AN/ So I've been writing this Oneshot for a while but I got stuck, then distracted by many other fics and THEN I thought I lost it all. Anyway… as many of you know I'm obsessed with Yellowcard and I was listening to Martin Sheen or JFK and immediately thought of Peyton and just had to write a One Shot to it. The only problem was that I wrote it and then didn't save it properly!

Summary: This Oneshot is the aftermath of episode 405 but is slightly AU. Everything that happens up to episode 402 is the same except that Lucas and Peyton have a fight so therefore Luke never went to the police and Peyton never went to Pyscho Derek's hotel room. Basically she found out about him the hard way.

P.S Peyton's memories and flashbacks are in italics

WARNING! This fic contains some dark material.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or any of the characters featured in this fic. I also don't own Yellowcard or the song "Martin Sheen or JRK"

Here it is one more glass for these broken hands
Goes down for you
I've fallen in I sink then swallow
I never meant to see this through

Complex. Broken. Tortured, all words that could describe me. I'm the Tortured Artist. The Broody Cheerleader. A Bitch. I laugh at the one. I've been called a bitch on so many occasions that the word doesn't have an effect on me. Or so I thought. It's just a word right? A word used by the people who don't know me because of the way I act. For example people at school. I just didn't realise how hurtful that word could be until it was used by someone who does know me and can see through the act that I put on 24/7. Take exhibit A) Brooke Davis.

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you are not a back-stabbing two faced bitch, Peyton, because you are and you know it?"

That hurt and it still does. It honestly feels like Brooke is literally stabbing me in the chest so that every time I think about her, him or that day she is stabbing me all over again.

So much for a 10 years of friendship I tell myself as I raise the bottle of whatever alcoholic drink I came across first and take a swig.

I'm taking them all, I'm taking them all back for good
To a place where I know that I'm safe
Then I can fall, then I could fall where I should
In this bottle with all my mistakes

I walk over to the door, avoiding eye contact with anything else in the room and sit up against it, staggering just before my bottom reaches the floor. I guess I'm tipsier then I thought I was but that doesn't stop me from taking another swig from the bottle and examining it slowly like it is some magnificent artefact. It isn't a particularly big bottle, possibly a Jack Daniels from the shape of it but I'm too tipsy to care.

"I'm too tipsy to care, too tipsy to care. I want to dance in my underwear!" I suddenly start to sing and had to laugh at the stupidly of what I just said.

"Underwear, underwear…. Hair" That sets me off once more and I laugh until tears come to my eyes.

I have seriously lost my mind. I tell myself closing my heavy eyes.

Blonde hair flashes through my mind…

All the days since I've landed
I've lost the way to find my truth
You float away and leave me stranded
What's left to say I'll hurt for you

Opening my eyes immediately I prop my knees against my chest to try a keep it together and to stay blind to the destruction around me. Stay blind to the things that have happened. But no such luck. They manage to manipulate their way in…

Watchmewatchyou. I shudder and sit up, desperately in need of the alcohol to make it all go away. I knock the bottle back as if it is water and drink until my throat burns wildly and I choke.

"Don't you know how much I love you!"

I look over at the window and I can see it's broken, the glass sprayed everywhere. I can feel the thousands of eyes watching me. My eyes.

No I tell myself, closing my eyelids. Only to find that the nights events are replaying themselves behind my closed eyelids.

The door swings open and Derek is up against it with the Angel of Death drawing that Ellie gave me, and I later on gave to him, on display between his shoulder blades. I feel like I'm going to be sick at the sight of it and I start to sob.

"Don't cry Peyton, I'm here now. I came for you" He walks towards me, taking the tazzer gun off his belt. Fear takes hold off me.

"Derek... please!" I try to say as he grabs hold of me but it falls on death ears. "Please!" I scream.

"Peyton!" I look to the right and relief washes over me. Nathan is standing at my door still wearing his suit from the press conference.

