"Hmmmm… shorts, skirt, or light yukata

"Hmmmm… shorts, skirt, or light yukata." She had laid out all her clothing options on her bed and was standing before it in thought. "Whatever should I wear…"

"You seem to be putting a lot of thought into this." Oh right, and there was Sasuke. Sulking in the corner.

"Obviously, Sasuke-kun. I have to make it look real. He's not exactly an idiot." Unlike some other people in the room. But no, no she wouldn't say that out loud. Had the situations been reversed and he had to pretend to go out with that female akatsuki member, she would have been pissed. He shrugged in response. She pulled on the skirt and moved to the mirror. She supposed he wasn't exactly an idiot, either, when it came down to it. He might be cranky and irritable, but he knew she'd have to go through with it.

Although… if he didn't think Deidara could recognize a henge, she was sure she'd be tied up and locked in a closet with him taking her place before she could count to three.

"Che. Whatever. Don't do anything stupid."

"Thank you, because I was planning on falling in love with him and changing sides to Akatsuki, betraying my friends, my family, and my home. And, I'm totally going to tell him all about Naruto." She glanced at him in the mirror, standing up and walking towards her.

"Sarcasm doesn't become you." He paused, their eyes meeting in the reflection, "You should wear the yukata. Traditional dress will be more…" He faltered,

"Becoming?" She grinned. And match-point goes to Sakura. Oh yeah.

"I was going to say alluring. But smugness doesn't become you either, so you might have a difficult time being anything but irritating." Damn it.

"I hate you."

"You love me, Uchiha-san." He smirked, kissed her shoulder and turned to go before she could even react to the way he had addressed her. Hmm, it did have a nice ring to it, Uchiha Sakura. "I can hear your giggling, Sakura. You should know that that doesn't lend itself to seductress so much as twelve-year-old-fan-girl."

"I HATE YOU!"

…………

So, the plan had been: meet Demon in his lair at 8:00pm, proceed to dinner with Demon, and subtly grill Demon for information while under the guise of being infatuated with Demon. What actually occurred was somewhat, ahem, different.

"Rui-kun!" She called at as she knocked on Deidara's door, "It's Makino-chan!" She attempted to give her voice a breathy quality which she felt sounded quite fetching. The door creaked open as she raised her hand to knock again, "Rui-kun?" She peeked inside, hm, weird, nothing. "Rui-kun??" A little louder this time. Pause. Still nothing. She inched into the door and looked around. The place was kind of a disaster. Okay, a complete disaster. Did he have no sense of cleanliness whatsoever?? Because, ew.

Oh God, what had she just stepped in?! Did she want to take a closer look? She leaned down to look at the little spot of brown on the carpet… Oh good, it was just clay. Wait didn't he use clay to –

– POP –

"MY FACE!"

"Makino-chan!" Perfect. She probably had soot marks all over her face and probably on her yukata. This, this, is what she got for attempting to go on a date with an idiot who made explosive statues. She'd show him how much of a bang art was.

… It was probably better that she didn't say that out loud. Okay, time to adopt fan-girl-persona! Go!

"Oh! Rui-kun, I don't know what happened! I was just trying to get to you and now… now everything's ruined!" She balled her fists and tried very hard to bring tears to her eyes. Of course, now she probably looked like she had a tick. Deidara looked too panic stricken at the notion of her crying (or maybe of her finding his explosives) to actually notice her inability to, well, cry.

"Makino-chan, no, no, no, don't cry, it's alright, uhn. It was just a practical joke that I had set up to play on my partner, when he comes in later. Are you hurt?" Wow, he must have had absolutely no confidence in her intelligence what-so-ever. Well, she supposed that meant she was playing her part.

"No, just dirty. I don't think I got burned or anything, so I guess everything's okay! I'll just go wash my face in the bathroom and then we can go to dinner, ne?" She tilted her head at him and proceeded to the bathroom to work on what was left of her beautiful face. One look in the mirror told her that this was going to take a while. Damn it.

Fifteen minutes later, she'd salvaged what she could and returned to her wayward (read as: criminal) date. Luckily, her clothes were still clean; the majority of the damage had been above the neck. Luckily.

She should probably stop grinding her teeth. Oh, hell.

"All finished Rui-kun, shall we?" Now that she wasn't covered in debris /melodramatic much?/ Whatever! Now that she wasn't covered in debris, she could take a look at the akatsuki member she had agreed to date. If she could temporarily forget that he was a betraying, cocky, murderer, he was actually kind of cute. In a way. In an androgynous way. /In a hot way/. Thank you, Inner-Sakura. Sheesh. What a horndog.

"Absolutely," He offered her his arm; it seemed he did have some gentlemanly traits after all. Hm, who knew? She giggled and took it, keeping a bounce in her step to go along with her bubbly personality. She could almost hear her teammates laughing. Deidara had gotten a funny look on his face,

"Do you hear that, Makino-chan?" No wait, scratch that, she could hear her teammates laughing. What the hell?!

