Disclaimer: Jack and Ianto don't belong to me in any way, shape or form. Russell T Davies and the BBC – I make no money from this, please don't sue me. John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd – I think you're brilliant and gorgeous and stuff. Please do feel free to sue me – I'll see you in court. However do be aware that the accused (i.e. me) will wave at you embarrassingly from the dock, the assembled crowd in the public gallery will keep referring to you as Jack and Ianto, and that the court artist will likely (again, embarrassingly) need to be revived from a dead faint after seeing you both walk in to the courtroom together.
Author's Notes:
Right, this has been difficult. I'm really still not sure about it, though I'm a lot happier with it now than I was this morning. I always try to write in character. Whether I manage it or not I don't know, but finding myself writing a role play thing with the two of them kind of scuppered that objective, hence, the wait.
It could be I've tried to do too much with it as well, since the mood of it has varied quite a bit. As if the playful beginning and acted out stuff isn't enough, there's some slight kind of romance/melancholy at the end. I couldn't stop them. They wanted to be cuddly. g
I'm sure that there are parts that could have really done with a beta reader. I don't have one of those for these list fics. I have the Open Office spell check facility. Unfortunately, I can already spell, and I've taught it to recognise Ianto and Torchwood because the red lines annoy me.
I did think this was going to be a lot more NC-17 than it turned out to be, so sorry about that. These things never quite turn out how I expect. You would think I'd learned to expect that. The slash content that exists is probably better and more descriptively accurate thanks to Dan, who keeps not minding my endless questions.
Lastly a warning that there are slight spoilers for Adam at the end if you haven't seen it.
I hope you enjoy it. But in fact, the other's in this series are better. This is just strange and I'm depressing myself. I'll shut up.
Jack's List 15: The Roleplay
There he was, sat before the desk at the end of the day as if for a briefing. Jack breathed in deeply through his nose, and could almost smell the fresh coffee. Everyone else had gone now – even Toshiko. With a confident and easy smile, Jack walked into his office and closed the door behind them.
"Hard day?" he asked as he walked up behind Ianto, noting every little thing. The way he was holding his head suggested tension. It really wasn't ever going to take much encouragement for Jack to start massaging his shoulders. He stretched his fingers silently first, and then began as Ianto answered him.
"Kind of," Ianto replied. He had abandoned his jacket earlier, and Jack's fingers slid under the slippery satin of Ianto's waistcoat. Somehow that was more evocative than taking it off him. "I've done so much cataloguing..." His voice got deeper and heavier with every syllable as Jack found little knots of tension and worked them out firmly. His hands followed when Ianto gave in and rested his head on his arms where they were on the desk. He groaned in a kind of tired, vulnerable pleasure. "That's really, really nice," he said then, his voice more a vibration than a sound. Jack grinned and continued.
"I know." Jack used his hands the way a musician would, a magical mixture of precision and inspiration. He really did know how to do this. There was a role for his fingers, his thumbs – even the heel of his hand and the heat of his palms. Everyone was different, but Jack's hands knew Ianto quite well by now. The only real difficulty was keeping his hands to the innocent places. Jack found himself concentrating on that quite a bit.
"Has anyone ever tried to resist?" Ianto asked and Jack resisted the urge to snigger.
"Not so that I've really noticed," he confided. Beneath his hands, Ianto slowly relaxed and Jack allowed his hands to wander just a little, just to ensure that he had Ianto's full attention.
"All right," Ianto said at last, sounding resigned to his fate. "What do you want?"
"Why do I have to want anything?" Jack asked innocently. Although, actually, there was something in particular on his mind. It had been there since the morning. Damn office walls made of glass! He had to do something about them soon.
"What does Jack Harkness want?" Ianto asked rhetorically, with just a hint of sarcasm. "It's one of the eternal questions."
The massage stopped as Ianto sat up straight and leaned back in his chair. His sarcasm was never cruelly meant, and Jack smiled as he slid his hands down and let his palms rest over Ianto's chest.
