A/N: I know, I know. But, I cant say that i'm a DL shipper if I dont try my hand at one. If you havent guessed its a post Right next door fic...
Seriously though, writers. what were you thinking ? Anyway...
Hugs to Twinkeyrocks and kcatlin for reading it through and suggesting things. And i swear, i'm working on not listening to depressing music kcatlin! LOL
One last thing... TEAM LINDSAY.
Suddenly she's leaving,
Suddenly that promise of love has gone
Suddenly breathing seems so hard to do
Danny looked up as she slammed the door on her way out. She'd gone. Lindsay had left. She had put everything out there on the table. Her love, her heart, her soul, for him to take. But he didn't. He had stood; hands balanced on the counter, watching the scene play out before his eyes, he wanted to answer, but he couldn't... He hadn't responded, so she picked everything back up, took back the promises of love, took back her heart, and walked out. Now, breathing seemed so hard to do.
Can't believe you planned it
I got to know just a minute too late
Now my understanding, all the times we made love together,
Baby you were thinking of him
She sighed as she let her body slip down the door, so she sat in a heap outside his apartment. If she had known just a minute earlier, she would have saved the heartbreak, and humiliation she now faced. How could he have done it? Why did he do it? It made her skin crawl the mere thought of Danny and Rikki. She whispered it to herself.
"Danny and Rikki"
It wasn't "Danny and Lindsay anymore." As far as she was concerned, Danny's name was tinted with hurt and disgust, the pain he had inflicted on her.
Why do I love you, don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do, like I always do?
You should have told me. Why did you have to leave?
Oh love you like I do. Why do I love you, like I do?
Why did he have to love her? It would have been so much easier for him to have been able to turn around and say flat out, that he didn't love her. But that was just it, he did love her. But why? Why did he have to love her? Why did he get that privilege to love somebody as wonderful as what she was, when he had so royally screwed things up? If she had told him a week ago that she loved him, it might have, possibly, probably, brought him out of this bubble he had around himself. This self loathing, pity bubble he had constantly around him.
Aint gonna show no weakness,
I'm gonna smile and tell the whole world I'm fine
I'm gonna keep my senses but deep down when no one can hear me,
Baby I'll be crying for you
She wiped her tears away and slowly stood up. She was determined that this time, the lab was not going to know what was going on in her personal life, she wasn't planning on showing any kinds of weaknesses. She was fine before Danny, and as much as it killed her, she knew she would be fine, eventually, after Danny.
She let the tears roll down her face, "After Danny" even though she had prepared herself for heartbreak; she never thought there would be an 'After Danny'.
Ever since she had come to New York, Danny had been there in her life, always there, pissing her off, teasing her, helping her, supporting her, and, well, she thought he had loved her. But, it was appearing otherwise. Maybe she had been wrong?
She shook it off, and brought the smile back to her face, ready to face the world on her own. The smile she had perfected, trying to fool the world she was fine, was suddenly out of date. She knew for a fact that Stella, and Flack, wouldn't take the front she put on. Heck, even Mac wouldn't.
She was definitely keeping her senses. At work, she was professional, sure… it would kill her, but she knew she had to act civil at least, with her cheating so called boyfriend... Well, ex boyfriend.
She'd let him know, after she had gotten over the initial shock of the break up, that she was still there for him. Put a brave face on, no matter how much he had hurt her, they had been to hell and back. And, despite all what he had put her through, what she had put him though; she loved him, and wanted to be there for him.
But, it'd be in her apartment at night that she'd let the true Lindsay show. The Lindsay that cried for the loss of Danny in her life.
Why do I love you, don't even want to.
Why do I love you like I do, like I always do?
You should have told me. Why did you have to leave?
Oh love you like I do. Why do I love you, like I do?
Can't go back, and risk baby, your smiling face
I can't think of nothing else but you, suddenly.
Days ago, all he cared about was Ruben and Rikki, as much as it pained him to say it. Lindsay really had taken a back seat. And, now, both he and Lindsay were suffering. For what? A heated session on his couch, only for him to realize that it wasn't in fact Lindsay he was sharing the intimacy with, it was Rikki. He hadn't stopped it before it progressed into something more. He knew that it had been Lindsay he wanted there with him on the couch, but she hadn't been there. Rikki had.
Why do I love you, don't even want to.
Why do I love you like I do, like I always do?
You should have told me, why did you have to leave?
Oh love you like I do. Why do I love you, like I do?
Why? Why did she have to love him? Why couldn't she just get over him like he did her? Why did she have to have this connection, this chemistry with him? Why couldn't she get over the feeling of betrayal, the humiliation, the devastation? She let her legs carry her to the elevator, and pressed the lobby button time and time again, wanting to get out of his apartment building faster with every time she pressed the button. She needed to get out of the place where her life had crumbled in such a short space of time. She sighed and rested her head against the wall in the elevator. At least he had made it easier… not returning the love was better than loving her and Rikki, at the same time, and him having to choose... She knew for a fact she wouldn't have been able to deal with that. He had made it simple for her, country girl needed to get over the city boy.
She took a deep breath as the elevator doors opened, ready to brave New York City on her own.
"I'm not saying you have to forgive me, but Lindsay, please. We can work through this."
