Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's worth living for a.k.a Twilight.

A/N Yeah, I'm bored with Edward Gets a Job, It's not weird enough for moi and I feel like being extremely random and psychotic, so this is a warning , You really shouldn't even read this guys……it's going to be CRAZYYYY!! MWAHHahhahahaahaah (did I mention I love evil laughing??)heheheheehhehehehhe k, I'm calmer.

This is based on a true story and true events! Brain cells may be lost!

Bella Meets HOBOKINS!!

Bella's Pov:

"Lalalalalala" I sang as I walked into my basement that just magically appeared.

"WHAT HO, A FOE!?" I cried, there laying right in my presence was a long sharp knife!

"EDWARD HELP, HELP!!" I cried.

Edward magically appeared in his super ninja costume.

"What is it my truest love of all true loves??" He cried, clinging the gong of ninjadom.

"It's, it's, THE PLUMBER'S KNIFE!!"I cried. "Who could have sent me such a horror??"

"Oh………….no. Quickly, we must flee to the Good State of New Hampshire, we will be safe there!" Edward picked me up and we teleported to the good state of New Hampshire.

xxxxxxx In The Good State xxxxxxxxxx

Hobokins Pov:

I waited in my under water lair of EVIL with the plumber's knife and my water proof molestation kit. Oh, this was going to be good! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Meanwhile, above ground:

"Phew, we are safe from that evil plumber's knife and the creepy person who must have sent it to me! Who do you think it was Edward?"

"It was the dreadful man, HOBOKINS! It is rumored he lives in an underwater lair in Granite Lake, in this very Good State of New Hampshire!"

"But Edward, then why did you take me here?" I whined.

"Hmm, good question. I think in my delusional state of fear and panic I took you towards the danger." He replied. "Oooh, look melon umbrella's!"

"EDWARD!" I screamed. "Is he a vampire? I mean what kind of creature would send me…that thing!" I said getting more distressed by the second.

"No" Edward said slowly. "He's worse, he is ……………a HOBO!!"

DADADON!! (Dramatic horror music fills the air, random strange scream and throw themselves into pits of fire)

"But don't worry, he can't leave his lair ever, well, I don't think he can……" Edward said some what reassuringly. "Since we're here could we PLEASE get some ice cream and sit under the melon brellas!" He started to bounce up and down.

"SURE!" I said happily, forgetting the great peril that awaited us. ( and that Edward can't eat)

Later that night:

Edward had to go hunt so I was wandering the empty streets of Keene all alone. I could hear footsteps behind me and rather close rather loud breathing and the occasional cackle of Evil but thought nothing of it. I just then had the strange urge to turn around.

"AHHHHHH!!" I screamed.

Right behind me was HOBOKINS himself!! Shocker, right!!

He had a long knotted beard and long knotted hair. He was wearing leather vest, ragged shorts and leather strappy sandals. On his head he wore a sombrero of doom! But the worst part wasn't any of that; it wasn't even the molestation kit, no. The worst part was his Hannah Montana Number One Fannah Id pin!!

"NO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!" I shrieked as he closed in on me.

"Oh, yes. I will make you watch all 220 episodes with bonus features! MWAHAHAHA!! Oh, by the by, I owned the evil laugh WAYYYY before that wimp Rico did, he totally ruined it!" Hobokins whined.

While he was distracted by the worst show on earth (besides Max and Ruby (stupid Bunnies!) ) soiling his trade mark laugh, a boy popped his head out of a stationary and soap store.

"Pssssst! In here!" he called.

I quickly ran into the soap and stationary store.

"Hey, thanks oodles! I'm not capable of coherent thought in this fanfiction, so thanks for pointing out this escape route!" I said wholeheartedly.

"No problem!" Benji said (because his name is Benji, guys.) (Hi Benji!) (You spell it sooo weird!)

Anyway,

"Look, he is still out there!" cried Benji.

I looked outside and saw that Hobokins was sitting on a bench directly in front of the store. He was staring straight at us, all that separated us was a brightly lit stationary and soap store doorway.

"On the count of three, let's run!" Benji declared.

"Alright…1, 2, 3!!" I screamed.

I ran out of the store screaming: MOMMY HELP!! MOMMY!!

Benji, who was all around swifter than I, sped past me.

Since I was to busy screaming and concentrating on not falling flat on my face I did not realize I was running straight into a group of New Hampshiran gangster's and their Rottweilers. (How do you miss that people, really??) When I finally realized savage dogs were jumping on me and gangsters were like "WTF, man!" I started screaming even louder and shoved past them all till I finally found Benji swinging from a lamppost.

I thought I had seen Edward bent over one of the dogs, and heard my name, but it couldn't have been him.

Edward's Pov:

I looked up from feeding on that tasty Rottweiler when I thought I heard the distinct scream of my beloved Bella.

"Bella!?" I called.

Nope, couldn't have been her.

Back to tasty town!

Bellas Pov (again):

What took you so long?" Benji complained as he continued to swing around the pole.

"Oh, nothing, quick let's get out of here" I said tiredly.

Suddenly Edward appeared.

"Oh, hey Edward." I called casually.

"Bella, I thought I heard you screaming…uhh….before." he said.

"Oh, well, Hobokins came after us but we escaped only to be stopped by a group of wannabe gangstas, but I'm ok now!" I said cheerfully.

"Alrighty, good! Let's go!" Edward said happily.

"Umm, Edward, I love Benji, I'm staying with him!" I cried passionately.

"WHAT! I thought we had something SPECIAL!!" Edward cried.

"Wait guys…" Benji interrupted. "I only like short blondes….sorry."

"FINE! Have Alexa!" I cried "Oh, well, come on Edward, let's go!"

So Edward and I skipped of into the sunrise

Meanwhile back at Hobokins lair:

Hobokins Pov:

"I was foiled this time, but NEVER again! I will catch Bella Swan if it's the last Hobo thing I do as a HOBO!!" I cried

Time to unleash the secret weapon.

"Prepare for…..DEMENTED MARY!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" I screamed as my precious secret weapon came up from the depths of my evil lair.

THE END!

A/n well, if you made it this far without severe brain damage, congrats! Everything in this story is 100 TRUE! Well, take out Bella and take out vampires and ninjas…….and Well, most of it's true! This story goes out to Sam, my bfflaeaae. I'll see you in the good state my friend. (we will defeat Demented Mary and free Peter from her evil clutches!!)