It was yet another beautiful warm summer day at the abbey of Redwall.

And the author would yet again remind everyone that he does not own Redwall (which is property of Brian Jacques).

A cloaked figure was walking up the dirt path running past the abbey. The cloak, despite being completely ragged, faded and tattered, it somehow hid the wearer's species and gender so that nobeast would've known who or what it was. The figure stopped in front of the ancient Redwall, and looked up at it for a long time.

Then it held up a cloaked arm, and there was a snap of claws.

At that very instant the red sandstones of Redwall Abbey became a bright sparkling pink, with flecks of gold and creamy ivory. The abbey became every Barbie's dream come true. But that wasn't all.

Almost all of the creatures inside the abbey disappeared. Now only four creatures remained, for they were the only ones the cloaked figure cared about.

Abbess Mhera, the only otter that the author of this fic knows that is not hated by Snuffsnuff, walked along Great Hall, taking in a satisfied sigh as she mentally reviewed all the things that were necessary for running Redwall. Such things were harvesting, keeping up the building, making certain that the walls weren't crumbling, that all the creatures within were living quiet, peaceful lives. Or so she thought. The abbess hadn't noticed the change in her abbey, for she had been so preoccupied with her thoughts.

The ottermaid paused in front of the tapestry of Martin the Warrior, and was about to say something to the warriormouse when all of a sudden-

BAM!

Mhera's head snapped towards the door, and was nearly blinded by the dazzling radiance that was swooping in from the threshold.

"Dah!" said Mhera, flinging her arms in her face to ward off the light.

When the blasted light finally faded away, the ottermaid lowered her arms to see another ottermaid.

This ottermaid, however, would be undoubtedly hated by Snuffsnuff.

She was tall and slender and delicate and freakishly beautiful beyond all compare. Her chocolate brown fur had a glossy golden highlight to it, and it was so sleek and shiny that one could've ice skated on it. As for her eyes, they were huge and round and curved, framed in long dark curved lashes, aqua green as the sea and turquoise, sparkling with a thousand diamonds.

Mhera stared at the other otter, her eyes wide and her mouth a small thin line.

The ottermaiden, however, only smiled, showing off two rows of flawlessly white pearl-like teeth.

"Hello. My name is Mariella Songsweet Moonscent Butterfly Oceanbeauty Autumngold the Warriormaid, the Swordmaid, the Chosen of Destiny, the Harp of Love, the Melody of Music, the Avatar of Beauty, and the Sunset of Hope."

Mhera slowly blinked, still a little in shock over the whole situation, but she eventually regained her senses. She folded her arms into her sleeves and said, very calmly, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to leave the abbey immediately."

She had expected the Sue to be surprised, but as it turned out, Mhera was the one who became surprised, for Mariella gave a sweet little laugh and said, "I thought you'd say that!"

Mhera blinked again, rather taken aback. "Y-you did? Then why did you bother coming here at all?" Something was up, Mhera just knew it.

"Oh," said Mariella, smiling. "I took the necessary precautions before coming here."

The words barely left the Sue's lips before two large, steely paws grabbed Mhera's shoulders from behind and whirled her around to face another otter, only this one was a male, towering with huge muscles bulging from his kilt-clad frame, his eyes emerald with silver flecks, his face perfect and gorgeous and exceedingly handsome.

His entire appearance somehow took Mhera only an instance to take in before the otter-stu slammed his lips against hers' with bruising force.

Mhera's eyes widened and then rolled up into her head, and she lost all control of herself. . . .

Nimbalo was inside the gatehouse, busily reading a book of the history of Redwall, so engrossed that he too hadn't noticed the change in the abbey. However, he did notice the growling of his stomach; he hadn't eaten since breakfast, and he was steadily growing hungry.

The harvest-mouse set the book down and walked out the door with the intent on going to the kitchens--

-- only to come face-to-face with another mouse. A female mouse. An exceedingly beautiful mouse.

A mouse with beauty beyond anything Nimbalo had ever seen: fur as golden as a field of ripened grain with the summer sun shining down upon it, and eyes the color of a vivid blue-green, much like sapphires and emeralds sparkling with a thousand diamonds held up to a clear summer night. Her slender, delicate form was clad in a black-and-gold-trimmed tunic that matched her radiant eyes and complemented her brilliant fur.

