Authoress's note (HA! Get it?): I recently got a shower radio, and when this song played, a story started typing itself in my head.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or any Pink songs. Actually I don't think I own anything of any significance.
The song is "Who Knew?" by P!nk. I recommend listening to it first, if you can.
Who knew?
A sad songfic by: Llama mama23
This takes place during the trip back from Port Angeles with Jessica and Bella, in New Moon. Bella just came out of zombie-land.
I know in the book it says that she was too focused on hearing Edward's 'voice' for the first time to hear the songs playing, but for my story to work, I have to change all that.
Bella's Point of View
Jessica was driving too fast. Outside, the trees flew by faster than my eyes could focus on them; I must have really freaked her out. I was still relishing in the faint echo of Edward's voice, still ringing through my head with crystal-clear clarity. Jessica angrily turned the station back from whatever rap I'd put it on during the car ride to the movies, back to her favorite station that played love songs and happy music. My worst nightmare.
Jessica stared out the front windshield, careful not to make any eye contact with me whatsoever, making it very clear that she did not want to talk.
As I stared out my window, I could feel the memory of his voice start to fade, leaving me empty and cold. I faint thrum of pain edged around my chest, not yet enough to really hurt, but enough to tell me that it would. Very soon.
Then the song came on. Jessica would probably implode if I asked to turn it back to harmless rap, so I slouched in my chair, trying not to listen to the words that told the story of my life.
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
I'd heard this song before. During a different part of my life; a happier one. When I'd heard it the first time, a certain someone had leaned down, and whispered in my ear that he'd always be around; that he loved me. And I believed them. I'd been sure that he'd never leave. That was at the dance. One of the last happy memories.
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew?
Forever. One simple word, yet so significant in my life. It held so many more implications to me than to any other human on the planet, so many more possibilities. In my old life, that word would mean something. Not just a definition, but a reality, a way of life.
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
His cold skin; his velvet words. My arm flew around my middle, vainly attempting to hold my broken body together. Jessica glanced at me from the corner of her eye, and quickly looked away; I probably looked like I was going to throw up. I clutched my stomach tighter, using all the strength available in my fragile human arms.
When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew?
The kids at school, all saying that it would never last; that someone like him wouldn't be interested in someone like me for long. It was only a matter of time. It always was.
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened?
All the memories. Etched in my head forever, yet in so much danger of being forgotten. His family, his voice, everything about him. About all of them. Alice… Esme… Why didn't they say goodbye?
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
The last kiss. So hard, yet gentle at the same time. Familiar in unpleasant ways, spelling out for me that the end was coming. I pushed the memory aside, my breathing getting heavier as I struggled to pull air into my lungs, struggled to push all the thoughts aside until I could collapse into pieces in private.
Until we meet again
We never would meet again. Never. That was the one promise that I knew he'd keep. Forever.
And time makes
It harder
Time healed all wounds. Or so he thought. He must not remember being human, or he would know that time helps nothing. All it does is make us humans look uglier as we wallow in the pain of our pasts.
I wish I could remember
I could never think of him. It hurt too much. My stomach felt like it was trying to claw its way out of my body, my skin like it was trying to run away from me; everything hurt, but none of the pains came close to the gaping hole that was repeatedly being stabbed in my heart. It intensified when I though of never remembering him at all, never knowing what I knew now.
Forbidden to remember, yet terrified to forget.
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
His face… His touch…
My darling
Who knew?
I could feel his name burning at the entrance to the gate I'd made for it; to keep it from ever crossing my mind. He was always him. Never his name. But it was trying to burn its way out; I could feel it.
My darling
My darling
Who knew?
My darling
I miss you
Edward! Edward! Edward! Jessica pulled up to my house and I raced out of the car, not even able to get the words 'thank you' or 'goodbye' out of my mouth. I stumbled into the trees surrounding my house, collapsing against a dead oak and slowly sliding down its length until I hit the wet forest floor, hardly noticing as it seeped through my jeans. I was so wrapped in my cocoon of pain that I hardly noticed the single tear that slid slowly down my face. If I had, I would have been very surprised; my tear ducts seemed to have broken with my heart, dried up from too many hours crying. Memories swirled in my head, clouding my vision and blocking out anything but the pain. My eyes closed as my body slowly put me to sleep, in an attempt to ease my suffering, but I knew it would only last for a few minutes. Even a short relief from the agony would be too good to be true. I'd probably wake up in about three minutes, go back home to Charlie, stumble up to my room, and fall apart all over again.
My darling
Edward… I love you…
Who knew?
A/N: This is a nice companion piece to my story "Blank Pictures." If you liked this, go check that one out.