This Black Lamb

Deathnote AU

L x Raito

Disclaimer: I don not own Deathnote or any of its characters. If I did, Raito and L would still be alive, have hot man-sex together, and Kira would reign supreme. Still not over either death, by the way.

Prologue - Chrysalis

"Daddy, look at the butterfly!"

Little sisters were one of the greatest enigmas of life, a seven year old Raito thought, looking at Sayu in the seat beside him. Never-mind that he was too young to know the word or what it meant, Raito understood it so much better than anyone else.

He understood it because he was an enigma, a child so young, yet so terribly smart. At least that's what his teacher had said. Terribly. He wasn't sure why it was so terrible to be as smart as he was, but he assumed it was a grown-up thing. There were many of those.

Even as he himself was an enigma though, the world was full of them as well. It had a lot to do with those grown up things again, the ideas that flitted just beyond grasp, that made no sense in a world of black and white. Numbers, Raito understood better than most adults, for all their years and experience, and his lack thereof. Numbers were like the blocks his parents had gotten him for his birthday, like the designs on the curtains or couches around the house, like the routine his father lived by every day. They were patterns, some winding, some long, some complicated, but patterns none the less. They were easy to understand.

As was Japanese, English, Spanish, and all the other languages. A word was a word, it had one or several meanings depending on context, and that was that. The way you arranged the words could change their meaning for better or worse, as could the tone you spoke them in. figures of speech were new rules made up to describe situations or contexts humans found hard to dictate or grasp. In the end, it was a more subtle, flowing, unpredictable pattern, but it was still there. There were still rules to follow, just like with numbers, or science, or sports, or anything else Raito could think of.

Except little sisters.

Looking at her was difficult, because he couldn't decide what shade she was. Was she a dark gray, like when her eyes scrunched when she was crying, or the light, bubbling grays of her gurgling laughter. He couldn't fit her into a shade, and it confused him. She was an enigma.

He didn't know why he had expected her to be different though. People were all the same, a mix of all the shades, some coming to head at certain times, some never brought out to their full potential. It annoyed Raito to think that he was the only person in the world who actually picked a shade and stuck to it. Looking down at his hands, folded neatly in his lap, he held back a small smile at the sight.

White. A perfect, unblemished white.

He had hoped Sayu- the precious baby sister he had wanted and longed for and worked for- would be the same. Maybe not the same brilliant white as him, but a light gray, steady and unblemished with the darker tints that spoke of black, just a sweet little constant that he could lead and teach and maybe love someday.

But as he looked at the back of his parents, he thought he should have known that she would be just like them. Bright flashes of an almost-but-still-not-quite-white when they smiled, dark charcoal gray when they turned down their eyes in just that way that spoke of disappointment. Nebulous streams of middle grays when they were at rest, as they were now. Just like them, just like the rest of them.

So unpredictable, illogical, impure.

He was momentarily torn from his thought by the flash of not quite white from his father when he smiled back at Sayu.

"Yes Sayu, and what a pretty butterfly it is."

No its not, Raito observed. It's Sayu holding her hands up, folding them into a bad imitation of a butterfly's shape. The contours and shades are all wrong, and it isn't pretty at all. It's ugly little toddler hands held up in an ugly shape, and they are all too stupid to see it.

Raito didn't miss the flicker of black when his father glanced back at him, recognizing the look on his face as what most would call worry. Raito didn't understand why his father needed to worry though, he wasn't like them.

He was white. He was pure. He was perfect.

"Yagami-san, won't you please come inside."

"Thank you, Shindou sensei."

"Please have a seat."

Raito watched his father sit down with visible disinterest, seated in a small chair at the side of the teacher's desk. He knew why the teacher had seen fit to include him, when all the other children had been allowed to go home.

"Is there a problem, Shindou sensei? With his work, or his behavior? I admit that I'm a bit baffled on the reason for this meeting." Raito could hear the anxiety in his father's voice as plain as day, accompanied by dark, nervous glances at him.

"No, nothing of the sort, Yagami-san. In fact, I have called you here to discuss some good news, as it were."

His father's relief was nearly a scent in the air, pungent and overpowering. Raito felt his stomach turn in disgust and resentment. After all, when had he been anything but perfect?

"That's… very good to hear."

"Indeed. I called you in here to discuss Raito-chan's test scores and ranking." Don't call me chan. Chan is for children, for inferiors. Don't call me chan, you- "Yagami-san. In a national test, Raito-chan's scores were ranked number one."