"Get your hands off her!" Nathan demands as he grabs hold of Derek's shoulder. A sardonic smile pulls at Derek's lips and fear stabs at me again but before I can react he punches Nathan to the floor and attacks him with the tazzer gun.

"Nathan!" I scream as I watched Derek continue to attack him, knowing I have to stop him. I look around my room and grab the first thing I see. My lamp. I quickly unplug it and smash it over Derek's head. He stops dead in his tracks and I run for life. But pain suddenly shoots through my leg and I fall to the floor. Only to have Derek take hold of my hair and the back of my uniform, pulling me up. He dragged me back into my bedroom and throws me on the bed. I sit up immediately but he grabs me by the throat with one hand and puts his other hand on my thigh, pinning me to the bed. Nausea and panic taking hold and over me again and yet my skin crawls at the feel of hands on my body.

"I watched you Peyton. I listened to you. Everything that you showed me on your webcam, the things you showed me online. You were talking to me. I know you were" Out of the corner of my eye I see Nathan silently walk up behind Derek and the next thing I know he puts him into a headlock and drags Derek off my bed backwards. I quickly roll of the bed myself and sit on the floor, trying to catch my breath while punches are exchanged.

"It was nice seeing you again Nathan but there is one room for one guy in Peyton's life" I look up and see Derek stand a few feet away from me, holding a pocket knife. He looked down at me and smiled that sick smile once more.

"And you aren't him!" Nathan shouts as he runs at Derek resulting in him going out of my bedroom window. Nathan stops just in time before he goes out with him. I watch Nathan paralysed as he leans against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

"Sawyer you ok?"

I open my eyes. Not wanting to see Derek, if that is his real name, lying in my front yard again. Not wanting to see him all together. I just want to forget all about him.

I'm taking them all, I'm taking them all back for good
To a place where I know that I'm safe
Then I can fall, then I could fall where I should
In this bottle with all my mistakes

Throwing my head back I curse myself. God I should have been more careful. No I should have been less trusting ever since he turned up on my front porch but stupid me choose to let the psycho in.

No wonder I have trust issues I think as I knock back some more of the drink.

A bang from outside brings me to senses and I sit upright, suddenly on high alert, the other object in my hand ready. My eyes are drawn to the window and I watch it like a hawk half expecting Derek to jump back through it, regardless of the height to finish me off. He's crazy enough and I won't deny that he won't try to find me.

That thought alone is scary in its self but all I am met with is silence, a daunting, uncomforting silence in which I am on edge and left alone with my thoughts and memories.

And one person. One damn person who promised to take care of me, who I told myself that I would no longer desire begins to ebb his way into my heart, my veins, and every cell of my body and now I can feel myself yearn for him…. That one person being the one and only Lucas Scott.

I could sleep but when I wake here
You'd still be gone and you're my air
I could breathe
If you would stay here for another song
So I could stare

Lucas-freaking-Scott. The blonde haired, blue eyed demon that worked his way in and embedded himself into my brain so that there isn't one minute that goes by without my thinking about him.

"Damn him!" I slur. Damn the day I ever met him. I should have run him over with my car. But I feel my eyes watering and I know I'm crying over him AGAIN and yet I know for a fact that I wouldn't know what to do without him. The last couple of days have been hell but I made my decision.

"Are you sure about this Lucas?" I ask timidly running my hand over the steering wheel. I can feel his eyes on me and I immediately regret saying it.

"I love her Peyt… and this love is worth fighting for" He replies looking me straight in the eyes. I look away and bite down on my lip as my heart throbs painfully.

He loves her and there is nothing I can do about it I think to myself.

"You can't help who you love" I mumble to myself.

"Pardon…"

"Nothing… So are you ready?" I ask, turning to him and changing the subject. He looks around quickly before getting out. Sharp pain stabs at my heart in knowing who he is looking for, who we are here for but I try not to show it. Not to him. The one guy who notices everything about me. He nods and smiles at me before exiting my car. His smile makes thousands of butterflies take flight in my chest and I can't help but smile. Only to have it disappear when I see who is walking towards my car.

