Title: The Future is Nuts!

Summary: Another solar flare sends our heroes of old to the future. Daniel can't believe that someone like Vala even exists, but Jack is out to prove that there's more to her than meets the eye. Crazy women and betting. Who would ask for more? DV

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The original four members of SG-1 found themselves in the gate room. Everything looked the same, except for the personnel.

"I do not recognize any of these people," Teal'c stated.

Daniel spun around to see all of the room's occupants. "Neither do I."

"Carter, what the hell happened?" said Jack.

"Not sure, sir." The wormhole disengaged behind them.

"Jack? What are you doing here?" a voice boomed over the microphone. The leader of SG-1 looked up to find Hank Landry in the window of the control room.

"Hank?" he said, equally confused. The general instructed the team to stay where they were as he came down. When he arrived, he eyed them suspiciously. "Jack, how did you get off-world without me knowing about it? And you, too, Dr. Jackson."

The two men in question exchanged confused looks. "I'm sorry, have we met?" Daniel asked the general.

Hank looked at him like he was crazy. He opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the activation of the stargate. They automatically moved near the door of the room so as not to be disintegrated by its characteristic kawoosh. The general sent a questioning look toward the control room. A tech announced that it was SG-3 arriving as scheduled.

Breathing a silent sigh of relief, Landry turned back to the team. "Mind explaining to me what's going on?"

"You tell me, Hank. I didn't even know you had the clearance to be in this mountain."

"What are you talking about, Jack? You're the one who gave me clearance and recommended me for this job!" He turned to Carter. "Colonel, what exactly is going on here?"

Surprised at the title, Sam stammered, "Uhh, sir, I'm actually just a major, and I am just as confused as you are."

"A major…" Hank seemed to be contemplating something.

The sound of standard-issue boots clanking on the metal ramp attracted everyone's attention. Reynolds and one of his men casually stepped down. He greeted the General and the rest of SG-1. Seeing that they were clad in BDUs and holding P-90s, he asked, "Jack, you going on one last joy ride through the gate?" He received a furrowed brow in response. Jack was less perplexed about the question than he was about Reynolds's outfit. He and his subordinate were wearing tanned rawhides for pants and jackets.

"Colonel Reynolds, I thought you said you were bringing a guest," Landry cut in.

"Yes, sir. He should be arriving any moment. Vala's wrangling him as we speak."

"Like a regular cowgirl with a lasso, too," his second-in-command added with a twinge of southern drawl.

The team caught Landry's amused smile. "And the rest of your team, gentlemen?"

"Just some friendly back-up. Though Vala can handle this all by her lonesome."

A huddled figure in the tattered uniform of the Lucian Alliance stumbled through the active wormhole. He paused near the opening, doubled-over as if in pain. A woman in nothing but black leather from head to toe stepped through. Her low-cut bodice left little to the imagination while the set of pistols at her sides left much to be feared.

Her long leather coat swung behind as she raised her foot to swiftly kick the huddled man in the behind. He tumbled down the ramp and landed in a heap at the bottom. His groans were muffled by the loud sound of her boots on the ramp. The rest of Reynolds's team came up behind her to stare down at their "guest." They, too, were wearing tanned leather outfits.

Landry turned from the scene undisturbed to address SG-3's leader. "I take it the mission was a success."

Reynolds grinned. "Yes, sir! Blew up a nice train-load of space corn to boot."

Jack nudged Teal'c in the arm. "Space corn?" he whispered. If the Jaffa could have shrugged, he would.

"Oh General!" the female called in a sing-song voice. "I brought you a present!" Before she could register the faces of SG-1 next to him, the prisoner grabbed her ankle. She reacted quickly bringing her free boot down on his face. The two SG-team members behind her raised their zats in unison. After rolling away, the battered man looked up to see Vala's unhappy look and two weapons in his face. He let his head drop back to the floor in defeat.

"Well, she's certainly… something," Jack commented in awe.

"Yep, that she is," Reynolds replied. He clapped Daniel on the back and flashed him a knowing smile. The archaeologist found it strangely disturbing. "General, with permission, we'd like to take the prisoner to holding."

Landry nodded back. "Go ahead, son."

Vala never took her eyes off the man at her feet, but heard the order. "Get up," she said harshly. He groaned in refusal. "I am warning you, you slimy little mongrel. Get up." He spit near her feet. The men behind her raised their weapons again. Formerly hidden by her long-coat, Vala pulled out a very large gun from her back. Aiming it at the prisoner, she warned, "Last chance before I do some damage." Not wanting to be on the receiving end of that gun, he got to his feet and began to follow Reynolds out the other door.

The rest of SG-3 and Vala, weapon still aimed, followed the man. "Vala…" She stopped in her tracks at Landry's voice, but didn't turn from her prisoner. "Try not to kill him before we're done with the interrogation," he said casually. She waved her free hand in affirmation. As they disappeared into the hall, he shook his head with a smile.

"Haannk?" Jack asked. "What was that all about?"

"That particular individual happens to have key intel about the Lucian Alliance." He then raised his hand to his mouth, as if to cover his words. Landry whispered, "Plus he made a direct threat to Dr. Jackson here. Vala was none too happy." He actually chuckled.

Daniel's mouth dropped open. The team eyed him, puzzled. Eventually, he found his voice. "I have no idea who that crazy woman is."

"Excuse me?" the general asked quickly.

Teal'c added in his baritone voice, "I have never seen her before either, and yet, she appears to be a well-respected member of this facility." He turned toward the rest of his team. "I do not believe we are in the correct place or time."

"Maybe you're right, Teal'c." Sam looked at Landry, another person she had never seen before. "Sir, we may have accidentally traveled to a different Earth than our own."

Jack slapped his face. "Oh no, not another 1969."

The realization that had eluded Hank thus far finally came. "Let me ask you all something. What year is it?"

Jack answered, "2003."

"Jack, it's 2013."

"What!"

"I think I know what's going on here. Come on, let's get you to the infirmary."