"W-what? Is this true Raito?"

No chan. He would answer. "Yes, father." Despite his father's expression, it had been no surprise to Raito when his scores came back. He had expected nothing less of himself. He had demanded nothing less of himself.

"This… this is…." Soichiro Yagami was at a loss for words, Raito thought dispassionately. He wondered why. He had never been at a loss for words, ever.

"Yes, Yagami-san. Further testing revealed that his understanding of math, Japanese, history, and science is all at a high school level. He is as proficient as most adults in all the standard education areas, and has already begun to teach himself basic English. A true prodigy in every term of the word."

Raito let himself drift from the conversation at this point, having fulfilled his duty of confirmation to his father. He had heard all that was being said before from his various teachers, in hushed tones of excitement, approval, and pride. As though they were the reason he had risen to such a level, as if they had anything to do with anything.

They didn't.

It was only when the excitement died down into something more somber that Raito tuned back in, expecting the meeting to be wrapped up in a timely manner. He found himself surprised, which was shocking enough in itself, when the teacher did not proceed as planned.

"As wonderful as this is though, Yagami-san, I'm afraid there is an area of concern over Raito-chan I must discuss with you."

Soichiro Yagami's confusion was met with his son's, as both turned towards the teacher, silently demanding an explanation. Raito was at a loss, unable to comprehend the idea that he had done something wrong.

"I am speaking of Raito-chan's social condition." Don't call it condition, whatever it is. Condition sounds so final, like a sickness, a disease ready to eat me alive. Don't call it a condition, you-

"I will put this in the most simple terms I can, Yagami-kun. Raito-kun-" Finally, not chan. Still too familiar, but not chan. "-has no friends. He does not play or interact with the other children. In fact, I have not once seen him address any other human being, teacher or student, unless absolutely necessary for some assignment. He constantly isolates himself, showing the beginnings of extreme anti-social behavior."

Shut up. Shut up, you stupid sensei. You know nothing. Shut up you stupid-

"That would be grounds enough for concern. But there is something that alarms me even more, Yagami-san, on a more personal level. This is your sons total lack of emotion. I have never seen the slightest flicker of anything even resembling feeling in him, and he has absolutely no empathy toward his fellow classmates."

He couldn't look at his father.

"But the most frightening issue for me, Yagami-san, as a teacher, mother, and as a human being, is that I have never once seen him smile."

Blank. White. Be blank, be white. Why should he smile? There was no reason to smile. Blank and white and perfect. That's what he was, blank and white and-

"I am suggesting immediate introduction into therapy, Yagami-san. I believe it is a matter of utmost importance to Raito-kun's future. I sincerely fear for his mental stability, especially in social situations, if he does not get professional help as soon as possible."

He didn't need therapy. He didn't need help. He didn't need this teacher.

"Otherwise, Yagami-san, I fear your son will grow up to be the text-book definition of a clinical sociopath."

He didn't need anyone.

He was perfect.

It had all happened so fast. One minute Raito had been sitting in the backseat of the car, thinking about butterflies and ugly little hands and all the stupid, flowing shades.

And the next was a blur of shapes and shrieks and crying until the car stopped spinning. Then he was being dragged from the car by a man in black, a hand clapped over his mouth to keep in the screams that weren't there.

Later he would find out that the men were criminals convicted of murder, and evidence condemning them had been found by the team of police officers his dad was in charge of. They had side swiped their small car, then abducted the family when it had finally stopped spinning. Chief Yagami, his wife, and two young children were now being held hostage at an unknown base.

But all he knew then were figures wearing a black that matched the shades on their eyes. He heard the sound of Sayu wailing, which was starting to make his head hurt. He could hear the terrified, half-there sobs of his mother that she desperately tried to hold back. He could hear the frantic breathes of his father as he held his mother, who had Sayu in her arms, his eyes darting around desperately, looking for any opportunity to escape.

So much fuss. If the kidnappers were going to kill them, they would be dead by now. Raito's father should know that. He's the one that had told Raito all about kidnappers, and cases, and profiling, and anything and everything he knew about crime. No, the kidnappers wanted them alive, likely trying to ransom them for a pardon of some sort.

