St. Patrick's Day Disaster

Things get out of hand here. Just let's put it at that.

It was St. Patrick's Day in Pallet Town. Fourteen year old Ash Ketchum was watching the television with his Pikachu. He was dressed in a green shirt, black shorts, a green jacket, and a green hat. Ash was sitting on the couch when Delia got up and made her coffee. She looked surprised. Ash grinned at her. " Yo, Mom ! Happy St. Patrick's Day ! " he exclaimed.

Delia gave a nervous chuckle. " Okay ! Just don't dye your hair orange with crayon that you blended in the blender again. Last year the blender blew up in fifteen different pieces. "

Pikachu gave an agitated sigh. Ash gave a laugh. " Don't worry, Mom. I'll use the toaster this time ! "

Delia glared at Ash and sighed. " I don't even know why you dress up , Red. You're not even Irish ! Oh, well. Do you want waffles ? "

" No, Mom. I already ate breakfast ! "

" Okay, then. I'm still going to make waffles in case you're hungry later. "

Ash nodded. Delia went into the kitchen. The boy hugged a pillow as Wanda, the TV lady of Kanto, stood in Vermilion City with a clover in her hand. " ... The St. Patrick's Day parade starts in two hours in Vermilion City ! Hope to see you there ! "

Ash turned off the television then and made an evil chuckle as he grabbed his gloves and opened the door. " Bye, Mom ! I'm going off to the parade in Vermilio- "

THUMP !

Delia yanked Ash by the ear just as he was about to run for it. " You can't go, Ash ! There are going to be drunks from there to Cerulean, and I do not want you in a full bodycast ! " she roared.

" But, Mooom ! I really want to goooo ! " Ash whined.

Delia rolled her eyes. " Fine, but you need an adult to go with you, and I can't go because I have to clean the house. "

" I'm fourteen ! And Professor Oak and Gary can't go because they're still banned from a couple of years ago ! "

Delia gave a small grin. " Well, there is one more perosn that you can ask ! " she replied in a sing - song voice.

Ash turned white. " But the last time I talked to Dad he yelled at me for twenty minutes straight for no reason ! "

" Do you want to go ? " Delia asked, holding up a phone.

Ash grumbled as he quickly snatched the phone and dialed a number. The phone rang , and then made a clicking noise. Ash threw the phone to Delia. She hit redial and handed it back to Ash. " Try again, sweetie. "

" Finally ! With the help of our fellow Teletubbies, Team Rocket will rule the world ! " Giovanni exclaimed, chuckling.

" Hey, Boss ? " Butch interrupted him.

" Can't you see that I'm gloating, Bob ? " Giovanni growled, glaring at Butch.

Butch turned red at the sound of another wrong name, but kept his cool. " Uh, you have a phone call. "

" Damn it, Buck, can't this wait ? "

" IT'S BUTCH ! And no, it can't. "

" You're right, Billy. It may be the pizza guy ! " Domino called out.

" Fine, give me the phone, " Giovanni said, groaning and taking the phone. " Hello ? "

" HI ! CAN YOU GO TO THE ST PATRICK'S DAY PARADE ?! " a voice screeched.

" Who the hell is this ? And I don't like Irish people, so, no ! "

" Oh, come onnnn ! Quit acting like such a gotdamn racist ! "

" NO ! "

" Fine, I guess I'll ask Professor Oak instead ! "

" Hell no am I getting beat by Oaky ! " Giovanni hissed. " Just tell me who the hell you are ! "

" Uh, it's Ash, Dad. "

" WELL , WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING ME AT WORK FOR ?! "

" I already told you, Dad ! " Ash shouted back.

" Then it's a flatout NO, Ash ! I have a pizza that I'm waiting for ! And you're not even Irish ! I don't care if Oaky takes you, either ! I'M NOT TAKING YOU ! "

" You suck, Dad ! "

" Don't take that language with me, Ash ! I am your father ! " Giovanni exclaimed.

" Yeah, you're also the leader of Team Rocket. Big whoop. Just shoot me now and get it done and over with. "

" Why you little bastard ! I'm going to hurt you badly if you don't stop it ! "

" ARE YOU THREATENING OUR SON ?! "

Giovanni scratched his head nervously. " Oh...hi, Delia. "

" HOW DARE YOU THREATEN ASH ! Next time you do that I'm going to kick your ass ! "

" You can't do that ! I'm ordering pizza ! "

" I know where you live..."

