January 31, 2006
I can't stand it here anymore... It's not just the owners... It's everything...
Tomorrow is Matt's birthday... I don't even want to know what Roger's gonna do... I need to get out of this place as soon as possible.. Matt's coming with me! We're getting out of this hell hole... I don't know when... But very... Very soon...
I'm crying because of the past few days... These are some things that have happen since I wrote last...
1. I got a un-announced hair cut... I only have a centimeter of all my hair left... I no longer have my long blond locks...
2. Matt got some of his hair actually ripped out. Then the rest of it shaved off like mine.
3. Matt's wrist is dislocated...
I don't know what to do... With my hair gone I Look like a freak... Matt's hand barely works... Yes the nurses here fixed it.. But it's still painful for him to move it.
... If anybody finds this diary... If we die... Please understand what we went through... Understand the pain I'm feeling right now...
Please help us... Somebody... Please...
Ugh.. I'm crying... That's the last thing I should be doing... Matt's been crying almost constantly lately. He's been saying that he shouldn't have chosen this orphanage to live in... He chose it?... I never got to choose... I was brought here when I was 5... Been tortured here ever since... My mother never knew... She brought me here because she couldn't raise me herself... My father had left her because of the stress... I never met him.. But I've seen pictures of him.. He looks so much like me... Or I so much like him... I have none of my mothers features... That's probably another reason why she got rid of me... I looked to much like him.
She left me with some things that I hold dearly to myself. A locket, bracelet, a picture of her, a wallet.. that I still use today I might add, and a small measuring tape that you use to measure your size.. Like your arms and waist.. Clothing measuring tape... It's turquoise. She used to measure me because she used to make my clothes... I go out and buy them now. I don't have much of a selection though... Black jeans... And a black, long sleeved top... Boot's that I applied a steel horse shoe type thing on the bottom of my boots that made my walking or running louder with a clink. I don't wear any old boot... A leather combat type boot... Platform?... It's a zip up on the side. The heel makes me 4 inches taller than I actually am... The part of the boot.. Not the heel.. But yea.. Is 1 inch platformy... Thing. Then there's the steel horse shoe thing on the bottom of the heel and platform thing.. Which adds about a half inch onto my height. Good thing I can run in them... Seeing on the stuff that I need to run away from here... Oh yea.. The heel and platform thing is see through... Like glass... Really hard plastic? So... Yea... She just got me thing's laying around the house that I really liked... Just normal things. Nothing special.
Yea that got off topic..
Her picture is on my night stand beside my bed. I don't know how tall she was because when I was with her.. I was only 5 and you know.. Five year olds aren't that tall. I don't think she was really tall though. My father was pretty big compared to her. She had strawberry blond hair, with some brown mixed in. Her facial features are very soft like her bone structure. Her rather small jaw and tiny nose. She had big soft pink lips, and when she smiled... She had perfect teeth. Though she wasn't the skinniest person in the world, she was quite skinny but when she sat down her tummy had a little tubby there. I remember that I loved to poke it. We would laugh so much together... When I said I loved her, her smile went away though... I always asked her what was wrong. She always said it was nothing, then she said she loved me back. I now know why she was sad. She loved me so much, she didn't want to leave me. I had a baby sister... She was 2 when I had left. And I had an older brother that was 7... But he had left to live with my father. I don't know how he's doing... I don't know how my sister is doing... I don't even know their names. But I do know they all started with an M. I think my sisters was Mellonie... And I think me and my brother have the same name... Mihael... I don't want to be called Mihael because of that reason. There can't be two with the same name. It says on my birth certificate that my name is legally Mello. I think Roger had it changed to Mello to protect my actual real name.
I can't remember my father. I only have a picture of him and I hardly remember spending any time with him what so ever. I don't think I ever met him. In the picture he looks so much like me... Long blond hair a little past the chin... Well I used to have that long of hair. He has a strong bone structure, and very pleasant blue-green eyes. He had perfect teeth too. I distinctly remember my mother telling me that he had braces when he was younger. One of his teeth, a canine on the left side, had a ruby drilled in. It shows in the picture. The light shining off of it. I know he took good care of it. Mother told me that he took it off of his wedding ring and put it inside of his tooth... To remind himself that he was always my mothers... I wonder if he had it taken out because he wasn't with my mother anymore. I wonder a lot about my father. If I ever meet him I'll have to catch up...
I'll have to meet my brother Mihael too... He's 16 now I think... Mellonie is probably 11.
Yes I still get letters from my mother... I haven't recently though. She includes pictures of herself. I write back, but we're not allowed to send pictures of ourselves to anybody for security reasons. I don't know why she only sends pictures of herself when Mellonie is with her... Or is she... I'll ask her when I get a letter from her again. My last one was sent on October 10th.
I don't know what else to say...
I don't know much about Matt's family.. He hasn't told me anything besides that he got to chose where he went... And his parents were still together. But his father hated homosexuals. So he made Matt leave. His mother wasn't happy about it... My mother doesn't know I'm gay... I wonder if it runs in the family.
Yea oh well..
I decided to say all of this now because...
I don't know if... If I'm going to be able to write in this again...
If anybody finds this... Now you know what my life is like... My true feelings.
Please save us...
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NOOOOOO IT'S THE END!! Dx I know, I know! You all hate me -.- BUT!! There will be a sequal!! :D Author favorite me and you'll know what it is! It's gonna be called 'DA it's over'. It will be another diary entry story like this, except it will be in Matt's point of view 2 years later. Since Matt has a better attitude . there will be faces like 'xD' and '.' in there. Duhhh.. Diary entry. :D I promise that one will be much better than this one . . Please review and send me a message if you wish! :D I love to get them so don't hesitate! If you have any questions or need information please message me on my page. Thank you! :D Feel free to give me ideas!