Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!, or there really would be an omake episode like this one.

I went around the internets looking for easy recipes, and upon finding a recipe, I somehow overlooked the entire ingredients. The actual recipe was confusing, so don't try and make this dessert. Usual crack, swearing, and slight sexual overtones.

Hikari Konohana, one half the current Etoile, smiled and kindly greeted the students she passed along the uniquely colored hallways of St. Lulim. On top of the more boring administrative and figurehead duties of being Etoile, she also got to have fun from time to time. On this occasion, she was invited to make a special guest appearance at the Cute and Colorful Dessert Club, where she would then teach the members how to prepare her favorite dessert.

Unfortunately, Hikari only remembered the invitation after Kaname Kenjou reminded her about it during a brief Student Council meeting a few minutes earlier, which for some reason only Hikari, Kaname and Momomi attended. And, apparently, the club had been sending requests to the Etoile for quite some time.

Poor Hikari almost panicked about not having any recipe, and therefore not being able to go to the meeting, therefore gaining a bad reputation within the Cute and Colorful Dessert Club, who would then spread word throughout St. Lulim, eventually making it back to the much-adored and much-loved, and ever amazing and wonderful St. Lulim Student Council President, Chikaru Minamoto. And because everyone loved Chikaru-sama, no one ever dare piss her off.

Before Hikari had a nervous breakdown, Kaname simply smiled (suspiciously, but it then again it was Hikari) and reassured our little blonde twit.

"Etoile-sama, you've been so busy lately, that I held the invitation from you because I didn't want to add more work onto your already heavily burdened shoulders. So last night I took it upon myself and found a recipe much befitting your sweet personality. I even already informed the club members of the preparation of the ingredients, but not what it was for. I think you'll find it most… delicious."

Kaname then shoved a sealed envelope into Hikari's hands. But before the younger girl could open it, Kaname looked at the clock on the wall.

"Oh, would you look at that! The meeting is just about to start. It wouldn't do for the Etoile to be late for an appointment!"

And with that Kaname spun the confused Etoile around and practically shoved her out the door. I said practically, because the door was closed, so Hikari was actually pushed into the door. Kaname coughed an apology and opened the door, ushering the girl out.

Holding her throbbing nose, Hikari left the room but not before letting out a string of bad words. "Dang", "poopie", "crap", "oh, jeez" and "holy-fucking-hell, that hurt like a mother-fucker!" were among them.

Back in the present, Hikari found herself standing in front of a classroom. Before knocking, she heard soft laughter followed by low moans. Curious (and a little perverted), Hikari put her ear up to the door.

"Oh, Ms President…right there."

"Oh, you like that, Ms. President?"

"Mmm. Oh yes, Ms. President."

"Ms. President, let's apply it directly to that sexy shiny forehead….oh…OH!"

Oh, shit! Hikari screamed inside her skull.Wanting to erase what started as a nice image turned horribly, horribly strange, Hikari quickly detached her ear from the door and headed further down the hallways.

Finally making it to the correct classroom, Hikari stopped to compose herself; she could hear soft chatter from the other side of the door. She took a deep breath, knocked, and opened the door to the Cute and Colorful Dessert Club. She was met with an explosion of HAPPY COLORS as a giggly sea of pink and yellow, and a few spread out white and black clumps cheerfully greeted the Etoile.

All the members were already situated at their tables with the ingredients prepared and baking supplies ready for use; a gentle scent of fresh strawberries hung in the air. The room itself was decorated very brightly with colorful frilly things, making it look like the Easter Bunny had a party, in which he drank too much, and threw up all over the place.

After formal introductions were done, Hikari took her post at the front of the room, all eyes anxiously on her as she took out the envelope Kaname had given her. Even now, after a couple of months of speaking in front of various sizes of crowds, Hikari still got nervous, but would quickly overcome the initial butterflies and move on to the task at hand. She calmly, yet confidently unfolded the piece of paper and read it…

…and promptly dropped her jaw. Unwilling to believe what she had just read, Hikari looked over the paper once more. Much to her dismay, the text did not magically change, and a blush quickly grew on her cheeks. Surely, Kaname wouldn't play some cruel joke on the Etoile…

She quickly glanced up at the club members who all looked eager, albeit a little bit confused at the delay. Not wanting to disappoint the Cute and Colorful Dessert Club, and therefore potentially earning the ire of the St. Lulim student body, including most importantly, Chikaru-sama, Hikari said a quick prayer and began.

