For Ellie, she demanded angst, so here it is.

Given the chance, would you change your life? Maybe the correct question should be, would you change how you live your life? Even if it meant breaking your heart? Even if it meant breaking someone else's?

If she was honest with herself, and she rarely was when it came to him, but if she was, she knew this was going to happen, she knew she was going to fall head over heals in love with him, again. Not that she could help it, but she just knew. The thing that hurt the most was knowing that although this was going to hurt her even more, she had to do it, for the sake of the her sanity.

"I can't do this anymore." The confession fell from her lips before she could stop it.

"What?" The blue eyes that had come to haunt her stared at her, confusion swirling beneath the surface.

"It's killing me." The death grip she had on the glass in her hand tightened. His hand strayed to her knee and she jerked under his touch, pushing him away. "Jethro, please don't make this harder than it already is."

"Jen…?" He questioned. She closed her eyes briefly, wondering how best to answer the unasked questions that were floating around them. However much she wanted to keep doing this, should couldn't, she loved him just too damn much, it was killing her because she knew he didn't feel the same, he may be fond of her, may love having sex with her, but he wasn't in love with her. She didn't know if he was capable of that kind of love anymore. She felt that the easiest way out was for her to blame it on herself. At least then he might get angry with her, and his anger she could handle; his pity and his unhappiness she couldn't.

"Oh come on Jethro, we both knew this wasn't going to last. We have tried before. We had a good run this time though, didn't we?" She smiled sadly at him and he narrowed his eyes; good, the anger was coming.

"Why?" He asked, and she almost shivered at the icy tone in his voice. She took a deep breath, of all of the possible questions that had gone through her head, the simplest, why, had never occurred to her.

"So many reasons." She answered, praying that he didn't want any specifics.

"I only need one Jen." He stared at her, willing her to answer. She sighed inwardly; how could she tell him that she didn't want it to be this way? That she wanted him to stay forever? But the change had to happen, even if it hurt both of them, in the long run it would be better, he would get over his anger of her, she would get over him, things would be better.

"Jethro…" She began, unsure of what to say. He stood and paced, his hands clenching at his side, his jaw muscles working over time.

"Why don't you just say Jen?" He demanded, his eyes flashing.

"Why can't you just leave?" She demanded back, deciding that her anger might be the best defense against her heart. He stalked out of her study, wrenching the front door open.

"Is this really what you want?" He asked, his voice suddenly quiet. He reached out for her and she stepped away from him.

"Just go Jethro." She pleaded, not knowing how long her resolve would hold for, pushing aside her need for him to hold her. He seemed to deflate, walking out of the door he turned half way out and brushed her cheek gently, barely touching the skin, but just enough to leave it burning under his touch.

"Fine Jen…but I wont stay gone."

The next part should be up soon...

V!

xox