"Ah yes, I think I know what it is though. I saw some children playing the halls on my way to your room, it's probably still them." She tried very hard to keep the hiss out of her tone. So help her God, she was going to kill them. She could almost see Naruto snickering. Idiot.

"Ah, I see. You know, Makino-chan," He'd placed a hand on the small of her back, guiding her to the stairs, like she couldn't find them on her own or something, "In all the excitement, I haven't had a chance to tell you how beautiful you look tonight. I've half a mind to ask you to model for me, uhn." Gag. Nooooooo thank you, Creepy-McCreeperstein. But instead, she just batted him on the shoulder,

"Oh, Rui-kun, stop, you're making me blush!" More like vomit. A sudden crash sounded from behind them, followed by the sound of what could only be a fist to someone's face. "Oh, ho, ho, those kids!" She was overcompensating, she could see herself doing it, but it was impossible to stop. Stupid teammates.

This was going to be a long, long night.

She walked with Deidara down the stairs and out the door, heading towards the one restaurant she'd noticed on the way to the hotel.

…………….

It was official: the date was a complete and utter disaster. In the time it had taken them to get to the restaurant and sit down, she'd fallen twice (who knew where her ninja grace had gone), ran into a pole (again, hello? Ninja grace? Could you come back please?), been accosted no less than three times (if she'd known there were so many perverts in this town she'd have stayed in the hotel and let Sasuke take over), and lastly, she'd distracted Deidara from her teammates' idiocy at least three times (whether there was a correlation between that and her pervert issues, she was decidedly not thinking about).

So here they were. She was a mess. Deidara, of course, was unruffled. Glowing, even. … They were only three drinks in. Luckily, it seemed the Deidara was not someone who could easily hold is liquor.

"Ah, Makino-chan! I'm already having fun!" Of course he was, he wasn't the one being molested… well, for the most part. So maybe of the three perverts had gone for him first – but whatever! That said absolutely nothing about her femininity whatsoever. Nothing at – "Makino-chan?" Oops, internal ramblings: off.

"Absolutely, Rui-kun! I love exciting dates!"

"I agree, Makino-chan, excitement is a key factor for me, uhn." She couldn't help but notice the devious turn his smirk had taken… Well, he might have some, ahem, thoughts in that head of his, but at least it opened up a talking point she could use.

"Ah, does that mean you live a dangerous lifestyle, Rui-kun?" She hoped she sounded seductive, "There's nothing sexier than a risk-taker, after all." She paused, "Well, other than an artist risk-taker… like… oh, like a revolutionary!" She had made sure not to break eye contact with him through out her response and to her surprise he'd gotten redder and redder as she'd gone on. Ordering the alcohol had been a very good idea. Although… shit, why was he standing up?

"Makino-chan! You are my perfect match!!"

"Eh?!" He swooped back down, swinging his chair around so that now he was sitting right next to her and was whispering in her ear.

"My job is very dangerous, Makino-chan, you were right – I am a revolutionary. Would you like to see my art, uhn?" What was he – Oh… ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

"Ah, Rui-kun. Definitely. But all in good time. I'm not sure we're ready for me to see your 'art' yet." She smiled sweetly. "Tell me more about your revolutionalizing, who knows, I might not be able to contain myself." She dropped a hand to his thigh, "I do love stories." She felt him shiver and had to try very hard not to squirm as she watched his hand come up to cup her cheek.

"I will tell you everything you want to know," He breathed, getting significantly closer than she would have liked. Belatedly, she realized his breath didn't reek of sake as it should have. "Sakura-chan."

Oh, fuck.

A/N: I'm the worst ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever. Don't I know it. Not only do I not update for almost a month, but when I do, I leave you with an evil cliff hanger. I'm a terrible person.

Sigh.

But, this chapter's definitely longer than usual. Sooooo there's that right? And um, I'm pretty, too. So… I guess I'm not so bad.

This is the most self-aware-author's-note ever!

Okay, so the real apologies begin here: I'm super sorry I haven't updated in like forever-ever. Unfortunately, I have finals coming up and they're hard and lots of work and take over my life when I'm not at work. Also, I had comic con all weekend which was fucking awesome – I met Neil Patrick Harris! Who is, of course, legen- (wait for it, wait for it) – dary! And Neil Gaiman read to me. Well, to a lot of us, but especially to me. And I love him even more now, and though I didn't get a chance to throw myself at him this time… there's always next year. Mark my words, Neil Gaiman, there's always next year. … Okay, /end rant.

Anyhow – so yeah, I made up for Deidara not being able to recognize Sakura, because really, he did and he's still evil and not just goofy and yeah. What do you guys think? Was anybody expecting this? Hmmmmmm?

As ever, tell me what you thought, how much I suck for my slow updates, etc etc, because nothing makes me happier than reviews (and money.) XD

See you kiddos after my finals are over.

Now go click Go and collected 200 monopoly dollars.

Heart.