Disclaimer: You're joking right? Sorry to disappoint but I do not own Harry Potter.

Pairing: Sirius/Harry, Lily/James, Draco/Hermione, Luna/Neville, Blaise/Cedric

Warnings: COMPLETE & UTTER AU!!!! SLASH!!!!

Plot: Harry Potter is the twin of the obnoxious Boy-Who-Lived Fitzwilliam. Now we all know that our dear slightly father neglected Harry is the true Boy-Who-Lived. However there is one small problem. The King of the Vampires, Sirius Black, has found his mate in the Boy Wonder. Now Sirius, Lily, Harry's friends, some vampires, and an immortal werewolf are going to teach the sarcastic, eccentric, insane Ravenclaw Harry that it's time to let the world see the true extent of his powers. Only he did not the whole true Boy-Who Lived thing on him. Only they need to surpass flirty redheads, meddling father, jealous siblings, slightly manipulative headmasters, an egomaniac Dark Lord, and that oh so troublesome wizarding government. So that Harry can free himself from those troublesome bonds of destiny and be with the man who is offering him true love. And you thought that your love life was complicated? A sibling BWL story with a twist!

A/N: Hi! LOOK A NEW CHAPTER DON'T KILL ME! (runs away)

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Chapter 6
School: A Place Satan Invented While He Was High
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'Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.' - Plato
'Plato was a bore.' - Friedrich Nietzsche
'Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.'- Leo Tolstoy
'I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.' - Ernest Hemingway
'Hemingway was a jerk.' - Harold Robbins
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September first started off as a normal day. Harry got up, went for a run, showered, got dressed, and had a well fortified breakfast. He generally ignored the chaos that was the Potter household the morning that the kids had to leave, learning it was wiser to pack your things the night before. He heard Fitz run around like a chicken with his head chopped off as he slid on a pair of flip flops. Rose knocked softly and stuck her bright red haired head in.

"Everything okay Harry?"

"I'm fine, Rose. All packed and everything." Harry answered with an easy smile as he grabbed his ratty black canvas messenger bag. He used it to bring books and a lunch he would pack.

"Are we going?"

Rose nodded with a small grin.

"Excited for fourth year Rosie?"

"Eh. Can't wait till Quidditch season. We'll kick your butts."

"In your dreams sister dearest." Harry said in a sing song voice as he placed his favorite pin stripe fedora on his head. He grinned as he picked up his trunk and messenger bag. He made sure Hedwig was safely in her cage before heading downstairs. Humming Harry dragged his trunk down bag slung over his shoulder.

He walked over to his mother, who smiled at her son. Lily seemed to be acting different the past few days. Ever since meeting Remus, Lily had seemed distracted. It was like something was weighing heavily on her conscience. Then, two days ago, she snapped out of it and she seemed much more cheery like she had decided to shove the weight off of her conscience.

"Ready to go, Harry?"

Harry nodded happily. He was glad to be able to get to school. He was glad to be able to get into his bed in the Ravenclaw dorms, even if he roomed with perverts and sex fiends. Lily saw that three out of her four children where there. Her husband running down with Fitz carrying his eldest son's trunk. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Alright kids you all know the drill. Harry you first since you were ready first."

With a growing sickness in his stomach (he hated floo), Harry grabbed a pinch of floo tossed into the fireplace and shouted clearly, "Platform nine and three quarters!"

He tripped and fell flat on his face. He sighed hearing the laughter of Violet and stuck out his tongue at her childishly. That only prompted his younger sister to giggle more at her brother's plight

"So are you gonna stand there and laugh or help your most favorite big brother up?" He asked her with a hint of dry sarcasm.

"I like stand here and laugh if you don't mind." Violet said with another smothered giggle.

"I burn you with my eyes!!!" Harry said with mock anger.

Violet chuckled and helped her brother up. He brushed himself off and grinned at Violet, who just rolled her eyes with a grin, grabbing his trunk. He turned seeing Fitz getting out of the fireplace followed by James. Lily walked out of the fireplace humming. She walked over to Harry and hugged him tightly before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Now write to me you hear?"

"Yes mum."

"Mind your sisters and make sure Fitzwilliam doesn't do anything too stupid." Lily said with practiced ease.

"Yes on the first part and no promises on the second part." Harry answered with equal ease. It was just too funny to see Fitzwilliam make an ass of himself

Lily laughed lightly. "Good luck my Raven."

