africa. But take over Britain and you get invited to all the Dark Lord and Lady parties. I mean, come on! How hard is it to take over England? It's tiny!

I am soooooooo getting revenge on Voldemort. That's that last time he's voted Dark Lord of the year at the conventions! And he has a snake face! AND he's getting all the dates! (The only good thing about that is only a fourth of them are from girls... Hurhurhur...)

THE X END

a/n: That's it. Sorry about the ranting at the end, but you know how it is. XD

Alla