"T-this is my favorite dessert: 'Sensuously S-seductive Strawberry and Cream Cake,'" Hikari introduced. She looked up at the crowd and was met with unsure faces and silence.

"I make this whenever I'm in the right mood. It's easy and anyone can do it! And it's really yummy! Let's get started, shall we?" suggested Hikari. But in reality, all she wanted to do was sink to the floor and disappear, and then reappear in the safe arms of her girlfriend. Nevertheless, she was Etoile and no matter what, had to go through with it until the end, total embarrassment or not.

The members of the crowd nodded and Hikari read from the directions. "Pre-heat the oven to a moderate 180° Celsius. Get a 30 x 25 x 2 centimeter baking mold." She paused to see the girls who were in groups of two, setting the oven and sorting out the appropriate baking dishes. Perhaps Kaname had just changed the name as a small joke to lighten things up for the Etoile. Yeah, Kaname wasn't all emo black hair and a bad attitude.

Hikari read on from the instructions. "Now get ready to get a little dirty…"

Or perhaps Kaname was the vile, evil, sinister offspring of Satan. Hikari immediately glued her mouth shut, and her heart-rate began to speed up. This recipe was definitely different from the ones she and Tamao-chan discussed during their midnight tea parties; well, mostly.

"Unwrap a package of butter. Take the butter and melt it any way you can. I suggest holding it between your soft, warm hands or…." Hikari's cheeks flushed tremendously, "…take off your clothes and place the stick of butter between your bre-'… I mean, uh…."

Hikari shut her eyes and shook her head. She so didn't want to be here, but at the same time, she didn't want to disappoint all the students. After a moment, she skimmed down the paper a bit, and finding a semi-safe place, began to read again. "Then grease up that baking mold with hot, melted butter. Don't be stingy; be generous and get it all over. Feel free to have your partner lick your fingers clean."

Giggles were heard all over the room, but the students were all doing as they were told. Some were even doing it overdramatically, making their partners laugh, and or feel slightly nervous. After that task was finished, Hikari instructed them to cover the base and the walls of the mold with wax paper, and that luckily went without incident.

Next was preparation of the cake batter, and twenty horrifyingly -almost explicit minutes later- this was the scene of the Cute and Colorful Dessert Club.

Stations were a mess with dirty baking utensils spread all about; flour, cracked egg shells, and milk was everywhere. Many paper towels were distributed out to tidy up the cooking areas. But the paper towels were mostly twisted into long tiny pieces and stuck up the nostrils of the girls who had massive nosebleeds because of their partner's… rather raunchy cooking methods.

Poor Remon-chan never made it. Her nose began to trickle, then burst into a faucet the moment Hikari instructed them to, "make sure the spatula is sturdy enough by spanking your partner a few times on the rear. If it is satisfactory, stick the spatula in all the way, but slowly at first." Remon-chan then fell backwards off her seat when she heard, "Mix in a slow, steady and thorough motion, gradually becoming faster as the friction decreases. Be sure to get all the bumps and loose ingredients mixed together. Don't be afraid of getting a little sweaty. Also, putting your hips into it, greatly adds to the pleasure and enjoyment of mixing."

By the time Hikari had finished with those directions, Remon-chan was a lifeless red puddle on the tiled floor. She was then carried to the infirmary by her partner in baking, Kizuna-chan.

But at least the cakes were happily baking in the ovens. And that gave Hikari a little down time. She simply sat there, hands in her hair, staring at the timer on the oven, and making sure to not look up at her crowd. She didn't need to see them though, because the chatter, giggling and general amusement spoke for them. Also the moans from the back of the room made her feel rather uncomfortable.

