Title: 50 Ways to Kill an Ordinary

Author: Dark Roswellian Angel

Elizabeth McDowell

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. If I did, I think I'd be out playing with Jensen instead of sitting on my bed typing this and just dreaming of him. (sigh…)

Copying/Downloading/Posting: Please let me know first, and let me know where my work will be posted as I would love to come visit it. Make sure that it is put under my name, as I would love to hear how others feel about it. Thanks ;)

Rating: T for now, may increase to M later.

Synopsis: Max starts having some seriously disturbing dreams- only does she really find them that disturbing? How do they affect her feelings for the men in her life?

A/N: In case the title and disclaimer didn't make it obvious, don't expect this to be too nice to Logan :) But please keep in mind that this is meant to be just for fun. After all, they're only dreams, right??

2nd A/N: Thank you everybody for all of the reviews. Thanks especially to Beige Flicka, darkaznangel452, p3karen, vancity angel, evil vixen sue, Myth87, purplebunnywabbit, Willow-98, 452max, src13, milkyway22, and Erkith for reviewing my last chapter. Is it dorky that I'm actually starting to get a feel for some of my repeat reviewers- love you guys.

3rd A/N: A special thanks goes to vancity angel for giving me the idea for this chapter's murder weapon. I had already planned on offing him a different way, but when you suggested this, it was just way too funny to pass up. So, thanks for the great idea.

And on that note, sorry it's taken me so long to get this out. What can I say- vacations are great, especially when they get you out of 100+ degree temps. IOW- it's probably going to take me a little while to get the next chapter out, too, since, like I said, vacations are great.

7- Urban Legend

The first thing OC noticed that morning was how quiet things were. A little too quiet, if you asked her. Especially with how her mornings had been so far this week. She found her best friend sitting at the kitchen counter, eating her spam-flavored, fruity O's as though there was nothing out of the ordinary. Immediately, OC's good mood deflated. Granted, it had only been six days, but she hadn't been able to help wondering what flava her girl'd hit her with this mornin'. "Good mornin', Boo. And how is you and all yor dreams this mornin'?"

Max didn't look up as a confused expression overtook her pretty features, "Confusing."

OC did a double-take, "Come again?"

"Confusing," Max said as though it should explain everything.

OC's eyes narrowed and her head slanted to one side, "And just why is that, Boo?"

Max looked straight at her for the first time that morning. "I blame you."

And with that, OC's eyes opened wide and her head recoiled, "And just why is that, Boo?"

"Well, you're the one that convinced me that these dreams aren't anything to get all worried about."

"Yeah, and I stand by that."

"Yeah… so it's your fault."

"How 'bout we try startin' this at the beginnin' and you tell me just what OC's done."

"Well, I had another dream, but…"

"But what?"

"But I don't know how he died. Or whose fault it was."

"You don't know… Okay, well, honey, why don't you just lay it all out for me, and we'll pick up the pieces as we go down."

Max looked at her and nodded unconvincingly. "Okay. Well, it started out with me completing an Eyes Only mission- some jewels had been stolen and I got them back. It was a really big deal. The theft had been in all the papers, and there were all these big rewards for their return posted everywhere. And I had to go through two mine fields, 34 heavily-armed guards, and a room full of booby traps to get them back. I got pretty messed up doing it, too."

"Wow. So, whose jewels were they? Some princess of somewheres?"

Max half-smiled/ half-grimaced, "You know that commercial with that ritzy woman who we've been wondering how on earth they got her to advertise gourmet cat food?"

"Yeah."

"They belong to her cat." Max looked at her to gauge her reaction.

"Oh." OC tried unsuccessfully to give Max the supportive smile that she attempted.

"Yeah, so anyway… Logan was going to personally present the cat with the recovered jewels in a press conference and ask the woman to give money to one of his favorite charities- Dolphins, Doughnuts, and Dung Beetles. He was all excited about the whole deal, and when I got back he wanted to celebrate."

"Okay, not seeing too many problems so far."

"Well, he didn't want to celebrate my surviving, or barely surviving, the mission. He wanted to celebrate his publicity. And he went into his kitchen and opened up this bottle of champagne that he's been holding onto for, like, forever."

"Okay, so he's self-serving and self-centered- still not seeing the big revelation here, shugg."

