Note: Did I just give you a heart attack with this update? Go ahead, raise your hand. Right after finishing the last chapter, I came down ill for three days, too sick to go to the lab and too sleepy and feverish to crunch all those tiny numbers in the data sets I take home. So apparently that's just the mindset to churn off several thousand words' worth of Gwendal angst. Apparently I can write this much in three days, as long as my immune system is going mad and I don't eat.

This is pretty much completely a character chapter. No plot at all. And it has many moments of "Gwen, stop being a moron!" But I can't help that. I just write the guy. I hope you all enjoy this meandering interlude that came of my attack of influenza or whatever it was.

When I woke, my head pounded, my husband was snoring, and I was terribly hot. The bedspread was much too heavy for this weather, but I'd rolled myself up in it pretty tightly. When I'd fallen asleep, after all, I hadn't even known where my clothes were. And I'd lain half paralyzed, afraid to move, afraid that if I woke Dirk he'd reverse his decision.

He was firmly asleep now. I lifted my head a little to look for my clothes. Instead I saw two robes hanging beside the bed, one light blue and the other dark green. Very quickly I slipped out of bed and snatched the green one. The pocket bore Dirk's initials. Had I the least interest in being married to him, that would be sort of sweet. As it was, I didn't think I cared for powder blue. And it required another very quick movement between the bed and the hook. At least it was long.

Dressed, or close to it, I walked to the window. It was too bright for comfort, but I wanted to see this new home even if my head hurt. The Rochefort province, like mother's, was verdant and rich, a pretty paradise of a country, at least around the manor. I took in the view as I straightened my hair with my fingers. I didn't want to go rummaging for a brush. Beyond the walls was a small town and a large pasture full of sheep. Beyond that were woods and hills that rolled off into the distance until they were but a purple smear on the horizon. Inside the grounds of the manor, the gardens were well-tended and tasteful. I'd like to see it all while I was here, however long that would prove to be.

When I turned around, unsure how long I'd been gazing out the window, I found Dirk gazing at me. I started and felt myself color again. He hadn't bothered to snatch his robe, and had already thrown the blankets aside. I kept my eyes on his face. "How does your head feel?"

"Pretty lousy. You?"

"I could use coffee." I walked back to the bed. It didn't feel like penance now, though I was nervous. "Thank you. For last night."

"Don't worry about it." He sighed and say back on the bed. "I have plenty. This marriage is politics, and it's not like there's any way they can confirm it's been consummated."

"No bloody sheets?" I chanced a small smile. "You… don't have to."

"Like I said, I'm not going without." He looked afraid I'd challenge him on that, but all I did was smile. Whatever the source, what a relief. "You are cute though, Blue Eyes." That seemed in the way to become a pet name. I'd never had one before. It was an odd feeling. "If you change your mind, let me know."

"I will."

"But you won't." He pulled on his robe slowly. "It's Von Christ, right?"

I breathed in sharply. "I…"

"You're pretty damn obvious." He threw a pillow at me. "So you're the monogamous type. If Dad hadn't come up with this you'd probably have married him, I figure."

"Maybe. We… aren't on such terms as you seem to think."

He rolled his eyes. I didn't think he believed me. I wished he were right, shamefully. "I'll ring for someone to bring us breakfast if you want."

"Thank you. Do you have a comb I could use?"

"Top drawer." He dealt with a maid while I stared into the mirror and straightened up. I would never have the loving husband I would have wished for, but maybe I'd have a friend. A partner of sorts. He was dim and loutish, but there were worse sins. If I could just get over his painful proposal or how scared I'd been when I'd thought he meant to force himself on me…

I didn't think I could forgive him that, though I suspected now his father had put him up to it. I couldn't bring myself to ask. For the most part, though, we could no doubt be civil. I saw him come up behind me in the mirror but still jumped when he kissed my cheek. It felt chaste and, after the initial shock, wasn't so bad.

"Mom's planning on giving your family a tour this morning. She found out your mother likes gardening too, apparently." He set a tall cup of iced tea in front of me. Better than coffee, really.

"That's kind of her. The grounds are very picturesque." I looked up at him as I sipped. "It looks as though you have beautiful country for riding as well."