Raito could have told them that wasn't how the justice system worked. It could go one of three ways. Either the police would ignore the threats, which would leave the small possibility of them actually being killed, if the kidnappers had the balls to add more deaths to their jail sentence. The second option would be for the government to promise pardons, receive the hostages, then throw the criminals in the can anyway. Personally, Raito was betting on the third option.

That is, the police take a little while, possibly a few days, locate the base, and storm it, rescuing the hostages and capturing the kidnappers. There was always the possibility of a casualty with such an operations, but it was cleanest in political aspects. It made the police look good, as they had bravely risked their lives to save on of their own and his family, rather than abandoning them to their fate. It also made the government look good, as it was perceived as strong to not give into the demands of criminals, and honest as it didn't go back on its word. All and all, a win-win situation for all, except the criminals that is.

It didn't bother Raito. Justice was always a bitch to the unjust.

"Hello there, Raito-kun! My name is Dr. Mitler, it's very nice to meet you."

Great, a foreigner.

Raito was at his first therapy session, thanks to that know nothing teacher's suggestion. His father had taken it very seriously, willing to pay for the best shrink they could find on short notice. Which brought them to this stupid, perky, blonde foreigner who was really trying too hard to get Raito to like her.

Still, agreeing to at least come to the therapy session was better than staying at home with his mother and father. Ever since the meeting, they had been watching him so closely, looking for something they weren't going to see. Because Raito was perfect, and that's all they were going to see.

But somehow, it seemed, that had worried them. Resulting his presence here, in this supposedly cozy room, in the way too soft for comfort chair, with the trying too hard foreigner.

After introducing herself to Raito's father and seeing him out for their hour of "private time," the therapist turned her attention to Raito.

"I must admit young man, I was very impressed when I read your file earlier. You're quite the prodigy it seems, and I was very honored that your father chose to come to me for help. It's not every day I get to speak to a genius!"

Raito couldn't imagine why.

"So, in light of what I've learned about you, I feel it would be best if we just talked to each other for this session, like two mature adults. Now Raito-kun, is there anything you'd like to get off your chest? Just pick a topic, any topic, whether it be school or home or your favorite television show."

She looked to eager, sitting there, a clipboard on her lap and a pen in her hands, leaning forward so as not to miss a single word that came out of Raito's mouth. Like a little puppy. No, scratch that.

Like a pathetic dog.

"Just think of me as your friend Raito-kun, someone you can confide in. As you know, the papers you signed earlier mean that I can reveal nothing that is said in this session without your consent. So you don't have to worry, just say whatever is on your mind!"

Raito said nothing.

One minute stretched into two, two into five, five into ten. At the eleven minute mark, her smile a bi more strained, the therapist finally broke.

"Alright, I see you're not really in the mood to talk right now. So how about this, I'll talk and you'll just listen, and can feel free to jump in whenever you like, alright? So, I was watching the news last night an-"

"No." Raito spoke for the first time.

"What?"

"I said no. You asked if it was alright for you to talk and me to listen, and I said no."

Frustration was leaking out the corners of the therapist's too friendly face. "Well, Raito-kun, if you're not going to talk, it's only natural for me to do so instead."

"Ignoring the fact that this therapy session is supposed to be about what's on my mind, not yours, you did ask whether or not I was alright with it. And I answered. No. No I am not alright with it."

"And why not?"

"Because you have nothing to say that I want to listen to."

The rest of the hour was spent in silence.

They did not schedule another session.

They had been sitting there for hours, in the small, unremarkable room, one of the men in black pacing back and forth, a large automatic gun in his hands. His father was still against the wall to Raito's left, clutching his mother and sister desperately and glancing at Raito every once in a while, to confirm he was still alive.

He shouldn't have bothered. Despite the fact that they had managed to calm Sayu down a bit, her and his mother were still in worse shape then him. Then again, neither of them had ever considered being involved in such a… such a….

Predicament, Raito decided. Yes, that was it. A nice, clean description with no positive or negative connotations attached. They were all in quite a predicament.

And Raito was the only one that had managed to keep his cool. A bit sad, when he thought about it. Which he had been doing, for the last few hours, since he doubted the kidnapper would let them play tic-tac-toe or any other trite little game used to pass the time. And Raito had already counted everything he could count in the room. One kidnapper. Four hostages. Three adults. Two children. Two girls. Three boys. Four idiots. One genius….

Never letting one's mind rest could get really tedious sometimes. It made everything so boring.