"He's known that I've wanted to have that bottle for as long as I've known about it. I've wanted to use it to celebrate other missions, especially ones where I got all messed up. I wanted to use it to celebrate our one-year anniversary. Or me finding my family. Or to take the edge off of Lydecker disappearing. Or it would have been nice if he'd used it to celebrate the fact that I wasn't actually dead- you know, back when I came back from Manticore. But he's always used these inferior bottles to celebrate with. He's always said that he's holding on to that bottle for a more important occasion- more important than anything that had to do with my success or us being together. And finally he decides to use it when he's celebrating the fact that he gets to be in the news for giving jewelry to a cat."

OC's eyebrows rose, "Well, yeah, I guess that's a little harsh."

Max pursed her lips, "Well, I thought so. So I poisoned him."

OC choked on her cherry-chocolate and caramel-banana breakfast shake, "You what?"

"I didn't mean to kill him. I just meant to make him sick- I'm not even sure that it killed him."

"Huh? Since when don't poison kill a man?"

"Well, he said that he'd heard of this old wives' remedy for feeling ill- he didn't realized that he'd been poisoned- and he went into his bedroom and locked the door while he used his 'cure'. I waited for a little while, and when he didn't come out, I went in and found him on the floor dying."

"What remedy did he use?"

"That's the really strange part. I'd heard that this combination does have an effect, but it's not a good one. Why on earth would he use it?"

"Shugga, what is it?"

"Soda and pop rocks."

OC's eyes got round, "He didn't."

"He so did."

"Nuh-unh."

"Uh-huh."

"Yor jerkin' my chain."

"I so am not."

"Damn."

"Yeah. And if he had just told me when I'd asked, I could have stopped him. But it's like he didn't trust me or something. I just don't get it."

"Not to point out the obvious, Boo, but you had just poisoned the man."

"Yeah, I guess. Still though."

"So the reason you're confused on who's to blame for his death is because you don't know if it was you poisonin' the man or what he did to hisself."

"Yeah, and no." When OC gave her the look, she continued. "Well, it might be Alec's fault."

"Alec?"

"Yeah. Turns out he was the one that told Logan that pop rocks and soda make a good cure for what was ailin' him."

OC couldn't help but smile, "Did he now."

"Yeah."

"And just why would hot boy tell him somethin' like that?"

"Well, somehow he knew I was going to poison Logan, and he didn't want me to feel too guilty."

"Really," OC couldn't be sure, but it felt as though there might be another reason.

Max smiled slightly, "Yeah, and there's the slightest of possibilities that he was a little jealous of me and Logan and wanted to free me up at the same time as he was helping me out."

OC couldn't help the smile that came beaming out of her. "Ni-ice."

"Yeah. But then he realized that he couldn't stand the idea of Logan dying- because he knew that it would hurt me. So he came bursting in through the door just a few seconds before Logan died- he was going to tell Logan the truth about what happens when you combine the two. When he saw what was going on, he tried to help, but there was nothing he could do," Max looked up at OC, "You know, soda, pop rocks, and jealousy make for the nastiest expression. I would've told Logan to knock it off his face before it stuck there, but well… what was the point?"

"So, did Alec help you deal with your loss?"

Max's smile became gentle. "You know, Dream Alec has this amazing ability to tell me exactly what I need to hear so that I can feel better- even when I don't know what I need him to say. He just comes out with it like it's natural for him to understand my needs better than I do. Not to mention how he knows exactly what to do to make my whole body feel better. Talk about meeting needs."

"Is my ears lyin' to me, or did they just hear yous sayin' somethin' nice about yor boy?"

Max simply bobbed her head over her shoulders- a little attitude, a little happiness, a little cockiness, and a lot of satisfaction all wrapped up into one movement. "Maybe."

OC looked at her hard, "Boo, you don't think all these dreams is tryin' to speak yor mind for ya', do yas?"

Max wrinkled her nose. "No…." she seemed to think about it. "No way. I mean, Logan is still my boyfriend, and Alec is… well, Alec is Alec. He doesn't think about me that way- he doesn't think about any girl that way. And you know I wouldn't be willing to hook up with any guy who'd just try to turn me into one of his notches."

OC pursed her lips. "Mm-hmm."

Three hours later-

Whack!

"Ouch!"

"Why you two-timing-" Whack!

"Ouch!"

"What the hell are you doin'?? You three-timin', no-good dog!" Whack!