"I'm not much of a horseman, but yeah. It's nice. You can go in the afternoon if you want." He pulled up a chair across from me and we shared a breakfast of fruit and flaky pastries. I wasn't very hungry, but the tea helped my hangover. A servant had brought up my trunk from wherever it had been left the day before. Dirk laughed rather uproariously when I couldn't stop myself ducking into the closet to change.

"I mean, at least you have brothers."

"I'm considerably older than either of them. We never shared a nursery." I scowled at him as I buttoned up my vest. It was nice to have my usual clothes back. The formalwear was awfully hot, and my dress boots were very tight around the toes. Coming to a point, by Mother's estimation, was desirable.

"Shall we go and join the household, then?" Dirk stood very straight and tried to look stately.

"You're an idiot, do you know that?"

"Yes, but I can live with it, Blue Eyes. At least I'm not a virgin." He caught my arm, we glared at each other, and shrugged in tandem. Downstairs a huge, buffet-style breakfast for all the remaining guests was underway.

Anissina popped out of nowhere and caught my other arm. "I'm stealing him for just a bit." Dirk nodded and she dragged me off to the side a bit. "How'd it go?"

She looked as gentle and sympathetic as I'd ever known her. I relished that for a moment while I decided whether to tell her. Anissina was quite able to keep a secret, I decided. "It didn't."

For a moment, she was actually quiet. Then she grinned. "Your pathetic cowardice has finally worked in your favor! That's wonderful!"

It was so much easier not to argue. "Yes."

"Anyway, I'm not going to be here much longer. While you've been away it's gotten even worse at court. Stoffel and Evert are at each others' throats vying for control, and the only thing they can work together on is getting rid of those influences of which they do not approve." She looked very prim, imitating my uncle at his most formal, and then suddenly broke the character, cracking her knuckles under her satin gloves. "They're hoping this has disposed of you for a while, so try to get back."

"I'll do my best. I'm trapped here for a few days at the very least."

"Good. My money's on Stoffel. After all, your mother can find herself another swain whenever she likes. She's only got one brother. And he's up to something."

I sighed. "What happened to him?"

"Stoffel? We could say that he's a weak-willed, stupid man and power corrupts, and it's true, but it does oversimplify, doesn't it?" Anissina patted my shoulder. "Maybe you've just grown up. Just because you were the apple of his eye once upon a time…"

"No. He wasn't always a power-grubbing disgrace. I may have been young but I wasn't that blind. Maybe foolish, maybe a bit greedy, but…" I shook my head. This got us nowhere. "Go back. Fight the good fight. I'll join you as soon as I can."

"Fight the good fight? Gwen, you were drunk last night, weren't you?" She gave me a quick hug. "I doubt I'll catch you again. Hang in there. And I'll have some excellent new devices for you to test when you get back to the castle." With that, she gave me a shove and went over to chat with Suzanna Julia while Conrart and Josak sat nearby, looking sulky. At least someone was watching them. I didn't like the chances of two half human children in this crowd.

When I turned around again, I nearly knocked into my mother-in-law. I had yet to actually exchange a word with her. She struck me as a little less aggressive than her husband and a little more sensible than her son, but the impression was fairly baseless. "Hello, Gwendal. I'm sorry I didn't quite catch you at last night's party. Did Dirk tell you I was hoping to make a tour of the grounds with your mother?"

"Yes, he mentioned. I'm sure she'd be delighted." I bowed slightly. "Should I find her?"

"Please do. And you and your brothers are invited, of course."

There were surely worse ways to spend the morning. I found Mother eating sugary pastries while Raven tried to stop Wolfram gorging on them. "Lady Von Rochefort would like to give our family a tour of her gardens, Mother."

"How nice of her! It sounds simply fantastic, dear." She stood and beamed up at me. "Could you collect the boys, then?"

"Wolfram's right here," I reminded her. She was being exceptionally flighty lately. I liked to think it was her way of expressing distress at my marriage, but I wasn't sure. I picked him up in the middle of a bite of swan-shaped cake.

"Gwen! Not fair!"

"You're giving yourself a stomach ache, and you'll be cranky all day." I set him on the floor. "We're going to fetch Conrart and Josak and go look at flowers." Wolfram whined, but he took my hand and walked along. Raven came with as well.

