"I don't think this is such a good idea, Tom."

"Cold feet already? Harry, I'm disappointed. Truly and honestly disappointed."

"Tom…I…it's…"

"Look, I've already told you how it goes. We've gone through all the movements, all the stages, all the steps. There's an art to it."

"I know that! You've only been telling me for a month!"

"It's not even the real deal, Harry! She's a hologram!"

"But…she's… a gorgeous hologram"

"Why should that change anything?"

"I can't…I mean, I don't…"

"Stop stammering. Now."

"But—if she—I might—"

"Harry, for God's sake. Do you want me to push you?"

"Don't touch me, Tom! I can do it myself."

"Sure you can. That's right, keep telling yourself that."

"Not helping."

"Sure it is. Say it. 'I can do it.' 'I can do it.'"

"Shut up, Tom, I need a moment."

"Say it. Say it over and over and over."

"Tom, shut up."

"'I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!'"

"I can't DO IT!"

"…Great, genius. Now the entire pub's staring at us. What are you doing?"

"Making sure no one recognizes me."

"By burying your head in the bar? Like an ostrich?"

"Aren't they extinct?"

"No, that's the dodo. That was centuries ago. Ostriches are still around."

"No, I'm pretty sure they're extinct."

"No, I'm pretty sure they're not."

"I'm pretty sure they are."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yes it is, Tom. Yes it is."

"All right, what do you want to bet—Damn it, Harry, get back here. You're not getting out of it that fast."

"Getting out of what?"

"Stop doing that, you know exactly what. Sit down. Sit…down. Good boy."

"That hurt!"

"Stop whining, women hate it. Now, do you remember the first step of flirting with a woman?"

"…The entrance."

"Good. What do you need to do?"

"Be smooth, smile, wink if the moment is right."

"And it's a gold star for Harry Kim! Excellent. You'll be a pro at this before long."

"Tom, I don't—"

"What's the next step? And stop that sighing; it's too feminine. Sigh like a man."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"You have to be born with it. You're better off not sighing at all then, actually. Stop interrupting me. What's the next step?"

"The pick-up line."

"Brilliant. The most important part. You have to think of it beforehand, not on the spur-of-the-moment. Got it?"

"Yes."

"All right, now go."

"Wait! What about my pickup line?"

"You said you got it! Now no more arguing."

"But—"

"No more 'buts'. Just hers. Here, have a beer. Now go."

"Don't pu—OOMPH!"

She looks up from her novel as he slams into the table, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Oh, hi…"

A blank silence, filled by the buzz of quiet conversation around them. He looks back at Tom, who is mouthing wildly: Pickup line! Pickup line!

He takes a deep breath, and turns back to face her. She is still staring at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised.

"Did you know ostriches aren't actually extinct?"