The Three Little Ninjas and the Big Bad Weasel
Note: The copyright lawyers are back and eating my donuts! NOOO! So I have to do this: I don't own Naruto or the Three Little Pigs.
Warnings: Crack, OOCness, ambiguity (characters are not mentioned by name)
Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived three little ninjas. They grew up very well, training together to be strong. But one day, their sensei sent them away. "Little ninjas," he said, setting down his omnipresent orange book- "The time has come for you to go and live in the outside world. You must build houses and make a life for yourselves. But beware of the the Big Bad Weasel, who likes to hunt down little ninjas and torture them. That's why you must be strong- to protect you from the Big Bad Weasel."
"Hn..." the First Little Ninja sneered. "My hatred is so strong that the Big Bad Weasel won't be able to touch me."
"I'm not scared! I love the First Little Ninja so much that my pure love will protect me from the Big Bad Weasel," the Second Little Ninja replied cheerfully.
"OK, Sensei!" The Third Little Ninja answered.
"Well, suit yourselves," the sensei said. So the three little ninjas set off to find their places in the world.
They walked for an hour until they finally found a nice little meadow in the middle of nowhere where they could build their houses. The First Little Ninja looked around.
"Since I hate the Big Bad Weasel so much, I have no need for a house. My hatred will be strong enough," he said. "But I do want a bed. I'll use some of that straw over there."
"Hmm... I don't see much danger in this area, so I'll build a house with these sticks," the Second Little Ninja said, immediately getting to work on her house while humming a happy tune.
"Screw houses! I'm going to live in the all-you-can-eat ramen buffet!" the Third Little Ninja exclaimed. "Bye!"
The first two ninjas spent the rest of the day relaxing in the lovely sunshine, picking flowers to make flower wreaths, fishing, and practicing their ninja skills. When nightfall came, they enjoyed a supper of the fresh fish they had caught. Finally, it was tiome to go to bed. "Goodnight!" they called to each other and each retreated to their respective dwellings.
But all was not well in the land far, far, away. That night, the Big Bad Weasel was on the prowl, looking for entertainment, when he stumbled upon the little meadow where the little ninjas were. "Hmm..." he chuckled to himself. "This looks promising." The first thing he spied was the First Little Ninja snoozing on his bed of straw.
"Little ninja, little ninja, let me in. Or I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll- wait a minute- you have no house! MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!" The First Little Ninja screamed.
"OH MY GOD IT'S THE BIG BAD WEASEL! "
"That's right!" The Big Bad Weasel smirked slightly. "Remember me, foolish little brother?"
"AAAAAH!" The First Little Ninja screamed as he was caught in the Big Bad Weasel's special jutsu.
"72 Hours of tortue begin now..." the Big Bad Weasel's voice echoed in his head. When the First Little Ninja was foaming at the mouth, he left him by his little straw nest. "So... who lives in that little stick-house over there?" he asked himself. "Maybe I'll pay them a visit..."
So the Big Bad Weasel walked over to the house. "Little ninja, little ninja, let me in. Or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll-" but he was cut off as the door swung open. "Uh... OK, then," he said, slightly confused. "I guess I just won't finish my sentence then." And he stepped inside.
"OH MY GOD IT'S THE BIG BAD WEASEL!" the Second Little Ninja screeched, dropping her hairbrush.
"Yeah." The Big Bad Weasel replied. "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!"
"EEEEEK!" The Second Little Ninja shrieked as she was caught by the Big Bad Weasel's eye jutsu.
"72 hours of torture begin now..." the Big Bad Weasel laughed. When he finished, he asked the Second Little Ninja- "Where is the Third Little Ninja?"
"N-no... please... no more stabbing!" the Second Little Ninja gasped. The Big Bad Weasel sweat-dropped.
"Did I overdo it?" he asked himself, the bend down and yelled in her ear- "WHERE IS THE THIRD LITTLE NINJA!?" The Second Little Ninja snapped out of it.
"Uh... he's at the all-you-can-eat ramen buffet," she replied.
"Thanks," the Big Bad Weasel replied.
So the Big Bad Weasel hit the road, heading for the buffet. When he reached it, he said, "Little ninja, little ninja, let me in! Or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll-" he had to jump back to avoid being hit by the door as some patrons exited/ "Rassin' frassin' door!" he muttered under his breath before entering.
"Table for one?" the hostess asked.
"No... he's expecting me," the Big Bad Weasel said, gesturing toward the booth where the Third Little Ninja was eating. The hostess smiled and nodded, gesturing for him to follow her. She sat him at the table.
"OH MY GOD IT'S THE BIG BAD WEASEL!" the Third Little Ninja exclaimed in terror.
"Yes! It's me!" the Big Bad Weasel replied. "And I'm going to get you!"
"Are you sure you don't want ramen?" the Third Little Ninja asked. "It's good!" The Big Bad Weasel blinked.
"Ah, why not?" and he grabbed a bowl and filled up. "Hey, this is good!"
"So are you still going to attack?" the Third Little Ninja asked.
"Nah..." the Big Bad Weasel said, slurping ramen. "I've got better things to do. Like eat ramen."
OWARI
Omake- Author's Comments
I hate Daylight Savings Time. My internal clock has been so messed up today...
I felt like doing something different today, and it's been a while since I posted a one-shot, and so was born this crazy retelling. The First Little Ninja was Sasuke, the Second Little Ninja was Sakura, and the Third Little Ninja was Naruto. The Big Bad Weasel was Itachi, and the sensei was Kakashi.
Thanks for reading:)
-GoesKaboom