Never a man of many words, he simply put his arm around my shoulders, squeezed, and whispered, "You'll be alright." I thanked him from the bottom of my heart.

Conrart and Josak were at the age when looking at flowers was a punishment, but I glared them into behaving though I was ashamed of myself for it. I didn't want them to be pawns in any of these games, even now when all that was at risk was a relationship with in-laws I already disliked.

"I'll take you both out for some swordplay after dinner if you're still here. How's that?" I wasn't very good at bribery, but they assented, and in short order we all went out to admire the park.

Even Conrart and Josak admitted it was pretty, and Mother was very impressed. The flowers were mixed so every bed was an explosion of color. Fountains and little streams dotted the grounds, the latter marked by delicate little bridges. Lady Von Rochefort informed us that even outside the walls she oversaw the landscaping, and there was a ten-mile circuit that showed off all the delights of the country. Then, of course, she suggested I take a carriage out with her son to see it, spoiling the idea for me. Mother promised to come back and take the tour when she was at leisure, though.

About twenty minutes into our walk, Wolfram tugged on my hand. "My tummy hurts. I want to go inside."

"I did warn you." I picked him up. "You're enjoying yourself, Mother. I'll take him."

"Try and catch us up, Gwen." She waved at me. I couldn't help rolling my eyes. Was she going to behave herself at any point before she left me here? Part of me still wanted to say goodbye to my mother, and maybe to be comforted by her.

"I told you you'd make yourself sick." Perhaps Mother's indifference had made me a bit more snappish than I should have been. Wolfram looked hurt. "Well… You'll know better next time."

"Oh, I'm fine. I just wanted to steal you away for a while."

I couldn't help smiling. "Why, you insidious little brat." I put him down. If he wasn't suffering from too many treats, he could walk. "And where are you stealing me too?"

"In there." He pointed to a little white gazebo overgrown with morning glories. It was cool inside with a smooth stone bench to sit on. Wolfram climbed onto my lap. "Why did you marry him?"

"It's been explained to you, Wolfram." Not by me. I hadn't been able to bring myself to speak to him on the subject. "It will stop fights from breaking out among the nobles so Mother can rule without worrying."

"Then why won't anyone talk to me about it?"

"It's… it's not really a subject for someone your age. It's complicated and it's not pretty. Try not to worry, hmm?" I patted him on the head, but he shoved my hand away and jumped off my lap.

"You're a liar, Gwendal!" He was practically shouting, jabbing a finger at me while a few errant sparks glittered around his eyes. "I'm not stupid! I can listen at doors as well as Conrart and I know my own big brother! Don't you treat me like a baby!"

Oh. I was too taken aback to make much of a reply. "I… didn't want you worrying…"

"You didn't want me to know that you saved me? Again? I don't even get to say thank you or tell you no?"

"Wolfram, you're much too young to understand what this would have meant for you…"

"There you go, thinking I'm stupid again. Maybe I wouldn't have been happy, but you're not happy either. Are you gonna just take care of me forever?"

"Wolfram, I'd love to." I knew he wanted to stand on his own. This vague guilt of his turning into anger before my eyes was exactly what I'd expected and exactly the reason I hadn't wanted him to know. "If I could I'd protect you your whole life. Let me do it while I can." I picked him up again and hugged him. He relented and hugged back, reminding me of when he was just a baby. "I'll always take care of you. Remember, I love you more than anyone in the world."

"More than Gunter?"

My head snapped up. "Who told you about that?"

"Conrart. But I knew already." He leaned back and looked up at me with those dangerously sweet eyes. "You want to marry Gunter, and I don't have anyone I want to marry, so it's not fair."

"You will someday, Wolfram." I ruffled his hair. "Promise me that if you marry someone it will be because you love them."

"That's gross! Loving people is gross. How do you do it?"

"When the person you love is brave and caring and beautiful and clever. You'll know someday. Now, promise."

"Okay, fine. I promise." He hooked his little finger with mine. "But I want you to marry Gunter. He gives me cookies and then Giesela would be my niece. I could boss her around."

"I'm afraid that won't happen."

"Can't you unmarry the stupid jerk?"

