Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
Sum: It's kinda hard to make bloopers with a video game or a CGI film, ya know? So, with the help of my friends, Armageddon Child and MakruTree, we have thought up bloopers for various scenes of FFVII, AC, and CC! Requests are welcome!
Intro: Oh yes, this will be sweet. I don't think anyone else has done this, so if we're the first, that's awesome.
Armageddon Child: YAY FOR BEING FIRST!!
As stated before, we take requests, for anything, for any scene (provided we know what you're talking about…), and we'll make a blooper out of it. And to make it more fun, the characters from FFVII, AC, and CC will be watching the bloopers. Everyone, collectively cheer!
BlueFox, Armageddon Child, and MakruTree: YAY!!
So, in regards to Crisis Core, we'll only be doing like…the ending scene, AKA Zack's death, because we all have seen it, and it's the only thing we know about. Oh! And we'll do bloopers for the conversation between Cloud and Zack about country boys and Zack's first meeting with Aerith. That's all we've seen. Yep. X-Play doesn't show much, and we've seen other scenes only in Japanese, so…
Without further ado, we bring you…BLOOPERS!
WARNING: EXTREME OOCNESS IN SOME CHARACTERS, AND HORRIBLE TIFA BASHING!! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER!!
Chapter One
Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa, Aerith, Vincent and Zack Watch
-Cloud's Villa, Costa del Sol-
Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa, Aerith, and Vincent were all sitting in Cloud's living room, doing nothing at all.
"I'm bored." (C)
"Me two." (S)
"Me three." (A)
"Me three. Four—whatever." (V)
"Hi bored people! My name's Tifa!"
"Shut up, victim." (S)
"Hey, Aerith's a victim, too!"
Aerith sighed and looked at Tifa. "Really? Oh gosh, I never knew that…"
"Really?" Tifa questioned, brown eyes wide in shock.
"That was sarcasm, Tifa…" Cloud said as he tried to balance a water bottle on his forehead.
Tifa shrugged and started to drink her soda again. Vincent got up and went to the kitchen for no particular reason. Sephiroth knocked over the water bottle on Cloud's forehead out of extreme boredom. Cloud didn't care and pretended he was still balancing the bottle. Aerith was reading a book called "Ending Extreme Boredom for Dummies."
"This book sucks. All it says is to do something. What a piece of shi-"
"We can't do anything since there's nothing we can do," Vincent informed the Ancient as he came back and sat on the sofa next to Sephiroth.
DING-DONG
"Saved by the bell!" Tifa said as she ran to the door to answer it.
"I'll get it!" Cloud said as he harshly pushed Tifa to the side. He opened the door. "Oh, it's just the mailman… Wait a minute—ZACK? YOU'RE A…A MAILMAN?"
That caused everyone in the living room to laugh.
"That's right. I'm a mercenary, and I do any job, no matter how little or big, for any amount of gil. Remember?" Zack explained while ruffling Cloud's hair like he used to do in the old days.
"How much stuff do you want him to remember?" Sephiroth said as he unsuccessfully caught a piece of popcorn in his mouth from the air.
"Hey, shut u—SEPH!" Zack yelled and grinned before charging to his best friend.
Vincent sighed. "Just give us the mail…"
"Yeah, I'll read anything but this book…" Aerith said.
Zack smiled at his friends, shrugged, and pulled out a letter and handed it to Aerith.
"Hey, it's from Tetsuya!" Aerith smiled her trademark smile as everyone, including Zack and the injured Tifa, looked at the letter.
"I hope this DVD will bring you guys many laughs and many smiles. We had a great time creating this Pandora's Box of gaming and hope that this DVD will keep those memories in your hearts. Love, Tetsuya," Aerith read.
"When did he get so soft? Killing everyone off like that…" Zack mumbled as Sephiroth, Cloud, and Vincent shrugged.
"What's the DVD label read?" Tifa asked.
Aerith took out the covered DVD and everyone looked at the label.
"Final Fantasy Seven," read Cloud.
"Advent Children," read Sephiroth.
"Crisis Core," read Zack.
Aerith, Tifa, and Vincent together read the last part.
The forbidden word…
The eight letters that will bring chaos to Gaia…
"Bloopers," Vincent and Aerith correctly said, whereas Tifa pronounced it "Blopers".
Everyone looked at each other and said, "Oh hell no." Even Aerith!!
INTERMISSION Okay, this is really quick, so before we go to the bloopers, I'm going to explain why Zack and Aerith are going to watch the bloopers, too. I know Aerith and Zack died in the games (WAHH sob sob), but they are two of my utmost favorite characters (actually, I love Zack the most), and so I'm not leaving them out. Okay? Okay. Done. And as for the Tifa bashing, she's not my favorite character, but she's pretty cool, especially in the movie. And Seph…he's not crazy here, but I'll totally be picking on him. But just because I'm picking on him doesn't mean I hate him! Okay-onto bloopers! END INTERMISSION
Everyone in the living room froze, and Aerith dropped the DVD to the floor.
Vincent shrugged. "Let's watch," he said.
Everyone shot a glare at the gunman, but then he asked, "Do you have anything else better to do?" He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.
Sephiroth sighed. "He's got a point. Unfortunately…"
Tifa then said, "Let's watch it! Tetsuya never said we'd get mad."
Aerith sighed. "Yet another point—"
"Too late! It's starting," Cloud said as he high-fived Zack.