The timer was ticking away to the moments where she had to again read from Kaname's rather indecent recipe. Where could she have gotten it from? Hikari didn't think that cooking books had desserts of that title. If only Amane-sempai were there with her. She'd probably get her out of this mess, or even better, maybe she'd want to join in. Ooh yeah. Hikari began to giggle, imagining her princely Amane-sempai wearing a frilly apron…and nothing else, while she mixed cake batter suggestively with her fingers. Feeling a nosebleed coming on, Hikari jammed some tissue up her nostril, and sighed as the timer went off.

After taking her cake out of the oven, Hikari again addressed the members of the Cute and Colorful Dessert Club by reading from the directions. "Even though the timer has dinged, make sure that the cake is fully baked. Take a wooden toothpick, and penetrate the hot, moist, center of the cake. Jam it all the way in to the very end, and slowly pull it out-"

"ARIGATO GOZAIMASHITA!"

Thump.

"Etoile-sama! Tsukidate-san has fainted!"

Hikari yelped and sputtered about what to do, but dutifully and without a word, Kagome-chan dragged the unconscious girl out of the room. Chiyo-chan didn't wake up in the infirmary later on. Instead she was tied to someone's bed, and dressed in a maid's outfit. Percival was lying next to her.

But back to the present.

After Chiyo-chan was escorted out, Hikari asked the crowd if they wanted to continue. Everyone nodded. Damn.

"If the toothpick comes clean, then the cake is done. However, if the toothpick comes out gooey with uncooked cake batter, then replace it in the oven to continue baking. Then again, jam it in, and then slowly pull it out. Feel free to lick the stick with your wet tongue at any given point to clean it. Repeat until the cake is fully baked."

Hikari followed her own directions, and noticed that silence once again filled the room. She looked up and saw that many of the girls were unsure of what to do, or were hesitant. Some girls were on the verge of tears because they didn't want to "jam it in" to their lovely, unsoiled cakes. Hikari just sighed, and gave one huge smile. "Let's just assume all the cakes are done, so let's move on to the next step!"

A collective sigh rang through the entire classroom. Everyone waited a few moments for the cakes to cool, and then Hikari instructed the girls to divide the cake into three layers. Now it was time to move onto the next step. "Here's where the real fun begins." Oh, boy. "Take the 1/3 cup of Grand Marnier and…" Oh, crap.

Grand Marnier? At this point, Hikari knew she was in trouble. She knew enough about baking that that was a liqueur used in a lot of pastries and desserts. The problem was that they were all underage, and using alcohol, let alone even having it in this classroom at everyone's table was wrong and very illegal. So how…?

Hikari looked down, and noticed that in the listing of ingredients beside Grand Marnier- there was a little note. It read: "Hikari-sama, don't worry about this being liqueur, this recipe was approved by a school official, and therefore legal for the students to use. Enjoy." And beside the word "enjoy" was a " ;)" But Hikari, being herself, thought it was a typo. Still unsure but not really seeing any harm in using a little alcohol to add flavor, Hikari read on from where she left off.

"…and pour onto each layer. Take a drink. Be sure to coat enough so the layers are soft and moist. Take another drink." Hikari's eyes opened to the size of fine china dinner plates.

"No!" she shouted and quickly looked up, but it was already too late. Half the girls had taken sips from their bottles. Afterwards, some of them with sour faces, spit out what they had just drank. Others downed it like it was nothing, and shouted "kampai!" and went for another. The girls who didn't take a sip just rolled their eyes.

"Stop! This is only used for baking!"

"Baking? We've been baking this whole time?" one little Miator girl asked as her partner just shrugged.

"This is so awesome!" laughed a Lilum girl as she took another swig. Her partner nodded and simply put her head down onto the cake- which made for a rather wet pillow- and fell asleep.

"I don't know, it feels like we've been doing something…bad," said a distressed pink-haired Spica girl. She began to blush when her long black-haired partner just replied with a smirk, and inched closer wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Quit it, Yaya-sempai!"

About ten minutes later, only about ten girls remained intact. The other girls were either in the infirmary, missing, asleep on the tables and/or floor, or making out with fake plastic dessert samples and/or each other.

About 5 minutes after that, when Hikari instructed everyone to: "pour the whipped cream all over your hands and spread it over a layer of cake. To make it easier, pretend it's your lover's soft, supple body waiting for you to devour it. Caress it gently." – only six girls remained somewhat unaffected, although they were praying that the cake was almost finished…or not.