"I wish I could. It doesn't work that way."

"My father unmarried Mael and Maddox's mommy."

"Different circumstances. Please don't talk about this with anyone, Wolfram. It could cause trouble." He made the little "hmph!" noise he did when he was done arguing but not ready to admit it. "Is that what you stole me for?"

"Not just that. I want you to walk with me, because you're going to be gone for a while. Did you know there are fish in the pond? Big fish. I saw them yesterday while you were getting ready." He led me away, seemingly distracted. I didn't buy it. He had something up his sleeve. He was also so cute and earnest I just about couldn't stand it. Wolfram dragged me across most of the garden that morning, pulling me into hiding if we risked crossing paths with Mother and Lady Von Rochefort.

Wolfram brought me in for lunch when he got bored monopolizing me. I found I had no appetite, which might have had to do with seeing my husband feel up a housemaid on the way inside and having to explain to my brother why I'd covered his eyes. I didn't mind. I really didn't, especially as it kept him off of me, but did he have to be so brazen?

Conrart was the next to corner me, but he did so much more quietly. He came up behind me while I was staring balefully at half a grapefruit. "Mother says you need to eat more or you'll waste away and the wind will blow you to parts unknown."

"Hmm. I'll take it into consideration."

He sat and ate a sandwich, and then turned to me again, extending a little off-white linen square. I took it in mild confusion and saw immediately that Gunter's initials were embroidered in one corner with silver thread. "Conrart!"

"Your old one is getting really worn out."

Did I have a single secret left? "Did you steal this?"

"No, I said I had allergies and he gave it to me. Giesela made him a whole drawer full. Bye." He hopped off the bench and walked off quickly. I could hardly call after him about this. I clearly had no choice but to tuck it into my vest pocket beside the other one where both, I was sure, smelled like sea air and fresh-mown hay.

Immediately after lunch I was thrust into a receiving line, as most of the guests were leaving, including Anissina and my own family. I couldn't say anything like a proper goodbye to those I wished to, and dozens of people I didn't care about in the least required all my civility. In the process, I was hugged by Anissina's brother (idiot), patted on the head by my uncle and Evert (condescending bastards), and quite unable to recall the names of most of my guests. I was also distressed not to see Gunter, and I was sure he'd left without saying goodbye.

I suppose I looked distinctly rattled by the end of it. I knew that being stricken useless by such a simple occasion was quite out of character for me, even worrisome, but my new family didn't. When I told Dirk I thought I'd go on that ride I'd mentioned, he and his mother waved me out the door without comment.

Gyre seemed rather annoyed with me as I saddled him up. He was a horse who liked freedom, who needed good, daily exercise, and I was sure no one had thought to take him out on the wedding day. I apologized with petting and sugar and road out of the grounds.

I would eschew Lady Von Rochefort's grand tour for the day. I just needed to run. I'd even glanced over a map before heading out so I could steer clear of villages. The moment we were clear of the town around the Rochefort home, Gyre and I were away. He ran like the wind, that horse, as any horse from Gunter would have to. He was fiery, but he and I got along. I doubted most horsemen could handle him, but he and I moved as one. I leaned forward into the wind and fled.

My mother had expressed as much affection for me as she might a pair of shoes now gone out of fashion. An uncle I had once loved had become a heartless fool, and with my stepfather was staging a takeover of the country. My love had deserted me. The only ones who seemed to care were my mad surrogate sister and the brothers too young to take care of themselves, let alone me. As Gyre ran I wallowed in feeling sorry for myself and then fled that, too. Nothing but me, my horse, and the wind. A moment's freedom.

Then I heard another horse following. I didn't care to be disturbed, and I was sure I was on no one's land. I was in an open, hilly woodland, and there was nothing to disturb. I turned to see who was intruding on my much needed solitude. I stopped Gyre completely, as being knocked off my horse by a branch would be very much in keeping with the last twenty-four hours.

The horse was a chestnut, and its rider was a vision. He hadn't left me. I couldn't fathom what he was still doing here, but Gunter rode toward me, his hair loose and robes flowing behind him. Our horses, I recalled, were brothers. If there was a match for Gyre in the country, it would be Gunter's pretty mount. I smiled at him, my first real smile in what felt like a long time, and spun Gyre around. He seemed to read my mind, and in a moment we were racing, tearing through the trees and over low bushes, always neck in neck. We stopped by the same unspoken understanding that had started us on top of a low, gorse-covered hill. The horses needed rest.

