ONE

Jen's heart slammed against her rib cage with such force it made her chest hurt. Gulping in huge breaths of air she struggled to free herself from the twisted wisps of the nightmare.

"Damn it." She hissed between breaths. "Just one night. Is it too much to ask for just one night's sleep?"

Between the memories of being kidnapped, horrific dreams about the Wraith attacking her friends and family back on Earth, and worried thoughts of Ronon, John and Rodney, she couldn't sleep for more than an hour or two without shocking herself awake.

She knew they were all safe aboard the Daedalus. Ronon was fine. The Wraith didn't reach Earth. John and Rodney were rescued from the jumper after the Midway station was destroyed.

She repeatedly told herself they were fine.

Hell, she'd even had the medical team on the Daedalus confirm they were all fine. Yet somehow, knowing they were okay, and actually physically seeing they were okay was apparently two very different things, because until she could actually see them with her own eyes, and check them out for herself, she wasn't able to believe it.

She knew it was foolish, and she knew the worry was just fuel for the nightmares, but she couldn't seem to stop it from happening over and over, night after night.

She flopped back down onto the pillow her breathing staggered and shaky. Jamming the heels of her hand over her eyes she fought the tears threatening to come.

God, she was so tired!

With an exasperated sigh Jen checked her watch. One twenty a.m. She'd barely been in bed for forty minutes this time.

"Damn it."

She stared at the ceiling and wanted to just give in and cry. But she didn't. Wouldn't. After a few minutes of feeling sorry for herself, she swiped a rogue tear away and crawled out of bed. Yanking on her running shoes she prepared for what had become her new nightly ritual – walking the empty halls until she was too tired to dream.

Roaming around, half asleep, half awake, she made a slow circuit of the core of the city. Eventually her legs started to feel like rubber, which was usually her cue to fall into bed and hopefully sleep for another couple hours before starting again. Only tonight her mind wouldn't stop thinking. Wouldn't shut down.

She shrugged and shook her head. She didn't technically have to be on duty until two o'clock tomorrow afternoon. She could always catch a nap once the sun came up. For some reason daylight made the sleep come easier, but unfortunately, she couldn't work afternoon's forever.

She turned through one of the lower doors and headed outside, the cool night air filling her lungs. Jamming her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie, she walked until she forgot why she was walking. She finally stopped and slid down against the side of a building. Pulling her legs to her chest Jen stared out at the lights across the city and lost herself in thought.

Touching her fingers lightly to her lips, she smiled.

Now why couldn't she just dream about more of that?

She shook her head and laughed softly.

Okay, yeah, so what if she missed him?

It wasn't like she had an actual reason to miss him.

She just… did.

The man drove her absolutely crazy. She could barely speak a coherent sentence around him, he made her so flustered. The first time he'd shown up in the infirmary and glared at her with the full power of those deep green eyes, she was lost.

She wasn't afraid of him.

She was afraid of herself.

He made her want things she shouldn't be wanting. Couldn't be wanting. She was the CMO of an expedition to a galaxy on the other side of the universe for God's sake. She shouldn't be pining after a man who was so far out of her league it was laughable. He was a warrior. And she couldn't even kill a spider. They weren't the least bit compatible.

Or so she'd try to convince herself.

Then her mind would drift quickly to the what-if's and the questions would begin anew. What if Zelenka hadn't reset the power at that exact moment? What if he'd kissed her then? What if she were to ask him to dinner? A date? Would he say yes? Would he say no?

She'd wanted to ask him.

To find out.

But hadn't been given a chance yet.

It had been a month since she'd last seen him - and she'd been so schnockered on painkillers she barely remembered their conversation. She'd still been in the infirmary when he headed to Earth for his interview with the IOA.

"Back in a couple of days." Was all he'd said.

A couple of days, my ass, she muttered.

A couple of weeks was more like it.

Jen shook her head. At least he'd finally be back home tomorrow. They'd all be back tomorrow.

And she'd be so damn tired she probably wouldn't even notice.

That thought made her smile. Then giggle. Then it developed into a laughter so strong she stopped making noise. Tears ran down her face with the force of the emotion and she dropped her head onto her knees to ride it out.