Author's Note: This was an idea I came up with at work when I had nothing to do except mindless busywork. I realized this may be good enough to share when I kept catching myself laughing as I came up with new segments. Just for the record. I LOVE Higurashi. It's possibly my favorite anime, however I'm also a firm believer in picking on the things that I love. Some of the readers may find the jokes somewhat offensive. So if you think you will be offended treat yourself to the authentic Japanese censorship experience! It's simple! Just stare at a picture of a boat and listen to Yanni or some other sleepy,boring music. Anyway, you will need to have seen both seasons of this to get most of the jokes so be prepared. Finally may all posters of flame reviews find themselves on the painful end of K1's Louisville slugger. So, on that note...

Rated:T Genre: Comedy/Parody Warning: Violence/Somewhat offensive humour/Spoilers... no seriously...

Recently in Japan, the usually peaceful general public have experienced a strange spike in violence. The Media scrambled for a scapegoat to blame the recent events on to serve up to the panicking masses. Who was to blame for this! The carnage taking the Japanese streets by storm! Corrupting the children, and dragging morality, nay! Human decency through the mud. The Japanese reporters, at the end of their ropes turned their wary eyes west for answers. What would the western media do in this situation? Wait! Of Course!! Entertainment was to blame!

"Anime is corrupting our children!" The news echoed all through Japan. "This is no longer entertainment. These are guide books on damning yourself and all those you care about!" Ranted the newscaster waving a copy of the Higurashi manga in front of the camera. "I mean, this blatantly shows people being killed, and then people are killed in our streets! Coincidence? It is time that this filth is banned as snuff porn!!"

Meanwhile, In an executive boardroom, the cast of Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni sat at a round table meeting, nervously awaiting the decision of their P.R. people on how to fix the media circus threatening the series. "This is such crap." Mumbled Keiichi rocking in his black leather chair folding his arms behind his head.

"Calm down, Keiichi. This will all wash over soon enough." Rena said, trying to mask her own concern. An awkward silence filled the room, but was soon broken by the sound of the door opening as several very serious looking business men filed into the front of the room.

"We've talked it over with the President of the company and we have all come to a conclusion." The shortest of the group said while adjusting his dark rimmed glasses.

"What is it?" Rika asked. " According to the views of the media, you, and your show has damaged the very fragile minds of the general public. As well as humanity as we know it. To fix this, we must do a spin-off show that provides a service to that, previously stated humanity." The business man replied. The cast looked at each other, not knowing what to say until Shion broke the silence.

"What kind of spin-off?"

...one week later.

It's The Happy, Happy Hinawazawa Learning Hour For Kids! Starring Kei-Kei! Reading Rena! Math Masters, Mion and Shion!The Learning Lolis Friendly Furude, Happy Hanyu, and Smiling Satoko. The sultan of science Dr. Takano, and safety tips with Officer Oiishi. The Happy, Happy Hinamazawa Learning Hour For Kids! is brought to you by Angel-mort. Eat at Angel-mort! Because it's 1983, and they haven't built Hooters yet.

The cheerful music subsides as a spotlight fades in on Keiichi. "Since when when can Angel-mort afford advertising?" Keiichi asks someone off stage not realizing he's already on camera. "I can guess what kind of budget to expect on this piece of...Oh! Hey everybody! Are we all ready to learn?" Keiichi asks the off-screen audience with force enthusiasm as childlike voices respond with an enthusiastic "Yeah!" "Ok...yeah, so todays show is brought to you by the letter "H", the color "red", and the number "3". So without further delay let's meet our friend, Reading Rena!"Keiichi motions to his left eager to get off the camera. Rena nervously blushes as the spotlight falls upon her.

"Uh... Hi, um kids." She waves half-heartedly, as she leans in to Keiichi. "Um, Kei-chan. I really don't know what to say..." Keiichi scratches back of his head trying to hide the frustration.

" Well it's simple, Rena just teach us all about "H".Rena's face goes beat-red in embarrassment.

"K-Kei-chan how can you even suggest that!! I..I mean how would I know?! You're the pervert!" Keiichi stands for a moment dumbfounded.

"Wait, what? Uh...No! Not that kind of "H"! the letter! I mean tell them about the letter!" Kei screams holding up his hands in defense.

"Ooooh." Rena sighs in relief. "Well, "H" is a great letter that is needed in all sorts of words such as...umm. Hat!" Rena says cheerfully pointing at the white hat on her head. She smiles in self-satisfaction, pleased with her quick thinking.

"And..." Keiichi coaxes, trying to move the show along. "Umm... and in the word...Hau!" Rena Chirps. Keiichi pauses at a loss for words. Finally gathering himself he asks what everyone is thinking. "

"Hau?" What is "Hau"?" Rena smiles to the camera.

"Well, to explain that I'll need to use a visual aid. Rika!!" Rena calls off stage. A reluctant Rika walks in wearing a very frilly maid's outfit. Rena immediately begins overheating. "Hau!! I want to take you home!!" She says blubbering over a now looking quite alarmed Rika. The camera closes up on Keiichi who slaps his forehead in frustration.

"Rena, you can't just make up words!" When he looks up however, he sees that Rika and Rena have both vanished. "Aw hell... We'll be back after a few commercials kids! Sit tight!" Keiichi calls over his shoulder to the camera before running off the stage. Off camera, you can hear Kei yelling "Ooishi! I need you to file a "missing persons" report!" as the scene fades to Jiro smiling at the camera.

"Hi everyone! Do you have trouble finding that special someone? I sure did. I had thought that I found "that certain special someone" but she just wanted to inject me with level 5. Then I found Catch.con. Their system matched me up with hundreds of singles. So now the only thing I'm injected with...is love." A disembodied voice chimes in as Jiro winks at the camera. "Catch.con. For when you're last date tried to kill tried to kill you."

That's it for now. Will Keiichi be able to bring the crew together for this epic failure of a show? Find out. Same Hinamazawa time. Same Hinawazawa channel.