"It's number fifteen," Jack replied without any further preamble. Ianto was confused for all of half a second, hands coming up to cover Jack's so naturally that he wondered if Ianto was even aware of doing it.
"Erm... about that," Ianto said slowly, a small frown drawing his eyebrows together. It wasn't quite displeasure. "I was quite surprised when Martha told me –"
"Open the left-hand drawer," Jack said, breaking in and making no apologies for it. All day he had been thinking about this. His eyes followed Ianto's left hand as it dropped down by the side of his leg to the drawer. It slid open silently, and Ianto pulled out a soft red felt beret.
"I see," Ianto said, a hint of a smile on his lips as he caressed the material with his hand. His other hand was still holding onto Jack's.
"It came in the post this morning, addressed to me," Jack said quickly, dropping into a crouch behind the chair just so that he could rest his chin beside Ianto's left shoulder. "Did I ever tell you Martha Jones is wonderful?" he asked with a happy grin.
"You may have done, Sir," Ianto replied, "but she didn't send this." There was a moment of shocked silence between them. Jack shook his head.
"Then –"
"You've been alive all this time," Ianto said firmly, swivelling in the chair to face him, raising his eyebrows, "and you still don't know how to effectively utilise the internet."
Jack was just a little bit affronted. "Hey!" he reproached. "I checked Ebay!"
"Exactly," Ianto said with a little nod to himself. "You're a novice." Ianto stole a little kiss then, and Jack was stunned. Always, full of surprises. He chuckled and shook his head.
"Are you going to put it on?" he asked, feeling like a kid on Christmas day. Well, it was Ianto who had brought Christmas into it when he said he would write the list. He was wily enough not to mention that just now though.
"Are you sure that it's what you want?" Ianto teased, leaning forward, elbows on his knees as he held the cap in his hands, looking into Jack's eyes. "I mean, I could make you pay for asking for this when I'm tired." Oohh... there was a little thrill of anticipation in him at that as he wondered just what kind of game they would play. It just had to be ad lib.
"Yes," Jack averred, smiling. "Don't worry. It doesn't matter." He paused, and then added: "You still can't do anything about that cute nose."
"Really?" Ianto asked, not fazed at all. "You mean the hat won't cover it up?" He looked at the hat and pretended to think for a moment, then his eyes lit up. "Oh, wait! I could always do this!" And with that he covered his face with the beret and sprawled back in the chair in an attitude of lazy exhaustion. Jack remained crouched by the side of him, admiring the view, his hands on the arms of the chair so that he almost embraced Ianto. After a moment or two, he moved the hat aside, and found Ianto smiling underneath it. Jack laughed.
"Naughty," he said, and Ianto actually winked.
"Coming from you? I must have done good." It was such a faithful mimicry of himself that Jack chuckled again, and reflected that he had to give Ianto massages more often if it resulted in this kind of playfulness.
"Come on..." he encouraged, almost wheedling, "you know you want to!"
"Ok," Ianto said seriously, giving in at last, and Jack celebrated. "But something isn't quite right." He sat up straight and took off the waistcoat, folding it neatly and putting it on the desk. Then he removed his shirt. Jack watched all of this and hoped he wasn't drooling. Beneath the shirt, Ianto had a white vest, which he kept on. But his shoulders and arms were bare; Jack watched his muscles rippling a little as he reached out to take the red beret from Jack's hands. "That's better," Ianto said in satisfaction.
"Really, a lot better," Jack said, completely unnecessarily. Ianto raised the beret to put it on, eyes lifting a little to check what he was doing. Jack caught that, and he caught the barest glimpse of shadowy hair under Ianto's arms. He dragged his gaze to Ianto's face, and was he ever right? It suited him, a lot.