"I didn't know you were extending your stay."

"Until tomorrow. Giesela and your sister-in-law seem to have taken to one another. I left them working on cross-stitch and gossiping." Mathilda had to be fifty years Giesela's senior, but she was a particularly clever little girl. I didn't wonder.

"I'm glad to see you. I assumed you left this morning."

"Without saying goodbye? Never." He flopped down in the grass and looked up at the cloudy sky. "I've brought a picnic lunch out. Care to share with me?"

"If you have enough." I took the saddlebags from his horse and took it upon myself to spread the meal out when he didn't object. The blanket was more than big enough for two. Two bottles of lemonade, two cheese and tomato sandwiches, two bunches of grapes, and two hard-boiled eggs later, my suspicions were raised. This wasn't only a meal for a picnicking pair, but a meal that indicated a clear inside source on my favorite lunch foods. "Gunter, I am forced to accuse you of not meeting me entirely by accident."

"You caught me." He handed me a folded placemat from last night's dinner. Wolfram's large, still babyish handwriting wandered rather haphazardly over the blank side in orange crayon.

My big brother is going out for a ride today. You should meet him or he'll be sad.

"I'm going to have to talk to Wolfram about this eavesdropping habit he's cultivating." He was listening at keyholes he really shouldn't if he'd heard me tell Dirk where I was going. "But thank you." I bowed my head and Gunter took my hand.

"I didn't want to have to shake your hand and run out the door." Gunter sat beside me on the blanket. "I might as well tell you now. I've accepted an instructor's appointment at the Military Academy. Officer's school, of course."

"What?" There were so many things awry in that statement. One of the Ten Aristocrats wouldn't teach at the school. There were too many duties elsewhere, and a multiplicity of retired generals and excellent fencing masters waiting for positions there. Gunter wanted to give up his old martial life. And the Academy was a rather inconvenient distance from the capital. He was needed at the court. His daughter needed him. I needed him.

"It was far from voluntary. Anissina must have told you the situation continued to decay in your absence." Gunter colored slightly. I never wanted to see him flush in shame again. "I'm giving up, Gunter. Your uncle suggested very strongly that I take the position. If it were only me… but I can't keep Giesela with me always."

"Stoffel?" Evert I'd have accepted. I hadn't thought him so far gone, but he always had been devoid of feeling where power was concerned. But Stoffel? Anissina must have been right. I had been deluding myself, still believing my uncle to be the bumbling, well-meaning fool I'd known as a child, just led astray somehow.

"Stoffel. Please don't try to talk me out of it. I only hope you can forgive me. I'm abandoning you." He was, and a dark, dismal spark in the pit of my soul hated him for it, but he looked so stricken. I couldn't be very angry. "When you were at court with me, I had a sense, I suppose, that my back was being watched. These last few weeks I've been scared. I'll admit it. Anissina… Anissina helped, but policy's not her forte. I've lost this one."

He looked as though he thought I'd hit him. The last of my ire drained away, perhaps to be redirected at my uncle when I saw him. I passed Gunter his drink and sat beside him. "You need to protect your daughter. And you're too gentle for these games, Gunter."

"That's the sweetest way I've ever been called a coward."

"Hush, and have your lemonade." I pressed the bottle into his hand. "You're no coward. You have your own kind of courage." I sighed, looking off into the sky. "I remember when he had a miniature uniform made for Conrart's coming of age, when he and Raven took me kite flying the day after my father's funeral when I was still inconsolable… It's partially my fault. I never considered him a real threat."

"Love isn't a fault, Gwendal." His eyes narrowed and his voice was low.

"There's nothing more to say about this." I opened my own bottle. "I'll visit you at the Academy."

"No you won't. You'll mean to, but things will come up. I forgive you in advance."

"How gracious." But I would. "But we can't say any more. Let's talk about something else."

He nodded and wiped at his eyes. I'd have offered him a handkerchief, but I only had his, and even in this state he'd surely have noticed. "You seem in fair spirits, Gwen. Did he… treat you better than we expected?"