"Ouch! Man, since when do you all know how to hit so hard??" The handsome man backed away with one hand up in surrender and the other hand to his reddening cheek. He looked at the three women in alarm as they began walking towards him, then cocked his head as though he'd just heard something, "What was that Normal? Package?" He looked back at the advancing women with false regret in his eyes, "You know, I'd love to stay and get this all taken care of, but… duty calls," and with that, he turned around and hightailed it out of the locker area.

Two hours later…

"Just what the hell is you doin' in Max's locker?" OC demanded as she came around the corner and caught the handsome sandy-haired man closing her boo's locker door. She almost laughed as he immediately swung around and put his hand to his face. "Boy, you's startin' to look like you got some weird kind o' sunburn. What you been doin' all day?"

"Nothing," he said as he lowered his other hand from the surrender position.

"Yeah, whatever you say, pretty boy. But whatever you been doin', I suggest you stop 'cause you sure ain't lookin' as nice as yor usual self when you all discolored on one side o' yor face."

"Well, it's not my fault upset women tend to be right-handed."

"What does that havta do with- Wait, you sayin' yor all red on one side from women slappin' you?" she tried to keep from laughing. "And just what you been doin' to rile up all those lickity-chicks?"

"Kissing them."

"Boy, that just don't sound right. What- you forgot how to pleasure them, or somethin'?"

"No. They don't mind me kissing them so much as when I turn around and kiss the next girl too. That's what seems to be upsetting them."

"Well, go figure. Man, you's usually way smoother than dat. What is goin' on wit ya?"

"I'm… comparing."

"Comparing what? Who's got the stronger right hook?"

He moved his jaw around as though making sure it still worked right. "Yeah, something like that."

"Hmm," OC's mind went back to the task at hand. "So, just what was you puttin' into Max's locker? 'Cause if you somehow come down with a need to get hit, I'm worryin' you goin' too far by puttin' somethin' in there to piss her off. 'Cause we both know that she's more likely to rip yor pretty little head off rather than just slappin' ya."

Alec smirked a little, but it seemed more like he was ridiculing himself than that he was finding real humor in her words, "Yeah, that's kind of the problem."

OC looked up at him and cocked her head. He almost seemed depressed, and it was starting to worry her. "Boo, what are you talkin' 'bout? What is da problem?"

Alec looked down at her and just stared for a minute. Then he said sadly, "OC, do you know how long it's been since Max has been within a foot of me?"

OC stilled and her eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"It's been a week. A week where she hasn't even come near me. A week where she hasn't told me off, or called me a name, or threatened me, or-"

"Or hit you upside the head. Oh. My. Freakin'. Heck. You have got to be kiddin' me."

Alec shook his head, "I wish I was."

"Is you honestly tellin' me that you're havin' withdrawals from gettin' hit by our girl?" OC moved towards him, looking straight into his eyes, as though she could read the truth of his answer in them.

Alec looked towards the heavens and shook his head as though he couldn't believe it himself.

OC's heart was warmed. Leave it to Manticore to screw a guy up to the point where he craves abusive treatment. "So, just what does that have to do with you kissin' all the pretties around here?"

He just looked at her.

"Holy crap. You really is comparin', ain't you. You're pissin' 'em off on purpose just ta see if you can find a girl whose punch satisfies yor yearnin's. Honey, you ever considered findin' a psychologist for all yor issues?"

"Actually, I found one when I was running a package through Sector 8. One of the only lefthooks I've come across."

OC almost chuckled. "Boo, this just ain't healthy."

Alec gritted his teeth, "You think I don't know that Cindy? Do you honestly believe that I'm looking for my next abuser? Why do you think it is that none of the other righthooks I've found have satisfied me?"

"Cause none o' dem can hit as hard as Max?"

He glowered down at her, and she actually moved a little bit away from him. "No. I don't want to get hit. I don't like getting manhandled. I just…" his voice got small and he sighed, as his frame seemed to sink in on itself. After a second, he looked at her more gently, "I miss her, Cindy. I never realized all those times I left and came back- it was because I missed her. Even if all I get is abuse from her, even if the only physical contact I ever get from her is her punching me or kicking me, I miss feeling her touching me. And yeah, I've been trying to find another girl who can make me feel like that. I started out just kissing them- 'cause I figured that physical affection would have to be better than what I get from her. But it wasn't. So I figured that maybe the same kind of treatment would create the same kind of feeling. But I can't seem to find a girl who can-"

"Hit you right? Be her equal?" OC could barely believe her senses when he nodded his head. She never would have believed it if she hadn't seen it herself- was there an actual possibility that hot boy, jumpin-from-one-girl-to-the-other, never-gonna-settle, tom-cat Alec was falling in love? And with her boo, no less?