Harry froze. She hadn't called him Raven in years, not since Dad had forbidden her to use that nickname. Harry looked into his mother's shiny eyes. Emerald met emerald and one set of emerald winked. Harry ducked his head to hide his grin. This would be a most interesting year indeed. He looked up seeing James staring at him, contempt showing in his hazel eyes. Harry mentally rolled his eyes. Honestly how can one man be so childish?

"Father…Have a super good year." Harry said with a fake amount of respect. James watched his son suspiciously. Harry skipped off dragging his trunk behind him. Lily stared after her son and laughed silently. She shook her head before turning to her daughters.

"Violet, Rose you two be careful. Alright? If you need anything don't hesitate to use your brother's owl. If he won't give it up then you remember what I taught you?"

"Blackmail him and threaten to give him a muggle swirly." Both girls answered simultaneously

"That's my girls! Good luck my precious flowers." She kissed their hair and sent them to say good bye to their father. She turned to her oldest son and forced a smile on her face.

"Have a nice year, Fitzwilliam. Keep up those grades as well." She kissed his hair and stood back before looking at her husband. Well her soon to be ex husband. She needed to get Harold on her side first, which shouldn't be too hard. It was no secret to those who watched him that Harold hated James with a fiery passion of a thousand suns.

"James?"

"Yes Lily flower?"

"I need to go out for a little bit this afternoon. You don't need to come with me. I just have some errands to run."

James turned his hazel eyes onto her and Lily suddenly remembered those golden eyes of the immortal werewolf. She shook her head as if clearing out the cobwebs and smiled.

"BYE MOM!" She heard Harry yell as the trained pulled out of the station.

"BYE MAMA LILY!!!" She heard Blaise shout. She grinned a little. That boy was her favorite of her son's friends..even if he was a little bit on the strange side. Alright so he was a lot on the strange side but you still had to love him. He was like a puppy! And who doesn't love puppies or other cute small furry animals? Lord Voldemort, that's who and no one wants to be like him right? (Well no one better want to be like him)

She waved and blew kisses, much to embarrassment of her children (and boy did she love embarrassing them). She hummed a tune and walked to the nearest floo. Yes this will be a good year indeed.

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Meanwhile on the train, our favorite Boy Wonder sat back down in his seat after waving good bye to his mom. He just chuckled for a moment. He exchanged a high five with Blaze. Mia was laughing and shaking her head at the two.

"One hell of a summer huh, Harry?" Blaze asked with a smile on his handsome face.

"You can say that again." Harry answered as he stretched out like a cat.

Blaze opened his mouth to say it again.

"No Blaze it's a muggle expression please don't say it again." Harry said rolling his eyes.

"Where's Draco?" Mia asked curiously. She looked around for their intrepid Slytherin friend.

"That my dear Mia I have no clue. Probably getting those bloody rich boy clothes off."

"Ah Harry! How nice of you to say! Here I thought you didn't care about me." A drawling voice entered the conversation as Draco walked in wearing a pair of nice jeans and a T-shirt that Mia got him that read 'Evil is Sexy'.

"Draco! What a funny coincidence." Blaise said happily, while the blonde glared at one of his supposed friends.

"Blaise, Harry how are the two of you on this lovely miserable day?" Draco said as he gracefully plopped down next to Mia.

"Good Draco."

"EXCELLENT DRAKEY!"

"Who the hell gave Blaise coffee?" Draco questioned.

"I think he just injects the caffeine into his veins." Harry explained solemnly.

"Ah."

"YEAH! ...Wait what?" Blaze said as he bounced in his seat.

"Nothing Blaze the grownups are talking." Harry patted his best friend on the shoulder.

"Awwww! I hate it when the grownups talk. I never get to participate." Here the Italian pouted like a small child. Draco and Harry shared a smile.

Mia just chuckled before turning the page in her book. She quickly checked her watch before marking the page. She stood up and glanced at the Slytherin.

"Draco c'mon we need to go to the Prefects meeting."

"Miiiiaaaa do I gotta?" Draco whined.

"I'll let you scare the first years."

"Hmmm…"

"And I'll buy you a licorice wand."

"Deal. Later mortals."

Blaise and Harry watched their friends leave the compartment.

"Blaze?"

"Yes Harry?"

"It scares me to think that some moron put Draco in a position of power." He said as he took a sip of water.

"Me too."

"You think that when he rules the world he'll give us cool jobs?"

"He said I can be in charge of the Department of Mysteries and the Department of Candy." Blaze said bouncing in his seat.

Harry stared at his best friend and wondered if putting Blaise in charge of the Department of Candy was a good idea. Then he wondered if such a wondrous thing as the Department of Candy exists. The fact that Blaze got the Department of Mysteries also scared Harry mainly because Blaze cannot keep a secret to save his life. He needed to do some research or be lazy and ask Mia.