"Nothing happened." I managed a crooked smile. "He's willing to slake his lusts elsewhere." A bit bitter, perhaps? Though I didn't want him to touch me, petulantly, I disliked the reminder that I wasn't tempting enough that it bothered him.

"That's…" Gunter clearly didn't know how to react. "Unexpected."

"Neither of us wants to be married. This way, maybe we can be friends." I took a bite from my sandwich. "It could be much worse."

"I'm glad?" He cocked an eyebrow at me. "This is what you want?"

"It's the closest I'll get to what I want." Right here. Right now. On a blanket under a warm, lazy sky, alone on a hill with Gunter. I was close enough to touch my real desire. Damn my honor. Damn my prudence. Damn a face so plain it didn't particularly draw even a lecher, hopeless inexperience, and a toxic personality.

Once again I almost reached out to him. I almost caught him and pressed my lips to his. There could be no more perfect place, this abandoned hilltop and this beautiful day, no one for miles to see us.

"I don't know how to argue with you." He shrugged and took another bite. "It's pretty country. A lot like home for me, actually."

"That's right, you're one province over."

"With Gyllenhaal between us, yes. Not exactly close, but this part of Shin Makoku is very uniform. And no offense to your mountains, but it's the loveliest to me." Gunter smiled dreamily. "Visit me at home sometime, Gwendal."

I blinked a bit stupidly. "Is that a standing invitation?"

"Indubitably. Whenever I'm home you're welcome. The Academy has vacations. I don't know the most perfect spots to show you here, but around my own manor I know every tree. We'll go on a few days' tour. Maybe a week."

"I can think of nothing I'd like better." I grimaced slightly. "May I come in the autumn?"

"It would be perfect if you did. I'll send a pigeon the moment the trees begin to turn." He popped a grape into his mouth. "Shall I arrange our tour by inn, or do you mind sleeping outdoors?"

"I haven't since the end of the war, but I'd prefer it, I think." Father and I had gone on a long ride or two when I was young, among of the few times I'd really spoken to him without a desk between us.

Without thinking, I cracked my egg by whacking it against my forehead. Gunter burst out laughing and I felt myself redden to the ears. "It's… a game Conrart and Wolfram and I used to play." I hadn't done it in polite company since I was Wolfram's age, either. Perhaps I was too relaxed.

"It was charming. Every time I think I understand you, Gwendal." He continued to giggle at me. I threw a grape at him, and he caught it in his mouth. We both laughed at that, and I felt something loosen that I hadn't even known was tight.

"You're not all that simple yourself." As I watched, a little bird hopped across the blanket to peck at the crumbs of his sandwich. Though it was practically touching him, the animal didn't seem perturbed by his presence. Clever bird.

"I contest that. There are times I wish I had your composure. There are disadvantages to wearing your heart on your sleeve." He grew a bit more serious. "I am easily taken advantage of."

I didn't know what to say to that. There were figures I knew, like my uncle, who had hurt him, but I was sure I didn't have the full story. Little plants grew nearby, topped with a spray of brilliantly red flowers. I remembered the name from Mother's gardens. Amaranth. I plucked one bloom of many and boldly slipped it behind his ear.

Mother, I would write later that night. When next you have time to develop a strain of flowers, I would ask that you focus your efforts on the flower that never dies. If the flower flourishes and you consent to name it Gunter's Heart, I will consider it a wedding gift.

His fingers reached up and he looked a little shocked. "Gwendal!"

I was shocked myself. "Taking into account everything that's happened to you, regardless of what your heart may have gotten you into, you're doing remarkably well."

It was either exactly the right thing to say or terribly wrong. He threw himself against me, clutching tight. I hugged back. We both needed this for a moment, I no doubt for terribly different reasons, but I relished it nonetheless. He'd held me once while I cried and I hadn't been able to enjoy it at all. Holding him—he wasn't crying, but clearly upset—I let myself love him, love the warmth and weight of him in my arms, even as I comforted him. I rubbed his back and stroked his hair. All the while I drowned in the smell of him, that silken hair against my fingers.