"I don't know what to do, Cind. I don't know why I'm acting like this. All I know is that every day that I go without hearing her voice or seeing her look at me is hurting more and more. Is it even possible to become addicted to a person who doesn't even care that you're alive?"

He sounded so lost that she could actually feel tears coming to her eyes. Damn, those Manticore bastards is bound for a special place in hell for what they done to all of 'em. They so screwed in the head when it comes to their own emotions, they don't know which way's up. "Yeah, shugg. It is."

"So, how do I stop it? What do I do? What's wrong with me?"

She slowly walked up and pulled him to her. "Honey, there ain't nothin' I can tell you. You gotta figure this b-tch out on yor own 'cause you ain't never gonna believe me if I try an' tell ya. And then, when you do, you come to me," she pulled back to look into his eyes. "And I swear I'll help you figure it out from there. You got Original Cindy's word on that, aiight?"

Alec smiled a little in response- grateful to have a friend in his corner, even though he still wasn't sure what was going on. As they walked away from the lockers, he kept his arm around her shoulders. His smile grew as she asked, "So, what was it what you put in her locker den?"

Max ignored her pager for the twentieth time that night. There was just no way she was up to anything more than hanging out with OC and Sketchy, drinking beer, and people watching tonight. She refused to allow herself to be pulled into any Eyes Only drama as long as she could help it. She looked up in surprise as the bartender placed a bottle in front of her. "What's this?"

"Champagne. House's best."

She made a little choking noise and looked at OC wondering if the girl was teasing her. But OC looked as dumbfounded as she felt. "We didn't order this."

"That's okay. The guy over there did."

With a start, Max looked over and was immediately caught in warm hazel eyes. She barely heard the bartender explain, "He said that it's to celebrate making it through the week." It took her a few seconds to finally nod her appreciation and break the gaze. Thoroughly aware of the eyes watching her, she carefully poured herself a glass and drank it. She was surprised- it was the best glass of champagne she'd ever had. She looked back over and felt herself being drowned by the emotion that she couldn't quite define in those dark orbs. It took her companions clapping her on the back and snapping their fingers in front of her face for her to finally bring her attention back to them. "Sorry, what?"

"I was just askin' what your plans was for tonight, boo."

"Yeah, and I just said that Natalie called me from Florida last night- we wound up talking for, like, two hours. She said she might be coming out to visit next month," Sketchy's voice didn't usually sound this excited.

"That's really good, Sketchy," Max said vacantly as her eyes started traveling back to the end of the bar. But when she saw a buxom blonde moving that direction, she slammed her eyes back to her companions with an irritated expression.

OC was looking on with amusement. She wished Max had continued watching- the disappointed look on the blonde's face as she was quickly turned away was absolutely edible. In fact, OC was wondering if there was any way she could go over and help the woman turn her frown upside-down. "So, what are your plans, boo?"

Max tried to downplay her frown. "Oh, I don't know. I'm thinkin' about heading home, actually."

Sketchy and OC looked at each other, concerned expressions flashing across their faces. This did not sound like their Max. "Did I do something wrong?" came out at the same time as "Somethin' wrong, boo?"

Max gained a mysterious expression. "Not exactly." A full-blown smile came over her face as she explained, "Somebody left a little present for me in my locker today."

"Oh yeah?" OC tried to make her voice innocently curious- she only managed honestly curious, but thankfully Max was too excited to notice.

"Yeah. My own copy of a movie called, "Gone with the Wind." Have you guys ever seen it?" she waited for them to both shake their heads. "Well, from what I've heard it's a classic."

"Niiice."

"So, any ideas who gave it to you, hon?"

Max shook her head, but her smile never dimmed. "No idea. All it said on the note was that I should pay special attention to the stairs scene."

As she said that, OC's eyes flew across the bar. She chuckled when she received a wink and watched in enjoyment as Max stood up to go enjoy her night, not knowing that her dreams were beginning to come true.