"I got in charge of the Department of Unicorns and the Department of Education." He answered.

"Awesome dude." They both exchanged another high five.

"I know. Where are Neville and Luna?"

"Probably snogging their brains out."

"Yeah Neville!" Harry said pumping his fist into the air.

"I know." Blaise sighed sadly. "Merlin, I'm lonely."

"There There Blaze. I'm sure one day you'll get a man." Harry patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Yeah but until then…I'll have the memory of Remus' perfect ass to keep me company." Blaze looked off with a dreamy expression in his eye.

"Dude! My mom has a crush on him!!!" Harry said covering his eyes.

"So?! Can't she share?!"

"I'm not having this conversation anymore."

"Awww you're no fun."

"I'm oodles of fun! I just don't like to talk about the object of my mother's lust with my best friend."

"Like I said you're no fun."

"You're frustrating."

"My mother tells me that all the time!!"

"I wonder why." Harry said with a roll of his eyes before breaking for lunch.

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Meanwhile in Harold's Lair aka his Medical practice
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"Doctor Potter? Your brother's wife is here to see you," said a pretty blonde haired nurse.

Harold Potter looked up from a patient's file and smiled winningly, "Thank you, Janice. Could you please send her in?"

The nurse flushed a winning shade of rose before hurrying off to fetch Lily. The red headed woman walked in with an evil grin brightening her pretty face. "Harold! I have come to a decision!"

The vampire rose an eyebrow, "Oh really? What is it?"

"I want a divorce from James."

Harold jumped up and kissed her on the cheek, "I knew you had some sense! Blessed be! Now I assume you want my support for you to clean James out?"

Lily smiled, "If you don't mind."

Harold sniffed, "I am so proud."

Lily shook her head and wondered if there was such a thing as Chronic Crazy because it was obvious a fair few people in her family had it.

"So what are you planning for my dear dimwitted, many great grandson?"

Harold and Lily shared an evil smile. She leaned closer in to talk about the divorce plans with Harold.

The dark foreboding laughter that drifted from the office made the nurses question their career choice. Then it promptly made two children cry.

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Harry walked into the Great Hall with a bored expression on his face. Blaze was on his arm nattering away on something or other. Mia was in a deep conversation with Draco over an article she had read in some potions journal. Neville was beet red with Luna on his arm but he had a grin that could light up a disco ball. Luna…well Luna is Luna.

"So do we have to sit at the tables?" Blaze inquired with a pout.

"Since when have we cared, Blaze?" shot back Harry with a raised eyebrow.

Blaze adopted a look of one deep in thought, complete with stroking a pretend beard. He then answered his friend with a sweet smile, "Since fifteen past never o'clock?"

"Obviously. Drake, Mia, Luna, Nev you're with us."

Draco sighed, "How in Merlin's name do I get dragged into these things?"

Mia laughed brightly, "It's what happens when you're friends with Harry J. Potter?"

Draco nodded before asking, "Why are we friends with him again?"

"Can you imagine how boring life would be without him?" Neville questioned before walking to the Ravenclaw table with Luna on his arm. He skillfully ignored the whispering as best he could.

Luna gave an absent minded smile before looking at Harry, "Oh dear you're Miffle is back Harry."

"Really now Luna?"

The blonde smiled, "It has its mate. That means yours must be around here somewhere."

Harry blinked before flushing pink and looking around. Sirius was here? How did he get here? No…Harry looked up at the table and groaned.

There at the table looking as if he was on his throne was Sirius Black. Next to him was a grinning Remus Lupin.

Harry stared at them for a few moments before laughing. He started out silently at first before he buried his head in Blaze's shoulder and started laughing like a madman.

It was until Blaise checked out the Head Table that he started laughing too.

The general consensus with people who did not know the two well was that they had finally lost it.

The general consensus with people who DID know the two well was that they had finally decided to go with the wizards in the white robes.

The general consensus with the teachers was that genius did equal insanity. There was no fine line. Albus Dumbledore vaguely wondered why he hadn't watched the younger boy closer. If he was made there was a chance that he could be a risk later on.

The general consensus between an immortal werewolf and a certain lustful Vampire King was that said King had definitely found his perfect match.

Truth of the matter is this was going to be one hell of an interesting school year.

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H.N.: SORRY! I'm so so sorry guys! I had writers block! Then junior year started! I'm in a Writing class this year so I have had a bunch of work for that. Then I go this new fanfic idea and I'm just so sorry! Please don't kill me!

I love you all! There will be an update by Christmas I promise!