Gunter seemed to not need anything from me but my presence. I was sure anyone would have done, or anyone he trusted enough, and that was sufficient praise for me. As I held him in silence, as I adored him, I thought of what our wedding would have been like. Though he might have wished to hold it at his house, I'd never seen it and couldn't picture it, so I saw him riding that trusty gray mare to my door, Mother and Anissina escorting him. I saw him present the red crystal, Gyre… and what would his third gift be? Something beautiful. The dark colors of my wedding robe would have robbed him of color, turned him ghostly, but even that would have been charming. I couldn't imagine how I'd look in lavender and silver. Somewhat untoward, probably. I'd have missed the speeches, the dances, the songs, because I'd have been lost in him, and when that horrible gong rang I'd only have blushed in delight.

My grip must have tightened as I thought of it. Gunter sat up, red faced. "Thank you, Gwendal. I'm… I'm being ridiculous…"

"No you aren't." Well, he was, but sometimes the world was ridiculous and one had to return in kind. Like taking off at a gallop through countryside you didn't know on a new horse.

He shook his head. "Oh, you missed dessert. I'll get it." He stood slowly. "Am I grass-stained?"

I informed myself in no uncertain terms I wouldn't use the question as an excuse to look Gunter over. Then I proceeded to do just that. His robes were his usual ones today, loose and flowing, and the hint of his outline was oddly tantalizing. "You're fine."

"Good." He unpacked a smaller bag and set a small basket and a covered bowl, sealed shut with wax. With a twist, Gunter removed the top and I uncovered the basket.

"Strawberries and clotted cream?" It was a little thing, but I was still dumbfounded. "Who did you ask?"

"Your mother. It didn't take a great deal of detective work. You like it only lightly sweetened, right?"

"You're far, far too good to me."

"I'm just glad it didn't turn to butter during that ride." He smirked at me, moment of weakness apparently past. "I've been told you need to eat more."

"I'll eat constantly if you bring me more desserts like this." I dipped a small, tart strawberry and licked every spot of juice and cream off my lips after I swallowed. Gunter didn't eat as many strawberries as I did, but it was clear he liked the treat as well as I. I thought maybe I'd earned the right to be a few berries' worth of greedy. By the time we'd devoured our last little snack his pale lips were stained red. He had lemonade left to wash it away with, though mine was all finished. I was disappointed. The little spot of color had suited him.

And certainly I could be forgiven for wanting to kiss the taste of strawberries off his lips.

Gunter stretched out on the blanket. "And now all I feel is lazy. We really should get back…"

"I'll clean up. You go ahead and be lazy for a bit." He'd packed lunch, after all, and very carefully. I tossed our leftovers to the squirrels and replaced the saddlebags. I watched him as I worked. He was lucky the sun wasn't too bright today. I was sure he'd burn. He smiled as though he hadn't a care in the world, as though he hadn't collapsed from some horrible weight not long before. His hair, even his brows and eyelashes, glittered in the hazy light.

I went to lie beside him. "Let's both take half an hour off, shall we?"

"Splendid idea," he said, without opening his eyes. The horses grazed, Gunter dozed, and I watched him. Certainly it was a little untoward, but I was too light a sleeper to drift off under the sun in strange country.

The last of the desperation that had pushed my ride this afternoon surfaced. Sure he was asleep, I leaned as close as I dared. "I love you, Gunter." It was the barest whisper against his ear, and he didn't stir. I hoped it might reach him by way of dreams. "I always have." I pushed myself up and stole a brief kiss, tasting lemon and strawberries.

What kind of friend was I, abusing his trust like that? I was being downright creepy. Last time I'd kissed him I'd been feverish and half convinced he was going to die. Something of an excuse. But however unseemly my behavior, I couldn't regret it. Satisfied, really happy, even, I lay back down beside him and fell asleep.

When I woke up, the sun was setting and my head was in Gunter's lap. While both situations were theoretically problematic, I was too delighted to remember why. The clouds had thinned and the sky was radiantly red and orange. The moon and morning star were already shining, silver in the darkening blue to the east, the crescent and brilliant point below suggesting a question no one could answer.