" Fine, I'll take him. Just don't kill me. "

" Okay, bye. "

Giovanni hung up the phone, grabbed his jacket, and started to curse very, very loudly. Everyone else backed off.

Delia smiled at Ash. " Okay, sweetie. You better go out looking for him - he's awful sore today. "

O.o " Wow, Mom. How do you do that ? "

" Practice. Now out the door, Ash ! "

She pushed Ash out of the house. He hugged Pikachu very, very tightly. Pikachu looked very confused. " Yay, Pikachu ! We get to go ! " Ash happily cried.

Ten minutes later , Ash was still waiting on the doorstop, only this time with a sign that said, " WILL DRINK PEE FOR A RIDE TO THE PARADE " in big bold letters. Delia stepped outside wearing her brown jacket shocked. " Uh, Ash ? What are you still doing here ? " she inquired.

" Um, waiting. I think Dad blew you off, though, " Ash replied, scratching his head. " And the parade starts in an hour. "

Just then a dark red car scooted up the driveway.Ash glared at it as a forty - four year old man silently banged his head on the steering wheel, making small honking noises. " Uh, Dad ? Why the hell are you late ? "

" Give me a gotdamn break, Ash ! I got stuck by a train, I went drag - racing with my friend Vicious , who's a raging senile alcoholic , and I had to get this crappy pizza from Pizza Hut and shoved it at this old lady ! "

" Wow. Mom's right. You are sore today, " Ash commented.

" Are you going to stand here all day or are you going to get in the car ? " Giovanni demanded.

Ash sighed as he opened the car door. " Fine. I'll see you later, Mom ! "

" Okay, bye sweetie ! " Delia replied as the car moved forward.

As the car rode downtown in Virdian City, Ash was happily looking outside the window. " I see... something small, long, and brown. Do you wanna guess, Dad ? "

Giovanni glared at Ash. " No. "

" Okay, it's a piece of crap. Now let's put the radio on JYNX - FM ! " Ash cried.

He turned the knob on the radio and some rap song started playing. Ash started to sing badly. Giovanni twitched as he turned the radio off and then pulled the knob out of it. " Okay, we are going to take a detour, kid, " he said.

" Uh, why can't we go past the forest ? "

" I'm afraid of bugs, okay ? Now we're going through Diglett's Cave, or not go at all ! " Giovanni hissed.

" Isn't that where Diglett live, though ? "

-.- " What the hell has traveling and going to school been teaching you ? "

" A lot. I'm just asking. "

" No, Goldeen live there. "

" Cool ! I've always wanted a Goldeen ! " Ash cried.

O.o " You are so retarded, Ash. "

" Yeah, I know. "

Pikachu scratched his ear nervously. " Pika - pikachu. " (Sadly, everyone knows.)

A cave appeared in plain view. The car vibrated as it entered the dirt path cave. Ash rattled his teeth. A whole bunch of Diglett watched them. Then, out of nowhere, a fifteen foot Dugtrio blocked the exit. Ash gave a yelp. " I thought Goldeen lived here, Dad ! "

" Damn it, Ash ! Don't you know what sarcasm is ?! "

" Yeah, I know what a sore castle is ! It's a bridge thing ! "

" (facefault) "

" Well, how do we get out of here ? "

Giovanni gave a small grin. " We floor the gas ! "

He pressed hard on the gas pedal, and the car ran over the Dugtrio like a stack of pancakes. Ash, in a panicked state, opened the window and threw up along the road. " Uh, Dad ? Please tell me we're there ! "

" Yeah, this is Vermilion. I smell phony Irish people all around here. Now get the hell out of my car before you upchuck on my car floor ! "

Ash got out of the car and started to walk by himself. Two kids were talking. One of them was a squinty eyed ninteen year old, and the other was a redheaded sixteen year old. Both of them waved to Ash, as they were Brock Harrison and Misty Waterflower. Ash waved back. " Yo , Brocko ! Misty ! I can't believe you two are here ! "

Brock laughed. " Yeah, well, we always go to these things to spread our religious ideas to homeless pot smoking hippies like Tracey. And what about you, Ash ? "

Ash scratched his head nervously. " Uh, I'm with my dad. "

" So, who's your dad ? " Misty asked. " Is he the nice bald guy with the chair seats ? "

As Ash glanced over to where Misty was pointing, he gave a loud moan. " No, he's the guy that's arguing with the valet driver. "

O.o " He kinda reminds me of you, Ash, " Brock commented.

