Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

If you are reading my others stories I want to let you know this one is very different. That said I hope you enjoy getting to know my vampire.

For those of you who are bothered by the grim, stop reading here.

This is to be the truth of my soul, and that is not to be censored by weak stomachs or disagreements of opinion. Consider yourself warned.

Death. There was once a time that I craved death. I believe in heaven and hell. I was so sure that I understood death. In that time I was willing to give everything to end my suffering. What a fool I really was. I did not understand that death does not abide by the same rules as life.

The day I died I did not go to heaven, nor did I find myself in hell. I found myself exactly where I was. The world around me never changed in the wake of my death.

No, the wind still sifted through the air, the sun still shone, and I still breathed. The world refused to change in accordance with my death; instead I was the one fated to change forever.

To understand my desire for death you need to understand about dying. I had been dying. All humans are dying. They are on an inevitable path to their demise. I have learned to understand that human's largest show in life is often their death. As a young girl, such ideals were beyond my thought range. I saw nothing past my physical pain.

I was dying a faster death than most of those around me. I had a disease painfully spreading faster through my body than the rapids of a river. Death was a welcome thought with every painful breath I inhaled.

Towards the end the hope was gone from the eyes of those around me. They saw not the person lying before them, but the death that awaited her. So in this knowledge my choice may be more justified. Time passed too slow, the process taking to long. I lost my patience with the way things were meant to end. I had enough suffering, or so I had thought.

Late at night, in the stale room I made my decision. I was going to take death into my own hands. In the secret cloak of night's darkness I slipped away from my family then. I never said goodbye as I made my way to the high city roof of the hospital.

With my toes wrapped around the cold cement of the edge, I closed my eyes. My arms went out to greet the wind blowing around me and I fell forward, leaving to the next life.

I never made my downward fall though; the concrete stayed its far distance from my aching body. I had moved, but in the wrong direction backwards into the awaiting arms of a man. The tone of his voice as he whispered into my ear told me he was different. He offered me a beautiful death without pain, and then he told me what he was.

Maybe it was because I did not care anymore, but I believed him.

He weaved a fairytale ending for my nightmare life. I realize now I was too weak to have done anything else.

I agreed and within moments we were rushing outside of the city. My will and strength were fading and I closed my eyes and waited.

Within too short a time we were in the woods somewhere outside of town. He gave no warning or fanfare when he dropped half my body to the ground, holding steady to my neck. His teeth sunk in with a pain I was tolerant to. Life left my body fast, and it happened so fast I can not properly explain it. Time has faded the memory.

He dropped me to the ground and I knew I was not dead yet. He had lied. He left then, no explanation, no apology.

The blood was pouring out from the wound he had induced in small amounts.

This part I remember vividly, they fell in drops to the dry leaves below me. With each drip I counted, waited. Death did not find me here; instead I was thrown into a fiery pit of hell. The pain I had run from had become worse. I was sure I was being punished for being so weak and impatient.

My screams and cries for help alerted no one in the time it took to change me.

I tried crawling, but the pain had paralyzed me. My body had failed completely, all except for my lungs as the painful moans continuously poured from me.

That with everything else was left paralyzed after the first day of constant screams. My voice had been reduced to a whisper.

This is the hardest part. On the third day the only thing I had left to do was cry. My body was shaking with the pain that had only managed to intensify.

I heard the sounds of the forest around me muffled by the pounding in my head. Then I heard the voices. They were calling my name, getting closer. I closed my eyes tight and pooled all the strength I had left to scream.

The scream was a whisper, rough and small coming out, but somehow someone heard it. I heard louder voices breaking through the pounding and then I knew they were there. I opened my eyes painfully and looked up.

My vision was shaking with my body but I made out my brothers.

What happens next is the worst memory I have.

The pain started to seep away from my body. They were yelling at me, and the oldest was kneeling besides me, holding my hand. As the shaking slowed they became clear, too clear. I heard one of them say I was so pale, and the other did not answer as he looked at my eyes.

I could feel everything, see everything, and smell everything. First it was noticing the threads on Michael's snowcap, then the heat pulsing off Jeremy's hand wrapped in mine, to two throbbing background sounds, and finally the smell. It was candy, it was life, and I had to have it.

My insides took over, screaming out over all my emotions with the need. I never had a chance at defeating that voice in that instant.

They were talking, but suddenly the thumping background noise had taken center stage.

I lost it. In seconds the twin thumps of their heartbeats were gone.

I killed my brothers.

I was a vampire.