A moment later after that realisation, Jack knew he really was going to have to stand up. He did so, and looked down on perfection for a moment before the game began. He walked around to his own side of the desk, only to look back and find Ianto had his arms folded, his ankles crossed and his feet resting on the edge of the desk. Insubordinate? Jack smiled inside, and reached over the desk to jab Ianto's feet from it.
Jack chose not to sit down, and instead paced back and forth behind the desk for a few quiet moments, allowing the tension to build. Considering the way Ianto had begun the game, there was really only one way to carry it on. At last he faced Ianto and rested his hands on his own edge of the desk, leaning forward slightly so that he could loom over Ianto where he sat, giving him a quick once-over in that white vest and red cap. He was delicious. What brilliant thing had he done to deserve something as wonderful as this? Jack took a breath, surprised when the air wasn't as hot as he felt. Almost too hot to play. A lesser man than him might have given up the game already – but not Jack.
"Ianto Jones of UNIT. Your superior officer sent you here some time ago. Do you know why?"
Ianto stared up at him defiantly, and that subtle humour had morphed just a little into a kind of smug rebellion. As it turned out, Ianto was looking like he was a really good actor. Oh, he was going to enjoy this!
"I'm sure you'll tell me," Ianto said carelessly, arms folded. Jack tried not to ogle the way it drew attention to Ianto's naked shoulders and arms, but not too hard. If Ianto didn't wear a suit most of the time, he'd probably never get any work done. He cleared his throat. Also, if Ianto wanted to play at being mutinous, then they would go that way. Actually, the idea of getting Ianto to behave was quite arousing. He was really glad he'd put this on the list.
"You're close to being dismissed," Jack advised him, lowering his tone deliberately to accent the unspoken threat. "I'm sure you know what that means." He couldn't take his eyes away, couldn't get enough, but then it was in character not to drop his gaze, so that worked out quite well.
"Are you going to 'dismiss' me?" Ianto asked, then added: "Sir," seemingly as a reluctant afterthought. Jack almost smiled. Never, he thought silently, and thought he saw a flash of real reaction through the play-acting for a moment as Ianto's blue eyes sparkled. They understood each other.
"No, you won't. I don't think so," Ianto said in certainty, shaking his head as he suddenly dropped the practised attitude. Jack followed the new development with a raised eyebrow as Ianto continued speaking. "I do know very well why I'm here, because I was briefed." He sat up straighter in his chair, and immediately everything had an edge of unspoken menace. Ianto reached out for the folder he had brought into Jack's office with him. It must contain the report he had asked Toshiko for, and yet...
"Let's see," Ianto said in consideration, opening the file. Jack peered over the desk. It was indeed the report from Toshiko. It had notes in the margin in her handwriting. "Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood," Ianto said as if reading out the contents. He was so good Jack half expected a detailed account of the week's rift activity. "The first mention of that name is in eighteen-ninety-two, when according to local legend on Ellis Island, several reliable witnesses saw him get up and walk away after a fatal gunshot wound." Ianto looked Jack up and down slowly from his place in the chair before dropping his eyes to the folder again, and Jack felt that look as though it had been a caress.
"By strange coincidence, there was a Captain Jack Harkness who died in the First World War," Ianto continued. Jack blinked, and Ianto looked at him again, blue eyes calm and cool with knowledge. "More than once. Actually he died four times altogether." Ianto smiled, and it didn't quite reach his eyes. Jack shook his head slightly. "Quite an achievement." Somehow the accent matched the slight threat inherent in the words, precise and indulgent all at once. It was beautiful even now. A part of Jack's mind was coming up with phrases he wanted to hear Ianto say. Another part of him wondered if he'd ever get tired of hearing Ianto speak.
Jack struggled for words of his own though. Somewhere, somehow, Ianto had hit on something that was a real worry, and he simply didn't know how to defend himself against it when it was just a game. Plus, he hadn't told Ianto a lot of these things, and though he knew Ianto well enough to consider him extremely resourceful and an excellent researcher, it didn't quite ease his mind. How easy had it been for him to find out?
