Title: Light of the Sun

Author: Lune Nightingale

Series: Transformers G1

Rating: PG

Notes: I've never written anything for this fandom before. I hope it's not terrible... Otherwise, this was just a terrible muse that was eating at me to write. There is no absolute set time or place. In fact, the song just fed me the idea of a distraught Sunstreaker then fed me that desire of mine to see Prowl and him together. No, they don't get together, but if I decide to continue this… well, maybe. Pends on if it's liked. XD

Warnings: Death and angst.

Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics to "The Heart I Once Had" nor the characters from Transformers. Sadly, those belong to Nightwish and Hasbro respectively.

Once my heart beat to the rhythm of the falling snow
Blackened below, the river now flows
A stream of molten virgin snow

For the heart I'll never have
For the child forever gone
The music flows, because it longs
For the heart I once had

-Heart I Once Had by Nightwish-

There were few things in life that were worth living for. There was a time that that single individual told him that there were so many things to die for, but finding something to live for… was a miracle. At the time, he'd just rolled his optics and brushed the thought aside. Pondering or dwelling on such a matter would have been a waste of time and a dent in his polished reputation. That person was his brother. This was his twin and his other half. Not that he'd ever say such a thing out loud, but inside it was the indubitable truth. And quite simply, he knew what he was living for, and that reason was his twin.

Jazz once told him that it was ok for him to rely on just knowing another's feelings, but not everyone was like him. There were those out there that needed to hear it and be reassured. Jazz was… is sentimental. This was his twin; they shared the same spark that brought them into being. Therefore, he wouldn't expect him to voice his feelings or thoughts. Sometimes, he realized that he should have listened a bit more carefully to the elder special ops officer.

Now he sat sinking deeper into the darkness of his room staring into the abnormally scuffed palms of sunshine yellow. Brilliant cerulean optics didn't even seem to notice the marred metal and only stared straight through them into memories that his CPU refused to quit looping. It had been four earth years since that day. Approximately 1,460 solar cycles since he'd watched that reason for living slip away.

Ratchet told them to not be so cocky, but that never seemed to sink in. They were always so gung ho. They were the first to jump into the fray, and usually the last to leave it. Fighting was their release, something they were good at and did well together. Neither would have thought that one day their dynamic duo would be ripped apart by the hands of Devastator. He'd pushed things too far, made one too many snide remarks, and he'd gained the rare item of Devastator's undivided attention. But instead of him being ripped apart and shattered, it was Sideswipe that pushed him out of the way.

The murderous intent, the anger, the fear, and the pain were siphoning all of what made him who he was as he tried to throw himself at Devastator that day. But be it revenge or a death wish, he received neither as he was drug away by a comrade. One to this day he wanted to throttle on sight for taking him away from the mangled remains of his twin brother. SIC Prowl.

Strong hands curled into firsts causing metal to creak in protest at self-inflicted abuse. Gone. Sideswipe was simply gone. Everyday when he wasn't working, he sat like this in silence alone. After the first two years they'd stopped asking him to join them. After the third, they stopped asking him if he was ok. No. He'd never be ok. Especially when no matter how hard he tried, they wouldn't let him die. Ratchet, Ironhide, Optimus, Jazz, Bluestreak… all of them refused to let him take on a battle he couldn't win and almost always they drug him back. But most of all, he wanted to use his fist to knock the frag out of that cold sparked glitch that was the Autobot second in command.

Why wouldn't he leave him alone? The logic oriented strategist had made it a point to be the only one that continued to communicate with him after all this time. Even Bluestreak and Jazz were giving up on him, so what made that black and white mech so determined?

A sound interrupted his thought process, but he didn't look up. Speak of the devil; he was right on time as he went off communications duty. As per usual, he ignored the chime and soon he heard deft fingers over the keypad before the lock was overridden. Sliding open, he ignored the sudden bright light of the hall as it flooded into his room. The outline of the Autobot Second in Command washed over the floor before he heard the almost silent steps that indicated his entrance. As suddenly as the room was lit, it fell into darkness as the door gave a soft hiss when it closed. "Sunstreaker."

"Get out." The cold flat tone of his voice was edged in barely hinted anger as the older mech stood completely still with no movement indicating retreat.

"You say that every time I come to see you." He hated that soft always steady voice. It almost lacked feeling the way inflection stayed out of each note. But what he hated the most, was that that subtle hint of feeling that always appeared when Prowl spoke to him.

"And I'll keep saying it to you fragger."