"NOOOOOOOO!" the others yelled.
-BLOOPERS-
Opening Scene in Final Fantasy VII
Tetsuya: Okay, action!
Aerith blinks as the Lifestream floats upward, and stands. As she walks out, for a mere second, she forgets she is holding a flower basket, and her hands drop fully to her side. The basket falls and the flowers gently float to the ground. The wind picks up and the basket is tossed out to the street.
"Oh! Get back here!" she cries as she runs after it, tripping over her large boots in the process. Flailing her arms, poor Aerith does a face plant in the mud, getting the nasty grimy stuff all over her. As she sits up, a motorcycle goes by, splattering her with more gunk.
Aerith bursts into tears as Tetsuya says, "Cut."
-IN VILLA-
Everyone stared at Aerith as if she was the Creature from the Black Latrine. She bowed her head.
"I always wondered why you stank, even after you took a bath," Cloud remarked, only to smacked in the face with a couch cushion. "OW!"
-BLOOPERS-
Scene With Zack Breaking Out of Containers in FFVII
After knocking their food-bringer person out, Zack went to Cloud's container, which showed no sign of a person in it, and opened it. Instead of a diseased Cloud falling out, something worse came out…
Zack ran screaming bloody murder through the clinic as he ran to get away not from Hojo, but instead, he ran…
From a horribly polygonal Michael Jackson.
Take 2
Again, Zack breaks free and releases Cloud from his container. This time, our beloved Cloud fell out. But…
Zack went wide-eyed and fainted.
"What the hell happened to my uniform and boxers?!" cried Cloud.
Fangirls: O.O
Tetsuya:… CUT…
-IN VILLA-
Everyone stared at Cloud, disgusted.
"That was a pretty big-"
"Okay, Tifa!" Vincent said, covering his ears.
Cloud slowly pulled out his Ultima Weapon, but luckily Sephiroth saw it.
"HOLD HIM BACK HOLD HIM BACK!" the ex-General screamed.
Everyone was holding Cloud back from performing Omnislash on the TV.
"I'LL KILL IT! I'LL KILL IT!" he yelled.
-BLOOPERS-
Scene With Vincent Flipping Out of the Coffin in FFVII
Gracefully, Vincent made his entrance by backflipping out of the coffin and landing on the edge. However, he stepped on his cape as he landed, causing it to painfully tug on his neck and he toppled over onto his back.
"Damn cape!"
Take 2
Vincent once again backflipped out of the coffin and landed on the edge, not stepping on his cape.
But this time, the coffin sprang up and smacked him in the forehead and knocked him out.
Tetsuya: (sigh) Cut. We'll make him a bonus guy if it's this hard…
Scene With Cloud Falling After Kadaj in AC
Cloud's eyes widened and he jumped after Kadaj, who shoved Jenova's body part (or the Black Materia, or whatever the hell that stuff is) into himself. Kadaj gracefully landed and held his hands up.
There was a flash as Cloud's Buster Sword was met with another, longer one. As he looked over, his eyes widened.
"Good to see you," Sephiroth looked up, "Cloud."
"Who are you and what have you done with Kadaj?!" Cloud screamed, getting a you're-an-idiot look from Sephiroth.
Tetsuya: Damn blond! Cut! (shakes fist at Cloud)
Take 2
After Sephiroth came, the music started. Immediately, Cloud dropped to his feet in front of Sephiroth, clapping his hands over his ears as glass shattered and cracks appeared in the walls.
"Make it stop!" Cloud wailed.
A cameraman walked up to Tetsuya. "Uh, sir? You should probably say 'Cut,'."
Tetsuya: Why?
"All of our cameras are broken."
-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-
Aerith's Death Scene
Slowly, Sephiroth fell from the sky, intent on his prize. However, something that stank really bad made it's way to his nose and he woozily swayed in the air before aiming to stab…and missing entirely.
Aerith shrieked and threw herself into Cloud, who sniffed and grimaced.
Take 2
Cloud stared at Aerith lazily as she looked up. His eyes snapped to attention and he looked around. "Oh, we're here," he said.
Aerith looked confused. "Huh?"
Tetsuya begins to beckon to Sephiroth to come down, but Seph's too busy polishing his blade and getting it ready.
"This is the place where you die. Sephiroth stabs you."
Aerith's eyes widen as Tetsuya whistles at Sephiroth, who takes the hint and falls down. However, at the last moment, Aerith grabs the blade, emerald eyes flashing, as her Princess Guard came out and she began to repeatedly bash Sephiroth in the head.
"You were going to kill me?" she demanded. "I'm not going yet! There's still a lot I want to know about Cloud! You won't take me!"
Tetsuya: Aerith! I think you killed him, you can stop now!
-VILLA-
Sephiroth numbly rubbed at his head. "I got a concussion from that."
"That's what you get for trying to kill me!"
"It was in the script!"
"Break it up, break it up!" Zack yelled, but Aerith then rounded on Cloud.
"And you didn't even try to revive me!"
"I'm not made of Phoenix Downs!!"
End Chapter.
Any requests? Each time we write a series of Bloopers, we will end with a special little one. This one was Aerith's death, and who knows what it will be next time? Please R&R, and tell us what you think!
Any requests? Ideas? The next Chapter will be: "Not Paying Attention," in which the characters have one of those Brain Fart moments and end up doing something idiotic and getting it caught on tape. See ya next time, everyone!