" SHUT UP, BROCK ! DON'T EVER COMPARE ME TO HIM ! " Ash shrieked.

T.T " Fine, I'll shut up, " Brock muttered, putting his hands in his pockets.

Pikachu sighed and Misty rolled her eyes. Ash put a hand to his forehead as Giovanni walked over to the three kids. " Uh, Ash ? Hasn't your mother ever told you about hanging out with illegal Chinese immigrants and suicidal scrawny twigs ? "

Brock's eyes bulged (he can do that ?! XD ) . " I am not freaking Chinese, got damn it ! "

Misty's face turned red. " And I am not scrawny or suicidal ! That's Violet you're thinking of ! "

-.- " Really ? Whoa. I'm going to need some alcohol on that one. Squinty, could you get me some rum ? " Giovanni asked Brock.

Brock glared at him. " NO , you crazy douchebag ! "

Misty rolled her eyes. " Besides, alcohol is prohibited this year except for the leprechauns in the parades. "

Giovanni turned wide - eyed. " So...I'm screwed ? "

" Yeah, pretty much, " Ash replied.

" This sucks. I knew I should have just let your mother kill me. "

" Whatever. "

Brock scratched his head. " Okay, then... is your whole family this dysfunctional, Ash ? "

" Yeah, Brock. And don't rub it in, either. "

Ash, Brock, Misty, and Giovanni were all watching the parade. Ash was giddy, swinging Pikachu around rather dizzily. Brock was eating a chili dog. Misty was arguing with her Psyduck, who had somehow gotten out of its pokeball. And Giovanni was very agitated, chewing the crap out of his nails. " What is the point of this whole parade ? It's so boriiing ! " he whined.

Ash glared at his dad in disgust. " Can't you just stop whining for just five minuted, Dad ? "

" I'm forty - four ! I can do whatever the hell I want ! "

" Then freaking go away already ! "

" I can't. You'll snitch on me. "

" Yeah, I can't lie. I would snitch on you, Dad. "

Brock slapped Ash's back playfully. " Way to go ! "

Suddenly, a giant float slowly sauntered down the road. It was full of green clovers. A St. Patrick's Day banner waved in the wind. A couple of Leafeon performed leaf storm around the banner. Beside the two Leafeon, a short man dressed in green with a green hat and a long orange beard waved his hand, which held a flask of scotch in it. Giovanni gave a nasty grin. " Finally ! This is the chance I've been waiting for all day ! Sweet alcohol. "

He let go of his nails. " Hey, Shorty ! Go back to Irish Redneck Land ! "

The leprechaun man jumped off the float and kicked Giovanni in the shins. " It's Ireland, you retarded Italian ! " the leprechaun man said with an Irish accent.

Giovanni glared at him. " No one calls me retarded, Shorty ! "

" My name is Pete O ' Brian ! " Pete hissed. " And this is Kanto. I can do whatever the hell I want, you douchebag bastard ! "

PUNCH !

" No one calls me a douchebag ! " Giovanni roared, plunging Pete to the ground.

The two men started fighting. Pete gave Giovanni a black eye. He cursed in Italian and called all Irish people dumb f---s. That's when things really got out of hand. Irish and Italian people alike fought with each other. A riot began with plastic water bottles. Giovanni managed to pocket the flask. And the rest of the floats ran over people.

" O.o (Misty) What the hell ?... "

" T.T (Brock) Whoa. Your dad is sooo weird. "

" -.- That's it. It's not worth it. I'm going home, " Ash said, slowly walking away from the chaotic scene.

Ash stepped inside the living room, grabbed a pillow, and plopped on the couch. Delia looked confused. " You're back already, Ash ? "

" Yeah. "

" Uh, where's your father ? "

" Oh, he started a riot with a leprechaun. It's on ZC3 if you want to watch it, " Ash replied.

Delia twitched as she slapped a hand to her forehead. " Got damn it. This was due to alcohol deprivation reasons, wasn't it ? "

" Yeah. "

Epilogue :

- In the end, the riots stopped after Misty used her death mallet on the rioters.

- Pete O ' Brian got put in jail for public intoxication.

- Brock " accidentally " got deported to China.

- And Giovanni was found in a port - a - potty sleeping with the stolen flask (stupid idiot. XD)

End

Whoa. Well, that's my St. Patrick's Day theme. Totally dysfunctional and retarded... just the way I like it ! XD Until next time... eh, bye.