Gunter's long robe was flipped aside and only the thin layer of his pants underneath separated my cheek from the smooth skin of his thigh. Under the scents of summer breeze and flowers I could smell just him, a scent that made me shiver. If the world could stop now…

It took every ounce of willpower to sit up. "Gunter?"

"You look better." He patted my head twice and I stretched. Lovely as waking had been, my neck hadn't been at an accustomed angle. "I think you needed that rest."

"No doubt." A few black hairs still rested on his clothes. I was shedding again. "How… did I end up there, exactly?"

"You about half woke up when I did." He shrugged. "You clearly weren't quite ready to face the world yet. I'm not sure you actually opened your eyes."

The fact that I'd slept on Gunter's lap was beginning to sink in properly. It felt as bold as a kiss, only slightly less forbidden. "I'm sorry, that can't have been comfortable." I was glad to hear my voice even and unperturbed. I didn't feel myself blushing either.

"I didn't mind. I was glad to be able to help, even in my small way. But we'd better hurry back. We've probably missed most of dinner already." Gunter seemed evasive. His eyes didn't quite meet mine. I supposed it would be awkward to have a friend sleep on your lap for what must have been at least two hours.

"I've not exactly made a phenomenal impression on my new family as it is." I stood and stretched. I did feel better. Suspiciously. "…Gunter, were you healing me while I slept?"

He smiled nervously, but also seemed somehow relieved. "Just a generally invigorating infusion of energy. You've been so put-upon." Gunter rolled off his blanket and folded it away. "You needed someone to stick with you."

"…I did." At least someone had noticed.

"They don't mean anything by leaving you here, Gwendal." He leaned close with his hand on my shoulder. "Your mother would say something if she knew what… It's easier to pretend nothing's wrong."

"I know." I covered his hand with mine. "It's been a wonderful afternoon. Let's get going." On impulse, I extended a hand to help him onto his horse. He certainly didn't need it, but I felt the gentleman, and he accepted the hand up with a smile. We rode back at a much more leisurely pace, one that allowed for conversation.

"Was there a specific breaking point that enraged my uncle, or was he just fed up with having a clever opponent?"

"Oh…" He bit his lip and looked away. "Trying to save you, mostly."

"What?" I was sincerely confused. Save me?

"I know you made your choice and I was undermining your sacrifice, but I couldn't stand their willingness to sell you for their own convenience. I wound up making your mother cry, your stepfather laugh, and your uncle turn me out of court. I'm afraid I'm not the negotiator I thought I was." He shook his head. We came to a narrow ditch and he had to turn back to make a bit of a run and jump it. He and the horse looked splendid in mid leap. The image burned into my memory.

But wasn't quite enough to clear the air. "Gunter, that marriage may have saved lives." Losing Gunter in the fight against my greedy family might cost a few. "It certainly saved political relations for the next few years."

"I know. And it protected your brother until such time as his father gets another good offer. I know Wolfram is the heart of your heart, Gwendal, but…" He looked away. "I couldn't stand by and do nothing. I only wanted to help!" He sent me a look that melted my heart, but his mistake stood. It was likely Stoffel would have moved against him sooner or later, but this was such a stupid thing to lose his position over.

"My choice was made, Gunter."

"I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

At the sight of liquid, frightened eyes like those, how could I not? But I couldn't forget. Gunter was more prone to emotional judgments than I'd realized. "You're forgiven. But please exercise some restraint in the future."

"Noted." He looked thoroughly chastised. We didn't speak much on the way back, riding side by side. Tension remained in the air at first. I was still angry with him, if only because he'd hurt himself with his foolish crusade and could have damaged plenty of others. It seemed very strange that I'd once thought of Gunter as so eminently wise. He needed looking after, really. I had a sudden vision of spending decades and centuries cleaning up his messes.

And when I realized I didn't really mind, I let go of my annoyance and smiled at him. He smiled back and let the brothers carry us home. We didn't need to speak. The sound would just have been a distraction.

Before we reached the gate, Gunter excused himself to ride around back and return what he'd borrowed from the kitchen. I suspected he didn't want to be seen returning with me. Spending the better part of the day with a beautiful older man out in the countryside right after my wedding was, even to my mind, a little suspicious.

I dismissed the thought and Gyre and I walked through the gate. Gunter was right. I'd needed that.