True Feelings

True Feelings

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto o the manga. Ask Kishimoto Masashi, maybe he knows.

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Chapter 7

I'm a senior now!! Hooray!! But the only thing that sucks is that Otou-san won't let me get a dorm. I can runaway from home now but I don't want to. Not unless there's a really big unsettled fight or something terrible happened. I'm saving the money up so I'll have to restrain myself from buying manga for a while. Oh wait, I'm in class, I have to pay attention. But this is just one of Gai-sensei's dumb lectures. I can't believe he gave every senior in the school a lecture about 'youth' on the first day back to school!! Sometimes I think how the principal deals with this. How did Gai-sensei ever get hired anyway? That is just one weird question. And how did he get a qualification to teach? Who knows? All I know is that Hinata is still with me but she's dating Naruto-baka who's half asleep now. Seriously- maybe I should stop using that word quite a lot.

Who cares? At least I'm with Sasuke now. Whoa, was that the fangirl side of me? -shrugs- oh well. Yay! At last! This dumb lecture is over! And so is first period. Nothing can stop me now! Time for next period! Muhahaha- GAH!! Dammit, I was so over excited that I bumped into someone. Better apologise. I quickly sit up and help gather up my books and then help the person clean up her bag. It's obvious I bumped into a girl since there's make-up. I reach the mirror to clear it up but somebody slaps my hand away. I instantly look and find a new face whose face is quite angry.

"Better not touch my golden stuff with your filthy hands, whore." She snarls.

Oh no she did not just call me whore. I open my mouth to tell her that she is a spoilt bitch but my mouth gets covered before I speak. I then get lifted up and some of my heavy books are carried for me.

"Are you okay Sakura?" Sasuke asks me, looking if I've injured myself.

"Why'd you go for a filthy slut like her?" The girl tells him.

"Oi!" I shout.

"Just leave her alone okay?" Sasuke just informs her. "You're new so you should go to the principle's office."

"Already did. I go to school here now as a senior." The girl gets up, brushing any dirt on her designer clothes.

"Come on Sakura, let's get to class." Sasuke whispers in my ear while pushing me.

"You can come and talk to me anytime Sasuke-kun." The girl tells me as she struts away.

"How many fangirls do you have?" I ask while we walk to class.

"It's just some bitch who knows me and I don't." Sasuke replies.

We finally get to out class and as if on cue, the bell rings. I sit at the table in front of Sasuke while Hinata sits with me. Sasuke's sitting with loudmouth Naruto so I have ear plugs in my desk whenever I need it. I got a spare one if Hinata needs one too. What's the only strange thing that we somehow get Kakashi-sensei again this year? We've had him since he very beginning! And our teachers never changed! That is just weird.

"Settle down class, I have a special announce-" Kakashi-sensei begins but loudmouth Naruto starts.

"Kakashi-sensei again?!" Naruto rants, even pointing a finger at him.

"Yes I know Naruto, now as I was saying-"

"We probably have the same teachers as usual, do we?"

"Say any more and we'll have to send you to detention and one week of garbage duty."

Everyone in the classroom giggles and Naruto finally shuts his mouth.

"Right, back to business; we have a new student joining us today. I know you are all now seniors and have known each other for quite a long time now but let's just squeeze in one more person in our group." Kakashi announces, giving a signal for the new student to come in.

I gape as I see the person who comes right through the door. It's that bitch who called me whore in the hallway! She's our- what? Oh god…

"Everyone, this is Watanabe Karin, please treat her nicely." Kakashi says.

"Pleasure to meet you." The whole class blandly choruses.

Too bad I'm part f the class but I just say it as if I don't mean it. I could even hear Sasuke say it even more blandly than the whole class. I guess everyone doesn't want a new student breaking into our lives.

"Nice to meet you all…" Karin spits reluctantly.

"You can go and sit in that empty seat in that middle row over there." Kakashi assists.

Karin struts her way to her seat, even flashing winks at the guys and when she sits down, she folds her legs. I can already recognise her type: a slut, prep, a total obsessed fangirl, a dipshit and an airhead. Sure all those bad things are sort of swear words but she's in that category right? Whatever; gotta pay attention to the lesson now. I wanna get good grades for some reason. He-he…

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It's like the last period now and it's still raining. How am I supposed to get home in this kind of weather? Otou-san said that him and mother are going to take Ama to a really far away hospital since they said that they would try it out to see if they had better facilities there than the local hospital. They don't want to pay big money. Sheesh. It's for the sake of saving someone important to you. You have to give all you have to risk it! Man, I sound like Okaa-san.

