Nicholas: Another challenge of A Hotter Kiss, hah! This was the challenge: "A humor oneshot. Implied slash (but nothing too heavy about sex, maybe some cute love). Here is the key, the word FUCK should be used a minimum of 50 times. Fucked, Fucking, Fucker, and all other variations do count." Well, I think I succeeded. The thing I found difficult was making it implied slash as opposed to what I'm used to writing...heh, anyway. Fuck, and all its variants, is used 56 times. The subject matter was inspired by a hat I crocheted for my sister for when she goes off to college.

Disclaimer: I'd make Troy Duffy proud. His movie had fuck 251 times (approx.), so I think I'm getting there.

Rating: M...LANGUAGE!!...suggestivene

Keep it a Secret

I've never been able ta be sure that Connor won't tell me secrets. O' course we have that bond—comes with bein' twins—but I've always had this fuckin' fear that if I let a secret slip, even ta Conn, it'd be as good as written on the front page of the fuckin' Times. So I keep me secrets to meself, an' guard them valiantly. Unfortunately, when ya live with someone whom ya share ev'rythin' with (an' I mean ev'ry-fuckin'-thin') it's a bit hard ta hide stuff. Things get found eventually. Like taday fer instance…fuck.

"Murphy, what the fuck is this?" That light-hearted chirp that's oh-so-fuckin'-discernible as me brother in his jack ass mode came out across the room an' I knew somethin' was wrong.

I looked up an' ta me absolute and utter fuckin' horror, I saw my twin lookin' down inta a bag that now lay open on his bed. Inside were various colors and shades o' yarn and a few crochet hooks that I'd collected over the years. I did this in secret, an' wasn't I just a foolish fuck fer thinkin' I could keep a secret from Connor. Maybe I could save meself by playin' dumb. "I don' know, what is it?"

"I found this shoved behind a loose panel on top o' the shower." Connor, ya fucker! Why the fuck, in the name of all that is righteous and fuckin' holy would ya go look there? What the FUCK!? "It's yers, en't it?"

So much fer playin' dumb. Fer a moment I thought is suddenly got really fuckin' hot in here I felt like a stupid fuck-up when I realized it was 'cause I was blushin'. That's it. I was officially fucked at this point. I looked away, 'cause that's all I could think ta do, while he was havin' a fuckin' ball goin' through my fuckin' shit.

"Jesus, Murph…I didn't know ya knew how ta knit." He was pickin' up a half-finished blanket I'd been workin' fer a fuckn' month now.

"It en't knittin'. It's called crochetin'."

"Why doesn't it comfert me that ya know there's a difference?" Oh, ya fuckin' bastard!! "What's this? A scarf?"

Now I couldn't take his rootin' anymore. I stood an' practic'ly shoved him away from it. "Yeah, it's a fuckin' scarf. Now leave it the fuck alone." I snatched the little yarn creation away from him and stuffed it back in the bag b'fore zippin' the fuckin' thing up.

"What's with the fuckin' temper?" He was just so fuckin' cute right then. What with his eye brows an' hands raised in surprised like that. Then he turned into smug fuck- off an' put his hand on me shoulder like he was gonna give me some desperately needed advice. 'Cept I didn't fukcin' ask fer it! "Is there somethin' my little brother wants ta tell me?"

"Don' fuckin' touch me, jerk-off!" I swatted his hand away an' immediately picked up my bag, about that walk away with that oh-so-fuckin'-recognizable "I fuckin' hate yer guts" walk that many girls an' some guys use ta diss someone else

"Oh c'mon Murph, don' be like that." I felt him grabbed both my shoulders and pull me backwards. Jesus, now he wants ta fuckin' hug me—fucker. "Don't act like that, ya look like I just broke up with ya."

As much I want ta be fuckin' pissed off at him fer violatin' my fuckin' personal space, I can't…I'm such a fuckin' pushover. An' he's just so damn cute! Fuck…

"C'mon, Murph…" He pulled me back against his chest, "Ya know ya fuckin' love me." A much played out line. Pardon me as I make a fuck-up o' him.

"I'm sorry, I think I misunderstood ya. Did ya just say 'ya know ya wanna fuck me'?"

He chuckled inta me hair. "Fuck ya, ya little bastard."

"Oh, so ya did?" I shouldered him off o' me so I could fuckin' breathe fer a few fuckin' moments. "That's what I thought, my little brother."

"Oh, the fuckin' cheek. C'mere ya little cocksucker." No-fuckin'-way! I was clear across the room by then. I set down me hobby bag an' made ready ta run fer me fuckin' life if need be, watchin' him closely. "I see, ya want time alone ta do yer 'crochetin'.'"

My eyes narrowed o' their own accord. "Don' fuckin' make me send ya cryin' home ta Ma again, Conn."

"Again? When was the last time? Refresh my memory, ya fucker." He beckoned me forward, ta throw the first punch, I assume. Fuck that…I know exactly where this'll lead—like it always does. Blows turn ta touches, bites ta kisses an' then neither of us really need ta wonder where it'll fuckin' go from there.

I wasn't in the mood fer that. I didn't feel like doin' that sorta thing, 'cause I was still a bit worried about my little fuckin' hobby gettin' discovered by ev'ryone an' their fuckin' brother. "Not now."

His stance lost it's gravity an' he adopted a look o' genuine, fuckin' confusion. About fuckin' time. "What's wrong? Is it the fuckin' yarn thing?"

"Yeah it's the 'fuckin' yarn thing.'…" I imitated him as best I could an' made it sound a bit mockin' as well, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get back inta that playful, fuckin' mood.

"Well, don' worry about it. I won't tell if ya don' want me to." As much as I fuckin' wanted ta trust that, I couldn't let meself. It just wasn't my habit.

I sat down on the couch with a nod an' he came up ta me then. "Murph, c'mon. It's not like it's the worst thing in the world. Yer pretty fuckin' good at it."

"Thanks…"

He smiled an' sat down next ta me, puttin' his arm around me shoulders. "Just outta curiosity. What's the hat fer? Ya gonna sell it er somethin'?"

"Nah, I was gonna give it ta ye fer our birthday."

"Fuckin' what?"

I laughed my fuckin' ass off at the look on his face.