She blinked and saw Danny stood there, shirtless and in his sweats, tears in his eyes.
"How Danny, how can I do that?"
"Don't walk away from me"
"I have to-"she sniffed, holding the tears back, pushing past him.
"Lindsay, stay" he pleaded, holding onto her arm lightly
"Danny, I can't. I can't when I know what happened upstairs-."
"I'll move"
"Danny," she sighed "It's not good enough anymore"
"No Lindsay, I swear. I'll move" he insisted adamantly
"Danny, I'm not saying move. I'm just hurt. I thought I meant more to you, I thought-"
"You do Lindsay." He spoke softly while moving his hand down her arm so that he could take her hand
"No Danny, I don't" she sniffed, removing her hand from his grasp, making her shiver at the lack of his touch "If you can hold Rikki the way you used to hold me, I can't mean anything to you"
"But Lindsay, I can't just let you walk away; you mean so much more to me. What you said at the lab, and what you just said now, I do Lindsay. I've fallen in love with you. And I know, right now, that stands for squat, because of this mess I've made, but please, just consider giving me a chance. Just one more chance. I'll show to you that I'm in this for us. My eyes are wide open now Lindsay. It's you. It's always been you. It always will be you. If you'll have me"
"I'm not saying we're gonna be back where we were straight away. It's gonna take me time to come to terms with what you did. You've broken my heart Danny; I'm still not sure whether I can deal with that"
"Lindsay, let me prove to you it meant nothing"
"But Danny, the intimacy you shared with her. The kind we used to share, I'm not sure whether I can shake that. Whether I'm willing to shake it"
"Lindsay, please I can't lose you" he begged
"You can't lose me? Danny I lost my best friend the day Ruben died!"
"We need to talk, I can't lose you. We can work through this Lindsay. I haven't fought for you for 3 years for it to end like this"
"What were you thinking?" She had been thinking it since he had told her
"I wasn't Linds, I really wasn't thinking"
"Obviously" she snorted sarcastically
"I've blown this haven't I?"
"You haven't, but I need time. We need time"
"So we're gonna be okay?"
"I wouldn't go as far as okay. I want to make it through this, but I can't deal with your bullshit anymore Danny. Take a look at me Danny, it's draining me. Take the support I'm offering you, as a friend right now. Not a girlfriend."
"You're not my girlfriend?"
"I'm not your girlfriend Danny, no. Me and you right now. No. I can't, I owe it to myself. I can't be in a relationship with you right now"
She closed her eyes as soon as she said it, all the memories from the past year came flooding back
"I guess I deserved that?" he sighed sarcastically at her use of words
"Don't pull the attitude crap on me Danny. It was hard enough when you faced the other way when I told you I loved you. Don't pull that crap now"
"I'm not"
"Knock that shitty attitude off then. If anyone it's me that angry with you. You're the one that's screwing Rikki"
"Linds"
"Lindsay-"she corrected him
"Lindsay, please, come on, can we talk, properly about this?"
"I thought we were talking!"
"We are, but not here Lindsay, You hungry?" he smiled weakly, trying to change the subject
"Danny, you can't act like everything's okay. Because it isn't."
"Can we build it back up?"
"Danny,"
"Look, I don't want to rush you. But please Lindsay, I need my girlfriend. I need you, I need your support."
"What about when I needed my boyfriend Danny, where was he then? Where were you then? When I wanted to be there for you, you were having comfort sex with Rikki. All the while I was sat at home, wondering what the hell I could do to help you. Damn, I should have just come round in a trench coat, let you had your way with me, least then you would have-"
"Lindsay, please, come on." He grimaced, holding his hands over his ears
"Don't like it when I say it? You had sex with her Danny. Why? Why'd you do it? Why'd you do it to me?" she tried to fight back the tears
"Because with her, it meant nothing. It was just sex. Nothing else, I wasn't in the frame of mind for anything else. With you, I have emotion; when I make love to you, we have this connection, and it makes me realize how much I love you. With her, I felt nothing, I just felt numb, and I needed something till fill the void, and I knew if I'd have come to you. My heart wouldn't have been in it, and that wouldn't have been fair"
"Oh. So you just break mine instead by screwing the woman right next door, save yourself some heartbreak?"
"Linds, try to understand"
"Oh believe me Danny, I'm trying" she laughed sarcastically. "I think I'm half expecting you to scream we were on a break at me"
"We weren't though" he brows furrowed
"I know and that's what hurts Danny. I was there, and you chose not to come to me."
"Lindsay, if I could take anything in my life back, it'd be this"
"It's all too little too late Danny"
"Lindsay, please"
"Look Danny, I'm exhausted right now. I'm going home. Don't call me alright. Just let me go, I'll call you when I'm ready, it's up to you whether you see Rikki."
And with that, she turned and pushed through his building doors,
Okay, originally this was a one shot where they actually made up. But, in light of the erm, well… Last week's episode, I figured we'd go down a different path, so I'm thinking maybe a two/three shot. Either way really…
Reviews are loved... But, please. No flames about Rikki. I dislike the whole storyline too :)
And, so you know, I'm in the process of updating my other fic. I just wanted to get out all the angst bunnies before i wrote it into Why'd you have to go :)...