Her entire appearance took Nimbalo only an instant to take in before she had her lips pressed against his as though they were magnetized together.

Like Mhera, Nimbalo only had time to widen his eyes before he lost every ounce of control of himself. . . .

Fwirl was the only one of the remaining four abbeybeasts that actually had noticed something different about the abbey.

She had been up in a tree picking apples when suddenly the fruit became ridiculously bright and sparkly, as did the trees and grass and even the sky. The squirrelmaid looked around wildly, not knowing what was going on, and called down to her husband Broggle, only to see that he wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Broggle?" she called, landing on the ground, her almond eyes darting this way and that. The abbeygrounds were deserted, something which terrified the young squirrel.

"Broggle!" she called again, but this time she was answered.

"He's gone," a voice answered.

"Gone?" Fwirl cried, looking around vainly to locate the speaker. "What do you mean gone?"

"He's gone so that you can finally have a worthy mate."

And with that, two strong, rough-worn paws grabbed Fwirl from behind and whirled her around to face another squirrel: male, tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and shockingly handsome, with bright vivid red-gold fur and smoking charcoal-black eyes. The male's perfectly sinewy frame was clad in a black kilt held up by an elaborate gold belt studded with rubies and emeralds.

It took Fwirl only an instant to take all this in before the male squirrel had his lips against hers with eager force, and the only thing Fwirl could do was widen her eyes before all her senses left her. . . .

The last of the remaining four abbeybeasts, Deyna Taggerung, was stretched out on the ground near the abbey pond, having a peaceful sleep after a good swim.

Mariella Songsweet Moonscent Butterfly Oceanbeauty Autumngold the otter-sue practically floated over to him, her dainty footpaws not even bending the most fragile of grass-blades. She kneeled down to next to him with the grace of thousand swans and gently ran her delicate paw across his brow.

Even though he was asleep, his warrior instinct told Deyna that something was amiss. The former Taggerung snapped his eyes open, but alas, just like the other three beasts, in an instant Mariella's beauty was taken in by his eyes, her lips were jammed against his, his eyes widened and then rolled back into his head as he too lost all control of himself. . . .

Mariella smiled contentedly as she looked over the new and "improved" Redwall Abbey, or Pinkwall Abbey, as she had so "improvingly" renamed it.

There were no more of those dratted moles with their filthiness and horrid accents. No more of those icky, stupid hedgehogs with those icky, stupid spikes. No more treacherous voles, no more hideous shrews, no more of the ugly, annoying species that had plagued Mossflower long enough!

Now there was just otters, mice and squirrels! How lovely was that? Of course, there were still only eight creatures at Redwall: Mariella and her three fellow Sues, along with the four abbeydwellers they had "saved." But that was enough for now.

And not only that, but thanks to Mariella's fantastic Sue-powers, the abbey stayed clean on its own so that nobeast would ever have to pick up a broom or washcloth again; the orchard and gardens took care of themselves so that nobeast would ever have to tend to them; and the abbey bells tolled by themselves at certain times of the day so that nobeast would ever have to bother themselves ringing it.

Now nobeast had to do any more icky work. They could just laze about under the warm, shining golden sun, wrapped in the loving arms of their soul-mate, complementing each other and comforting one another about their horrendous pasts.

Mariella looked about at the three other pairs and smiled with satisfaction:

Mhera and her stu-husband were snugging and tickling one another, Mhera looking like she was confessing all her insecurities and lost dreams;

Nimbalo and his sue-wife were hugging each other intensely, Nimbalo looking like he was being comforted over his abusive father;

Fwirl and her new husband wrapping each other up in their long, huge, fluffy tails, Fwirl looking like she was talking about her horrid, lonely past and how her parents were brutally murdered in front of her as a child.

As for Mariella and Deyna, she was giving him a belly-rub as he crooned softly to her, whispering that she was his purpose in his cold, hard, loveless life. Mariella's smile went even wider as she glanced at the four abbeybeasts she had "saved." Not only were they happy in the arms of their new spouses, but they themselves had been treated to a lovely make-over:

Mhera was a million times prettier than she had been, with sleek smooth glossy fur the color of chocolate with rich chestnut highlights, and her eyes were a deep dark color, like two pools of mysterious black water. Gone was her ugly abbess-habit, and in its place was a long, floaty, lily-white gown that flattered every part of her perfect body.