The girls then put the laminated strawberries atop the cake, and repeated the same process with the next layers. Now it was finally time to finish the cake, and Hikari couldn't be happier. This was seriously too much for the Etoile. On one hand she felt rather foolish for going along with something Kaname planned for her, and on the other hand, she felt rather- angry. Kaname and Momomi deserved a reward for their little joke. But that could wait till later.

Sweating, exhausted, a bit frustrated but seriously in need of some air, Hikari read the final instructions. "Then take the rest of the strawberries, and suck on them lightly together with your partner. Be sure to use your tongue enough so the strawberries are washed clean. Then decorate the cake and your lover as you please, using the extra whipped cream and strawberries. Enjoy."

Hikari placed the remaining strawberries around her finished cake and surveyed the land. It looked like a slaughter had taken place on a battlefield. Half-finished cakes lay across the tables, strawberries were all over the place, and people's clothes and various body parts were covered in whipped cream. In the end, only two girls survived.

Tamao-san, with her partner, Rokujo-sama, had actually baked their cake and decorated it without incident. They even went the extra mile and drew broken hearts on them with icing, although Tamao thought the knife through the heart was going a bit too far. Hikari left her spot at the head of the classroom and went to join the two Miator girls.

"Rokujo-sama! I'm so sorry!" Hikari apologized to the Miator president and bowed a few dozen times, seeing the tiled floor go in and out of focus. "I didn't mean to go through with such a…a…strange dessert!"

"Hikari-san."

"Really, I mean, I was so busy, I didn't have time come up with my own recipe, and now everyone is dead and drunk and doing questionable things with fake dessert!"

"Hikari-san-"

"…And I didn't want Chikaru-sama to hate me, because everyone loves her, and she's so nice, and she's got nice hair, but I got her school all drunk-"

"Hikari-san!" shouted the black-haired Miator president in frustration, although a small sympathetic smile appeared on her normally straight face. "I am aware of the situation. Chikaru-san heard from Tomori-san, that St. Spica's two devious council members were planning something, and this apparently is the result. I must say it was rather cruel of them, but you know, you didn't have to go through with it. You should have known better. It's April Fool's Day. You could be in a lot of trouble with school officials and the authorities for indecency and underage drinking."

"I know, and I'm so sorry!" Hikari again apologized, deep in a bow, eyes scrunched closed, as tears threatened to form.

"But…since the cake actually turned out pretty well, and it was rather fun to bake" said Miyuki as she spotted Tamao-san cutting a second slice for herself, "I'm willing to overlook this, because I know you wouldn't do something like this on purpose. Besides, most of the girls won't remember, or perhaps do not want to remember this incident. To those that do, well...let's just say this joke will be hard to top. Now, let us think of a reprimand for our favorite schemers, yes?"

A few hours later-

"I'm sorry, Hikari-chan," soothed Amane as she wrapped her arms around Hikari who lay against her chest with her eyes closed. They were lying together in Amane's bathtub, in cold water.

"It's okay…I survived. The entire student body of St. Lulim is probably laughing at me right now, though," Hikari said dejectedly.

"Maybe. But at least, we have a new dessert to try" said Amane with a slight smile. "So, as Etoile, what did you to do Kaname and Momomi?"

Hikari managed a smile. "Well…"

Meanwhile-

"I can understand that we were caught," Kaname said flatly. Momomi nodded.

"I can understand that not everyone has a sense of humor on April Fool's," Kaname said, feeling annoyed. Momomi nodded.

"I can understand that we deserve to be…punished," Kaname said, anger rising in her voice. Momomi nodded.

"I can understand that punishment can be, not nice…" Kaname said, heatedly. Momomi nodded.

"But-"

"But?"

"This is just too much! This is fucking humiliating! Even I don't deserve this!" shouted Kaname as she threw a sponge against the wall. A strawberry fell from the ceiling, knocking her golden tiara askew, before finally landing onto her white and pink sailor-fuku.

"Get over it," dismissed Momomi as she rolled up the sleeves of her orange jumpsuit and resumed cleaning.