Still, it was just a game, and that was clear when Ianto looked at him in slight concern. Jack nodded at him to go on, curious to see where it was all leading.
Ianto turned a page, and Jack caught a glimpse of some diagrams and maps showing Cardiff city centre. "World War Two," Ianto pretended to read. "Captain Jack Harkness survived the war despite dying twice." No. He'd died once. A perfect memory caught at his mind, and he sighed. He caught Ianto's eye, and there was a sudden slight realisation and apology there before he continued at Jack's nod. "We have evidence that afterwards he was the only survivor of a plane crash where the rest of the crew and passengers succumbed to starvation." Ianto took a deliberate breath. "Nineteen-sixty –"
"All right! You have my attention," Jack said firmly, "though I don't know what this is about." He smiled, and shrugged with his usual careless self-assurance. "Those people you mention are all completely unrelated to me."
"Whatever you've been told, I was sent here undercover to gather intelligence." Ianto stood up and put the file back down onto the desk as he made his way around it. "On you. UNIT are interested in you, Jack." Jack tried hard to think about number fifteen as Ianto stepped right up to him, invading his personal space. This wasn't going how he had planned at all, though that didn't mean he wasn't enjoying it. Obviously, Ianto was much better at planning than he was. Jack didn't mind. "Very interested," Ianto had lowered his voice so that it was almost a purr. "I've got more than your attention. I've got you..." Just where I want you. Jack's mind finished the sentence as if he was prompted, and he swallowed.
"You know I could make you disappear," Jack said deeply, loving the closeness, longing for more of it. Keeping his hands to himself was not something he usually did, but he managed it by clenching his hands into fists. A part of him was incredibly turned on at the way Ianto was being so sinister. It was such a thrill. "Or retcon you," he said, looking deeply into Ianto's eyes. "Make you forget all of this." It was weak at best, probably because he wanted Ianto to win the game already.
"That's so unimaginative!" Ianto exclaimed, and Jack glared, genuinely insulted though he knew he deserved it. "I had planned for a more original response from you, however you should know that I've taken steps. If anything happens to me, the truth will come out."
Ianto leaned closer to him, until Jack found himself with his lips almost touching Ianto's ear. He yearned for Ianto to touch him, and to touch, but he stayed still, more for Ianto's benefit than his own. If he began now, he really didn't think he'd be able to stop. "There are," Ianto whispered, and then paused, "scientists," he said the word as though it were a dirty secret, "that would love to experiment with you, Jack." Ianto's lips brushed against his ear, and Jack had to concentrate to stay still. He lowered his eyes to watch as Ianto raised a hand and slid his fingers down between Jack's half-open shirt, popping a button free. "And I think that between us we've established that you like a little bit of experimentation..."
Something was heating up between them. Jack breathed deliberately. He hadn't backed away since Ianto began, and he wasn't about to do so now. He hadn't done himself justice in this game so far, he knew that, and yet Jack felt extraordinarily dangerous. Whatever they were playing, it was going to be beyond that soon if Ianto carried on. He grasped Ianto's upper arms in his hands and pulled him so that their bodies were flush together. The sudden contact had a startling effect on them both. Hot blood rushed in him, his heart beat only existed to make it happen, and he knew Ianto got it too. They were invincible. "Don't start something you can't finish," he warned, his voice almost a growl. Ianto laughed silently into his ear, his breath tickling and warm. Teasing. Jack closed his eyes.
"Oh, but I can finish you," Ianto said in return, making a jolt of pure arousal run through him.
"Why did you tell me all of this?" he asked, unable to drop the character now they had become so involved in it. If they fell out of character, the game would be over, and it couldn't be over. Not yet. They had to finish it, and it had to end one way. Ianto's lips were still next to his ear, and he felt the younger man smile.
