No good advice.

This piece was written for a prompt from a friend: "the closest thing to crazy". The title is taken from the 31 Days prompt for January 4, 2006.

As like any dramatic sort-of showdown scene in an action film or a spy flick (because he certainly felt like he was in one), the ticking of the clock on the wall sounded way too loud and way too oppressive. They weren't alone in the restaurant, but Badou figured that it might as well have been just the three of them sitting in that booth, Haine on one couch and Naoto on another and him straddling a stool at the head, smoking as discretely as he could. He had tried to break the ice and get them to stop trying to kill each other with their stares several times, but neither his white-haired partner nor the dark-haired sword lady was taking the bait. Badou finished his cigarette, took a deep breath and tried again.

"So… uh."

"…"

"…"

"Anybody hungry? I'd kill for some bacon and eggs!"

"…"

"…"

"I was kidding. I wouldn't do that, no, not really. Not in this place, anyway."

"…"

"…"

Badou sighed. Even a guy as easy and charming and awesome as he was knew when to give up. He reached for his cigarettes.

"Seriously, guys. Just quit the staring and start the fucking already."

Badou was not particularly surprised when he was rewarded with a gun to his temple, a sword to his throat and a couple of screaming civilians, but at that point he didn't really care. Saying that had made him feel a whole lot better.