Nimbalo was taller, broader, and handsomer than ever, his fur out-and-out gold rather than his previous (and boring) golden-brown, his eyes big and bright and sky-blue with streaks of sea-blue. His yellow tunic was now a golden kilt trimmed in ebony black, held up by a dark, ruby-studded belt.

Fwirl was the least changed of the abbeybeasts, but she was still more beautiful than she had been, and was even more perfect-looking than usual, and she glowed with a radiant fire in her fur.

As for Deyna, he too was taller and broader, his muscles much larger than they ever had been, his features the epitome of masculine perfection, his crimson-red kilt made of silk and held up by a pearl-studded black belt.

Mariella sighed and brushed her perfect paw against Deyna's perfect cheek. The former Taggerung looked up at her with such longing in his beautiful dusky eyes and whispered, "I love you."

"I know," Mariella replied with a sweet smile, and with that, she placed her lips against his, thus deepening the Sue-spell she had cast over him. As long as the Sues kept on kissing their spouses (aka prisoners), they would never again come back to normality.

Releasing Deyna's lips from her own, Mariella leaned her head against his chest and sighed contentedly. Everything was so . . . perfect. . . .

No, not perfect.

Something was missing.

Mariella lifted her head slightly and looked about the abbey. Everything certainly looked and felt wonderful, as well as beautiful and perfect, it seemed like there was one more ingredient that her Sue-spell needed. . . .

Suddenly the otter-sue smiled. Of course! Why didn't she think of it sooner?

Ruggan Bor sat within his tent on the south coast. It had been more than two seasons since he had attempted to take over Redwall Abbey, only to be completely subdued by the Badger Lord Russano the Wise.

Of course, Ruggan had been extremely wise in not challenging the badger, and many of his horde had agreed that it was all that they could do: they had been severely outnumbered and surrounded, and a lot of the hordebeasts were actually relieved they hadn't fought, being so glad to be alive.

But there were still those hordebeasts who grew cocky with Ruggan's defeat. They seemed to think that just because he backed down that one time, he do it again, and that they would make much better horde-leaders.

The golden fox blew air out his nose harshly. He had backed down from fighting a badger, a badger! He would like to see those treacherous vermin face-to-face with one of those creatures, and he knew they would be grovelling and blubbering like newborn babes within seconds.

The leader of the Juskabor stood up and headed for the entrance of his tent, intent on asking one of his captains of the goings on of his horde. True, he could've waited until evening when they regularly reported to him, but the golden fox was feeling restless and decided that the sooner he knew about certain things, the better.

Ruggan Bor lifted his tent flap and saw --

--a vixen.

He had never seen her before, she was not of his horde (which had mysteriously disappeared just as the other creatures at Redwall had), and was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Her fur was golden, like his, soft and lustrous, shining as brightly as the sun. But her eyes were like two large meadows of violets sprinkled with amethysts and diamonds sparkling in the sunlight. Her tall, slender, delicate frame was clothed in a lovely purple tunic trimmed with elegant black that gorgeously complemented her fur- and eye-color in a most spectaculor way.

It hardly need be said, but it only took Ruggan Bor an instant to take in this vixen-beauty's appearance before she had her lips against his with incredible force.

Ruggan's eyes widened, then rolled back into his head. . . .

Mariella nodded, completely satisified. That had been what was missing. A vermin. A reformed vermin, not to metion a reformed warlord vermin; those were the best kind!

Ruggan Bor and his new wife were now living at Redwall in utter happiness and joy.

Now there were five couples living at Redwall, where they spent their days laying about in the sun and spent their nights feasting and singing away.

Mariella sighed. Everything was perfect . . . and improved.

A/N: This idea has been in my head for the longest time, and with all the great Sue-parodies being written right now, I just had to get out there.

Skyfur: The Sue-vixen is not a parody of Rosebay Willowherb, I am not making fun of you, okay? Okay.

Anyway, happy writings! God bless!

- Kelaiah -