The kidnappers ever increasing state of agitation was mildly amusing however, Raito couldn't help but think. The more time passed, the more likely a raid, the increased odds of capture and the dropping chances of escape. Raito knew it. And the kidnapper was starting to realize it as well. But still, he continued pacing back and forth, gambling on a hope that was never there to begin with.

Emotions were odd things. Why did humans have them, when they were capable of logic and reasoning? To be sure, animals needed them, simply as a means of instinct that kept them alive. But if humans could simply see the world as Raito did, in all its different shades, surely they'd see the undeniable truth behind his view of the world? A world without emotion… wouldn't that be ideal?

What was the point of emotion anyway?

A resounding rumble was the only indication of the explosion a few hallways away. It seemed rescue was finally on its way.

The kidnapper had frozen, confused for mere moments before panic set in. Didn't the idiot realize he'd have a better chance of escaping if he stayed calm? Whatever, it wasn't like it mattered to him. In any moment, the man would run out the door in a last ditch effort to escape, leaving them free to escape to safety. It was basic flight instinct.

He hadn't bargained on the kidnappers aggressive nature steering him more toward the fight side of the equation.

Ignoring the three huddled together, the kidnapper immediately turned toward Raito, hauling him up by one arm and shoving the barrel of a gun against his head. Raito froze, startled at his miscalculation, before beginning to shake for some inexplicable reason.

Was he… afraid?

The kidnapper was in dire straights and had killed before. The barrel of a gun was pressed against his head, the wielder of said gun growing more frantic and illogical by the second. He could hear his mothers cries and sobs and his father desperate pleas from the other side of the room.

There was a strong possibility he was going to die within the next few minutes.

God help him… he was afraid.

He could practically feel the light dying out in him, a dark cloud of gray slowly overtaking the pure white. He could feel adrenaline running through him, coming out in short, sporadic jerks of his limbs. Was this… what everyone else felt, all the time? Was this the rush of grays that made up their bodies, flowing over them like a never ending cycle? Was this emotion?

Raito heard a shot, and for a moment, thought he was dead.

Then he was dragged down by the still unrelenting grip on his wrist, falling on a warm body, his hand hitting the kidnappers wet chest.

…Wet?

Looking down, for the first time ever, Raito's perception was assaulted by color.

Red, he identified. The color was red. The red of the man's blood as it leaked out the bullet hole in his chest. The chest Raito's hand was pressed against. The hand slowly being covered by the wet, blinding red liquid bubbling forth. And that's when Raito saw it, amongst the endless outpouring of red.

A butterfly. Soaked into the mans shirt in his red blood, was a butterfly.

The man was dead. But Raito was alive. He could feel it. He was alive and he could feel it.

But best of all, he could see the butterfly.

He looked up, seeing the scared, horrified, but relieved expressions on his families face. As well as the police officer that had just come in, a gun in hand, undoubtedly the one that had shot the man beneath Raito.

Raito looked down, freeing his hand, and placing it on the man's chest with the other. One spread hand on each side of the blood stain. One hand on either butterfly wing.

Raito smiled.

"Daddy, look at the butterfly!"

A/N: Alright! The prologue is typed and I didn't make it twenty pages long or take a month to type it! YES! (People, this is an accomplishment for me.)

Anyway, I know I sort of broke my code about "not starting another fic until I finish one," but the idea just came to me and I felt the need to write it. Then, once I was done, I felt the need to post it. So bite me. I just felt the need, okay?

This is obviously going to be an AU fic, and Raito-centric, because Raito is my baby. I love the perfectly deranged little bastard, and literally cried when he died at the end. I thought he should live to rule over the new world he created. That's how much a love him.

And the story should start to pick up in the next few chapters, and believe me, its gonna be WEIRD! Total AU version of the Kira story, believe me. But Raito and L will end up together in the end, because they were meant to be together. That's just the way it is people, they are, in fact, kismet. And Raito is the uke, I don't care what anyone says. Why?

Cause he's shorter, younger, and cuter than L, that's why. And is also a manipulative little bastard, which would be enough reason to make him uke without the others.

And while I don't demand them before continuing a story… I love reviews, and would probably type up the next chapter faster if I get some. I don't care whether they are good or bad, I'm always open to constructive criticism. And flames make me giggle. Don't ask.

Anyway, til next time!

P.S. I would dearly love a beta if someone knows a good one.