I'm done with my assignment now. I can't be bothered to give it in since no-one is yet. Even Sasuke is done. Weird thing is that I'm sitting next to him. We were jut put into random pairs that consists of a girl and a boy; both in different gender. Eh? How did I get to talk to smart? Maybe I should stop studying at the library at my spare school time… I am so bored! I'm just passing notes to Sasuke saying how bored I am. Isn't there any excitement? Adventure?? Mystery??

Suddenly someone knocks on the door and it flies open. I blink twice catching a sight of Anko the school's secretary.

"What is it?" Kakashi-sensei asks.

"Sakura needs to pack up and come with her father immediately." Anko informs, shooting a look straight at me.

As soon as I hear her say that I start to close my book and put my pencil in my pencil case. I pass a note to Sasuke and tell him about talking to him later when I get home and Ama going to a new hospital before I leave. I come out of my seat and walk through the door. Man this is so sudden. What's happening?

I stuff my free hand in my pocket and feel for my cell phone. I finally see Otou-san at the main hall and I'm free to go. I come up to me and he looks really serious and sad. A mixture of emotions really.

"We have to hurry to Ama's hospital so we're bringing the whole family encase something terrible happens." He quickly fills me in and grabs my arm to take me to the car.

I fumble for words but it seems I can't say a word or a sound. My mouth is dry of shock pretty much. I sit in the car and wait for the car to start. I get my seatbelt and the car already starts running. As soon as I'm done with that safety, I stuff my hand in my pocket and nervously grip my cell phone. What's going to happen? I thought Ama had no chance at the end of the year. How could her health fallen so quickly?

Unfortunately, all I have to do is wait. I'm so scared. I just need to cry at this moment but the area doesn't seem so appropriate. I want to hear Sasuke's voice calming me down at least. I wonder how things will end up. So many things rush through my head that it makes my head light. I lean my head on the window and close my eyes.

Later…

Huh? What's going on now? The car's slowing down. I think we're at the hospital now. I check the time and it's nearly six in the evening. It's already that time? God that's a long journey. Otou-san tells me to get out of the car and just follow him. I do what I'm told to do. I get out of the car and trail him. I'm still gripping tightly onto my cell phone.

I have to wait for hours now! This is so boring waiting. I don't even know what's going on! Would someone at least tell me what's going on?! Geez… And I still can't call anyone on the phone. Hinata should be getting impatient since I haven't called her in ages. Gah!! I'm bored out of hell! If someone told me everything then I wouldn't be bored!

I shift my body on the bench, bored. I look up at the little window on the door. Ama's in there and it sounds like something big is happening. Well it is a big door and there are lights above the door that I'm too scared to read. I just need to know what's going on. Why is Ama in that room? Why can't I call anyone and more importantly, why am I here?! Just thinking all about that is totally messed up. I lie on my shoulder and put my feet up and get another sleep.

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Aww man… it looks like I kinda slept a bit too long now. I check the time and it's already like ten in the evening. Good thing there's no school tomorrow and perfect timing; it's Saturday tomorrow. I sit up and rub my eyes. I look up and the red lights are still on. I wait there for a few minutes and play on my phone for a while.

I stop until it feels like its been an hour. I look up at the clock and its only half past. I sigh and start fiddling with my clothes, still thinking about what's going on. And well about an hour, I hear some kind of clicking sound. I look up and see that the red light is off. The big doors open and a bunch of disappointed nurses and doctors come out. I start to panic and get anxious. What the hell just happened? I just need to know about these things okay? Someone just please tell me!! I can hear myself breathe really loudly now as Hanako comes out kind of with a frown and a smirk followed by the little brother. I cut my breath as soon as I see mother, her eyes red. She turns her head at me and sees me in this state. She sighs and forcefully snatches my arms and drags me into the room.