There was a short silence as his voice trailed off from the hasty and biting response. For a moment he wondered if just maybe he'd pushed the other too far. What surprised him was that Prowl only moved easily through the darkness to perch quietly on the berth not far from him. "Using your override codes to come in uninvited isn't very law abiding of you."

Prowl merely shuttered his optics and gave a Cybertronian equivalent of a sigh. "Staying in the dark all the time… isn't healthy Sunstreaker."

Why would he sit in the light? There was no light left. There was no spark of energy and feeling of belonging. Sideswipe had been that tie that kept him an Autobot and smiling. Even if those smiles didn't always equate to the sunny smiles of his twin. "What do you want, Prowl?"

"To know if you're ever going to be all right."

"To know… if…" Something of a sickening laugh left him as he bent over further to contain the sudden outburst of bitterness. "You want…" Chuckling loudly than necessary, he suddenly rounded his optics on Prowl with a ferocity that could have melted most metal substances on merit alone. "I won't ever be fraggin' all right ever again! What the slag do you think? He's gone! There's no-"

"Yes he's gone, Sunstreaker, but he wouldn't want for.."

It was that same soft voice. That voice that said he was worried but wouldn't ever show it openly. "What do you know about what he'd want!? What would you know, Prowl?! You took away my chances of ever being with him and you…"

As he trailed off, he noted the way his commander seemed to lean forward offlining his optics. The motion spoke of something close to guilt and the look was off to him. He was wrong. "Sideswipe… died so you could live." The normally velvet smooth voice was hard and ridged as he seemed to grind it out of his vocalizer. "And if you want to throw away your brother's life that easily over your own selfishness… it won't be on my watch." Standing curtly, the angry officer crossed the floor of the room to the door without stopping.

As one hand rose to hit the keypad, Sunstreaker's voice stopped it in mid air. "I don't know how to live on."

Prowl didn't move, only stood there hand in the air as he tried to process the words that seemed so utterly defeated to his audio receptors. Slowly, his hand dropped to his side and hung there for a moment before his processor allowed him to speak again. "It's never too late to learn."

"It should've been me! I should've died! That slagger took my place! He deserved to live Prowl! Not me! I don't even have a spark left in me! Nothing!" Sunshine yellow hands suddenly moved to cover his face digging his fingertips harshly into his audio receptors.

Before he could even hear the other, Prowl was in front of him on one knee. White digits carefully pried the hands away before they could inflict damage and held them with firm gentleness. "I'm… not good at this… but… let me tell you something a friend told me once. What should have… or should not have happened doesn't matter. What does matter is what did happen and what is right now. You can either carry on, or stay here waiting for your CPUs to give out. But always remember that whatever your choice, that light you lost will be there waiting for you. And what will you tell him when you see him? Life is pain, but it is also happiness. There is not one without the other." The trembling hands in his own suddenly uncoiled and recoiled about his hands in a death grip.

Sunstreaker kept his eyes closed as all of the pain welled up in his optics sending tears down perfectly sculpted metal that hadn't seen half the care it once had known. He didn't know why, but he wanted Prowl to stay. He wanted him to keep talking in that soft soothing tone that he both needed and hated. "All that's left is pain."

Prowl gently pried one hand out of his and lifted his arm to pulled the other's head onto his shoulder, Sunstreaker was suddenly happy that it was dark in the room. He didn't want to see the look on his commanding officer's face at that moment of complete brokenness. "You've not let anyone help you see anything else."

"I want Sideswipe."

"I know."

"It's cold."

"I know."

"Slag it! Why do you know everything? I hate you!"

Calmly, the elder smoothed his fingers over the younger's head. "All right."

"It's not all right! Siders liked your sorry aft!" Sunstreaker shoved at the other, but just as quickly gripped Prowl's shoulder's so he wouldn't move away.

There was a bit of tenseness over that revelation, but it soon melted away as Prowl allowed himself to be pushed and pulled by the distraught mech. "Then what will you do?"

"I…" He could tell his fingers would dent Prowl's armor, but he couldn't bring himself to stop the death grip on white metal. "I'll start tomorrow."

More than seeing, Sunstreaker felt the elder's lips curl into the barest hint of a smile that he could only think of as relief. But he didn't care about that at the moment. "I'm sure many will be waiting for you."

"Even your sorry aft?"

"Even mine."

And he knew it was for Sideswipe. But the slagger owed him for his efforts when they met again.

For the child, for the light
For the heart I once had
I'll believe and foresee
Everything I could ever be

-Finé-

Maybe?