"Maybe I just did it to make you breathe faster." It was one of the hottest things he had ever heard Ianto say, that edge of menace still in his voice. And he was breathing faster now. His body had tuned into the rhythm of his pulse, as if in anticipation of what must surely come.
"What do you want?" he asked, hardly aware that he was capitulating. In fact, he only knew it when Ianto pulled back a little and kissed him. Coming on so strong, actually pushing him back, making him want to be told. The hat suited him, just as Jack had imagined it would, and so did this. He could barely believe he was allowing himself to be teased and treated like this. Every time he attempted to direct what was happening, Ianto eased off. He restrained himself consciously, letting Ianto take what he would, letting him take the lead, because that was the condition on getting Ianto's attention. Jack needed that attention more than anything.
"What do you think I want?" Ianto said against his lips after the kiss, and Jack smiled. He still felt dangerous, but he was also sure that Ianto could have anything at all from him when he was like this.
"I hope this doesn't mean you're secretly fantasising about UNIT marching in and taking over," Ianto said from behind him a long while later when they were ensconced in the sleeping space, warm and pleasantly exhausted. "I'd be very disappointed with you if you allowed that, Sir."
Jack chuckled, and made a mental note to avoid Ianto's disappointment at all costs. "Don't worry. I'll only let them take over if they have cute noses."
"You are reassurance itself, aren't you?" Ianto was back to his usual dry humour. His hand was resting on Jack's waist, so he pulled it forward and held Ianto's hand to his lips briefly.
"Mmm..." he answered vaguely. He was satisfied, and happy. Jack didn't feel sorry for himself at all, but he had enough experience to know that this wasn't it. One day this wonderful, fragile thing between them would be over. At least one of them wasn't invincible, however hot they were together. Torchwood probably meant that inevitable day was going to come sooner rather than later. He frowned. They all seemed to die so young.
"Jack?" Ianto said softly behind him, and Jack sighed.
"It's nothing," he replied, then turned onto his back to look at the ceiling. Ianto was half sat up, looking down on him. It wasn't really melancholy. Jack didn't really get melancholy as such. In fact, if anyone should have been able to live forever without regrets and without insanity, it was most likely going to be him. Still... He raised a hand to Ianto's face as if to imprint the moment on his soul and smiled. "You're beautiful."
"And you're using flattery to get away with things again," Ianto shot back. Jack laughed.
"You know me too well!" he admitted, and his hand dropped away as Ianto's eyes became serious.
"What is it?" he asked. Jack considered keeping it from him, but then realised Ianto must know anyway. Hiding it was only going to be keeping secrets that weren't really secrets.
"I'm going to miss you," he said quietly as if that terrible moment was already upon him. In some ways it was. Ianto smiled at him, and there was a little sadness in it, but no pity.
"Not a time for false modesty, is it?" he queried, and Jack snickered.
"Not really." He found himself closing his eyes as Ianto leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, one hand resting on his hair. He grinned. "What was that for?"
"That was for now." Ianto gave him an intense look. "And this is for later..." Something about the moment changed as Ianto's lips moved to his. Their passion should have been used up, and so it was. But this was a different kind of passion. It was a promise they could never keep, but they made it anyway. Jack paid attention to everything as if it was the last time. His taste, the way he moved his lips, the way his naked body felt in Jack's arms. "Remember it," Ianto said when it was over, and Jack shook his head slightly to clear it of the odd feeling of familiarity.
"What's wrong?" Ianto asked with a frown.
"Deja vu..." Jack replied as the eerie sensation passed. Ianto smiled down at him.
"You mean they still haven't invented a cure for that?"
"Only an explanation," Jack said. He didn't say anything else, and eventually Ianto prodded him in the ribs.
"Which is?" he demanded to know.
Jack smiled as he gazed up at Ianto. "Just that I'm remembering it already."
Author's Note: Thank you for reading. I hope it worked for you and that you enjoyed it. :)