Why am I being treated like this? I just want to know what's happening! The whole room is dark and there's only one light shining on a bed. My heart starts racing as soon as I start to jump into a conclusion. Mother pushes me down on the floor beside Otou-san who's sitting in the chair beside the bed. He's crying and looks half angry. I scan the bed and see an arm sling down the side. It's Ama's hand; it's motionless and still. I stop breathing as soon as I realise it. She's dead.

I clasp my hand on my mouth; horrified. My ye start to sting and I start to cry heavily. What the hell?! She wasn't supposed to die yet dammit! Why couldn't it have been one more stupid year?! Just one more stupid year! Why did all of this happen? They said until the end of the year. That was what they said last week!! They didn't say she has a week to live. DAMMIT! I just can't take this…

Suddenly, my collar gets pulled up. Mother is shaking me violently, shouting mean words at me.

"Look at what you've done?! She should have survived until the end of the year! She's died earlier because of you!" She barks.

I feel the urge to stand up against her. I pry off her hand off of my collar and spill out more tears.

"Me?! How could I have done it?! I was barely near her ever since you found out that she has a disease!" I shout back angrily.

This is it. This is finally the time. I'm going to say this once and for all.

"This family had been strange ever since Okaa-san died. What happened to all the support? What happened to the word 'family'?" I yell.

Time slowed down for me. I fell down on the floor and touched the burning sensation on my cheek. I look up to see Otou-san with his hand raised. He's never hit me that hard before.

"Nothing's been strange ever since your mother died. Just forget about her she's dead now!" Otou-san shouts.

I stand right back up and take a deep breath.

"So now what? You'll just forget about every important person to you when they die? You're going to forget Ama?" I ask. My tears hold me off for a few moments until I can speak again.

"I've had enough with this. And I bet you've had enough of this too. And I know that you'll forget me when I leave right now." I turn and head for the door. But before I could totally disappear, I decided to give them one more thing.

"I hate this family and everyone in it. I bet you didn't even care about Ama and me because you had your new 'family'. Well enjoy it 'cause I'm not gonna be here anymore." I say in a low tone.

I walk out and I can hear running. I start running too. Otou-san and mother is running after me. I don't want to be their free servant anymore. I want to be free. But all that is still making me cry. My throat is aching and so are my legs from all that shaking. I run out of the hospital and into the street. It's still raining unfortunately. I feel like I've lost them so I slow down and walk.

Good thing I brought everything I need to escape that hell. I have all the stuff to runaway now since I always carry them with me everywhere encase of an emergency like this one. I have my cell phone and the charger (I carry a little bag with me for that), my wallet and a picture of my real Okaa-san with me and Ama encase I get sad of some sort. I pull out my cell phone and dial Sasuke's number as fast as I can. What the hell am I thinking? I have him on speed dial. Oh well. At least when I call Hinata she won't have to be so cranky waking up late at night. Finally, someone picks up the phone.

'Sakura, is that you? Where are you right now? Why didn't you call?' Sasuke's asks immediately.

"Slow down, I'm running away now and I just need a ride." I say but I sound depressed since I'm still crying.

"Where are you now?"

"The hospital I told you about."

"Good thing I was on my way there a couple of hours ago."

"Wha-what?"

"I got worried so I figured you were at the hospital."

"Worry-wart."

"I'm almost there anyway."

"Well good 'cause I think I lost them- SHIT!"

I realise that they're following me several miles away in the car. I start to run as fast as I can.

"Sakura, what's wrong?"

"Dammit! They followed me! I'll call you back; I might end up in the forest. See ya!"

"But wait-" I hang up and stuff my phone back in my pocket and run faster.

Dammit! I should have known they were following me in the car! Stupid, stupid, stupid!! Anyways, I can't let them see me right now. Aha! A roundabout! Somehow late at night, there are still lots of cars travelling round. I quickly cross the road it's clear and make another run. Looks like they got held back. When they can't see me, I jump into a bush with other bushes and hedges around it. I try to hide any of my pink hair and silently watch them pass by really fast. As soon as they turn the corner I jump out and run across another road when no cars are going by.

There should be a forest path somewhere… Aha! Found it! Now all I have to do is run as fast as I can. Good thing I slept but all my energy is gone now. I lean on the tree and rest. They'll never find me. They'll think I've moved to a different school so they'll never find me! I'm free at last! I wipe my tears and sweat and call Sasuke again.