"Well, Well. If it isn't my back-stabbing ex-best friend!" I roll my eyes at her but remain my line of vision ahead of me.

"Listen to me because I am only going to say this once. Keep the hell away from my boyfriend and keep the hell away from me! Do you hear me?" I laugh in my head at her telling me to keep away from her when I have been. She's the one who glares at me and comes up to me. This is a perfect example. But I didn't realise that I have a smile on my face and she was getting angrier by the second.

"You think I'm kidding! I can make your life a misery so just get over it Peyton because Lucas is mine and always will be" I look at her then and see such fire in her eyes. My heart drops and I can't help but wonder what happened to us. For 10 years we have been joint at the hip and somehow managed to face four absent parents, my mum's death, her parents sudden bankruptcy and we did it together but here we are now letting one boy ruin everything when we always said nothing would come between us. Although Lucas isn't just a boy he is my heart.

When I come back to my senses Brooke has gone. I look around quickly and still there is no sign of her but her words echo in my head. Looking at my watch I notice that Lucas has been gone for 15 minutes and the store is going to close in a minute so I get out and make my way in search of him.

I unfortunately find him in the store with Brooke. Cowering behind a make-up stand I watch as he brings Brooke closer to him and hands her her present. She smiles brightly and him and wraps her hands around his neck but what grabbed my attention is the smile on his face. It is my smile.

Sighing heavily I exit the store and slump back into my car. I should have known he would have chosen Brooke over me, as always and as always I'm left behind.

Two hour! Two hours I waited for him and with each passing moment I knew I lost him. Shaking my head at my how foolish I have been lately I turned the key in the ignition and rev the engine. Just as I was about to take my foot of the break he turns up and stands in front of my car. We stare at each other for a moment before I rev my engine again.

"Peyton I'm sorry"

Rolling my eyes I rev the engine and let the car move forward slightly.

"Peyton come on I'm sorry Ok!" He shouts. I scowl at him and move forward further. He jumps back, holding his hands up in defeat.

"Peyton please…. What do you want me to say?"

"Two hours I waited Lucas!" I shout over the noise of my engine.

"I know and I'm sorry I-"

"You know what Lucas I don't care anymore I see where your priorities lie" I interrupt revving the engine once more and reverse sharply to make my way out of the car park.

"Peyton stop! I'm sorry ok! I though you wanted me and Brooke to get back together!" He shouted running across the car park to stop me. I stop immediately once I heard what he said and stormed out of my car.

"What! No Lucas I'm sick of you and empty sorry's! You need to make up your damn mind and decide who you want to be with because I'm sick of coming second best with you!" I yell. He stares at me with a look I've never seen before and with a groan I get back into my car.

"I'll make it easy for you Lucas just leave me alone okay. Now you have one less thing to worry about" I demand before speeding out of the car park.

Ok I was a little harsh but at the time I was so pissed off at him and they just… spilled out but what said is said and I cant take it back and I refuse to let him back in. I'm moving on with my life… I just didn't think it would hurt this much.

I could sleep but when I wake here
You'd still be gone and you're my air
I could breathe
If you would stay here for another song
So I could stare

Sobbing one last time I wipe my eyes and force myself to stop. I won't cry. I won't cry over anything anymore. Not Derek, not Lucas or Brooke, not my Mum or Ellie or my Dad either. I need to stop letting people rule my life and make my own choices. Looking down at the bottle in my hand I realised it has finished and at least that it one problem out of the way. Resting my head back against the back of the door again I close my eyes and tell myself one last thing before I drift into a fretful sleep.

Tomorrow is another day and another chance to prove I can be someone. But I will not only make it, I'll do it on my own

I'm taking them all, I'm taking them all back for good
To a place where I know that I'm safe
Then I can fall, then I could fall where I should
In this bottle with all my mistakes

A/N: I not so sure on the ending because it was a lot more morbid then this but I quickly decided to make Peyton the fighter she is so you'll have to tell me if it works or not. It would make my day right now because i have to go to the doctors... NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Thank you for reading

Deanie