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It's already midnight now. I've stayed here for ages but I'm still worn out. I just thought over on what I've just done. But I go too far back in my memories that I remember that Ama died. I snatch the picture of her and Okaa-san and use my cell phone as a torch so I can see it. I start to breathe fast and my eyes start to fill up. I've just lost two important people in my life. I can never hear them laugh, speak or feel them. I've lost them permanently. Just making me think about it makes me instantly cry. I bring my knees up to my face and sob.

Right now I'm all alone, just depending on people every time. Man I'm so useless. Why can't I do anything…?

"Sakura! Where are you!" I hear a faint voice calling out.

I look up and look around.

"Sakura!" I hear again only louder.

It sounds like Sasuke's voice. I would say that I'm over here but I can't speak. Suddenly a light is shone over me and I hear footsteps heading for me.

"Sakura, are you alright?" Sasuke asked, rushing over to me and hugging me tightly.

I just nod. And he hugs me even more tightly.

"Come on, let's go." He says, showing his back to me. "Get on."

I do as I'm told and he carries me back to his car.

I'm useless…

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I wonder what Hinata will say when I tell her all of this. I'm back at the Uchiha mansion and it's like four or three o'clock in the morning. I can't sleep. Everything I've seen is much too disturbing now. I turn on the other side of the bed and sigh. I then lie on my back and sigh again. I reach the beside table for the picture of Ama and Okaa-san. I stare at it for a few moments and somehow I'm crying. (A/N: If you want to read this dramatically, I suggest you listen to 'Go The Distance' while reding the rest of the chapter. I think it's from Hercules. It's your choice if you want to do it if you want.)

I've lost the people who I've grown up with. Fate is cruel. How can Kami-sama let 'fate' do all of this? Life is unfair. Life is letting everything go. Life is good. Life is bad. Two sides really. I stare at the picture again and run a finger around the frame of the picture. Yeah, the picture has a frame and I've never taken it off for years. Okaa-san gave it for my birthday on the last year she lived. She had to die. The doctors never told me how she died. Tsunade-sama would never tell me how she died either. Whenever I asked her, she would quickly change the subject. It's weird though.

I touch the back of the picture and something clicks. I turn it around and see that the lock had broken. It's rusted heavily. No wonder. I brush off the rust but the frame opens apart. I see a piece of paper behind the photo. I take it and turn on the lamp beside me. I open up the piece of paper and see that's its Okaa-san's handwriting. It read:

'Dear Sakura, my dearest daughter,

You may have noticed this letter inside the picture frame I gave for you on your birthday. I would know that you would never open the picture frame so I bought one that let the lock rust. You're probably a teenager by now and I am still proud of you that you've come this far. You've come this far to know that I have already died. I know it's weird when I'm writing this letter when I'm still alive but I know that I'm going to die.

I've never told you or Amaterasu the truth lately. You haven't known that I've been going to the hospital often when you're in school. I've been getting check-ups with Tsunade finding out when I'm going to die. I have lots of tumours in my brain and we cannot remove them. That's why I'm going to die.

Can you remember when I took Ama to the hospital for a check-up when she fell off the swing? The doctors found more than a fractured arm. They told me that she had an incurable disease somewhere inside her that's slowly progressing. They also told me that she'll probably die just when she's in her early teens. I have never told her or you that secret. I'd expect that she's just died. Right?

I know you're depressed and shocked at this time. And even more shocked and depressed right now. All I need to tell you is to stay strong. Don't hold back. Keep going in your life and never forget about us. We'll always be with you and you know it. Now cheer up! Don't cry! Promise me that you'll live on the rest of your life without us. You'll be fine! We'll be watching over you everyday. Maybe we're watching over you right now.

Stay strong Sakura and do your best. Never give up!

Believe.'

I could hardly believe what I was reading. I'm crying and I've already broken a promise! I try hard not to cry but I can't. I want to hold them right now. Even for one second. I want to tell them how much I love them and miss them. I wanna hug them as tightly as I can forever.

Believe…

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A/N: I told you before that I was going to make it worse. But I think it's gone a bit better right? Now what shall I do for the next chapter…? DAMMIT!! Writer's block! Just give me a break man! I'm already suffering from Artist's block for one week! I'll survive… Reviews are much appreciated!